It's already started

[Haruka]

Oh my.

Day two of the official start to the holiday. Already, I have heard two sets of parents utter the exact same thing to their poor kids. "Can't wait until you're back at school". One this morning, another dad on Friday at pick-up, the literal beginning of the holidays, saying he'll celebrate the day they go back in September.

Yes, I'm being a massive judgey-pants, but the holidays are 6 weeks long and some people can't even stand to be around their kids for a day, let alone the weeks yet to come?

I don't know, it makes me so sad. And while everyone gets annoyed by their kids at some point, you don't openly tell them you wish they were somewhere else?

Pretty sure IANBU, but it's every holiday I hear this kind of thing and every time it gets me.

Could be family humour or a parent at breaking point, neither requires a tinternet post calling for sides 🙄 OP heard a single comment and ran here to bitch....

My mum used to say this and it did sink in. It did give me the background impression I wasn't really wanted.

You know what I saw this week? A life coach offering a package - for £177 per week for 6 weeks where you could have daily texts supporting you through the school holidays plus a solo weekly coaching session to help you manage the period with less stress and less shouting. I mean, lovely idea to support frazzled mums but £177?! Clinical psychologists in the area charge £120 an hour and that's with many more years of difficult training behind them.

It's an archaic system based on a family situation where one parent is a sahp. Children play out and do not need entertainment and everyone lives in a village so can support each other within the community.

Growing up I spent my summers running round the fields at the back of our houses (now a housing estate) my mum would shout me in from a bed room window. We went on holiday in term time to save money. (No fines back then) so the six weeks was just play. I don't remember a single day trip or event. Occasionally my mum or a few mums would walk us to local park for a few hours but once we got to about 8 we took ourselves. We would go on the bus into town to do weekly food shop and that was it.

Nowadays it's a mad juggle of pricy childcare , expensive holidays , juggling annual leave, trying to think of things to do that don't break the bank. It should be reduce to three weeks and then let parents take up to ten days a year in allocated months (ie not through sats) at their choice.

That doesn't justify saying it to your children imo. It can do harm, veiled as humour or not.

I thought that's what internet forums were for, bitching. Would you rather OP did it with her kids or something?

I have 2 kids with adhd and i am autistic with adhd. We all thrive on routine. The 6 weeks holiday is great and all, but daunting. routine is very difficult to maintain and me and dh still have to work full time so we have to juggle shifts while preserving at least some holiday allowance for the other school holidays still to come. Meanwhile we get all the parental guilt that we aren't doing enough with them and making the summer holidays fun enough. We don't have enough money for endless days out and there's only so many times you can go to the park.

Planning to have kids doesn't mean you aren't allowed to never find it hard.

So yeah parents are allowed to not relish 6 weeks summer holiday. Id never tell my kids though. We do have fun, but we usually hit our stride around week 5, then it's back to school and we have another few weeks of getting back into school routine.

What context would make it ok to tell a child you can't wait for September? Especially before they've even been off for one day.

We tried to do a blend of both all seasons. Out in most weathers walking (not so much sport as hiking), picnic out ( in car if necessary) then back home and then evening film and pizza. Doesn’t have to be one or the other.

How does the OP know that seconds before what she heard, the child didn't say "I really can't wait to be back at school" declaring that the child will need therapy and a lifetime of MH support is rather OTT given the only evidence here is that OP is judgemental and listens to other peoples conversations.......🤷‍♀️

Omg, the mental gymnastics you're going through to justify saying harmful things to children...!

I would never say this but I do find it hard, I have to juggle work and childcare. But what makes me sad is how little time my ds will spend with other children. He's 10 so everything is arranged via me and so far despite trying I've not managed to arrange a get together with another child for next week. I'm a child of the 70s and spent my summer around other children in the same village. DS will spend his with adults.

YABU to judge. Kids get bored, routine is broken and not everyone has lots of money to spare for entertainment constantly.
Juggling full time work and expensive childcare is hard.
It can feel overwhelming.

Sadly just started new job here, no hope of holidays.

Luckily I will have childcare, but they will be cooped up at home, with limited time to go out in the week.

I agree, I know mine will drive me nuts at times over the next 6 weeks but I wouldn't say to her I can't wait til you are back at school. Is awful.

Exactly. Most people can manage some moderation. It's not sports or laziness.

My mother HATED all school holidays...absolutely loathed them. I had much the same experience as @Catusrusty, only myself and my brothers weren't at boarding school and my mother was a SAHM.

We weren't allowed to do any sports, outside activities etc as that would have meant her getting off her arse to take us to them. We were expected to go outside in the morning and not come back in the house until the late afternoon - my older brother and myself were taking our younger brother to the swimming pool (involving a long bus journey) by ourselves when he was only 6. My parents were wealthy, we had servants and my mother used to brag about how many books she would read during the week...that's all she used to do. She also used to bang on for at least a month beforehand how much she was 'dreading' the school holidays...

Neither of my two brothers or myself have had children of our own.

How does the OP know that seconds before what she heard, the child didn't say "I really can't wait to be back at school" declaring that the child will need therapy and a lifetime of MH support is rather OTT given the only evidence here is that OP is judgemental and listens to other peoples conversations.......🤷‍♀️

Coming from the children is fine. It shows independence, that they're happy at school, well socialised etc. Telling your kid you can't wait to get rid of them before the holidays have even started is not the same thing.

My husband was sent on the first day of the holidays to his grandparents' house in the country and didn't see his parents for two months! Not in the UK. They were quite neglectful.

I like hols now with my teens as they can go out by themselves then come back and we can do fun stuff but not all the time. Failing at work and failing to do enough fun stuff when they were little as exhausted from work was less fun.

The kids don't need to know that though.

I agree with this. I'm so excited to spend six weeks with DS.

This. Summer is such a juggle. No way you can get six weeks off work so you end up shoving your kids in clubs or shipping them between relatives. They get fractious and fed up. Maybe you don’t have a garden and you can’t afford to go out all the time. Maybe there are no other kids for yours to play with so they end up hassling you constantly and crying about being bored.

I’m sure if we all had lovely big gardens, money to go out and six weeks off work, we’d enjoy it.

You wouldn't like it here in Italy then, summer holidays are just under 3 months......

I’ll never understand why people have kids and then moan about the holidays.
Surely they knew about the holidays before they had kids.

I absolutely love the holidays it’s the only time I can spend quality time with my DD.
The week is so hectic and the weekends often spent shopping and doing all of the menial tasks.
The holidays allow us to do fun things even if it’s just sitting at home doing nothing.

Of course juggling work and holidays is stressful but that’s not the child’s fault and they should never have to feel guilty for being an inconvenience when it was you who chose to have them.

What do people do with their kids for three months? Where do they go? Surely nobody gets three months off work?

Yabu. I have to work from home during the 6 weeks so until my husband comes home it's a chaotic mess of doing something fun with the kids, (trying to) keep on top of the house work and then having to cram a whole work day into one evening/night. I adore spending time with my children but by the end of it I'm at my wit's end.

Do they have less holidays during the rest of the year or do they spend less time in school compared to the UK?