I seem to have backed myself in to a corner...

[largeginandtonic]

I am collecting my friends ds for her from school every day and on a Friday every other week he stays for tea until 630-7. She has asked me to keep him overnight, i have made excuses so far.

She is a child minder and has taken on a little girl that goes to another school to her ds. This means she is not able to do 2 school runs at once. The situation should be temporary as the little girl is on a waiting list for the same school as her ds attends.

I collect my ds and her's at the same time, 3pm. I then sit in my car with them (and my 2 younger children age 3 and 9 months) and wait for the twins to come out from the junior school. I get home the children shoot upstairs with a snack (starving after school) and play\fight\drive me insane.

She arrives about 445ish, i then have to invite her in and chat while i am busy doing lunchboxes etc... and she yells for her ds to get his shoes on, pick his stuff up.

The Friday situation is because she drives over to Surrey to take her mum and Nan shopping. Neither can drive and her Nan is quite poorly.

This has been going on since the children went back to school after Xmas. She mentioned at the time we started this that she would pay me, particularly for the Friday. It has never been mentioned again.

I know he is not in the house for a long time and i do the run anyway but i am just a bit miffed that she is getting paid to have this little girl and i have her ds for nothing.

It is becoming an issue as my dh really does not like the situation at all. He is not really fond of her ds as he causes extra fights between the children and a HUGE issue for us is he does not eat! We always try to plan tea time to be very child friendly if we have him, chicken nuggets, chips and veg. Mine think it is Xmas as we are so careful with their diet food like that is treat. We also always make sure the children eat everything on their plate before pudding. He never does and moans as soon as he sits down at the table Pushing his food around and looking like we are torturing him.

He is never happy to be picked up after school and clearly dislikes the way we parent.

I would have to stand next to her everyday at school, i see her most mornings too.

What have i done!!! How do i change it? DH is threatening to speak to her as he is so annoyed with it all. Gah!

Apologies for length of whinge

Morning G&T.

I still take my little lad to primary school every day (even though he will be 11 in a few months) yes I know he should be having more freedom but my little lad, my rules!!!

We end up taking with us at least 8 of his friends whoose mums either...1. couldnt care less 2. really couldnt care less 3. several live in a very different (drug) world to me and mine. I don't mind doing it but do feel very used at times. These kids long for their mums to walk with them but it is not happening.

I think you are going to have to speak up my love, I do know what you mean about confrontation - I dread it. I think I would let DH tell her - then you can blame it on him

She does. It is a long time isnt it, im thinking she must come out later than her ds. Will check school website.

i have a friend who takes the piss like this all the time.
We are both single mums, but having said that, her "ex" is still actually around all the time and helps a lot with school pick ups etc.
She will always dump her badly-behaved son on me, and also her daughter, while she goes to the hairdressers etc. Also she doesnt have a car so i drive her kids everywhere and she barely says thank you.

Once i had her dd round whilst she was at the hairdressers from 12-5.30pm (and my own kids were away at their dads, so just me and her dd!!)so i entertained her with painting some wooden things for dollhouses.

She got the paint on her clothes (wouldnt wash out)and the mum was so pissed off with me about it.Made a real point about having to buy new replacement clothes for her dd.
Never said thanks for having her dd all day!!

I keep my distance a lot more now, and make a hell of a lot of excuses why i cant have her kids!!!

at belly up story. Cheeky moo!

I hate confrontation too and will avoid it when possible but it sounds like she's really taking the piss. I'm a childminder myself so i know how awkward it can be with school pickups and dropoffs but that doesn't excuse the way she's treaing you.

Could you just drop her DS off after you have waited to collect your dts? She should be home by then?

And invent an activity on Fri nights, or a shopping trip / relative of your own?

I think i am going to have to talk to her soon, i may just blame it all on dh

He is grouchy and she knows it, how on earth do i say it?

She may get mean >

Kay i need no practise having 7, if it was my child it would eat the bloody fishfingers and be grateful

I do so hate the thought of this, i will have to stand next to her at school. If only ds got in to the other school soon it would solve all this.

Her house is out of the way and i have to race home to be there when my dd gets in. I usually just make it back in time for her.

