Baby is ruining us

[fedupnow2]

I'm really fed up, frustrated and just desperate for advice. I have an 8mo and she is just the most difficult child- extremely high needs(constantly wants to be carried) but the biggest issue is her sleeping habits. This is not an exaggeration- I spend 5-6 HOURS a day trapped in my room trying to make her sleep. Every single nap time is a nightmare- she is so tired but just cannot sleep. She wants to be rocked but will wriggle furiously. If you leave her in her crib/ lie next to her then she becomes hyper and get more worked up. Dh has a very stressful job and the moment he walks in i hand her over because I'm sick of her. He is also highly frustrated because he then spends the next few hours trying to get her to sleep and he has barely sat down . Our weekends are consumed by her sleep issues. She has been like this since she was born. We have an older child who is struggling because I don't have time for him because of the baby. I would leave her to cry it out but dh doesn't want to. We have done everything- walks, routine, bath before bed, white noise. She eats very well. Please don't tell me this will end, I can't bear another second. Taking her out at any part of the day hypes her up when she gets home. I have now been sitting with her for the past 2 hours and she is furiously just thrashing about crying. Not in pain, just overtired. I've carried her and she just wants to be down. I'm just at the end of it.

As others have said. Stop worrying about wake windows and all that malarkey. Go about your day as usual and allow her to go in her own time.

I was so worried about it with my first, who also never slept, it made my life so stressful and started to impact my relationship with her.

Second time round, I've let him find his own routine and go along with it.

We did all naps in the pushchair till dd was 4. You can push with your foot and put the tv on behind them. When they are asleep you can push them into a quiet room.

@babbscrabbs because I was OP, bedtime and naps were hours of crying. We tried gentle sleep training where we went back and resettled after a minute. It took a few days but now she sleeps through the night and settles herself.

It’s hardly a nice life for baby ,5 to 6 hours a day stuck in a bedroom …I think I’d cry to if I was her .
get on with your life ,go to parks ,cafes ,walks see friends.
if she sleeps she sleeps ,stick her in the pram and go out
get her to baby groups ,she could be sat up watching other children
mine went to mother and baby groups every day ,and I took them swimming on Friday as there was no groups .
at 8 months my child had a better social life than I did ,it gave us a routine ,a reason to be up and out of the house ,getting fresh air ,and keeping busy .
why on earth you are spending hours trying to get baby to sleep is beyond me .
she needs exhausting in the day with a busy schedule,then a routine of supper, bath and bottle and story and of to sleep..same routine every day ,with comfort baby and she will come to know what to expect.

I second the advice on give up! Don’t revolve your day around a baby sleeping. This is mental torture. Go out. Go out and about. They will fall asleep eventually, pram or car, for your own sanity stop torturing yourself

also give baby to someone else for a bit and give yourself a break x

Also forgot to say, when my LO was like this, it was teething stopping him being able to relax. He also wanted to be carried around everywhere at that age. It is mentally so testing. X

I think I'd try cranial osteopathy first - maybe just a very slight adjustment would be enough (it worked really well for my nephew, and made my daughter - who sleeps really well - sleep longer).

And then if that didn't work I'm afraid I'd be letting her scream until she fell asleep. Not fashionable I know, but my DMIL suggested it when my DNiece was so overtired she was making everyone's life hell, for months...and they very reluctantly tried it (partly to shut MIL up from going on about it) and it worked really well; even the baby seemed a lot happier the next morning, and she has mostly been fine ever since.

Babies do get themselves beyond tired and then they don't know what to do to settle themselves...so sometimes drastic action is the only option.

She's a baby. All babies I've ever met have gone through this stage. They grow out of it.
Be grateful and appreciate every moment. I've struggled for 13 years to have a baby and I'd give anything just to experience it, including the exhaustion

JUst re-read your OP, your DH doesn't want to try CIO...so do it when he's at work, and treat yourself to something nice (lunch, tv programme, magazine) to distract yourself!

Telling a mum at the end of her tether that she should just be grateful and appreciate every moment is simply unhelpful. It's also easy to say without actually experiencing it yourself.

Of course it can be wonderful but it can also be fucking awful at times and parents are allowed to say that. It's just reality.

