Baby is ruining us

[fedupnow2]

I'm really fed up, frustrated and just desperate for advice. I have an 8mo and she is just the most difficult child- extremely high needs(constantly wants to be carried) but the biggest issue is her sleeping habits. This is not an exaggeration- I spend 5-6 HOURS a day trapped in my room trying to make her sleep. Every single nap time is a nightmare- she is so tired but just cannot sleep. She wants to be rocked but will wriggle furiously. If you leave her in her crib/ lie next to her then she becomes hyper and get more worked up. Dh has a very stressful job and the moment he walks in i hand her over because I'm sick of her. He is also highly frustrated because he then spends the next few hours trying to get her to sleep and he has barely sat down . Our weekends are consumed by her sleep issues. She has been like this since she was born. We have an older child who is struggling because I don't have time for him because of the baby. I would leave her to cry it out but dh doesn't want to. We have done everything- walks, routine, bath before bed, white noise. She eats very well. Please don't tell me this will end, I can't bear another second. Taking her out at any part of the day hypes her up when she gets home. I have now been sitting with her for the past 2 hours and she is furiously just thrashing about crying. Not in pain, just overtired. I've carried her and she just wants to be down. I'm just at the end of it.

And just to add, although my baby cried for about 2 hours straight the first night of sleep training, he cried less than a normal night in total even that first night, and I got more sleep. He was screaming half the night anyway so from that point of view it couldn't really get any worse!

I am so sorry you're going through this, sleep deprivation is hell. Like many other I had a DC (dc2) who was the same. By 9 months I was broken, nearly crashed the car. Awake every 1-2 hrs at night and daytime naps were negligible. I was worried it was damaging tbh. What helped was DH taking over for 10 days of nights and breaking night feeding. Then gradually leaving for go to bed routine (quick checks at 1 min then 2 min, than 5, 10 etc). DC was wailing being rocked/walked for 45 min anyway then jolting themselves awake 5 min after being laid down. They actually wailed less overall with the leaving/extending leavings than when we were trying to comfort them (, which seemed to enrage).

Is she still breastfed? My youngest only ever napped by falling asleep on the boob, then it would be contact naps only, either in my arms or in the sling on my chest. We bedshared at night. We didn't do set times or anything, just followed her lead. Absolutely would not recommend sleep training/CIO etc., they have been proven to raise cortisol levels in their brain which can lead to issues with brain development and attachment issues later in life.

This save me. No sleep for the 1st 7 months. Now he is 7pm to 7am. But I also play brown noise.

This.

My daughter never napped unless she was being wheeled in the buggy, I have up trying for my own sanity and just went about my day going to groups meeting friends etc.

She didn't sleep at night til she was 10 months old and I started co sleeping. She's slept well since that day (20 months now).

Have you tried massage and asmr? My babies would never go to sleep if I felt stressed and hyper. When I started to focus on calming myself down (with massager, asmr, relaxation) I noticed my baby would start calming down and become drowsy. When I was close to falling asleep, my baby would go to sleep

Have you considered cranial osteopathy. My SIL swears by it. My niece is so much happier and more settled and she old went for 2 sessions.

My 3 year old has only just started sleeping through the night. Until recently I was up 3 - 5 times a night with her. It's brutal.

Does baby have a dummy? Does she have a soft blanket with her? A cuddly toy? I think the problem may be that she desperately needs sleep training and can’t really get herself off to sleep.

Ditch the naps times for the time being and try and make her bed as comfy as possible. Let her cry it out for a minute at a time and gradually increase how long you leave her.

I would be leaving her to cry for short periods because this is breaking you and doing your child no good thrashing around trying to sleep for hours. A nurse friend told me to put my baby in the cot for naps and turn on the hoover on! You do not need to do this to yourself. If you are not comfortable doing this as a couple, there are sleep experts you can get in to help and I would be seeking that advice immediately.

I feel for you OP. My youngest was a nightmare. My eldest slept like a log and napped 3 times a day. I couldn't understand why my second baby didn't do the same!

We have been like this with our eight month old and the only thing that has saved us is sleep training. We did a gentler version than CIO and sleep still isn’t perfect but nap times are fine now and she either wakes once or sleeps through. Bedtime itself can still be a challenge but getting there.

Bring her to a baby trained osteopath!!!

Sorry I haven't time to read the whole thread and I'm sure someone has suggested it - but try co-sleeping if you can. Totally transformed my life when DS was tiny.

