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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this tight ?!

389 replies

Whiteparasol · 22/07/2023 09:12

Morning

I have just come back from a 10 day holiday , full board lovely hotel.

My original travelling companion couldn't make it , hospital appointment , rather than cancel another friend came. Didn't ask the other friend who came to pay anything apart from a small fee for name change on flights. Not did she offer , fine.

We had a 2 bedroom suite. Only.one room had a balcony, the other had a window.

She made it obvious when we got there she wanted balcony room, at the end of the 10 day holiday we had a bar bill of 80 quid for drinks we had with meals at the hotel as they were not included

She went through it line by line to work out who owed what, I'm like wtf, you have had a free holiday and are quibbling over 40 quid each

If I was her I would have paid the lot as a thank you

Aibu to tell her how mean I thought this was

OP posts:
scoobysnaxx · 22/07/2023 13:18

I think you really need to find a way to tell you her you are upset and quite angry and feel taken advantage of.

People like her need to be told.

It's not acceptable at all.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 22/07/2023 13:19

empatheticpretzel · 22/07/2023 12:27

you're not meant to give a gift expecting something back. She can't afford to bunk £80 on drinks

The first sentence is true, though for many of us it's not about "expecting" something back but believing that it would have been the nice and appropriate thing to do

And the second sentence is demonstrably untrue, as OP has explained ...

Misspiggy1012 · 22/07/2023 13:19

You are aloud to say btw I'm not happy about that. It's totally fine for you to express how you feel about the way she's treated you. Any reasonable person would have said leave the bill for the drinks to me as I wouldn't have had a holiday with the best room had you not been so reasonable and fair. You sound like a great friend to have and it's a shame she's not as nice of a person. Even if I couldn't afford it I would have muddled through just because you have done so much for me. It looks like you need a new friend.

SamW98 · 22/07/2023 13:21

Whiteparasol · 22/07/2023 13:07

I have messaged her , not as bluntly as an earlier post suggested

Said I am not able to pay for her again if we meet and we need separate bills etc and I am not able to treat her any more to meals drinks. Was about as far as I felt comfortable going on text

She has replied, just o yes you are always so generous

She knows exactly what she’s doing and has zero shame.

That was her chance to offer to take you out as a thank you but instead she deflects it back on you as being too generous.

I would serious have to distance myself from her

Puzzledandpissedoff · 22/07/2023 13:22

Her reply could be taken one of two ways, OP, either as a sneer or a genuinely acknowledgment of your past kindness

Given the attitudes you've described I'd suspect the second, but having said your piece I'm not sure I'd bother engaging further - you've told her what the future state of play will be so personally I'd leave the ball in her court

KT1995 · 22/07/2023 13:25

"So please reimburse me your meal from the airport. My bank details are..."

Come on @Whiteparasol you've started the ball rolling! See it through or else it will just niggle at you.

SunRainStorm · 22/07/2023 13:26

Puzzledandpissedoff · 22/07/2023 13:22

Her reply could be taken one of two ways, OP, either as a sneer or a genuinely acknowledgment of your past kindness

Given the attitudes you've described I'd suspect the second, but having said your piece I'm not sure I'd bother engaging further - you've told her what the future state of play will be so personally I'd leave the ball in her court

Agree I wouldn't bother any further with her.

She's been called out on it. She acknowledges your generosity but is apparently not moved to reciprocate in any way.

Unless a giant bunch of flowers arrives on your door within a day I'd write her off completely.

SunRainStorm · 22/07/2023 13:26

KT1995 · 22/07/2023 13:25

"So please reimburse me your meal from the airport. My bank details are..."

Come on @Whiteparasol you've started the ball rolling! See it through or else it will just niggle at you.

Yes this.

Start as you mean to go on.

Sparklfairy · 22/07/2023 13:28

She has replied, just o yes you are always so generous

"Well, you took advantage of that generosity and I'm quite upset about it."

Actually maybe not, it wouldn't surprised me if she wrote back, 'wtf how did I take advantage??'

Original poster
Whiteparasol · 22/07/2023 13:32

I'm not sure its worth bothering messaging again about this. She must have the hide of a rhino if she doesn't realise I am irritated.

