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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this tight ?!

389 replies

Whiteparasol · 22/07/2023 09:12

Morning

I have just come back from a 10 day holiday , full board lovely hotel.

My original travelling companion couldn't make it , hospital appointment , rather than cancel another friend came. Didn't ask the other friend who came to pay anything apart from a small fee for name change on flights. Not did she offer , fine.

We had a 2 bedroom suite. Only.one room had a balcony, the other had a window.

She made it obvious when we got there she wanted balcony room, at the end of the 10 day holiday we had a bar bill of 80 quid for drinks we had with meals at the hotel as they were not included

She went through it line by line to work out who owed what, I'm like wtf, you have had a free holiday and are quibbling over 40 quid each

If I was her I would have paid the lot as a thank you

Aibu to tell her how mean I thought this was

OP posts:
PlacidPenelope · 22/07/2023 20:37

Not enjoying it at all @EffortlessDesmond,there is nothing to enjoy about the way people like the OP allow themselves to be treated.

CrystalPalaceAlice · 22/07/2023 21:02

CF kept doing this to you because you let her. It wasn’t just one occasion either, it happened over again. Just walk away from her.

GarlicGrace · 22/07/2023 21:07

I suspect you won't need to walk away from this friend, @Whiteparasol. Once she realises the payola's stopped, she'll move on.

It seems like you have a real problem asking for money? Best you sort that out, really.

itsyourrecordsale · 22/07/2023 21:47

YANBU, OP.

I had a friend who took advantage of me like this and I felt really stupid when I looked back on it.

We had been really close friends as teens then fallen out in mid 20s then reunited late 30s.

I was so happy about reuniting that I sort of swatted away a lot of this stuff at the time but I look back on it and just think what a fuckwit I was.

We went on a joint weekend away and she expected me to foot the bill for everything then tried to get away with giving me £75 as that's what she'd decided the flights were (I'd paid for flights, hotel, car hire, airport parking - the flights on their own were more than £75!!!)

I then - stupidly - offered to drive her home from the airport, totally opposite direction from my house so about 80 miles out of my way. She didn't offer petrol money and I didn't expect it, but what pissed me off is she didn't even invite me in for a cup of tea or to use the toilet. I didn't like to ask and ended up pulling over to pee in a layby late at night on the way home. I was a fucking idiot.

She also asked me for my DD's old micro scooter as she said she must have outgrown it - no offer to pay and those things are about £100 to buy at least. Also had an unused car seat off me, again worth about £150 (had bought for our second car but ended up going to one car before we ever used it).

I was a twat and handed this stuff over, but if I went out with her on a day out she'd be making sure to buy her stuff first in the cafe so she didn't have to buy me a cup of tea.

Always pulled the trick of waiting for me to order food etc in cafes.

I think the last straw for me was when she made a huge fucking deal on a day out of how she had vouchers for free hot drinks and was GIVING ONE TO ME. How kind.

We aren't friends anymore.

Original poster
Whiteparasol · 22/07/2023 23:28

Thanks all, agree I am partly to blame for not pulling her up on it. However I will not spend a penny on her again

On a brighter note just been to cinema with a lovely friend who bought us cocktails as I got cinema tickets ( I had a voucher !)

So CF friend can fade away if all she wants is a free pass, as that is absolutely no longer happening

OP posts:
Original poster
Whiteparasol · 23/07/2023 09:52

Have also this morning asked her to transfer the cost of her airport meal that she missed paying because she was in the ladies

She replied she is very busy but will try and do it tomorrow , we shall see

OP posts:
mangochops · 23/07/2023 09:57

"try" lol- it takes literally a minute to do. If she doesnt, I'd dump her- friends dont treat friends like that and if she doesnt, its further mounting evidence that she's just using you as an ATM.

burnoutbabe · 23/07/2023 09:57

Whiteparasol · 23/07/2023 09:52

Have also this morning asked her to transfer the cost of her airport meal that she missed paying because she was in the ladies

She replied she is very busy but will try and do it tomorrow , we shall see

Well
Done. That but needed doing. Even if you stay friends that final bill would have niggled away and you'd forever feel daft saying it way down the line.

Batalax · 23/07/2023 09:59

Remind her again tomorrow night. Don’t let her get away with it.