Hi OP, you poor thing. I've been there.
I've only read the first 3 or 4 pages, but I guess that at your baby's age, mine started to go to a childminder because I had to go back to work. The childminder I chose was a mature woman with many years experience in her profession. At that time, he would neither sleep unless on his stomach on top of me (I know that is discouraged) nor take a bottle. She knew what she was taking on, she warned her neighbours that there would be the sound of crying but it was nothing to be alarmed about and it would improve. He drank nothing for the first 2 days, but on day 3 accepted a bottle (a miracle to my mind). For sleeping he had to fit in around a toddler and various school runs and he had to sleep in a cot alone in a bedroom upstairs at the hours that fitted her routine whether he liked it or not. She says it took her 3 days. It made things a little easier for us at home too.
I guess I'm just thinking that there might be some value (and respite) in having her go into childcare for some time in the week even if you are a SAHM?

I don't know if its because i was raised by a French mum so i learnt my parenting from her but I struggle to understand all this angst about putting babies to sleep and training them.
I never actively put my babies or toddlers to nap or sleep. I just got on with my life and they slept whenever along the way. In my arms, the pram or carrier. I never had set nap timrs or bed times. It was all fluid. Some days they slept more some days hardly at all.
If they were tired I walked with them in the carrier or laid with them while i read or played with older dc. Sometimes i was tired so laid down in bed with them. I fed them to sleep lots. They cat napped im the car or bassinet as i did the school run. At night they slept with me and fed on and off. Eventually they slept more and fed less.
Op can you just carry on ypur life and let dd sleep as and when. If she cries them pop her on the breast in the carrier and carry on or just walk around. Is there a reason she needs proper nap times in her cot? Mine never slept in a cot during the day and never napped more than a short while. They have grown up fine and are well rounded dc who sleep fine now.

Also, do you wear perfume, light candles, use diffusers in your home? They can sometimes contain chemicals that stimulates the brain to stay awake and make it difficult to sleep.

I would stop trying to put her down for a nap and go about your own day instead. If she cries either way then what is the point spending all that time trying to get her to sleep. Put your baby in a safe place and get 5 min silence for your own sanity. Maybe get some ear defenders to reduce the noise from crying. It can help you stay sane

Our baby was a bigger at 8mths and I was beyond broken. She was waking 14 times a night (every half hour) because she wanted to be touched or held. My husband had just come off a life support machine, having been in a coma due to Sepsis. He needed lots of support so was another person to look after. In the end we got a sleep trainer round. She said that at 8mths, it was fine for a baby to sleep with a teddy bear in the cot. She recommended putting a medium sized one on either side of the baby. Our baby soon gravitated towards one of them and it made life so much easier as she was much happier with a cuddly toy to hold on to.

Bugger, not bigger!

This again.

Sounds like my middle child who coincidentally (or not?) also has ADHD. He cat napped for 30 mins at a time for the first 9 months. I had an older child too and a DH working away for weeks at a time - I honestly thought I was going insane from sleep deprivation! However, at 9 months he miraculously starting sleeping through. I think because he was eating more solids and was more active this helped him start sleeping more deeply. Up until then I had to co sleep as I was too exhausted getting up/lifting him out the cot! Definitely try a sleep specialist even if it didn’t work with your eldest. I hope you see a turning point soon OP. I know how tough it is!

CIO saved my sanity, my marriage and my ability to be a loving attentive mother. I was literally at breaking point. It was definitely worse for DS1 to have me crying, walking around like a zombie, snappy and arguing with an equally exhausted DH. 3 nights of crying (15 mins, 10 mins, 3 mins) and he stopped waking up (every fucking 30 mins). It was a miracle. I returned to fun, loving, happy mummy who would play with him. He was crying being carried around anyway! He also HATED all gentle patting, staying next to him methods he would scream and scream if he could see us and be so angry that we wouldn't pick him up.

Disclosure, I haven’t read the whole thread- but in case it hasnt been mentioned, mine was like this(breastfed) and I realised he was actually in need of a fuller feed. I used to do a bottle before bed and he slept so soundly

you don’t mention your feeding method thus far as my reading but it’s worth considering if you are bf. I’m NOT belittling bf but if you’re at the end of your rope I’m guessing any suggestion to help are welcome and for me some fuller deeper sleeps came from a formula top up.

Absolutely. I have friends who were very rigid with nap times, and drove themselves mad constantly trying to get their screaming baby to sleep, because it was ‘nap time.’

Carry on your day as normal, and she’ll fall asleep when she needs to in her buggy.

This! ^^