All those dreams disappeared so quickly

[Hatethatboredfeeling]

Had Dd later in life due to infertility. Adore her so much, but thinking lately..what happened to my dreams, everything I liked, what I dreamed of for the future..it just went ‘Poof’ into thin air when I had her. That’s so sad.
I loved travelling and dreamed of new places, new people etc, now it just feels bleurgh…by the time I can stroll the streets bt the Amalfi coast, or do a road trip around California, I’ll be 57/58 and unlikely to hook up with some Italian guy.
LIfe just went so very FAST..anyone else feel like this?

*Of

Yes it’s gone very fast and my j Teresa’s have changed along the way. I’m finding a way back to myself now but some of the dreams I had are no longer going to happen as I’m no longer 20-30 but 50 😱

OP

Open your mind.
In Eastern Europe many people send their kids to grandma for 2-3 months in the summer.
Actually recently I was talking to a Polish colleague here in the British isles who just did that with her 8 year old son - he stayed in Poland with his granny for the summer.

Can you go travelling with her?

If that's not available to you, in the USA some parents send their kids to residential camps over the summer.
Just look around what people do in different countries, E.,g. In France I forget what they do, but theyre not 100% child led, driven like here.

How old is your child?

Can you not go travelling with them or is money an issue? Not clear if you had her alone or of there's a Dad around, if so how much contact does he have? How long would you feel comfortable leaving her with him? Any other family?

OP I think you’re just experiencing what we all do that as we go along in life and make certain choices, one door opens and another one closes… surely having experienced infertility you can see that having your dd WAS one of your dreams? You can’t do everything in life or live multiple incompatible dreams simultaneously (though I agree with others having a child doesn’t mean the world has to completely stop until they are adults either, you can for sure still visit the Amalfi coast child in tow - or send to grandparents assuming that’s an option and go by yourself!) And 50 something might seem super old to you now but I guarantee when you get there you won’t be writing yourself off in this way. There is still life to be lived after 50 (I’m saying this as someone who is rapidly approaching 50). Of course it won’t be the same experience travelling in your 50s as in your 20s but that doesn’t make it invalid or not worth pursuing. Though you might find that your dreams at that age are slightly different anyway. I think it’s just that feeling everyone has once you move out of your twenties and a whole world of possibilities doesn’t lie at your feel for the future in quite the same way anymore.

Feet not feel!

What if granny (or indeed grandad!) would prefer to be doing something else?

I feel it sometimes. Had dd at 40. But DH is away working this weekend so us girls are on a road trip! She's 4.

Just a few stops in the UK, but she loves it and so do I. We'll go further afield as she gets more able for longer travel.

Much of it is in the mind I think. If I could take a year off we'd be on a plane tomorrow travelling the world no question about it.

This. I sent my daughter to my parents in Germany for the summer when she was younger.

Now she's a teen I love travelling with her. She's my travel-buddy 😄

I have a Dh, can’t send her to my parents, she’s 5…yes I guess we can go travelling together in a few years and that will be lovely. Just having one of those wistful days about the things you thought you’d do, but didn’t.

I often read this on Mumsnet, but in real life all the grandparents I know (including my parents) like having their grandkids around.

5 is not too young to travel. I uses to love travelling with my parents as a child and have amazing memories of holidays from the age of 4. My own daughter travelled with me from about 4 as well (before that my parents took her over the summer).

My dd is 11 OP and next week we are off to Europe for an adventure together - going to see where my favourite film was set so although it is with a child in tow l am still living my dreams!

Yes I absolutely hear you. Made even more restrictive by the fact that things I would love to do with the whole family in the meantime (hello croissants in Paris or pizza in Naples) are made much more difficult if not impossible by DCs' health conditions.

I fantasise a lot about what I'll be doing in my 60s... but life runs out pretty fast. The hardest bit is realising what I've packed into the last 20 years but how much considerably less will happen in the next two decades due to having 2DC.

Exactly! You can totally still travel and live out your dreams even with kids in tow. 5 is not too young to travel and by the time she's about 8, she'll be a fun travel companion. I love travelling with my daughter.

Well doors open and close as a PP says, but you can definitely enjoy travelling in your 50s and 60s and beyond. So look after your health now. (And prep your husband for being ditched for the Italian guy)

In the meantime figure out what adventures you can have with her - weekend festivals - camping - whatever. 5 is old enough for that. And between you it’s not too hard, that is one of the advantages of one.

can you and DP each have a weekend away on your own each year?

She can start doing /school trips/ Kids camps from 8 ish and a week with family if they are up for it.

By 10 or 11 she can do a couple weeks summer camp so that’s a good amount of travelling time.

When my daughter was about 4, I took her on holiday to Portugal with my best friend (who hates kids 😂 ) and we still had a great time. I took a buggy with me even though she wasn't using one anymore, but it was super useful in the evenings when I could plant her in the buggy by our table in a restaurant/bar and she could sleep whilst we stayed up late (obviously not clubbing) but still having a good time🍹

But you can easily travel with one child aged 5 years +.

And you have a DH, so I'm not really sure what your comment about hooking up with an Italian means.

And my parents are in their 60s and absolutely love travelling the world - they are fit, healthy and active. And have much more energy than I do with a 2 and 4 year old.

Honestly, I just really think you need to change your mindset and think about what is possible and not what isn't

A. Travel with her
B. If you think 57 is too old to do anything or have any dreams, I do feel sorry for you.

And obviously, this is depending on your financial situation (but I didn't get from your OP that that was your issue) as you have a DH, what is stopping you from going alone?

This year I've been on a 'girls trip' to Spain. I also extended a trip to London to have a day there by myself: sight-seeing, eating, drinking - it was amazing. I've also just signed up for a weekend city trip on my own as part of a hobby I do - so out with a random group of stranger doing that hobby during the days, a social meet up Saturday evening and an airbnb to myself that Saturday night.

Look for the opportunities and make it happen.

Exactly.

What an odd thread

Travel with her! You don't have to wait, just go and enjoy it! Your dd will love it and you can share all of those experiences with her (ok maybe not hooking up with an Italian, but your dh might not have been happy with that either).

My dreams are slipping away because my dh collapsed this week and it's looking like a life changing, possibly limiting illness. It's completely out of the blue and I'm reeling. We were planning a trip to Disney, a safari, Cuba, India with our 2 dc... and now I don't even know if he'll make it home again.

It is odd!

op didn’t you fulfil any dreams or travel at all before you had your DD? Especially if you had her later.

also, wasn’t having a child part of your hopes and dreams?