Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say DH is being unreasonable?

111 replies

TheLostNights · 23/07/2023 22:04

Looking to hire a sitter and found a guy who looks great on one of the childcare sites. The problem? DH.
He doesn't want a guy looking after our school aged girls. Only open to female sitters which we have had in the past. I am really fed up at his attitude. Aibu to say he is being totally unreasonable?

OP posts:
MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 23/07/2023 22:05

No I'd feel the same as your DH tbh

ShortColdandGrey · 23/07/2023 22:06

No, I agree with your husband.

Ifyouarehappyandyouknowit123 · 23/07/2023 22:07

I have two daughters, and I wouldn't feel comfortable with a male babysitter.

WhatWhereWhenHowWhy · 23/07/2023 22:07

Sadly, I'd feel the same

krafttcheesy · 23/07/2023 22:09

I agree with your husband

Instawars · 23/07/2023 22:09

i agree with your DH. I think you are being deliberately obtuse to not see your DHs POV in this

Original poster
TheLostNights · 23/07/2023 22:09

He has glowing references, qualified to level 4 and extremely motivated. It's sad these attitudes still exist.
My friends brother gets tons of nanny work (Not available to help us but then DH wouldn't let him sit either.). I'm surprised at some of the responses here.

OP posts:
EdwardianTable · 23/07/2023 22:11

You want to hire a man off the internet to look after your daughters? 98% of sexual crime is committed by men. It doesn't mean all men are sex offenders, but pretty much all sex offenders are men. So no, I would never do this and certainly don't think your husband is unreasonable to refuse.

Inthesamesinkingboat · 23/07/2023 22:11

When you say “some of the responses here” you mean all of the responses here….

preparing for a massive drip feed of this guy’s qualifications and references.

BettyRoodBoy · 23/07/2023 22:13

Being male is objectively a higher risk regardless of anything else. Still a small risk, but it all depends on the level each person is comfortable with.

Not sure what I would do tbh, I tend to use people we already know anyway, although I know that doesn't guarantee anything.

UrsulaIsMyQueen · 23/07/2023 22:14

If there was a choice between a male and a female babysitter, I’d take the female. Not because I think all men are a risk, but because men are more likely to be a risk. And if it’s a risk that I can avoid taking, then I will.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 23/07/2023 22:16

TheLostNights · 23/07/2023 22:09

He has glowing references, qualified to level 4 and extremely motivated. It's sad these attitudes still exist.
My friends brother gets tons of nanny work (Not available to help us but then DH wouldn't let him sit either.). I'm surprised at some of the responses here.

However he's still a random man off the internet.

RomeoMcFlourish · 23/07/2023 22:17

There is not a bloody chance I would leave my children in the care of an unknown male. He could have the most amazing references in the world and I still wouldn’t do it.

Original poster
TheLostNights · 23/07/2023 22:17

Clearly he is not just 'A guy off the Internet.' Please don't be so obtuse.
It's the sitters website where all sitters are police checked etc and as I say, he has qualifications, glowing references etc.
Obviously if DH isn't OK with it, it's a no go area. Just wondered how many others felt the same. This guy clearly has no trouble finding work by the looks of it so other parents clearly don't have a problem with male sitters.

OP posts:
Pugdogmom · 23/07/2023 22:19

Hmm, am torn here. I hate to think that in this day and age we are judging all men to be child abusers, however in practical terms, would I hire one? Probably not...sorry.

jeaux90 · 23/07/2023 22:19

No I wouldn't use a male sitter for my daughter that I don't know really well personally.

Original poster
TheLostNights · 23/07/2023 22:20

And if I hired a woman from the sitters website, she would be a 'random woman off the Internet'. Not all of us have neighbours or extended family to call on. I would rather a qualified and experienced person come to look after the kids also.
I've left it to DH now. He can find someone.

OP posts:
Name99 · 23/07/2023 22:23

A DBS check is only good for the second it's done.
I'm sure this babysitter is perfectly fine but why would you want to risk it.
Regardless of the ethical dilemma of male baby sitters have you considered your daughters feeling ? I'm sure they would prefer and feel more comfortable with a female within the family home.

NotBotheredAnymore · 23/07/2023 22:24

I'm with your DH. This person is a random stranger. I don't care if he's police checked, the police, MPs and multiple people of good standing still left Jimmy Saville with young children. People felt safe because of his fame but really...he was a random stranger to those kids.

KajsaKavat · 23/07/2023 22:27

TheLostNights · 23/07/2023 22:04

Looking to hire a sitter and found a guy who looks great on one of the childcare sites. The problem? DH.
He doesn't want a guy looking after our school aged girls. Only open to female sitters which we have had in the past. I am really fed up at his attitude. Aibu to say he is being totally unreasonable?

How bizarre and peoples replies are odd and worrying.
my kids had two male sitters and they were both great and lovely young men. Played Xbox with my kids.

UsingChangeofName · 23/07/2023 22:28

TheLostNights · 23/07/2023 22:20

And if I hired a woman from the sitters website, she would be a 'random woman off the Internet'. Not all of us have neighbours or extended family to call on. I would rather a qualified and experienced person come to look after the kids also.
I've left it to DH now. He can find someone.

.......and many of us wouldn't hire a random woman off the internet, either.

You've asked a question, and people have said what they would do.
It doesn't mean you are wrong to make a different choice. People are just answering your question with what they would or wouldn't be prepared to do.

MintyCedric · 23/07/2023 22:29

I’m with your DH too, although in theory if I had someone with all the credentials and a personal recommendation I’d consider it.

Saying that as someone whose make family member was an Ofsted outstanding childminder for best part of twenty years.

M4J4 · 23/07/2023 22:30

98% of sexual crime is committed by men. It doesn't mean all men are sex offenders, but pretty much all sex offenders are men.

This.

I wouldn’t choose the safety of my two daughters as the time to be a cool mum.

FuckNuggets · 23/07/2023 22:31

EdwardianTable · 23/07/2023 22:11

You want to hire a man off the internet to look after your daughters? 98% of sexual crime is committed by men. It doesn't mean all men are sex offenders, but pretty much all sex offenders are men. So no, I would never do this and certainly don't think your husband is unreasonable to refuse.

This!

ClearConfusion · 23/07/2023 22:33

All three of my kids went to a male child minder, (2ds, 1dd). He was absolutely brilliant. When I rang the council to check his credentials, I was told that I would be extremely lucky to get a place, as he was so popular, he had the longest waiting list in the area. My kids loved it, he had rabbits, Guinea pigs and chickens. He used to get fertilised eggs from a local farmer and the chickens used to hatch both chicks and ducklings. This was done solely to teach his charges about nature. He also taught my eldest to ride a bike at age three. Very patient caring man. Being male does not automatically make someone a predator.