DP won’t stop asking ridiculous questions

[QuestionAfterQuestion]

Please tell me my DP isn’t the only one who does this. Misery loves company and all that.

We went to a new cafe today. Neither of us have been there and it’s a place he picked (I’ve never heard of it). Walked in and he asked me where the toilet was. Well I don’t know but I looked around and saw a sign so I guess it’s there! Bonus questions I was asked include the likes of ‘what’s good here?’ and ‘which brand of milk do they use for their lattes?’.

We make a trip to the cinema. 10 minutes into the film he asks me who that character is. I don’t know but I expect all will be revealed soon enough!

He stands in the kitchen, heating instructions are right there on the packet he’s holding. ‘How long do we heat this up for?’

His macbook had an os update. ‘How long does it take to install?’

I’ve been biting my tongue and responding with ‘I don’t know’ instead of something snarkier but it’s relentless!!

Every time he asks you a stupid question get your phone out and ask siri or Google.

"Hello Siri, is my husband hungry". "Hello Siri, why does my husband ask me stupid questions".

Well he’s lasted 25 years. I’m happy to tell him when he irritates me, I can’t be bothered with incessant wittering asking stupid questions to make conversation with people.

Tell him it's one of those new style cafes where there aren't any toilets, but it's perfectly acceptable to take a shit on the table.

I see I'm in only 4% that think yabu. I do all these things!!!😅

It becomes self-fulfilling - it's just easier to do things yourself so you become the font of all knowledge. Bridget Christie's The Change was very relatable.

My DH is like this too. Usually variations on a theme of of "Have we got any milk?" "Where do we keep the pillowcases?" Most frequently, following a complaint about the state the loo has been left in, "Where do we keep the spray?" I dunno, look around our tiny bathroom with its solitary cupboard and maybe check there?

My standard response is "Hmm, I wonder. Treasure hunt?" or "Same place as it has been for the past X years." Can't get too sarcastic or irritated because DH has depression and any criticism like this could trigger a huff leading to actual depressed spell for a few days. DH is much older than me and approaching retirement so I think this is only going to get worse. It is however balanced by the shared humour of realising something's been packed away in entirely the wrong place.

Outsourced thinking :)

DH used to do this but I started doing 1 of 2 things.

1. I’d thrust my hips about and say uterus detecting and say my uterus must be broken because it’s not telling me the answer

2. I’d lie flat on the ground struggling with an invisible weight over me and start shouting that the patriarchy was crushing me

this was after a very long time of DH doing the same or shouting me from another room and I’d end up traipsing up to him like a dog to hear what he was going to say.

he’s much better now

I have one of these, too. He's outsourcing his thinking to you. Don't stand for it. I have finally established that I will not answer any questions during mealtimes, but it has taken years.

Yes!!!! It’s so frustrating!!!!! Sometimes I feel like I’m totally spoon feeding. I asked him to look in to flights gur next year, avoiding the Easter weekend and during the school hols. He said he couldn’t as he didn’t kniw the date of the Easter weekend nor the term dates.

WHICH IS WHAT FUCKING GOOGLE was invented for.

it’s just laziness o think.

I employ a standard "dunno love" or sometimes a gallic shrug if I can't be bothered. 🤷

Oh dear - I have that unit and it's malfunctioning. He thinks I'm the Encyclopedia Britannica. "Just how far did the Phoenicians get?" "When was Doggerland around?" "Is magnetic north the same thing as ordinary north"? "How do swallows know to return to the exact same nest here every year from South Africa?"
I have always put this down to the fact that his Dad deserted the family when he was 4 and he was a deeply neglected child who had no-one to talk to and ask questions of. He thinks I'm the Oracle and the thing is, I do answer his questions to the best of my ability. But I would love a day off!

I’m really infuriated by how many of us have these idiots lazy bastards.

I don’t answer, ignore and pretend I haven’t heard. Frequently.

honestly, if it wasn’t for the fact that women are physically, in most cases, the weaker sex we would have ruled the world since time began. There would also have been peace the world over too.

happily married with a DH and DS but I could live self sufficiently in a male less world.

My most unfavourite question: "Where are my keys?"

My DH does this and in his case, it is not "thinking aloud" like many people on this thread suggest. He is genuinely asking me and looking for an answer, but I refuse to pander to his laziness.

"Do we have any milk?"
"I don't know... do we?"

"Is it next week the wheelie bin goes out?"
"I don't know... is it?"

I'm not against sarcasm, though. Like a PP, I have often pointed out that I'm not the speaking clock. He also asks me who characters are in a film I've never seen ("I don't know, I didn't fucking direct this") or asks me if it's raining when I come in drenched to my skin ("nah, I swam home from work").

However he has finally learned that if he asks me where something is, I will answer "up your arse", so that's something.

My ds did this when younger. My reply was always "I have no idea, google is your friend" or " I may be your mother but that doesn't mean I know everything, google is your friend".

Doesn't Alexa answer any questions? Tell him to ask her.
His questions are like those of a 5 year old.

It's ADHD.. thinking out loud..he's asking himself the question.. but asks it out loud..l do it all the time.. ADHD

I now warn dh not to ask me if there’s any dinner after a day out. He’s slowly getting it.

Rub your tits and say “nope, still not crystal” and look disappointed.

He is probably wondering aloud and that's how he makes conversation. I'd just say 'I wonder that too'

You’ve fallen out of love with him. All the examples you’ve given would be endearing, or you’d not notice, it’s just conversation.

It's not "conversation" at all

What time is it?
Two fifteen.

Have we got any milk?
No

No conversation. It's sheer laziness.

I think that - in some cases - you are right in saying that DH is simply very clumsy at making conversation (rather than deliberately asking a stupid question). To whit, this example from minutes ago:

DH - "Is the cat's bowl going in the dishwasher?"

Cat's bowl goes in the dishwasher every night. He knows that. I know that. What he is actually meaning is:

"I'm loading the dishwasher, can you nip to the back room and bring me through the cat's bowl, thanks"

Now I could have given him a smart alec answer of "Probably, it does every other night" or even "I dunno, let me consult my uterine oracle" but is it really worth the aggro? No, I love him to pieces, and it's far simpler to do the translation in my brain and respond to what was meant rather than what was actually said.

You need to treat him like the child he thinks he is.

Sit him down and give him a pep talk one morning. Instead of "Use your words" you need to encourage him to "Use your brain".

Tell him he will have a rewards chart and for every day he figures out basic stuff for himself he will get a sticker. A full week of stickers means he gets a boiled sweet.

A week when he has failed to engage his brain will result in murder.

Sit back. Look pleased with yourself. Point to the sticker chart on the wall. Ask him if he's ready to try being a big boy.

I have one like this.

When he used to ask me things like about the kids, his kids, I'd say 'ask one of their parents'.

Now he still asks me ' Does Clara like spaghetti' while 14 old Clara is sat beside me I have to say wearily, why don't you ask her.

I think it's laziness and the expectation that we are a walking encyclopaedia of domestic life, childcare and the mundane and it just spreads to every small detail of life that they can't be bothered to work out or store in their heads.