Friend topless in front of DH

[cakehoover123]

Went to a friend's house - just her, me and DH. I went to the loo. When I came back in the room, she was breastfeeding her 8-month-old.

She'd removed whole top and bra on both sides, so was topless, with the non-feeding boob not covered up by baby. DH was doing a decent job of keeping his eyes on her face though 🤣

AIBU to think that's a bit odd?

I know I can't ever comment to her. Just wondered what to make of it privately, especially since she's always been a wee bit flirty with DH.

But I've never breastfed... so maybe this is normal, or maybe I'm just a prude. Would you breastfeed alone with a friend's DH? And if so would you cover up more than this?

@Cucucucu I dint know what your definition of a normal man is but decent men would feel like it was appropriate to avert their eyes completely or even leave the room. Especially if alone with bf woman. And if decent men would avert their eyes it would be because they felt it inappropriate to look at the boobs. Which would indicate that they were not 100% hunky dory with boobs hanging out. But maybe in your world normal men would sit and stare unconcerned at the free flopping boob.

Is the baby his?

Where’s her partner/father of baby?

A friend wouldn’t flirt with your husband even knowing you both from university days and a friend wouldn’t take off her top and bra to breastfeed her baby in front of your husband conveniently when you’re in the bathroom. Imagine her taking her top and bra off in front of him. Who does that?

I've spent about 4.5 years total breastfeeding, never felt the need to sit completely topless in front of anyone, including for the purpose of switching boobs. I've never seen anyone else do it either. But if I did have both boobs out it wouldn't be sexual or flirty in any way, my boobs didn't feel connected to sex in any way during the years I was breastfeeding whether I had a baby attached or not. I know other women who felt like that too.

I've met a few of these too. One was in a pub in an afternoon. She left her boob hanging out long after she'd finished feeding & burping and getting baby to sleep. It became a local 'scandal' against the pub inc. negative reviews etc, as they were put in an impossible situation. Customers began complaining as they had kids there for meals inc. teen boys.
The Staff couldn't ask her to cover up as it would inevitably be twisted into them being 'anti-breastfeeding' but eventually they had no choice as people were leaving midway through their meals. (Quite a posh pub to be fair). It all blew up and the pub chain were prosecuted

Would you do that in front of your Dad? Your FIL?

@Lillith111 Well, besides when breastfeeding, there's a law against women walking around outside topless but no law against men walking around topless so this pretending to not know why it's any different is just making you sound a bit silly!

Half naked?!?

It is unusual but it is her house and she was breast feeding.
I always liked to have a cloth for privacy and decorum when out in public.
Your husband now knows for next time how he felt and now he can plan, if not comfortable, to go out for air - make a phone call etc.

Not read the whole thread but it's an 8 month old....she presumably is pretty adept at feeding now.
What you do in your home is your business but a) I have never known anyone BF this way and b) if you wouldn't do it that way in public don't do it that way if you have visitors.

I agree with @MysteryBelle that a true friend would not flirt with your H or completely remove her shirt/bra in front of him.

In my view, her intention was to create a moment of frisson with him after you left the room.

How has he reacted to her previous flirting?

Some of you have no respect for your guests. Breat feeding is not a new thing nor is it that something important that it gives you the right to make someone else feel uncomfortable. I wonder what HER OWN HUSBAND would make of this? She also could of gone in another room surely.

There are some advice/threads you can't take the advice seriously and this is one of them.

Has the op not come back?

She had. You need to click on "See all" on the right just under the title to see their posts.

Thanks- yeah- forgot that feature. Last day of the school term here as a teacher and I am barely alive🥴

@Jongleterre 🤣🤣

I think it's great if a woman is comfortable with her body and doesn't feel any need to cover up. I'm also of the opinion that people who are uncomfortable with public breastfeeding need to get over themselves.

This is different in that she had her other breast out the entire time for no good reason (if baby was newborn I might think this was easier for her, but by 8 months you'd expect her to have got the hang of it), and that she could have guessed that being entirely topless might make other people uncomfortable. Of course she can do what she wants in her own home, but this put your DH in a situation that could have felt very awkward for him.

I struggled with breastfeeding my first for the first couple of weeks; couldn't get a latch and often had a nipple out and visible for a while as a result. If people were round I'd tell them I was going to feed my baby but that I wasn't great at it yet, and I gave them the option to leave the room if they felt awkward about that (I'd never seen FIL move so fast!) Nothing to do with body confidence or shame, just recognising that some people might not be comfortable trying to hold a conversation while I had my tit out!

I think it's great if a woman is comfortable with her body and doesn't feel any need to cover up. I'm also of the opinion that people who are uncomfortable with public breastfeeding need to get over themselves.

whether she is comfortable with her body is not quite the point in this context is it? I am quite comfortable with mine but I wouldn’t sit around topless while a male friend was in the house.

@blueshoes I remember my first Christmas breastfeeding and I wore a poor choice dress that I couldn't pull down. Had some awkward encounters with relatives walking in with my dress around my neck! Still the other boob was away though 😂

Did you actually read the rest of what I posted?

Apologies that post was a bit of a knee jerk. Please disregard it.

No need to remove all your clothing for feeding..

Oh, I was so with you until it became garlic anal.

Men sexualise breasts in many ways. I'm say OPs husband was, all sounded rather awkward, but for posters to say there is nothing sexual about feeding - well quite there is.

I'm starting to sound a bit weird now. I just going to look at the Bella Italia menu - cor!

The weirdest thing about this entire discussion is the sexualisation of breastfeeding and the implied notion that this woman was somehow trying to crack onto that poor innocent husband while she nourished her child. Bloody hell

I the whole point is the redundant breast on display and being topless. Nothing to do with a mother nourishing her child.

And yet it has been entirely sexualised. Who cares how she feeds her baby in her own home? The internalised misogyny on this thread is startling