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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend topless in front of DH

576 replies

cakehoover123 · 20/07/2023 14:53

Went to a friend's house - just her, me and DH. I went to the loo. When I came back in the room, she was breastfeeding her 8-month-old.

She'd removed whole top and bra on both sides, so was topless, with the non-feeding boob not covered up by baby. DH was doing a decent job of keeping his eyes on her face though 🤣

AIBU to think that's a bit odd?

I know I can't ever comment to her. Just wondered what to make of it privately, especially since she's always been a wee bit flirty with DH.

But I've never breastfed... so maybe this is normal, or maybe I'm just a prude. Would you breastfeed alone with a friend's DH? And if so would you cover up more than this?

OP posts:
Whattheactualwhatnow · 20/07/2023 17:00

Sigmama · 20/07/2023 15:02

I breast-fed all my kids, never done that or seen that, sounds v odd

Same! It’s not necessary either so I’m wondering why she was feeding with two bare breasts out in front of your husband, sorry but IS weird!

Justcallmebebes · 20/07/2023 17:01

I'm a huge advocate of breast feeding and have spent several years doing it, but I have never, ever totally stripped off my top half to do so, especially in front of guests in my house so, yeah YANBU and she was being weird

whattodo22222 · 20/07/2023 17:01

I have breastfed in front of everyone (even colleagues) and am passionate about a mum's right to breastfeed whenever and wherever she wants. I was about to say YABU but the only time I've ever had both boobs out is when it's been just me and baby at home. She was feeding so much it wasn't worth putting a top on and we had a heatwave 😂 I would feel very uncomfortable doing what your friend was doing.

Thosepeskyseagulls · 20/07/2023 17:01

I have a friend who breastfeeds like that. I don’t think it’s a big deal.

Chypre · 20/07/2023 17:02

Maybe I'm a prude but even without the DH in sight I would be quite uncomfortable sitting with a topless friend, would that be breastfeeding related or sunbathing on the beach. Its just odd (to me).

ladyvivienne · 20/07/2023 17:02

Time and a place. Sick of people defending this on the 'it's natural'

So is having a shit, but you don't need to do that in such a manner it makes someone else feel awkward.

Yes breastfeeding is natural. I'm pretty sure I managed to do it without stripping off. As someone else said upthread, actually I agree - some women do use it as an excuse to flaunt. Your friend is frankly massively attention seeking.

I would have excused myself if I were your DH though.

liveforsummer · 20/07/2023 17:04

It's normal - if you are naturists! 😅

HowcanIhelp123 · 20/07/2023 17:05

When my friend had her first (during covid when you could meet up outside), she would feed baby sat outside with me in her garden and I couldn't see anything.

At one point as baby got a bit older baby started getting distracted/not feeding right in some way and friend ended up with mastitis as a result. When I went to see her she said excuse me but I'm just going to go inside to feed as I need to strip off to watch her to make sure all is right. And off she went and sent her DH out to sit and chat to me while she fed 😂

There could be a genuine reason for her needing to strip off but way she went about was odd.

Guiltyfeethavegotnorhythm0 · 20/07/2023 17:06

I would imagine your Husband copes on a beach surrounded by topless women in bikini bottoms , most people do , then somehow can't cope with breastfeeding .

Twillow · 20/07/2023 17:06

I breastfed two and have never seen this before. Was it extremely hot? (not that that would really be an adequate excuse). Definitely an exhibitionist.

TurkeyLurkey4 · 20/07/2023 17:08

I’ve BF two children, have always managed to do it without taking off my entire top half in front of anyone bedsides my DH. It’s weird. Then again I’ve always been a bit prudish about feeding and prefer to keep my boobs covered so 🤷‍♀️

Mayhem3 · 20/07/2023 17:09

I’ve never stripped whilst breast feeding but tbh I always felt a little uncomfortable getting my boob out to BF anyway so I guess it’s more my own issues.

I definitely don’t think this would be done in a flirty way though.

Unless you are a peado you would not associate a baby sucking on your nipple with something sexy and I hope that if someone was that way inclined then you would know and have gotten that vibe from them before.

TheEponymousGrub · 20/07/2023 17:10

I have a friend who became ‘combatively exhibitionist’ and very attention seeking during the feeding time. She’d have done something like this in a restaurant.

This is the only explanation. I was a wee bit like this but I never needed to remove all my upper clothing, not after the very early days when baby and I were still getting the knack.

