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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend topless in front of DH

576 replies

cakehoover123 · 20/07/2023 14:53

Went to a friend's house - just her, me and DH. I went to the loo. When I came back in the room, she was breastfeeding her 8-month-old.

She'd removed whole top and bra on both sides, so was topless, with the non-feeding boob not covered up by baby. DH was doing a decent job of keeping his eyes on her face though 🤣

AIBU to think that's a bit odd?

I know I can't ever comment to her. Just wondered what to make of it privately, especially since she's always been a wee bit flirty with DH.

But I've never breastfed... so maybe this is normal, or maybe I'm just a prude. Would you breastfeed alone with a friend's DH? And if so would you cover up more than this?

OP posts:
pambeeslyhalpert2 · 20/07/2023 21:34

Deffo weird. I breastfed and unless I was home alone I'd just take the boob I was feeding with out, then switch if I needed to. That's bizarre behaviour from your friend!!

CheeseSauce · 20/07/2023 21:35

Workawayxx · 20/07/2023 15:02

I’m definitely not a “cover up!” Type towards breastfeeding women and have certainly done my share of (accidental) nipple flashing when feeding in public but very odd to get both boobs out the whole time. Especially that she did it while you were in the loo.

I’d have to go round for a coffee without DH to see if she did the same in front of just me!

This!

AppleTurnover1000Degrees · 20/07/2023 21:35

Carpediemmakeitcount · 20/07/2023 21:19

This thread was hilarious.

Cucucucu · 20/07/2023 21:36

Carpediemmakeitcount · 20/07/2023 21:32

Breastfeeding will probably take off now looking at the prices of formula milk. Breastfeeding would be the cheaper option. Before Brexit women preferred formula over breastfeeding. Health visitors was trying to promote more women to breastfeed and even hired breastfeeding consultants to help mother's.

Show quote history

I hope so , I don’t care how others feed their babies , I should say I had 2 amazing breastfeeding journeys with my oldest 2 ( breastfeeding until 19 months and 3 years old ) and my third baby was a nightmare and I had to combi feed and she completely stopped breastfeeding at 1 . What I find odd and I can only assume it comes from those who never breastfeed is that people would even contemplate accusing a breastfeeding mum of trying to entice someone’s husband . That’s utter nonsense .

CatsForeverAndEver · 20/07/2023 21:40

Your friend did this deliberately, knowing you could never say anything. Don't care how unsexy breastfeeding is to women the act of taking her top off entirely is goady in that it's awkward and yes probably flirty, also really weird you were in the loo when she did it. Your poor DH, I wouldn't leave him alone with her again NOT because I'm saying anything would happen between them but because your friend clearly gets off on crossing boundaries and making everyone uncomfortable. Does she do anything else that's attention seeking?

rwalker · 20/07/2023 21:41

I find it strange that you’ve not mentioned it to DH
we’d be struggling to breathe for laughing on the way home
I think it’s just unusual thing to do

AppleTurnover1000Degrees · 20/07/2023 21:41

Cucucucu · 20/07/2023 21:36

I hope so , I don’t care how others feed their babies , I should say I had 2 amazing breastfeeding journeys with my oldest 2 ( breastfeeding until 19 months and 3 years old ) and my third baby was a nightmare and I had to combi feed and she completely stopped breastfeeding at 1 . What I find odd and I can only assume it comes from those who never breastfeed is that people would even contemplate accusing a breastfeeding mum of trying to entice someone’s husband . That’s utter nonsense .

Show quote history

Do you just strip half naked in front of visitors to breastfeed your babies?

Cucucucu · 20/07/2023 21:42

AppleTurnover1000Degrees · 20/07/2023 21:41

Do you just strip half naked in front of visitors to breastfeed your babies?

Show quote history

No but I know 2 people are no could only breastfeed taking her bra and top the babies had issues latching . If that’s what they need , that’s what they need , breastfeeding a baby trumps what any men feels comfortable with

Carpediemmakeitcount · 20/07/2023 21:43

Cucucucu · 20/07/2023 21:36

I hope so , I don’t care how others feed their babies , I should say I had 2 amazing breastfeeding journeys with my oldest 2 ( breastfeeding until 19 months and 3 years old ) and my third baby was a nightmare and I had to combi feed and she completely stopped breastfeeding at 1 . What I find odd and I can only assume it comes from those who never breastfeed is that people would even contemplate accusing a breastfeeding mum of trying to entice someone’s husband . That’s utter nonsense .

Show quote history

She's probably insecure and nothing came from it. I think she's more worried about what her husband thinks than the actual act of her taking off her top and breastfeeding. The op mentioned she didn't breastfeed so she may feel awkward about that. I think it's nice that she felt safe in front of her friends to do that.

CountFoscoHasMiceInHisPocket · 20/07/2023 21:43

rwalker · 20/07/2023 21:41

I find it strange that you’ve not mentioned it to DH
we’d be struggling to breathe for laughing on the way home
I think it’s just unusual thing to do

same! we'd have had a good laugh about it.

blueshoes · 20/07/2023 21:43

Cucucucu · 20/07/2023 21:36

I hope so , I don’t care how others feed their babies , I should say I had 2 amazing breastfeeding journeys with my oldest 2 ( breastfeeding until 19 months and 3 years old ) and my third baby was a nightmare and I had to combi feed and she completely stopped breastfeeding at 1 . What I find odd and I can only assume it comes from those who never breastfeed is that people would even contemplate accusing a breastfeeding mum of trying to entice someone’s husband . That’s utter nonsense .

