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AIBU?

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Original poster

I seem to have backed myself in to a corner...

416 replies

largeginandtonic · 26/02/2008 10:32

I am collecting my friends ds for her from school every day and on a Friday every other week he stays for tea until 630-7. She has asked me to keep him overnight, i have made excuses so far.

She is a child minder and has taken on a little girl that goes to another school to her ds. This means she is not able to do 2 school runs at once. The situation should be temporary as the little girl is on a waiting list for the same school as her ds attends.

I collect my ds and her's at the same time, 3pm. I then sit in my car with them (and my 2 younger children age 3 and 9 months) and wait for the twins to come out from the junior school. I get home the children shoot upstairs with a snack (starving after school) and play\fight\drive me insane.

She arrives about 445ish, i then have to invite her in and chat while i am busy doing lunchboxes etc... and she yells for her ds to get his shoes on, pick his stuff up.

The Friday situation is because she drives over to Surrey to take her mum and Nan shopping. Neither can drive and her Nan is quite poorly.

This has been going on since the children went back to school after Xmas. She mentioned at the time we started this that she would pay me, particularly for the Friday. It has never been mentioned again.

I know he is not in the house for a long time and i do the run anyway but i am just a bit miffed that she is getting paid to have this little girl and i have her ds for nothing.

It is becoming an issue as my dh really does not like the situation at all. He is not really fond of her ds as he causes extra fights between the children and a HUGE issue for us is he does not eat! We always try to plan tea time to be very child friendly if we have him, chicken nuggets, chips and veg. Mine think it is Xmas as we are so careful with their diet food like that is treat. We also always make sure the children eat everything on their plate before pudding. He never does and moans as soon as he sits down at the table Pushing his food around and looking like we are torturing him.

He is never happy to be picked up after school and clearly dislikes the way we parent.

I would have to stand next to her everyday at school, i see her most mornings too.

What have i done!!! How do i change it? DH is threatening to speak to her as he is so annoyed with it all. Gah!

Apologies for length of whinge

OP posts:
Mrsjaffabiffa · 28/02/2008 12:25

feck, I'm always 12 posts behind!!

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 28/02/2008 12:27

Ah i still love you you slacker

OP posts:
JaneHH · 28/02/2008 12:29

mmhh are you ignoring my call to arms, LG&T?

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 28/02/2008 12:31

I am Jane i think i will wait till i see her later. I know she has her phone with her as she had texted me this morning twice. I think she may be cross

OP posts:
PotPourri · 28/02/2008 12:35

Get you LG&T talking about the next time wanting twins!

I am bowing down to you saying "we're not worthy, we're nto worthy". I'm on my 3rd and wondering if it will put me off any more....!

ShinyDysonHereICome · 28/02/2008 12:36

I think it's also certainly worth pointing out to her- reminding her in fact that she had promised to pay you for doing it!

JaneHH · 28/02/2008 12:37

Well I think I know someone who deserves to be a lot crosser than she is... remember that when you see her and do NOT let her try any emotional blackmail on you. She's cross because her little plan for world domination has been dratted and someone's dared to stand up to her for once. I would take it as a compliment...

Now keep that resentment bubbling all afternoon if you can (if necessary with a few G&T's Gin ) and good luck later on. Will be back for an update later...

magnolia74 · 28/02/2008 12:50

Blimey, taken me ages to read the whole thread! LGT, You are a bloody saint but you are doing too much and she knows* that and is taking advantage.

I hope she doesn't get to narky about your text message but to be honest it sounds like your frienship is all give on your part and take on hers x

I have 5 kids and will do friends favours by picking theirs up for a bit now and then, last week I had 8 kids on the way home from 2 schools and I don't drive. My mum was mortified that I said yes but I know I will get the same in return from my friends.

You need like me

magnolia74 · 28/02/2008 12:51

you need a friend like me Blimey my brain is fried!

finknottle · 28/02/2008 13:01

It's Showdown at the G&T Corral.

You have all right on your side so don't let the silence wear you down into submission. Longer it goes on, maybe the more you'll think, "Was I too harsh?" "Is she upset?"