Newestname002 · 23/07/2023 10:00

Whiteparasol · 23/07/2023 09:52

Have also this morning asked her to transfer the cost of her airport meal that she missed paying because she was in the ladies

She replied she is very busy but will try and do it tomorrow , we shall see

In the time she replied saying she was too busy she could have made the transfer. 🌹

Original poster
Whiteparasol · 23/07/2023 10:00

Thank you ! I realise after this thread that I am letting her be a CF.
If I don't allow it , it can't happen.

OP posts:
SamW98 · 23/07/2023 10:06

From your updates she knows she’s CF but she doesn’t give a shit.

Any normal would have seen this as a cue to say ‘I’m so sorry ill do it now’ and the money would be there in seconds.

Its been a lesson for you OP but you now well and truly know exactly what she is. I would personally leave her behind now.

Oceanus · 23/07/2023 11:18

Well done OP but don't hold high hopes of ever getting that money. I'm glad you've got at least one other sensible and lovely friend. This was a lesson learnt not money lost.

billy1966 · 23/07/2023 11:35

Well done OP.

Having self respect in all our relationships is priceless.

You deserve no less.

Remember when you spend time with a mean cheek fxxker, you are wasting time that could be spent spending time with decent people and investing in new decent relationships.

Remember to value YOUR time.

olympicsrock · 23/07/2023 12:26

Well done! Chase her up on the airport meal. You have nothing at all to lose as she is no longer a friend

Rockofages3 · 23/07/2023 12:34

Her response to paying for her meal I think shows you now how deliberate this all was… and not only does she not have the slightest discomfort with it, she’s pleased with her dirtyhandiwork.

I’ll “try” indeed… cheeky mare! How cringe. She’s making me feel secondhand embarrassment just reading about all this.

WiddlinDiddlin · 23/07/2023 17:23

Takes less time than having a wee fgs - how busy is she?! Rude.

AllyArty · 23/07/2023 18:02

That was mean of her and generous of you. I think meanness is like a disease, people who are mean tend to get worse as time goes on.
I would ask her if she enjoyed the holiday. Assuming she says she did I would say that you were glad however there was something that you didn't enjoy and explain the business about the bar bill. I would also tell her the total cost of the holiday to you and your other friend, then what you ended up paying and what she paid.

SamW98 · 23/07/2023 18:11

Surely most people have a banking app on their phone - the one she has in her hand they she’s replying to your message from!!

I had a friend who regularly ‘forgot’ her purse/debit card always asked someone else to pay and she’d transfer the money over. Then it took several days and multiple excuses before she actually repaid.

If anyone else ever pays and I say I’ll transfer the money, I do it asap - always same day. It’s just good manners surely?

Applescruffle · 23/07/2023 18:36

I once took a friend on holiday, it was a similar situation because someone had dropped out. It was only a family caravan holiday, we took our kids (one each at the time) I know, because she's a close friend that she has no money. Things are very tight for her and she gets no treats. I didn't ask her for a penny and I bought all her meals and told her I'd didn't want to hear it 😆 she was way more humble and thankful than she needed to be, and I know she was also embarrassed but happy to be there. She did drive us down (a four hour drive) and paid the petrol.
In my friend's case I would have made it clear what needed paying and not asked for for anything so as not to embarrass her further or make her uncomfortable. So all of this was my first thought when reading.

BUT when hearing she spent 100s on the spa? Fuck that shit. She's nothing but a cheeky cow and I'd be telling her so.

Missingpop · 23/07/2023 18:40

I’d change your friends, from the tight fisted bitch you took away of a free holiday

YogaMama66 · 23/07/2023 18:55

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Mummyoflittledragon · 23/07/2023 18:56

I asked a friend to come along with me to a caravan holiday with dd when she was little. I wasn’t well and needed my friend to help with looking after dd. She has a ds the same age and her dh wasn’t on great money at the time. It was a good deal for both of us as far as I’m concerned. She took dd out one day so that I could rest. Another day, we went to a lido as I could manage that etc.

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/07/2023 18:58

Posted too soon. What I meant was I’ve had enough cf in my life and from my mid 30s I decided things should be reciprocal, not necessarily even and definitely not transactional.

Viviennemary · 23/07/2023 19:16

Absolutely dreadful rude behaviour. I don't think I would want to continue the friendship.