Expected to pay to attend party

[BagOfFeet]

DS10 has been invited to a climbing party with a small group of boys. The party is at time when you might not usually eat, so I asked if food would be provided and the mum said she can't afford to feed the 4 boys. I said ok, I'll feed mine after. She then text me to say she has booked it, and bought them unlimited drinks. The way she phrased it sounded like she had just booked it for herself and her son. I asked to clarify if she had paid for my DS and she said that she had forgotten. I gave her a while expecting her to text back to say it's all been booked, but she didn't. So I text again asking if she had paid for him or if I need to book his place myself. She said she only has the money to pay for herself, her DH and her DS to go with unlimited drinks, and so all the guests will have to pay for themselves.

I'm a bit annoyed. This has become an expensive play date, where I pay for my son to go but also have to bring a present. If she really didn't have the money, why are her and her DH climbing too, and why buy unlimited drinks (instead of taking a bottle of water from home)? If she and her husband didn't climb and also have the drinks, the money saved would have covered the entrance for the other boys.

If she just wanted a day out climbing with her family, why send out invites? Whenever her son is invited to parties, she never offers to pay. I pay when her son goes to our parties and now I pay when my son goes to her party. It all feels like a bit of a cheek.

This. Be kind to him.

hashtagBeKind @IncognitoMam ?

ffs.

And teach the kid to perpetuate his parents selfish style of parenting?! Why?

Being kind doesnt always mean going along the path of least resistance.

Sometimes it actually means putting your foot down and NOT doing things CFs want ("oh, but think about the CHILDREN....") to teach people that their (or their parent's) behaviour is NOT acceptable

Ever heard of being cruel to be kind? Think long-term, not the immediate term

I really want to know what’s included in the unlimited drinks package. Because I’m a nosey so-and-so, I started googling and whilst I don’t know where the “party” is being held, I’ve looked at what I think are similar venues.

From what I’ve seen, the unlimited drinks are part of a party package, and only water is allowed in the climbing part of the facility.

Is it possible the family have booked a party, paid for a certain number of people and decided that any guests above that number have to pay for themselves?

Yes I thought this too. Hence the silence from the other Mums and the flakey ‘Oh I’d forgotten your DS’ which then switched to ‘I can’t afford it’.

It is weird but do you even know what’s the family financila
situation ? Have you thought about it ?
maybe she wants friends around but don’t have the spare money to pay for it all.
parties on these places are expensive !

for you would cost about £30 to take him, but some food and a little present ?

think about it.

Unlimited drinks are normally jars of squash at £3 max ?

Imagine you hadn’t asked those questions and turned up on the day and was asked to pay! This is so strange. I feel sad that her child might miss out on a birthday party because she can’t afford it so I’d probably still go. But she shouldn’t have sent out invites as though she was hosting/paying.

The parents sound bizarre! I’d reply saying that you’d thought it was a party invitation, not a large bill for something you hadn’t budgeted for so you won’t be going.

It’s cheeky to put it across as a party invite when it’s not really. If it had been phrased differently and it was open from the start that you were paying that would be different.

As you say, if the parents missed out they could have paid for your son and the other invited child.

decline the invitation, she seems very strange

They can obviously afford to pay for the adults to climb though. It’s their son’s birthday, they should sacrifice their own climbing and pay for the two friends.

maybe she wants friends around but don’t have the spare money to pay for it all.
parties on these places are expensive

Indeed. If only the parents could decide not to climb themselves, and to spend the money on the friends instead!

I want to have my wedding at the Ritz but I can’t afford it, should I tell all my friends I’m inviting them to a party there and then expect them to pay when they turn up?

Decline the invite. Wish them a lovely time at the party. It’s really impolite of her to pay for her families drinks and not the guests.

Bad planning-she is either selfish or hasn’t thought it through. How much is the day going to cost you?

We've been to two "parties" like this where the mums claimed they could not afford to pay for anyone but their own child. I allowed my DC to go because I knew they'd enjoy it but lost all respect for the mums, particularly because I regularly see them spending their money on all sorts of non essentials so there is clearly disposable income available. Some people are just so tight it's embarrassing.

Does your child want to go? Then pay.
If they don’t they graciously back out. I’d not lose sleep over it. DS gets to go climbing with his mates, sounds fun.

This. I would go as I would not want the child punished because his parents are, frankly, odd. Its odd for parents to pay to do the birthday activity themselves and even odder if they claim not to be able to afford to pay for the small number of guests!

However, its not the son's fault so I would suck it up and go.

Just text sorry it was booked out, hope your DS has a lovely day.

If she texts back there are places available, text "oh sorry, forgot to book." No further info. Give that CF a taste of her own medicine and see how she responds to stupid anticommunication messages like hers.

You don't have to compensate for their parenting unless you plan on doing this all the time, because as you say, where does it end? It doesn't. There are millions of selfish parents, your job is not to compensate for them all.

After reading all the history of what they are like and that the boys aren't even close, I would definitely not send my son or give gift or card. I wouldn't Continue being used and treated like a mug. You can say you can't afford it right now or something else has come up or give no reason.

Half the issues I read about on here are caused IMO because people don't ask questions in the first place. The OP wasn't rude she just asked for clarification of what was actually happening and a good job she did, by the sounds of it.

Wow this lady has taken cf to the highest level. No way would I go to this party

I wouldn’t validate their cf style of invitations. Let them learn that they pay for the kids first before their own tickets.

I wouldn’t and couldn’t upset the birthday child that hasn’t done anything wrong, so I’d go. But would be wary going forward

Poor kid. I'd ask my ds if he wanted to go and if he did take him. I'd just buy Birthday boy a card and a box of Maltesers.