Is this tight ?!

[Whiteparasol]

Morning

I have just come back from a 10 day holiday , full board lovely hotel.

My original travelling companion couldn't make it , hospital appointment , rather than cancel another friend came. Didn't ask the other friend who came to pay anything apart from a small fee for name change on flights. Not did she offer , fine.

We had a 2 bedroom suite. Only.one room had a balcony, the other had a window.

She made it obvious when we got there she wanted balcony room, at the end of the 10 day holiday we had a bar bill of 80 quid for drinks we had with meals at the hotel as they were not included

She went through it line by line to work out who owed what, I'm like wtf, you have had a free holiday and are quibbling over 40 quid each

If I was her I would have paid the lot as a thank you

Aibu to tell her how mean I thought this was

Actually, thinking further, OP, next time she says something opportunistic like "Oh are you treating me?" ask her why she thinks you should. Ask her what her understanding or perception of your financial situation in comparison with hers is.

Because it's as though she assumes you are loaded, and she is poor. It might be worth just asking a few questions about this, to see where her meanness comes from.

Yes, but she's not you is she? her comment about you being generous means she clearly doesnt feel bad about it, otherwise she would have apologised but she hasnt! I think you are expecting her to feel the same way as you but if she did, she wouldnt have behaved this way on holiday in the first place.

I dont think she's got the message at all, she's oblivious. With these types, you really need to spell it out to them.

You're so sweet OP.

I bet you an all expenses paid holiday that your friend is NOT thinking on her behaviour with any kind of insight.

Some people just take everything they can get.

I think this would be wise to do.

She thinks you're a mug.

Mean people love mugs.

This!
I think money being tight can excuse the later but the former is just plain rude. No excuse.

Best time to have said something was while she was doing it. But still, say something now.

I think you are underestimating cheeky fuckers, they know exactly what they are doing. I got to know one quite well for a while, it was almost a delight for her to grab as much as she could off people. Her response is just part of the game. If you do stick to being rigorously fair with her, expect the friendship to fade away. Unless you have something to offer them (fame, money, connections, free therapy, other services etc) they don't bother.

You need to think about whether she's got money or not if she's working and she wanted to split the bar bill then yes go for it take as much as you can get back you will loose her friendship but what kind of friend is she when you paid for everything sounds a bit of a sponger to me. The person who said you have started so see it through is quite right she won't talk to you again because of it but she's the one who wants to start splitting things up so go through it all and write down your side of it show her your statement if she says anything to you just look her in the eye and say you wanted to split the bar bill didn't you think when you said that I was going to roll over and let you get off with not splitting up everything. As I paid for you a lot. And can prove it. She may say she can't afford it and start blanking you. Who needs a friend like that anyway. I.d say to her if she says your getting nothing money well spent if I never see you again. Your choice hard one but all yours good luck 🍀 with her hopefully she is responsible and pays for her side of everything but the holiday. And you were a bit slow when you said she could have the better room. You picked the wrong mate to go with by the sound of it.

@Whiteparasol

so sorry to derail the thread but where is this holiday / hotel please? It sounds a very good deal.

You should have said you wanted the balcony room and told her she was being cheeky!

She is being tight not offering to pay for the drinks. I wouldn't like her as much after this.

Did you know she was like this before you invited her?

But you haven’t made yourself clear at all in your message to her because her reply just says you’re always generous (so you have the reputation of paying for everything?) and she even had the cheek to ask if you were treating her when you stopped at the bar one night? Jesus wept! She’s unbelievable! If a mate had taken me on holiday, she wouldn’t be paying a penny towards food/drink that week.

This. You deffo need to spell these things out. And tell her you are disappointed she has shown zero appreciation for the generosity. That it is common courtesy to show appreciation by paying have for drinks and a meal at the very least. Seeing as she failed to do that, she owes you x amount for her share of the airport meal.

Just make sure you tell your server/waiting staff, when you place your order, that you want separate bills. 🌹

If that's your budget in London, try and find a 2-4-1 happy hour deal. Otherwise you're looking at £12-16 each.

