Page 17 | Friend topless in front of DH

cakehoover123 · 2023-07-20T13:53:50+00:00

Went to a friend's house - just her, me and DH. I went to the loo. When I came back in the room, she was breastfeeding her 8-month-old. She'd removed whole top and bra on both sides, so was topless, with the non-feeding boob not covered up by baby. DH was doing a decent job of keeping his eyes on her face though 🤣 AIBU to think that's a bit odd? I know I can't ever comment to her. Just wondered what to make of it privately, especially since she's always been a wee bit flirty with DH. But I've never breastfed... so maybe this is normal, or maybe I'm just a prude. Would you breastfeed alone with a friend's DH? And if so would you cover up more than this?

Sweetashunni · 20/07/2023 22:07

Guiltyfeethavegotnorhythm0 · 20/07/2023 22:06

This comment is plain stupid and you know it 😩

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Why? What’s the difference? If you have a bodily need, and it’s your house your rules, why can’t Ben sit with his genitals out? She can just not look.

BH701 · 20/07/2023 22:12

I think being so on show like that she wanted to show your DH her tits, very weird.

Carpediemmakeitcount · 20/07/2023 22:13

I got to 5 months and then stopped does women still struggle to breastfeed at 8 months?

CountFoscoHasMiceInHisPocket · 20/07/2023 22:14

Cucucucu · 20/07/2023 22:04

That’s your problem ! I’ve met at least 2 people recently who could not breastfeed without their top off as they struggled with latching . I still maintain , no normal men would care

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I think most of us can think of a 'normal' man in our lives who'd feel uncomfortable in the situation that the OP describes. They'd survive it! But they'd spend a good few minutes appreciatively studying anything in the room that was not in the vicinity of The Boobs.

Lessonsinbiology · 20/07/2023 22:17

I have breast fed 2 children and even I still get slightly uncomfortable when someone I know starts to breastfeed. It's the conscious effort to look elsewhere when they are doing it. Once the baby is latched on, it's easier to just chat. If someone was sitting with the other boob out, I would be uncomfortable even as a female and pretty sure my DH would be too. Pretty sure we are not weird.

BMrs · 20/07/2023 22:19

That's really strange. When I fed infront of friends and their DH I would always ensure I was covered. I didn't even sit with both boobs out when alone!

OsirisservesAnubis · 20/07/2023 22:22

That's really weird. I've breastfed for 6 solid years and never ever removed my top to do it.

AppleTurnover1000Degrees · 20/07/2023 22:24

CountFoscoHasMiceInHisPocket · 20/07/2023 22:14

I think most of us can think of a 'normal' man in our lives who'd feel uncomfortable in the situation that the OP describes. They'd survive it! But they'd spend a good few minutes appreciatively studying anything in the room that was not in the vicinity of The Boobs.

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😂

My DH's eould be on his phone googling some sports results and then look so relieved when I returned from the toilet.

Not because he is not normal, just surprised friend had took half of her clothes off.

AppleTurnover1000Degrees · 20/07/2023 22:26

My DH would *

blueshoes · 20/07/2023 22:30

BMrs · 20/07/2023 22:19

That's really strange. When I fed infront of friends and their DH I would always ensure I was covered. I didn't even sit with both boobs out when alone!

Same here. For one thing it would be cold to have my top off. What a palaver to have to strip off the top half of my clothes. What if I am in a dress, do I need to sit in my knickers then?

RampantIvy · 20/07/2023 22:43

It's not misogynistic to think it's a bit odd in our society to get both your tits out and take your top off infront of a friend's DH whilst she's in the loo

This ^

The faux naivety from a minority of posters on this thread is astonishing. They seem to be completely lacking in awareness of social norms.

I BF DD in front of loads of people, but never naked on the top half.

The baby is 8 months old. Plenty of time for the mother to have got to grips with latching issues @Cucucucu

Threenow · 20/07/2023 22:49

No problem whatsoever with breastfeeding in public, but I've never seen anyone show that much flesh! YANBU.

Sweetashunni · 20/07/2023 23:11

The faux naivety from a minority of posters on this thread is astonishing. They seem to be completely lacking in awareness of social norms.

I think they’re very aware but pretending not to be.

Jumpingthruhoops · 20/07/2023 23:11

blueshoes · 20/07/2023 21:51

Not sure what your point is.

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It's fairly self-explanatory.

You said that it was not OK for the woman I saw to have her top fully off to BF in public.

I said that a lot of women think that IS absolutely OK - and, at that time, would likely condemn anyone who disagreed.

Those same women would presumably would also have no issue with the behaviour of OP's friend. But this thread has revealed that lots now would.

RampantIvy · 20/07/2023 23:20

I said that a lot of women think that IS absolutely OK

I think most women n this thread think it isn't.

xsquared · 20/07/2023 23:23

I am pro breastfeeding having done so with both dcs, with dd up to 2 years, and never have I ever felt the need to be topless to feed either of them save for the first day, straight after birth.

Perhaps some women do it, but I can't say that I have seen it myself anywhere either at friends's home or in public.

By 8 months, I would think you'd be confident enough to breastfeed without having to take half your clothes off.