Well, "no", and "tough". She is an adult who is a childminder. She should sort out proper arrangements, not take advantage of your good nature.

Blimey, I'm repeating myself

Fine if you want to blame it on dh (not that he's being unreasonable at all - opposite in fact) but don't feel weedy about saying, "And he's right, it's not working." Am concerned you may give in if she tries to wheedle you around by saying, "Tell your dh it's only for a few more weeks.." or similar.
The Friday thing has nothing to do with the mindee & school pick up so was that meant to be permanent More I think about it, the more exploitative she seems. Why couldn't her partner or dh have him if he works from home?

You're half-way there.

Oh, and if she asks if you can do her washing for her too I'm sure we'll come up with a few choice answers

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 28/02/2008 13:02

I do Magnolia!

I would never ask anyone to get mine as there are soooo many. I have a very good friend who i have asked twice in 18mths to do the school run with my 4 for me. I took hers to school instead as my car had broken down and i could walk hers to school. If mine were round the bloody corner in the school closest to us no of this would be happening! But that is another thread

I am disappointed it has come to this but you live and learn i suppose.

OP posts:
Original poster
largeginandtonic · 28/02/2008 13:05

the Friday thing was permanant and and now i think about it i have no idea why she could not just do it on the weekend in her own time. AND i have just remebered her saying she was refusing to have a mindee on a Friday as it encroached on her weekend time and was a pain if they wanted to go away for the weekend or go out Friday That was just before Xmas. I had forgotten all about that till just now

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 28/02/2008 13:07

The only thing she might do is deny all knowledge of you text...that would leave you in a sticky situation if she acts as if nothing has happened..did you get a read receipt?

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 28/02/2008 13:14

Hmmmmnnn she might DDF, i will repeat as necessary on the doorstep though. She will be told. I am starting to get quite cross i have had no reply now.

OP posts:
Squirdle · 28/02/2008 13:15

G&T my e-mail isn't sending - bah - my e-mail is bex at peerings dot net if you wanna send me one. Failing that if you are on facebook I can send them from there.

DH being the Mr Technical Whizz that he is doesn't seem to do fixing his own technology.

Anyway, to echo what othes have said, don't let this woman make you feel bad about not having her child. She took on the girl knowing it would be difficult to collect her own son. IMO your own children come first - hers and yours - you want your family time back and she acn't make you feel bad for that. It's her problem, not yours!

estar · 28/02/2008 13:17

Go girlfriend
Go girlfriend
Go girlfriend

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 28/02/2008 13:18

Estar you are off your rocker Thanks for the dance though has cheered me up no end

OP posts:
Original poster
largeginandtonic · 28/02/2008 13:18

Squirdle will email you.

OP posts:
Squirdle · 28/02/2008 13:19

Glad to see you are in fighting/cross mode now. She is being rude not replying to your text and if she can't see how difficult it must be for you then...well...words fail me.

As for the fussy eater boy, well DS2 is pretty fussy and for that reason I wouldn't foist him upon friends at mealtimes because I wouldn't want them to feel like they have to cook special meals for him.

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 28/02/2008 13:24

Thsi is no joke, the boy eats chicken nuggets and smiley faces. In his lunchbox he has 2 pepparamis, a box of raisins and a yoghurt. This is his staple diet, i have never seen him eat anything else, except Mc Donalds of course...

OP posts:
cupsoftea · 28/02/2008 13:29

g&t - well done

Let the school know you're not collecting her ds any more. Tell them you've contacted her but haven't had a reply. Let the school deal with having an uncollected child - it's not your problem

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 28/02/2008 13:30

I did say i would collect him next week too Cups so she had time to sort out something else. If she is mean i will refuse to help her next week. I hope she isnt.

OP posts:
cupsoftea · 28/02/2008 13:32

I'd stop right now as you've done enough for her.

Squirdle · 28/02/2008 13:32

Crikey that is fussy eating! Eeewww to smiley faces and peperami!

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 28/02/2008 13:34

I may be forced to if what i think is going to happen

I can see her storming to school to get ds and not talking to me or shooting eveil looks. I hate confrontation.

Do you think she thinks i have taken a sap way out by texting her?

OP posts: