A bit naffed off that I didn't receive a text back from someone I've been doing favours for. I probably am U, but I'm a bit miffed.

[SoSheTakesTheDog]

Me and DP know a couple through dog-walking. We’re all mad dog people – our lives revolve around the bloody dogs.

The woman from the couple died about three months ago. The man asked if we’d (I’d) be willing to dog-sit every now and then because their dog had never been left alone before.

I agreed and I’ve dog-sat about 4-5 times since. Sometimes on weekends, sometimes on weekdays.

Sometimes I’ve had to split my time throughout the day because DP’s not WFH and I can’t leave our dog alone for too long. That’s meant 2-hours at his, back to mine for 2-hours, back to his etc. The dogs can’t be looked after together in the same house.

As well as dog-sitting, I’ve also gone over at the drop of a hat a couple of times to help him out with other stuff too.

Yesterday the man text to ask if we could co-ordinate diaries and book some days in for dog-sitting.

I replied to say my dog’s fallen really ill, was in for an emergency ultrasound which could be really serious so I’m trying to keep things clear for a couple of weeks so she’s not left alone at all. I said I’d text him once I knew more about the situation and what I could do with my diary. I was apologetic.

I’m stressed, I’m grouchy, I’m sleep-deprived, I’m worried, I’m on my period and I know he’s going through absolute shit. So I know I’m probably being U. But it naffed me off a little bit that he didn’t text back. I can’t quite put my finger on it. It just irked me that I didn’t even get a “Hope she’s doing okay” given I thought we’d got a nice neighbourly thing going on (albeit one way – understandably so). So, AIBU?

I know this is classic deflection and I know I’m probably being U. But I needed to vent a little bit. Sorry if I come across like a twat.

Also sorry that I might not drop in too often - am dealing with an ill dog 🙃

For god’s sakes! Why do people always step in to help men with dogs and children when their female appliance goes missing? Women get left to care solo for dogs snd children all the time and no one rushes in to help. Did wife dying break his fingers so he couldn’t hire a dog sitter?

I'm not responding and I hope nobody else does and that you dont get the sick attention you crave.
reported.

Why on earth would you report that? Even if you don't agree with her it's a perfectly valid viewpoint. And I for one agree with her.

😳😳 I'm not sure what's worse, thinking it's okay or boasting about agreeing with it.

No, what's worse is you being thought police and accusing people of being boastful just for having opinions. Seriously bizarre behaviour.

This

3 people defending someone who mocked a dying woman, was flippant and referred to her as a 'lost appliance'.

Right o

@Lacucuracha it is boasting. Imagine telling people you agree with a vile.clmment like that.

You can add a 4th. Most women don't actually have the luxury of falling apart when there's a crisis/death/break up etc while many fawn over the men for months making food, walking dogs etc the only reason many if these men get that opportunity to do this is because usually women rally round helping out, taking kids to school with theirs, walking their dogs even when working and/or raising a family etc and in ops case havunga sick pet of her own.

Apart from that being sexist tripe, you have just proved that its possible to make your point without being completely disgusting about a dead woman. I hope none of you are in the feminist boards.

Crikey, I see I’m in the minority as I voted YABU and think you should cut him some slack as it’s only been THREE MONTHS since his wife died. Not like three years or something.

Female appliance gone missing. I mean I have no words really.

I'm with you. This thread is awful.

Nailed it.

I think he should have replied. I'd feel miffed in your situation. It just feels a little "well there's nothing in this for me now" from him.

Actually I think.of you hit the feminist boards and the relationship boards you will discover many a conversation about the inequality around things like this. How women are left to take care of newborns as the male partners won't give up their hobbies or come straight home after work. Or how looking after elderly parents and family admin falls predominantly to the women. How women inadvertently become essential to the lives of so many people despite these men being adults and have survived to adulthood before they met you. How men can take to the bed to recover from man flu whilst women are left still doing all the housework no matter what state they are in. And if they do have to give in and hit the sack the shit they come downstairs to makes them wish they hadn't.

How separated parents, the dads can cancel the visits if he falls sick or refuse to take sick children but the mum, she has to drag her snotty dizzy arse out of bed every morning to cook breakfast and take the kids to school

Its actually a very common theme even if you think its " vile" or sexist

I agree there’s a lot of crap CF men out there, no argument. This bloke lost his wife three months ago, think it’s a bit different here.

Think PP was saying calling the dead wife a female appliance was vile TBF.

I would give him the benefit of the doubt once - but not twice.

This.

Half a page of wall text defending womens rights while cheerleading that comment 🤣

Man, people are harsh. 3 months, 12 weeks, 90 days ago the man lost his partner, the bottom fell out of his world. Sure he should have replied but given he is usually kind, says thanks and has baked cakes for you which takes a lot of effort really I would give the bloke the benefit of the doubt in this case. I would treat him the compassion that I would like to receive if the bottom fell out of my world.

I'd be interested to know the responses if OP lost her husband and the nice neighbour was like.this over her not sending a text.

Ah silly me I forgot according to mumsnet that no bereaved woman ever gets support. Silly me.

It takes 5 seconds to type out 'hope she's ok' why would you need more than a day?🙄

Yes, it's very rude OP.

It is a pain but I'm happy to help out someone who's going through hell. So I'm happy to carry on dog sitting on the odd occasion. Perhaps not as happy/willing as before this text situation but still I don't mind helping a neighbour out.

He could afford day care, yes, but he wouldn't put the dog in day care. She's too old, she'd hate it. So he needs people to drop into his house and sit with her. I think he could afford to pay a dog-sitter to do this.

But, I'm in no rush to text back (mainly because the dogs still up/down so I don't have any more clarity on the situation) to coordinate diaries.
And when I do, I'll definitely set some boundaries to avoid CF-ery.

Thanks everyone. I hope I haven't come across like a heartless cow.

You've done a lot for this man but it does seem as if he's taking you for granted. You show concern for his problems but he doesn't feel the need to do the same. I'd be easing myself out of being his unpaid dogsitter now. You've done enough.