However , bound to see her again, and when we do, I will not pay for anything for her, separate bills, and any more are you treating me comments will be met with a firm no. Separate bills means if she wonders off when bill is on the table , or takes ages to get cash out, it isn't my problem.

I think I have said enough for her to get the message on what the future arrangements will be.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 22/07/2023 13:34

OP, think hard about why you allowed her to treat you as she did.

You were so generous and she is appallingly rude and mean.

Life is too short to share it with people like that.

Original poster
Whiteparasol · 22/07/2023 13:41

Undisclosedlocation · 22/07/2023 13:13

Perfect!
text back saying how you feel that generosity has been taken advantage of and that you are extremely disappointed in her treatment of you

So tempted believe me, but I have made myself clear, let her think on her behaviour!

OP posts:
NowItsLikeSnowAtTheBeach · 22/07/2023 13:56

She's not thinking on her behaviour; she's thinking about all the money she's saved and had lovely treats for herself at your expense. Including the no doubt overpriced airport meal.

Original poster
Whiteparasol · 22/07/2023 13:59

NowItsLikeSnowAtTheBeach · 22/07/2023 13:56

She's not thinking on her behaviour; she's thinking about all the money she's saved and had lovely treats for herself at your expense. Including the no doubt overpriced airport meal.

Lol if some one told me they couldn't keep paying for my meals and drinks when we met I would be mortified!

And it would be a big wake up call

OP posts:
drpet49 · 22/07/2023 14:07

scoobysnaxx · 22/07/2023 13:18

I think you really need to find a way to tell you her you are upset and quite angry and feel taken advantage of.

People like her need to be told.

It's not acceptable at all.

This. Then I would end the friendship.

leopard22 · 22/07/2023 14:11

I'd follow up with "and you owe me ££ for the airport meal on the way back, you nipped to the toilet when the bill came"

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 22/07/2023 14:16

Umm, is it a stretch to think that her reply about you always being so generous might be sarcastic? Or she just really doesn't realise she has no manners?

HideousKinky · 22/07/2023 14:18

Yes she is tight.

She is also ungracious - I couldn't be friends with someone who behaved like this

whynotwhatknot · 22/07/2023 14:20

shes a cf so it wont bother her at all

saying you cant pay for future meals wont register what she done on holiday was wrong

Lacucuracha · 22/07/2023 14:21

Whiteparasol · 22/07/2023 13:41

So tempted believe me, but I have made myself clear, let her think on her behaviour!

Show quote history

At least ask her for her share the airport meal.

Oceanus · 22/07/2023 14:23

How the eff to people end up like this?! How did this CF get to such a point? Honestly, can they smell people who are willing to part with their money easily and how on earth did you, OP, allow it to get to this point?!?!? How?! What's next? Do the weekly shopping together and forget $$$ so have the friend stock her fridge? No wonder she has money for fancy spa treatments. That girl's going to be a millionaire one day.
I can't believe threads like this, my head won't believe it. OP are you actually the CF friend testing the waters to see how far you can go? How the heck did it get to this point. If my friend went to the loo went the time came to pay I'd wait for her to be back or pay my share and then tell her ohh I need the loo now, I'll go for a pee while you settle your share.
Relationships like this just aren't normal.

ThomasHardyPerennial · 22/07/2023 14:28

I don't think your message was clear enough, op. Especially not for a cf like your friend.

letsallmeetupinthehyear2000 · 22/07/2023 14:44

I absolutely hate mean people. Some people just are. Years ago I went on holiday with someone who’d just been given tens of thousands of pounds on a pension payout bonus type thing even though she was only young at time. She would split the cost of 2 coffees when I ( always broke) would usually say I’ll just get these. She also made a point of grabbing all the extra shifts at work even though she didn’t need the money when others really did. And complained and bitched if she didn’t get them. That was the end of the friendship for me.

SideWonder · 22/07/2023 14:49

So tempted believe me, but I have made myself clear, let her think on her behaviour!

You are very tolerant & kind @Whiteparasol because her answer to your text suggests that she has no inkling about how mean her behaviour is.

SauvignonBlanche · 22/07/2023 14:50

What a CF!! 😡
I bet she doesn’t get it.