All those dreams disappeared so quickly

[Hatethatboredfeeling]

Had Dd later in life due to infertility. Adore her so much, but thinking lately..what happened to my dreams, everything I liked, what I dreamed of for the future..it just went ‘Poof’ into thin air when I had her. That’s so sad.
I loved travelling and dreamed of new places, new people etc, now it just feels bleurgh…by the time I can stroll the streets bt the Amalfi coast, or do a road trip around California, I’ll be 57/58 and unlikely to hook up with some Italian guy.
LIfe just went so very FAST..anyone else feel like this?

Oh goodness @ElderMillenials I’m sending you and your DH my very best. I hope he’s ok. What a shock for you all.

there you go op. There’s the spur you need to get your head from up your arse!

I went to Amalfi Coast when my child was 5. Can you not take them with you?

I get it OP

But I think this is just part of getting older. Certain choices made, paths chosen, inevitably shut off others. You married DH which means you’re not with bloke X or Y and not living a single life either. You chose to live and settle here which means you’re not living in Tokyo or New York. You chose to have. a child which shuts off certain other possibilities, at least for now. Pros and cons of all these choices.

Admittedly having a child is one of the more restrictive choices you can make (for many of us anyway) but it is also a unique and large set of experiences in itself and nothing else is really like it.

@ElderMillenials I'm so sorry about your DH, sending you my best wishes

This isn't about your daughter, OP, you have these realisations without children too except without children you imagine the situation would feel better if you did have children! (Speaking as someone without children).

Well it's unlikely you'll be hooking up with your Italian chap them any way lol

Why can't you travel now? Why can't use come or you do a long weekend without her?

There is no age barrier to travel, whether young or old for those that are willing !

I know people under 1 to 90s

Why not ?

OP I am 58… I am absolutely up for an Italian bloke! 😉

I have dreams… I would hope to travel but my husband does not… it’s a sad realisation for me.

Luna, why can't you travel on your own ?

Or join a solo travel group ?

Well you can still travel. My parents took a holiday together every year when we were kids - Mexico, Machu Pichu (back in the 70s when it was a loooong uncomfortable train trip), Galápagos Islands - they went!
But also, as a woman of 61 with two older teens, I am not retiring my passport! There's no age limit to travel and adventure.

Location… I do, but it’s the loss of a dream that hurts.

I am struggling to see what your problem is?

I had my DC aged 34, nearly 36 and 40. Wherever I wanted to go, they came too.

One child, I have to say, is so much more portable than three and we managed it?!

Trust me your child's life will go by so fast and before you know it you'll be making the same plans you did before you had her.
I had mine very young 18, 22, 25. And I felt like I'd thrown my life away. Now I'm 36 and my eldest is nearly an adult. I'm now well and truly out of the baby 'bubble' and I've started to plan my future without them constantly being a part of it like they were when they were little

I'm in the same boat. Mines a workaholic so refuses to take any annual leave. Whereas I'm the kind of person who would rather buy a camper and live in it if it meant I could see the world. Guess we'll have to do it alone!

Why would you not travel with her?
My eldest is 4 (nearly 5) and has been to France, the U.K. (he is from both of these places but we live/he was born in the Netherlands), Germany, and Switzerland, and we are taking him to Spain next year. Probably Italy the year after and America when he is 9 or 10. Holidays are different with kids but they still benefit from seeing the world.

Also, you can still do that on your own! My husband and I have regularly travelled alone with the eldest (for various reasons), as well as as a family. For instance, I took him to Paris a lot when he was a baby (pre-pandemic) as we used to live/work there and I still have many friends there. My husband has also often taken him by himself to see family in the south of France when I have had to stay home and work (my husband can WFH whereas I can’t).

I had DD at 22. Now 33 and even as a lone parent I've achieved several life goals of my own. I don’t wonder what I could've done earlier, seems like you've had that bit of living and feel stuck now which is fair enough, but I don't regret a minute. I’m glad I didn't leave my fertility up to chance as an older parent. I've only managed to have one child with several losses after. I’m not likely to even try again (and that's a dream of mine dying).
OP we've all got different ideal life scenarios and dreams. No one is better off clinging to an ideal that just isn't available.
Tbf, I’m already locking in on my retirement plan - seven cats already, looking forward to another 30 or so
I'll know I’m settled when I finally get a hairless one I'll learn to knit jumpers for

50+ is the best time of your life. I packed up my life and my teenage daughter and moved to the other side of the world for more than a decade. It was like the most amazing banquet of experiences. It's never too late to just live. But you have to MAKE it happen.

Having a baby is restrictive because realistically you won't be doing stuff you want on your own for a good few years. Going to Italy with a five year old is a completely different experience to going on your own - holidays with kids are fun but not really a holiday for you. Holidays for the next 16 years are more about them. We had a ten year old and just had another baby, so the whole thing has started again for us. In one way the world gets smaller but in another way, I adore my two and feel it opens up another world.

I took a sabbatical for a few months in my
mid 30s and went travelling without my DH (he came and joined me for a couple of weeks but otherwise I was on my own). I needed to do this for me and had his full support.

I met a German woman who was on a ten day trip of her own, solo, while her husband was at home with their two DC. She was on maternity leave so her youngest was under a year. But she needed to do it for her MH and her husband supported her fully. I thought that was really cool.

My main takeaway actually was that I saw families with children of all ages, all travelling the world, even in countries you wouldn’t consider taking young children too. It made me open my eyes to the possibility that we could go on adventures with our DC and show them the world in a way we’d like to travel ourselves.

Don’t close off your dreams, but see how and if you can adjust them slightly so they’re not in the distant future but can fit into the life you’re leading right now.

Isn't it just!

We travelied with our children from the time they were one. I vividly remember a fantastic 3-week road trip in the US when they were aged between 6 and 9.

In fact, my happiest memories are about our big summer holiday adventures.

And now that I'm in my 60s, life is still full on and exciting.

Had kids later too. The last two when I was 37.
They have all left school and the last go to uni soon.
Its a long road having kids but when they leave it’s not the end of your adventure OP.
Im 56 but I certainly don’t feel like it’s all over. Far from it.
Theres lots of things I want to do, I loved travelling and travelled with the kids and will continue with that. ( not a beach person, more hop from one place to the other backpacking style )
Ive re started painting and we are looking for land to build our own house ( both architects)
Im far more experimental work wise aswell
Age should not define you. Don’t let it OP or you’ll sit down and never get up.

Definitely travel (as opposed to holidays) is possible with children and easiest with a solo child.

You and DH can travel together with your DD, take solo trips with and without her. Also, my 4 year old granddaughter has just spent 3 nights away with DH and me. The other grandparents live further away but she is going to stay with them for several nights next month.

Yes, dreams change as we age and life changes. There is always a feeling of loss when we realise that something is now out of reach but don't write your travel plans and hopes off altogether.

So many of the threads these days are really hard work, divulging very little relevant information. I travelled with 2 kids and enjoyed it. In fact, I did a road trip around California when one was 2 years old. I struggle to understand your issue.