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AIBU?

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Original poster

I seem to have backed myself in to a corner...

416 replies

largeginandtonic · 26/02/2008 10:32

I am collecting my friends ds for her from school every day and on a Friday every other week he stays for tea until 630-7. She has asked me to keep him overnight, i have made excuses so far.

She is a child minder and has taken on a little girl that goes to another school to her ds. This means she is not able to do 2 school runs at once. The situation should be temporary as the little girl is on a waiting list for the same school as her ds attends.

I collect my ds and her's at the same time, 3pm. I then sit in my car with them (and my 2 younger children age 3 and 9 months) and wait for the twins to come out from the junior school. I get home the children shoot upstairs with a snack (starving after school) and play\fight\drive me insane.

She arrives about 445ish, i then have to invite her in and chat while i am busy doing lunchboxes etc... and she yells for her ds to get his shoes on, pick his stuff up.

The Friday situation is because she drives over to Surrey to take her mum and Nan shopping. Neither can drive and her Nan is quite poorly.

This has been going on since the children went back to school after Xmas. She mentioned at the time we started this that she would pay me, particularly for the Friday. It has never been mentioned again.

I know he is not in the house for a long time and i do the run anyway but i am just a bit miffed that she is getting paid to have this little girl and i have her ds for nothing.

It is becoming an issue as my dh really does not like the situation at all. He is not really fond of her ds as he causes extra fights between the children and a HUGE issue for us is he does not eat! We always try to plan tea time to be very child friendly if we have him, chicken nuggets, chips and veg. Mine think it is Xmas as we are so careful with their diet food like that is treat. We also always make sure the children eat everything on their plate before pudding. He never does and moans as soon as he sits down at the table Pushing his food around and looking like we are torturing him.

He is never happy to be picked up after school and clearly dislikes the way we parent.

I would have to stand next to her everyday at school, i see her most mornings too.

What have i done!!! How do i change it? DH is threatening to speak to her as he is so annoyed with it all. Gah!

Apologies for length of whinge

OP posts:
Squirdle · 28/02/2008 13:35

I think G&T is being fair giving her a week to sort something else out, but she doesn't need any longer than that. But yes if she is mean then stop immediately. I hope she isn't either, but you have to remember she is being unreasonable, not you, G&T

Kewcumber · 28/02/2008 13:35

does it matter what she thinks?

Squirdle · 28/02/2008 13:37

Gawd if she is that unreasonable then I would count myself lucky that she doesn't want to know me any more. You are finding it difficult to have her child so why should you carry on having him!

AMumInScotland · 28/02/2008 13:42

Well, in some ways her taking the huff and not expecting you to do it any more would be less uncomfortable than seeing her every day till the end of next week...

Mrsjaffabiffa · 28/02/2008 13:47

Thats just it though squirdle isn't it! He's not your son lg&t, he's hers, you've helped, she has now taken the wotsits and you have been polite and given her time to sort something else out.
There need be NO confrontation, if she says anything you just repeat your case and thats that. xx

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 28/02/2008 13:47
OP posts:
Megglevache · 28/02/2008 13:48

Message withdrawn

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 28/02/2008 13:48

You are right, that is IT!

If she does not reply i will be furious, how very rude.

OP posts:
finknottle · 28/02/2008 13:49

You only texted her because you hadn't seen her.

Take the wind out of her sails by starting: "You got my text? Would have preferred to talk face-to-face but didn't see you and we've been frantic with the pox. It's really brought home what dh has been saying, it's not working out, it's become too much."

If she does barge past in a rage, well, some friend, huh?
Cuddles from wee ones always make me feel better and remind me they're what count. Bet your dh'll be pleased too, you may get a cuddle there too

Mrsjaffabiffa · 28/02/2008 13:49

PML at my own thats that, like it's just that easy

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 28/02/2008 13:50

Awww thanks Meggle, now are you coming to this meet as you missed the last one? Bea and Beau need to meet

OP posts:
Megglevache · 28/02/2008 13:51

Message withdrawn

Mrsjaffabiffa · 28/02/2008 13:51

bet you'll get more than a cuddle....

Mrsjaffabiffa · 28/02/2008 13:53

Yay meggle come!! Hey lg&t if the weathers good we could make it a meet on the front?

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 28/02/2008 13:55

Too many pmsl.... get your ass over Meggle We are right on the beach so yes a walk en masse would be great! Then back to mine for a cake reward

OP posts:
Megglevache · 28/02/2008 13:55

Message withdrawn

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 28/02/2008 13:58

Good now email me and i will send over the address. [email protected]

Not sure if the one in the i is working as Squirdle couldnt get through.

OP posts:
NAB3wishesfor2008 · 28/02/2008 14:06

well done! you texted because you had too.

My only thought is whe is bound to ask you what you meant by not going into details as you still want to be friends as that implies there is something negative.

Maybe think about an answer to that??

well done again!

You know, we are all adults but things like this get us all down at times. Not many of us enjoy confrontation.

Megglevache · 28/02/2008 14:11

Message withdrawn

Squirdle · 28/02/2008 14:33

G&T tis my e-mail that is mucking up, not yours. I can recieve but not send.

When you have sorted this you will feel relieved, whether she is funny about it or not. Just be up front and say you can't have him anymore. I don't thi k you are ebing unreasonable at all. I would hate having someone elses child in my house every day. If I wanted that then I would become a childminder and get paid for...and so would you.

morre · 28/02/2008 14:51

Before leaving for my schoolrun I wanted to wish LG&T lots of strenght! You can do it! Good luck!!!

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 28/02/2008 15:55

Oh good lord...

I have spoken to her and now feel terrible. She was very nice and said not to worry, dont give it a second thought. She even gave me a hug

Perhaps she is just one of those people that cannot see what is going on right under her nose and carries on with life blindly.

I am SO pleased it is all over but feel bad i was not strong enough to say something to her earlier as i fear it may have built up in to some un warranted resentment.

I am a muppet.

OP posts:
SKYTVADDICT · 28/02/2008 15:58

You are not a muppet LG&T.

At least it is out in the open and you have now spoken to her.

She is probably not giving it another thought!

geordiemacminx · 28/02/2008 16:00

So pleased its sorted and that you will get your life back!!

Dont fel bad about it though - you are right there are some people in this life that cant see what is undertheir noses - there are also lots of people that will take advantage i the hope that kind folk like you will be too embarrassed to say anything.

She was taking the piss - you were not only out of pocket but your family was suffering. Its not like she was really ill and you were helping - she was earning money by ptting on you.
I wish I could come to your meet-up, you sound like a really kind person that makes yummy cakes - I even have a may baby.... but I fear it may be a bit far to travel from Glasgow

Twiglett · 28/02/2008 16:03

you've done yourself proud on many fronts though

you were willing to give someone a helping hand

you were able to stand up for yourself and take back your life

so you're a nice person AND not a pushover