A bit naffed off that I didn't receive a text back from someone I've been doing favours for. I probably am U, but I'm a bit miffed.

[SoSheTakesTheDog]

Me and DP know a couple through dog-walking. We’re all mad dog people – our lives revolve around the bloody dogs.

The woman from the couple died about three months ago. The man asked if we’d (I’d) be willing to dog-sit every now and then because their dog had never been left alone before.

I agreed and I’ve dog-sat about 4-5 times since. Sometimes on weekends, sometimes on weekdays.

Sometimes I’ve had to split my time throughout the day because DP’s not WFH and I can’t leave our dog alone for too long. That’s meant 2-hours at his, back to mine for 2-hours, back to his etc. The dogs can’t be looked after together in the same house.

As well as dog-sitting, I’ve also gone over at the drop of a hat a couple of times to help him out with other stuff too.

Yesterday the man text to ask if we could co-ordinate diaries and book some days in for dog-sitting.

I replied to say my dog’s fallen really ill, was in for an emergency ultrasound which could be really serious so I’m trying to keep things clear for a couple of weeks so she’s not left alone at all. I said I’d text him once I knew more about the situation and what I could do with my diary. I was apologetic.

I’m stressed, I’m grouchy, I’m sleep-deprived, I’m worried, I’m on my period and I know he’s going through absolute shit. So I know I’m probably being U. But it naffed me off a little bit that he didn’t text back. I can’t quite put my finger on it. It just irked me that I didn’t even get a “Hope she’s doing okay” given I thought we’d got a nice neighbourly thing going on (albeit one way – understandably so). So, AIBU?

I know this is classic deflection and I know I’m probably being U. But I needed to vent a little bit. Sorry if I come across like a twat.

Also sorry that I might not drop in too often - am dealing with an ill dog 🙃

Mine would have text back right away too. It’s nothing to do with thinking like women, it’s simply demonstrating that you actually give a shit about other people.

I lost my husband when kids were little and I did ask for a bit of help (I had a new puppy too, but didn't need help with him). But that was just so I could get the stuff sorted, and after a few weeks people stopped offering and I stopped asking (no one actually babysat my kids though, but helped organise the funeral and reception).
I think the 'let's compare diaries' means he's found a long term unpaid dog sitter, and the going to and fro to mind yours and his dog is ridiculous. A few times in the first couple weeks so he can get things settled fine, but enough is enough.

Hmm. I think he should have sent a quick follow up message ("sorry to hear that - hope she's ok") but it wouldn't bother me too much that he didn't. But I wouldn't be happy if he's expecting the dog sitting arrangement to carry on for months and months - that would bother me a lot more than text or no text! So I guess I would wait to see what happens next. If he gets in touch again sounding entitled then it would be a firm no from me.

I'd say it's not unreasonable that you're being unreasonable given the circumstances.

And I think he absolutely should have texted, but some people don't think that way. Going forward I'd definitely make sure you don't get taken for granted too much though...

Lovely words about a man who lost his wife 3 months ago who in fairness may have thought he was respecting Ops wishes. Such venom.

I'd expect a polite response to your text. It sounds like he's pissed off because you've not immediately agreed to his request, but brought your troubles into the equation

To give him the benefit of the doubt and in his defence, he must be grieving and is in that bubble where he can't think beyond his own needs

I’m sorry your dog is so unwell and also sorry you lost your friend. I’m wondering if he just can’t cope emotionally with another illness and (?) even possibly more loss and also it might have reminded him his own dog won’t be around much longer.

Of course he may be a selfish arse who hasn’t got the emotional intelligence to empathise with you.

Id give him the benefit of doubt and message him in a few days to update and check in on him.

Take care.

I think considering his circumstances you're being really hard on him OP.

What does he do when you're dog sitting? I think my hackles would have gone up as soon as he started talking about co-ordinating diaries and booking days for dog sitting. To me that's a bit further on than neighbourly favours during a difficult time.
So I wouldn't be worried about him not replying other than to inwardly note the absence of a 'blimey, sorry to hear that, let me know if there's owt I can do' response.

His partner just died. I think you can let him off his texting etiquette for a bit.

I think you’ve got a CF on your hands. Of course he should have dropped you a quick text saying no worries, hope doggo is all good or something.

You have stopped being useful to him though so he didn’t bother. He’s seems to be taking you for granted and it’s all about him. I would think this may be a big factor in why he’s alone.

You've been kind which is lovely, but now you have your own things to concentrate on and he can’t even send you a kind word. He’s revealed who he now that you cant just keep giving. Look after yourself. I really hope your dog is ok. 💐

I should've said that I told him to let me know dates well in advance (after he asked me to dog-sit with a day or two notice once). So the whole thing of coordination of diaries isn't as CF as it sounds!

When I'm dog sitting he meets friends, does a bit of shopping, just gets out the house.

It sounds like he’s used up all your goodwill.

Thank you.

I was going to give it a while (and we're actually still trying to figure out what ails the dog) then text with an update. Update may/not involve comparing diaries dependent on how my dog's doing

Thank you.

We're still trying to figure out what's going on with our dog. She's not well at all 😪

I think he's being a bit rude tbh. A quick- sorry to hear about your dog hope everything is OK. Wouldn't have taken much. If he can get it together to ask for favours and bake a cake he can send a one line text.

My bet is you will get a message in a day or two when he realises he best keep you sweet for the next round of favours.

Ps hope your dog is ok. Pets know how to scare us dont they 💐

This. I think he’s taking the piss OP.

Same here.

He is just using OP for his convenience; bet if the shoe were on the other foot he'd have scarpered.

When people show you who they are, believe them.

If he's well enough to be getting out and about, and needing lots of dog-sitting services from OP, he's well enough to be courteous.

Omg this is the worst comment yet!

Nasty .

The big factor in why he's alone is because his partner has just died!

Thank you everyone and thanks for the good wishes for the dog. She's been so ill today, really distressed and anxious but she's settled now on the living room floor. So it's a night on the sofa for me!!

I'm feeling more justified in being miffed but also very conscious about his roller-coaster emotions. But, yes, absolutely I've heard loud and clear to believe people when they tell you who they are and be aware of CF-ery here!

Er, hes alone because his partner died.