As if she is going to "think on" about her behaviour OP 😂

That is so naively sweet. Bless.

You carry on being a sucker as you are if you want, she couldn't care less. CF's NEVER "think on" their behaviour. That is why they always get away with it.

I think a simple

"Thanks for understanding, if you can transmit our half of the airport meal, we'll be all square/sorted.

Else the moment is gone. That one is clearly one to share, not part of the included meal:hotel deal.

OP, it's easy for me to say but you should've said "I presume you're paying that given you have had a completely free holiday and I have paid for the hotel" when the bar bill came up. I know it's easier said than done.

I had a casual friend (now a non friend) who was broke and always moaning about it. I felt sorry for her so I paid for us to go on holiday, her flights, and carhire. All she had to bring was some spending money (dead cheap resort). So basically it was a free holiday. For HER!!

We caught different flights as live in different parts of the country, she flew from Gatwick. When we got to our apartment and she was unpacking, she said... "look at this shirt I bought at Gatwick, isn't it fantastic, £90 mind you!"

I was gobsmacked, I've never paid £90 for a shirt in my life! I should've said 'I thought you didn't have any money, which is why I have paid for the whole holiday?" but it was the beginning of the holiday and I had to spend a week with her.

I didn't say anything and she bought the minimum spending money with her and I ended up subbing her!

We lost contact soon after thank god, cheeky so and so!

Oh no, I'd have to reply.... shes not getting it is she, she is a CF and gets away with it and then tells herself its you being very generous rather than her being a CF...

'Actually dear friend, I am not wildly generous, just the normal amount - but as you have taken the absolute piss - stropping about not getting the better room in a hotel you have not paid for - nitpicking over the bar bill on an effectively free holiday and to top it all, doing a vanishing act when the bill came in the airport, and not offering to pay your share at all. I won't be even vaguely generous in future!'

The type of person who does this sort of thing does not suffer any sort of embarrassment or shame around their meanness, let alone mortification.

I was close to someone like this… she also did the disappearing to the loo act at bars and restaurants. She once even invited me out to a very expensive restaurant “to apologise”, after she had upset me… then encouraged me to order bread to fill myself up, shared a starter and main with me, and then asked me to split the bill when it came, because it was “very expensive”. I was not working at the time, and never wanted to go there in the first place!

I was truly flabbergasted at her behaviour.

Later I learned she wrote lists each day in her phone, of all the payments due that day that she was able to get out of by hook or by crook. She had apps to monitor her daily, weekly, monthly savings.

You can liken this sort of miserliness to an addiction to gambling, they see life in a sense as a video game, where points can be scared, and a thrill is obtained.
morality is not an issue.
It’s like a compulsion, and they don’t care who they hurt! Including themselves- their reputation and their dignity.

I have met others who have been in relationships with people like this, it’s an illness, usually incurable. The meanness goes right through to the bone, it usually manifests in other aspects of their character, even if they’re successful at hiding it most of the time.

This one is a no hoper, cut her loose. She wouldn’t give you a free glass of tap water to save your life.

Oh, and she earned close to a 6 figure salary and had nearly paid off her house - poverty not an issue.

It is easy to see how she managed to take advantage of you @Whiteparasol you are far too soft. Your message to her was nowhere near blunt enough to get the point across no wonder she responded as she did she is still laughing all the way to the Bank.

On no planet I have ever visited is this reasonable excusable behaviour. If you are being hosted on any basis, you take your hosts out for the nicest dinner the location provides. Ideally one several steps better than they would usually suggest, in return for their hospitality.

OK, that was probably a bit grandiose, but guests should reciprocate hospitality, and if they can't, then a slap up meal somewhere nicer than everyday is appreciated. Even if it's Pizza Express, rather than McDonalds that is the definition. Or being practical, buying the contents of the supermarket trolley, twice. Once to feed the crew; the second time to acknowledge the hospitality.

@PlacidPenelope you seem to be enjoying the OP's discomfort here. Would you like to tell us more?