My daughter was very much like yours. At around 8 months I was totally sick of it and changed her routine. She had a large 8oz bottle of formula before bed (cleaned teeth after) and it took two nights of letting her cry it out (not everyone's chosen method) since then she has slept 7 to 7 and she's now nearly 5 years old.

Stop trying to make her sleep. Stop with these enforced naps. It's not working and you aren't achieving anything.

Get your DH to stay with friends or family for a few days then do sleep training

You only need 3 nights for it to work usually

Put her in a room at 7pm and just leave her there till she cries herself to sleep

@SouthLondonMum22 I've experienced it many, many times.i grew up with a baby brother who screamed 24/7. I've also had overnight stays with nephews so I know how demanding and exhausting a baby is but just because I've never experienced it with my own child dosent mean I'm not allowed an opinion.
You clearly think my comment is offensive to op.
Yet for women in my situation thats also insensitive hearing someone complain about their child.
Like others have stated , ops problem is she needs to sleep train the child. It clearly dosent have a routine and enforced naps aren't going to resolve the situation

Sleep train and count the days until you are back at work.

No you haven't. Not as a parent. It isn't the same, not even close as a younger sibling or niece/nephew.

I think the OP's title was very clear and it is more on you to avoid these threads rather than on OP to not complain about her child. Again, never complaining about your child just isn't realistic because everyone finds it difficult at times.

Can you do nursery a couple of days a week - they seem to have a knack of instilling routine. Only place mine would nap, 6 months after dropping them at home. Galling to pay so much to sleep there though!

(Nursery also did nearly all potty training too)

One if the best things my friends said to me was to stop stressing when babies cry cause that's what they do. She will be fine if ya put her down and allow her to cry by herself for short periods of time. Also when she does start crying for you don't jump up and run give it 30 seconds and then go

I would also have said just ignore nap time, if she doesn't sleep, she doesn't sleep... it's not a biggie.
I would also say, if she wants to be carried, just bung her in one of those wrap-type baby carriers. I did that with mine (albeit she was a bit younger, her issue was reflux though and she did also need to be constantly carried), just spent 6 months with her permanently strapped to my chest. But meant she didn't grumble and i had my hands free to live my life. Those wrap things are very comfortable.

Some children just don't sleep much, My first stopped all naps (except random times in pushchair and in car) from 6 months. If I ever put him down in his cot during the day, he would pull himself up and literally scream the house down in a rage. I tried everything but by the end after about 15 minutes of roars I would take him out of the cot again (red, sweaty and looking very pleased with himself - almost refreshed by his roaring), and we would just continue the day....To this day (he is 12) he still fights sleep, and tends to fall asleep late.

A thought - if your baby is crying the moment they are put down, don't like a baby carrier and will literally cry themselves exhausted, I think you might have a case of colic or reflux on your hands. Silent reflux is the worst as you don't get the usual projectile vomitting warning signs to accompany the screaming. Try rolling up a towel and put it underneath the sheet next to the mattress. That will put your baby at a slant and should relieve pain. Try rubbing their tummy to release wind. Use Dr brown's bottles to reduce down air intake. Try a few drops of infacol and worst case scenario refer to doc. Good luck 🍀

Sorry to hear it's so tough right now OP. It sounds horrifically frustrating!

Seconding what many other posters have said -try to remove the stress from napping. You say she is calm in her pram but not asleep. That's ok! If she really was tired and calm, she would nod off. Long walk in the pram gives her calm time and you get fresh air and exercise. If she falls asleep after half an hour or so, great! If she doesn't, it was still a good and healthy thing for both of you and certainly better than you both being stuck in a room while she screams. Not all babies need the same amount/timing of sleep as others, and some go through phases where they resist if they know what you are trying to do. Can you manage a long walk with her in the carrier if she is calm while carried?

You need some time for your eldest. Anyone that can babysit for an afternoon? If your baby is screaming anyway, how much worse can it be?

How does she eventually go to sleep at night?

Yes agree .. put her in the buggy and walk.. I waked miles with my first DS.. he cried , I walked . Not always possible I know but for your sanity I would not be spending hours trying to get her to settle in a cot

We followed www.littleones.co/our-app as my DS would never sleep. It was really helpful!!

Stop worrying about it. If she doesn't want to sleep, she won't sleep. I know it's a little break for the mum when baby sleeps, but you can't force it. As others have said, either pram or car 🚗 usually induces sleep