Yes, it's her friend's home and she can breastfed how she likes but I do think it's odd especially that she'd done it while op was in the loo, so it was just her and op's dh.

Thepossibility · 20/07/2023 23:27

I'm about as pro breastfeeding as you can get, but that is bonkers. Unless she was wearing some weird jumpsuit that only zips from the back...

RampantIvy · 20/07/2023 23:31

but I do think it's odd especially that she'd done it while op was in the loo, so it was just her and op's dh.

It is very suspect isn't it.

Hibiscrubbed · 20/07/2023 23:42

blueshoes · 20/07/2023 21:24

Seeing multiple women who are strangers topless on a beach is different from seeing your friend topless in her home whilst have a conversation with her. I am surprised you cannot tell the difference.

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Of course she can, but that doesn’t suit her argument.

It’s nothing like the same.

The only way it would be comparable would be if one of the topless women on the beach invited you to her house, and while in the garden having a drink, while your wife nipped to the loo, the women took her clothes off and sat there in front of you.

Whatever the friend’s agenda here, this is really, really unusual behaviour. The ‘aggravating’ details to use legal terminology, is she waited until the OP had left the room and had previously flirted with the H.

I don’t think anyone is really arguing that she tried to allure him with the act of breastfeeding (though perhaps used it as an excuse to garner attention from him) though we concede some people do fetishise it, but her behaviour and motivation for said behaviour is weird. As shit.

MysteryBelle · 20/07/2023 23:56

Like everybody else I thought yanbu when I saw title, then yabu when I saw she was breastfeeding, then back to yanbu when you said she totally displayed everything, taking her top completely off, her bra completely down. And she flirts. Ok. Yeah, very weird and inappropriate.

Strangely, when I gave birth, I lost almost all (very strong) inhibitions and modesty about my body. Breastfeeding was the most natural thing in the world and I had to kind of remind myself to not let it all hang out. I think a lot of mothers feel this loss of inhibitions. Before that, I would have been mortified to show anything even close to cleavage. But when a bunch of people have seen your baby come out of your body, something happens and modesty goes out of the window 😄

I think your friend is disturbed though, she’s weird and I’m not sure she’s a friend. I don’t think you would have been amiss to look at her and say why are you doing this? You don’t have to completely uncover everything to breastfeed.

Women discreetly breastfeed all the time, and you can’t see anything. It’s not exactly but kind of like changing diapers. The baby deserves privacy and dignity while he or she is being changed or being breastfed.

MysteryBelle · 21/07/2023 00:01

She’s not a friend, Op. She’s a weirdo. Do you need more red flags re the flirting or stripping off while you’re out of the room or will this giant red flag wake you up? Has nothing to do with breastfeeding. She took breastfeeding as the excuse and opportunity to do this in front of your husband. She flirts with him already, you said. It is very easy to be discreet when breastfeeding in front of others. I know that because I breastfed my son.

Jk987 · 21/07/2023 00:06

Where was her partner while she was doing this? Or is it a sperm donor baby?

Jumpingthruhoops · 21/07/2023 00:27

RampantIvy · 20/07/2023 23:20

I said that a lot of women think that IS absolutely OK

I think most women n this thread think it isn't.

Yes, that's quite apparent. However, this wasn't the case about 10 years ago. As I said upthread, times have changed...

okiedokie1 · 21/07/2023 00:42

I'd have expected my dh to not just keep focussed on her face but to avert his eyes a little. We don't always look at each other when talking. Couldn't he have dropped his daze to the floor or out the window. Or pick up his phone for a moment. I think stripping off top half completely is weird. I didn't mind bf in public at all but normal societal behaviours dint completely go out the window just because you are a bf mum. I wouldn't change a poopy nappy in the room in front of everyone. I wouldn't change my post birth sanitary pad in front of everyone. Likewise I wouldn't strip off and gave both breasts dangling in front of everyone. I just popped one out and latched baby on. Momentary flash of nipple perhaps.
If she is genuinely flirty with your dh then yeah I'd have an issue. I'd like my dh to step up a bit though and make it completely clear that he found the flirting unwelcome and distasteful by shutting it down, changing the subject immediately, grey stoning and looking away

MysteryBelle · 21/07/2023 00:44

okiedokie1 · 21/07/2023 00:42

I'd have expected my dh to not just keep focussed on her face but to avert his eyes a little. We don't always look at each other when talking. Couldn't he have dropped his daze to the floor or out the window. Or pick up his phone for a moment. I think stripping off top half completely is weird. I didn't mind bf in public at all but normal societal behaviours dint completely go out the window just because you are a bf mum. I wouldn't change a poopy nappy in the room in front of everyone. I wouldn't change my post birth sanitary pad in front of everyone. Likewise I wouldn't strip off and gave both breasts dangling in front of everyone. I just popped one out and latched baby on. Momentary flash of nipple perhaps.
If she is genuinely flirty with your dh then yeah I'd have an issue. I'd like my dh to step up a bit though and make it completely clear that he found the flirting unwelcome and distasteful by shutting it down, changing the subject immediately, grey stoning and looking away

Agree.