Page 5 | All those dreams disappeared so quickly

SleepingStandingUp · 24/07/2023 09:41

BBYBjorn · 24/07/2023 09:11

I love the idea of sending children to grandparents over the summer (or being the grandparents and getting to have LOs for 6 weeks)!

Unfortunately not gonna happen with most families in the UK😂😂

Quite. Just imagine telling my Mom she's having 5 kids aged 3-8 for the whole holidays so my sister's and I can travel

OMGitsnotgood · 24/07/2023 09:51

I’m trying to follow the logic on this thread that goes something like

OP is worried she will be past enjoying travelling when her DD is older.

Recommendations include sending DD to grandparents for the summer so OP can enjoy travelling whilst young enough.

Because Grandparents are fit and well enough to look after school age children. But not fit and well enough to do their own travelling.

Am I missing something ?

Desperatenow1 · 24/07/2023 09:56

ElderMillenials · 23/07/2023 22:56

Travel with her! You don't have to wait, just go and enjoy it! Your dd will love it and you can share all of those experiences with her (ok maybe not hooking up with an Italian, but your dh might not have been happy with that either).

My dreams are slipping away because my dh collapsed this week and it's looking like a life changing, possibly limiting illness. It's completely out of the blue and I'm reeling. We were planning a trip to Disney, a safari, Cuba, India with our 2 dc... and now I don't even know if he'll make it home again.

So sorry :( You must be feeling very shocked, life can change in a heartbeat. Take care my lovely x

XelaM · 24/07/2023 10:05

fridascruffs · 24/07/2023 08:54

I had DS at 38, DD at 40. Single mother since DD was 2 ( no child support from their father.) I took them out of school when they were 8 and 10, bought a 25 year old camper van for £3500, and went to Morocco and round the continent for 5 months (budget was 70 euros a day including petrol and camping, we lived cheaply.) Later we did a summer holiday in it to the Hebrides, an Easter on the south coast, and another Easter in Ireland. It is possible - you just so it. I've felt much more restricted in the last 5 years due to working full time instead of 4 days a week, but I had to get the kids through secondary school. Once my daughter's out of A levels I'm changing things up again and going hiking. A friend of mine cashed in a small pension to go with her son to Madagascar for 5 weeks. She's broke now, but she doesn't regret it. The campervan trips cost me what could have been a new kitchen, but stuff the kitchen! We had a blast. You decide what your priorities are and spend your money on those. We are lucky though- we bought a place to live back when they were cheap, although it didn't seem so at the time.

This is so awesome!!! It's my dream to get a campervan and travel around for several months 🤩 I wanted to do it ever since I was a kid, but my parents are not camping people so I'm going to do it once daughter has finished GCSEs (finances permitting)🤞🏻

PollyThePixie · 24/07/2023 11:29

OP, one of my favourite things to do is to read the Times online Obituaries. I know it sounds weird, but hear me out...

me too.

Iwasafool · 24/07/2023 11:33

XelaM · 24/07/2023 09:12

My parents do a lot of travelling and love having my daughter for the summer. In fact, they keep asking for her to come (they live in Germany) but she's now a teen and competes in a very time-consuming sport, so I'm usually the one saying "no" to them. This year they were asking to have her for all of August, but she can only go for 10 days and it caused a row because they were so disappointed. And they would take her travelling with them if they travel around Europe. I guess it depends on the family set-up and temperament and age of the kids and location of grandparents.

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Your parents inviting your DD is completely different to you deciding you are dropping her off for 3 months as was suggested.

As I said I have one of my GC living with me permanently due to family circumstances and I might have another within a few weeks but I do have a say in it and wouldn't be impressed if they were sent to me with no input from me.

Iwasafool · 24/07/2023 11:36

SleepingStandingUp · 24/07/2023 09:41

Quite. Just imagine telling my Mom she's having 5 kids aged 3-8 for the whole holidays so my sister's and I can travel

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Exactly, your mum might have a job, she might want to go travelling or she might want to sit in the garden drinking gin. Nice if she wants to and the kids want to and you are happy with it but a bloody cheek to just announce it.

XelaM · 24/07/2023 11:38

Nobody is suggesting to drop the kid on her mum's porch and driving off for three months. Obviously the grandparents have to agree, but some grandparents actually love having their grandkids for the summer.

Simonjt · 24/07/2023 11:42

Unless finances are stopping you, there’s no reason to stop just because you become a parent. A few years ago I wanted to go to the rugby world cup in Japan, so I went, but I took my son with me. I wanted to play in the Bingham cup for my country, so I took my son with me. I fancied a trip to Iceland to see hotsprings, hopefully the northern lights, maybe even some lava, guess what, I took our son. We have a campervan, we’re moving to Sweden, so when we go over and visit we take the camper and explore around europe a bit with the children, dog and sometimes cat.

We hoping to go to Nepal, we’ll be taking our son and toddler daughter with us.

Late 50’s also isn’t old age, it certainly isn’t old enough not to travel for most people. Plus of travel is so important, by becoming a parent older surely it meant you had more time to travel before you became a parent?