FuppingEll · 20/07/2023 17:10

Hibiscrubbed · 20/07/2023 16:36

Oh come on everyone, I’m all for women not hiding away breastfeeding, for it to be normalised and not of note, but pretending there’s nothing even slightly weird about a flirty friend waiting until she’s on her own with her friend’s husband to strip off her top and bra and feed her eight month old, leaving her other boob out while she does it…?! You think that’s ‘normal’ behaviour? Come off it. 😂

This sums up my thoughts on it really. Of course breastfeeding is normal and natural and I don't think the OP is suggesting her friend should have hid away to do it but all of the people pretending it's perfectly normal to strip off all of your clothes on your top half in front of your friends husband are deluding themselves.

WaspLady · 20/07/2023 17:11

Do you think she knew both sides were out? I have accidentally forgotten to clip up one side of my bra before when switching sides, thankfully just one close friend present who kindly reminded me 😂

willWillSmithsmith · 20/07/2023 17:11

Guiltyfeethavegotnorhythm0 · 20/07/2023 17:06

I would imagine your Husband copes on a beach surrounded by topless women in bikini bottoms , most people do , then somehow can't cope with breastfeeding .

He might still feel uncomfortable if it was a friend though rather than random strangers on a beach. Do I want to see a male friend with his pants down on the beach, no but if it were strangers I’d just look the other way and they wouldn’t be imprinted on my brain, I’d have forgotten them by dinner.

Lavenderflower · 20/07/2023 17:13

I would find this odd, however, I noticed quite a few people doing this in public. I would just carrying as normal.

Qbish · 20/07/2023 17:13

Guiltyfeethavegotnorhythm0 · 20/07/2023 17:06

I would imagine your Husband copes on a beach surrounded by topless women in bikini bottoms , most people do , then somehow can't cope with breastfeeding .

Yeah, when Bob and Sue and Terry and Jane come round for drinks, totally no problem with the women getting their tits out - after all, it happens on topless beaches! 🤔

OP, I breastfed too, and it's so easy to undo top and bra on one side, feed discreetly, then do the same on the other side. No need to sit there topless!

Trust your instincts on her flirtiness. I didn't, once, and in the end I found I was right.

Qbish · 20/07/2023 17:14

WaspLady · 20/07/2023 17:11

Do you think she knew both sides were out? I have accidentally forgotten to clip up one side of my bra before when switching sides, thankfully just one close friend present who kindly reminded me 😂

OP said she didn't have anything on at all on her top half!

RidingMyBike · 20/07/2023 17:14

That sounds odd. You don't need to totally strip off to BF, even if you're switching sides. There's no need for anything to actually be visible, if that makes sense?! And an 8 month old it isn't like the early days when you're trying to work out what you're doing!

GoodChat · 20/07/2023 17:14

WaspLady · 20/07/2023 17:11

Do you think she knew both sides were out? I have accidentally forgotten to clip up one side of my bra before when switching sides, thankfully just one close friend present who kindly reminded me 😂

Yeah let's be honest we've all shocked the postman with a forgotten post-feed boob Grin

RidingMyBike · 20/07/2023 17:16

I've BF in public all over the place, including on public transport, in pubs and at a council meeting and never had any need to have anything on display!

I've also BF in front of elderly relatives who later said they'd had no idea I was even doing it!

Guiltyfeethavegotnorhythm0 · 20/07/2023 17:18

@Qbish What I am saying maybe not talking about this particular instance , about some people are offended about breastfeeding , including some who think their kids should not have to see it . Think nothing of topless women on beaches in bikini bottoms .

Qbish · 20/07/2023 17:19

Guiltyfeethavegotnorhythm0 · 20/07/2023 17:18

@Qbish What I am saying maybe not talking about this particular instance , about some people are offended about breastfeeding , including some who think their kids should not have to see it . Think nothing of topless women on beaches in bikini bottoms .

And my point was, it's a completely different situation.

I reckon OP's "friend" knows exactly what she's doing.

somedogsdo · 20/07/2023 17:21

Is that how she usually breastfeeds?

It's a little strange and agree with others re leakage (mine would literally squirt out so wouldn't have even been an option for me).

But different mums have different techniques. If that's how she always feeds then maybe it's just her technique? But if not, that's a tad strange - although I can't see it being particularly 'sexy' to anyone.