Show quote history

You are making unfounded assumptions. I did extended bf-ing of both dcs including my son till he was 3.

Bf-ing is natural. It is not a performance. I do it quickly and discreetly in public without any need to display my breasts without outside or in my house.

Carpediemmakeitcount · 20/07/2023 21:45

rwalker · 20/07/2023 21:41

I find it strange that you’ve not mentioned it to DH
we’d be struggling to breathe for laughing on the way home
I think it’s just unusual thing to do

This I would have to talk about it. I think the op felt very awkward.

AppleTurnover1000Degrees · 20/07/2023 21:45

Cucucucu · 20/07/2023 21:42

No but I know 2 people are no could only breastfeed taking her bra and top the babies had issues latching . If that’s what they need , that’s what they need , breastfeeding a baby trumps what any men feels comfortable with

Show quote history

Well it's not just about you and the baby. So would you do it infront of children who might feel embarrassed. Just give people the heads up.

Cucucucu · 20/07/2023 21:45

blueshoes · 20/07/2023 21:43

You are making unfounded assumptions. I did extended bf-ing of both dcs including my son till he was 3.

Bf-ing is natural. It is not a performance. I do it quickly and discreetly in public without any need to display my breasts without outside or in my house.

Show quote history

Clearly you never been to a breastfeeding group then . Lots of people struggle , specially early on with the baby latching and switching sides . This woman is at home, not outside , she has every right to do as she feels comfortable

Merseymum992 · 20/07/2023 21:46

porridgeisbae · 20/07/2023 14:55

I do know of women who use breastfeeding as a way to flaunt.

That is absolute horse shit. No woman ever breast feeds to flaunt - they breast feed to feed their baby.

blueshoes · 20/07/2023 21:46

Cucucucu · 20/07/2023 21:45

Clearly you never been to a breastfeeding group then . Lots of people struggle , specially early on with the baby latching and switching sides . This woman is at home, not outside , she has every right to do as she feels comfortable

Show quote history

Read the OP. The baby is 8 months old.

Sweetashunni · 20/07/2023 21:47

Cucucucu · 20/07/2023 21:45

Clearly you never been to a breastfeeding group then . Lots of people struggle , specially early on with the baby latching and switching sides . This woman is at home, not outside , she has every right to do as she feels comfortable

Show quote history

Does that also apply to men? Say you went round DH’s mate’s house who has a thrush infection, if he just sat with his knob and bollocks out because it was itchy, you’d be fine with it? His house his rules?

Jumpingthruhoops · 20/07/2023 21:49

blueshoes · 20/07/2023 21:32

If it's OK for her to openly BF in front of my husband - why not the OP's husband?

It is not ok for her to have her top fully off to bf in public.

But LOTS of women think it is - and, once upon a time, it was considered misogynistic to disagree.

Times have changed. Clearly.

Missingmyusername · 20/07/2023 21:49

“breastfeeding a baby trumps what any men feels comfortable with”

Oh come on! I would leave the room or ask the bloke to leave.

Breastfeeding/milky tit porn is a thing ladies! No way would I get my boobs out in front of a mate’s hubby!

Doggytastic · 20/07/2023 21:49

I breastfed my three but never had a ( . ) out when it was redundant. Your friend sounds like she wS definitely showing off her assets!

Cucucucu · 20/07/2023 21:51

AppleTurnover1000Degrees · 20/07/2023 21:45

Well it's not just about you and the baby. So would you do it infront of children who might feel embarrassed. Just give people the heads up.

Show quote history

That’s their problem ! Breastfeeding a baby trumps anything . No child would feel embarrassed if they saw it as the norm . None of my kids minds others breastfeeding or my nephews or nieces. The fact a child feels embarrassed of anyone breastfeeding is a problem in itself .

blueshoes · 20/07/2023 21:51

Jumpingthruhoops · 20/07/2023 21:49

But LOTS of women think it is - and, once upon a time, it was considered misogynistic to disagree.

Times have changed. Clearly.

Show quote history

Not sure what your point is.

dreamygirl25 · 20/07/2023 21:51

Nevermind31 · 20/07/2023 15:00

Off to uncover both… wouldn’t the other one start leaking???

Exactly what I was thinking 😂

Guiltyfeethavegotnorhythm0 · 20/07/2023 21:51

Sweetashunni · 20/07/2023 21:47

Does that also apply to men? Say you went round DH’s mate’s house who has a thrush infection, if he just sat with his knob and bollocks out because it was itchy, you’d be fine with it? His house his rules?

Show quote history

This is horseshit breasts are not genitals .

Cucucucu · 20/07/2023 21:52

Missingmyusername · 20/07/2023 21:49

“breastfeeding a baby trumps what any men feels comfortable with”

Oh come on! I would leave the room or ask the bloke to leave.

Breastfeeding/milky tit porn is a thing ladies! No way would I get my boobs out in front of a mate’s hubby!

Never in my life I would leave a room to feed my baby . That’s crazy ! Utter crazy . If people feel uncomfortable they can leave or not look