Bellyup and Shabs at your stories. It is so crappola.

I would never ask anyone to do this, i feel awful asking anyone to do anything. I need to learn to say NO!

Thank you all for your excellent advice, it is nice to know i am not doing anything wrong. DH just keeps shaking his head in the evening as if to say 'crazy woman'

Wow, G&T, big respect, Just read your profile and you have 6 kids!

And this so called friend is massively taking the mickey - fancy dumping her child on you when you have 6 of your own!!!

bloody hell, just read through thread and agree with other posters that she is taking the piss.

I would take the cowards way out and (a) blame it all on your dh or (b) lie and say you have other things you have to do, such as a pt job, doing flowers for the church, anything to get out of this awkward and inconvenient situation.

I know you hate confrontation but be assured that you are definitely in the right with this one. It is utterly ridiculous that his woman is getting paid to look after a child whilst palming her son off on you for free. And as for the shopping trip on Friday, well boo hoo, sympathy etc but actually it is not your peoblem. There is actually no reason why she could not take her son shopping as well.

She sounds like a major pita, I would not worry about losing her friendship.

LG&T

You are scared of her. Scared of her kicking up a fuss and making life uncomfortable for you in the future, that is why you continue.

You sound lovely, I wish I had a friend like you (not to palm off my kids) because I would value a lovely person and not abuse such kindness and generosity.

I hoep you find the courage to confront your fears.

Thank you! Mine are a lovely bunch, no trouble at all

at all the lovely comments.

Now if you could all just come and stand next to me while i have this chat later i would be most grateful

GandT - Would gladly, gladly come and stand next to you and fight!!!

My only problem is that even if I set off now from deepest darkest lancashire it will be early hours of the morning before I get there! Could you not just pick me up after you have picked your tribe up and then take me to school for my DS and.....oh yes and could you just push this broom handle up your bum and sweep the floor for me.....

POWER TO THE LADIES - come on GandT you can do it

On my way Shabs...

OK - so you are pg, have heaps of kids of your own etc?

tell her you have all-day morning sickness and need a lot more rest and simply cannot cope atm with extra children.

She is ourageous, she really is.

pick-up every day and feeding the child every other friday, she is being very cheeky!

so she's getting paid for looking after children, but her son goes to you... sorry but she needs to get her priorities sorted out!

surely, her son is more important than an extra £50 a week or whatever!!!

by his behaviour you can tell, he's feeling shoved-out

am sorry - you have 6 AND you're pg and she's expecting you to look after hers

she needs to be told to behave herself.

you have a whole list of valid reasons not to have him, overnight she must have hind of a rhino

you're completely in the right here, don't sway for a second and don't try to make up for it by offering her something else in return

some people will take advantage of lovely natures and unfortunately she sounds like one of these

good luck

an no money and you're feeding him, sorry am still in shock

you have a beautiful family by the way, just lovely

Not pregnant!!! Not yet anyway

Ooooh you saw right through me then, i was just thinking now what can i offer in return!!!

The money is an issue, we dont have alot and she has loads. She has no need to work, just does it for money for extra things for herslef. I have been off work for 4 weeks now as we have been chickenpox plagued (on going) I only work 2 mornings a week in for £20 but that is ou extra money, i did point this out to her yesterday in the hope it may spark some remimder of money. It didnt of course.

Thanks Dixie, your girls are very cute too

All the more reason why you should stop - if you prefer to blame DH then go for it. If it makes you feel less bad you can always say "I can do this for 2 more weeks, but then we'll have to stop"

Ooooh excellent idea Amum! I think i will do that, then i wont feel so bad. I may still blame dh a little though

thank you
I do sympathise, now have calmed down from rant. when I went back to work pt after dd1 I agreed to c/m for job share partner and it all went tits up as they took the piss. It was awful having to tell her but I told her would do it for a month and if she still hadn't sorted something wouldn't leave her in the lurch, did it for 6 more weeks and they never paid me after conversation. she's since left the work, am still there part time, but not before telling everyone it was all down to me being greedy and unreasonable - I was heartbroken but learnt my lesson - I now think twice before blurting out offers of help which will be take up by someone like her.

I hope it all resolves itself soon x