I seem to have backed myself in to a corner...

[largeginandtonic]

I am collecting my friends ds for her from school every day and on a Friday every other week he stays for tea until 630-7. She has asked me to keep him overnight, i have made excuses so far.

She is a child minder and has taken on a little girl that goes to another school to her ds. This means she is not able to do 2 school runs at once. The situation should be temporary as the little girl is on a waiting list for the same school as her ds attends.

I collect my ds and her's at the same time, 3pm. I then sit in my car with them (and my 2 younger children age 3 and 9 months) and wait for the twins to come out from the junior school. I get home the children shoot upstairs with a snack (starving after school) and play\fight\drive me insane.

She arrives about 445ish, i then have to invite her in and chat while i am busy doing lunchboxes etc... and she yells for her ds to get his shoes on, pick his stuff up.

The Friday situation is because she drives over to Surrey to take her mum and Nan shopping. Neither can drive and her Nan is quite poorly.

This has been going on since the children went back to school after Xmas. She mentioned at the time we started this that she would pay me, particularly for the Friday. It has never been mentioned again.

I know he is not in the house for a long time and i do the run anyway but i am just a bit miffed that she is getting paid to have this little girl and i have her ds for nothing.

It is becoming an issue as my dh really does not like the situation at all. He is not really fond of her ds as he causes extra fights between the children and a HUGE issue for us is he does not eat! We always try to plan tea time to be very child friendly if we have him, chicken nuggets, chips and veg. Mine think it is Xmas as we are so careful with their diet food like that is treat. We also always make sure the children eat everything on their plate before pudding. He never does and moans as soon as he sits down at the table Pushing his food around and looking like we are torturing him.

He is never happy to be picked up after school and clearly dislikes the way we parent.

I would have to stand next to her everyday at school, i see her most mornings too.

What have i done!!! How do i change it? DH is threatening to speak to her as he is so annoyed with it all. Gah!

Apologies for length of whinge

G&T - me old mukker

Did the earth move for you last night? We didnt have an earthquake up t'north - not enough people pay their council tax up here to warrant having things like earthquakes!!!

Good luck for your fight - sorry debate. Just imagine me at the side of you with a leotard on and oversize boxing gloves!! Urgh I have knocked MYSELF sick at the thought of the leotard

The "Maybe after Easter" re the school is a fob-off from him and so on to you.

Loads of good advice here. Ludicrous that you're minding her child while she gets paid to mind another. And all that chat at pick-up when you just want to close the door on her & the world for the evening would infuriate me.

That is it Fink, i do want to shut the door and have just family\chaos time. Someone hanging around chatting at the door is infuriating. She would bring all the kids in and stay in a second if i showed any weakness. I hover in the kitchen and dont slow down for a second while she is here.

Friday especially is awful, dh is so cross. We love Friday's it really is our best night of the week. The kids are all relaxed and we have no schedule, i have begun to dread it Not least because i know dh will be unhappy and i hate seeing him grumpy.

RIGHT i'm on it, off to school soon and i am going to talk to her.

Do not give any excuse. Sorry I cannot manage from next week. You should not have to justify yourself.

Hold firm LG&T!

Go G&T!

Good luck! Kitbit's advice on the repeat technique is spot on - I use this kind of tactic at work all the time when people are being confrontational.

I was all geared up for it and she wasnt even there aaaaaaaaarrrrghhhhhhhhhh! Now i will have to do it on the tonight when she picks ds up. I really wanted to be on neutral territory so i could leg it if it all got too scary.

Oh bum and pants.

I like the repeat technique will it work on the kids?

I am all flustered today as ds#4 has the pox, he is at the nasty angry blister stage I have also been shut up in the house for almost 5 weeks, i had one of the twins home with shingles who then shared the love virus (chicken pox) with the baby and dh and now ds#4... i am a leeetle bit insane. I just want this over with it is waking me up in the night now!

Must get fired up again.

rofl g and t. Perhaps she was on mumsnet last night and saw the plot thicken

Her nickname will be cantbearsedwithmyownchild

G&T, this is INSANE!!!! Can this woman not see you are up to your eyes?

Have lurked on here with interest - lots of good advice. Hope all goes well this afternoon. Can you get one of your kids to vomit / cry / faint on cue so that you can end the conversation early?

I agree - no explanations needed, just 'I can't do this anymore'.

use your insanity as a weapon - get as flustered as you can before she arrives for pick-up and unleash it full force on her. You won't see her for dust...

pmsl Shabs.

She cant read very well so wont be on here, i have had to read letters and things out for her before. I am safe unless another mom at the school posts They probably wouldnt know who i was anyway. People approach me with caution normally what with the brood trailing behind

kits repeating thing is classic assertiveness trianing - you just keep repeating different ways of saying no. ot "no, but," or "No and..." just no nicely in as many ways as you can summon up.

Could probably prompt a twin in to some kind of diversion, may cost me a grubbit (or somesuch weird collectable card\monster thing) although something usually happens anyway.

If dh is home the god help her it will all go Pete Tong! He would LOVE to be there and will be snickering\cheering from the sidelines. I will of course be quaking in the corner wanting a very large hole to appear and suck me in.

Would it be wrong to have a LG&T before she arrives?

Not the worst on home territory - I'd prefer it, wave your arm generally - "I've got enough to do" and all that sickness, no wonder it's driving you mad!

It's not fair on anyone: she's the only one gaining from this. Not fair on your children, on dh, on her ds (sounds like he doesn't like being palmed off) and not fair on YOU. Esp the Friday thing - we're the same on Fridays.

Mention the illnesses but add "it's not working and it's gone on long enough" in case she thinks you just want a temporary reprieve.

Think I would probably have a couple of large ones G & T

Kewcumber i just peeked ok nosied at your profile, ds is edible good lord he is a fine looking boy!

not wanting to boast or anything but he's actually more gorgeous in real life [life] he is very sweet even with the terrible twos raging.

me later today

LG&T - she is such a selfish woman!!! She should be helping you out not expecting you to look after her child!

Large G&T advisable - I do like your name
Just re-read your OP. She wants you to have him overnight? Poor lad. Doesn't sound like he'd enjoy that. Is she mad?

Now read this whole tread again and steel yourself - she's walking all over you. Don't blame dh, that way weedy trailing-off sentences lie, "well, um, he thinks..." No time for all that. Assertive, repeat.
And nothing wrong with "we want the afternoons and evenings to ourselves again"

The lovely terrible two's, not wanting to dampen your spirits but they only give way to the terrible three's before moving swiftly on to the hideous four's before you are left with a sweet natured cuddly boy again. The twins are still holding on but are quickly slipping in to tweenagerdom >

She's not mad, just cunning, she can go out and you babysit.
For free.
With 6 children of your own.
And a grumpy dh.

Steeled yet?

So Jane is not available are you Fink? You know just hover next to me and be prepared to jump in when i waver. I will get you some matching armour, no?

Love to, honest, I'm riled enough on your behalf
But I live in Germany!

Kewcumber were you holidaying on the Isle of Wight? I am in Lee on the Solent just over the bay!

I am steeled Fink >