Shiftingparadigm · 24/07/2023 12:13

cptartapp · 23/07/2023 19:05

What if granny (or indeed grandad!) would prefer to be doing something else?

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That's not a thing in the UK. Plus many of the grannies work themselves. I wouldn't dump my kids on my 70 year old parents for weeks on end. I would want them back in one piece! It wouldn't be fair to ask them to do that anyway.

Plus many gps on MN act like they are being asked to sacrifice a kidney on here if their children ask them to have their grandkids for two hours a month. Our culture is very individualistic here.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 24/07/2023 15:24

A few things here ..

It is possible to travel / holiday with children - so if there are no other issues, get booking!

Is money an issue?
Your relationship with your DH - how is that ? (Thinking of your comment about the Italian guy)
Is it that things feel overwhelming at the moment and you feel like you want to get away by yourself ?

Your final comment about being 57/58 before you will be able to do the things you want. Maybe that will be the case - but being that age isn't the end of the world - the freedom to be able to do the things that you want to again is brilliant . Make sure you keep on top of your health , try and prioritise savings so that you can maybe take an adult gap year (if early retirement isn't going to be a possibility)

Iwasafool · 24/07/2023 16:53

XelaM · 24/07/2023 11:38

Nobody is suggesting to drop the kid on her mum's porch and driving off for three months. Obviously the grandparents have to agree, but some grandparents actually love having their grandkids for the summer.

There was nothing in the post about discussing it with the grandparents and some parents do just think they can demand the grandparents have the children which isn't always reasonable for a variety of reasons e.g. grandparents aren't well enough to cope, grandparents are very well but working fulltime jobs, grandparents fancy going on a road trip themselves.

It has nothing to do with the grandparents loving having the grandchildren for the summer it is to do with is it practical and do the grandparents want to do it because even if they love having them it isn't always possible.

Lozois99 · 25/07/2023 12:30

We travelled around europe for a month when DD was 7 and DS was less than two. It wasnt particularly hard. Why cant you do your dream stuff with your child?

MotherofGorgons · 25/07/2023 13:55

So many threads where OP posts once, and never returns, so nobody can give any sensible advice.

SallyWD · 25/07/2023 14:28

Hatethatboredfeeling · 23/07/2023 18:19

Had Dd later in life due to infertility. Adore her so much, but thinking lately..what happened to my dreams, everything I liked, what I dreamed of for the future..it just went ‘Poof’ into thin air when I had her. That’s so sad.
I loved travelling and dreamed of new places, new people etc, now it just feels bleurgh…by the time I can stroll the streets bt the Amalfi coast, or do a road trip around California, I’ll be 57/58 and unlikely to hook up with some Italian guy.
LIfe just went so very FAST..anyone else feel like this?

Like others have said - have adventures with your child! Life doesn't stop when you have kids. If you're an adventurous person by nature then crack on.
We have two kids and we've travelled all over India, been to Africa and many countries in Europe. This summer were doing a road trip in Italy.

Original poster

Hatethatboredfeeling · 25/07/2023 23:31

@MotherofGorgons i just read through them all, v helpful

OP posts:

Ingrowncrotchhair · 25/07/2023 23:37

is walking around some streets with some stuff in them more exciting than your child?

Thebirdhouse · 25/07/2023 23:55

Ah I get it OP. I was an older mother in my 40s and have two primary aged children. I was lucky because I travelled and lived abroad in my 20s and 30s but in a way I know what I am missing now.

Taking kids travelling is not fun for me. We have tried visiting countries but honestly my kids prefer being in a camp site with other kids. They have no interest in walking around cities even though we always spend three quarters of the day doing things that might interest them. But having kids with us makes everything more expensive obviously - four flights, four train tickets., restaurants that have to suit four of us. We are never free to roam as we please when we please.

My wings have been clipped and it makes me feel very down at times.

I think travelling with one child must be easier. I have two kids - they are constantly looking to do the next thing - so its never relaxing.

They don't have grandparents who will take them for a night let alone a summer. The only people I know who do that are people originally from Eastern Europe, they send their kids to the grandparents for weeks on end during the summer.

EconomyClassRockstar · 26/07/2023 00:14

If it helps, the Amalfi coast appears to currently be full of annoying Tik Tok-ers so maybe find somewhere else for now. You can travel wherever you want with a 5 year old. I am the opposite as we had ours young but DH and I were always determined to still travel and we have, all over the world. If you love to travel and you're not now, it's not your 5 year old who is stopping it.

Highdaysandholidays1 · 26/07/2023 00:15

Perhaps it's just that the OP suddenly realised she's not going to live forever. I think it's easy in your 30's and 40's to not see that this life is finite, but your late forties/fifties all of a sudden people get sick, or disabled or get cancer and some even die. Not all of course, just enough for you to start to realise- hey, this is it! In some ways it is good to know that.

My husband didn't make it to 50 but we joke he lived enough for two lifetimes. If there's something you want to do, try to fit it in now even if it's not 'the same'.