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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP won’t stop asking ridiculous questions

221 replies

QuestionAfterQuestion · 20/07/2023 14:29

Please tell me my DP isn’t the only one who does this. Misery loves company and all that.

We went to a new cafe today. Neither of us have been there and it’s a place he picked (I’ve never heard of it). Walked in and he asked me where the toilet was. Well I don’t know but I looked around and saw a sign so I guess it’s there! Bonus questions I was asked include the likes of ‘what’s good here?’ and ‘which brand of milk do they use for their lattes?’.

We make a trip to the cinema. 10 minutes into the film he asks me who that character is. I don’t know but I expect all will be revealed soon enough!

He stands in the kitchen, heating instructions are right there on the packet he’s holding. ‘How long do we heat this up for?’

His macbook had an os update. ‘How long does it take to install?’

I’ve been biting my tongue and responding with ‘I don’t know’ instead of something snarkier but it’s relentless!!

OP posts:
spitefulandbadgrammar · 20/07/2023 16:21

QuestionAfterQuestion · 20/07/2023 16:17

He does this sometimes too!

‘Babe, what time will the package arrive?’
‘I picked the 3-5 time slot’
He pulls out his phone to check
‘Yeah you’re right’

Why ask me in the middle of my WFH session then!!!!!

Show quote history

Ah, that’s an extra annoyance in addition to the questions: it’s called manchecking.

Me: We need to hustle DD to the bus stop, there’s a 3 o’clock bus.
DP: ::whips out phone:: Yep, bus at 3 o’clock.

Pigeon31 · 20/07/2023 16:21

Ah, you have one of those DPs who does stream of thought talking :) Everyone in my OH's family does this also - I think he has to sometimes voice things to think through them.

I try not to get wound up by being asked lots of questions to which he either knows the answer or could easily find it.

phoenixrosehere · 20/07/2023 16:22

Nclktnntt · 20/07/2023 16:17

@phoenixrosehere but - hear me out here - it's an ingrained unconscious thing that many people do and have done since childhood, it's not like it's a thought through process, so it can't really be seen as rude, unless they did it on purpose to annoy the other, then yes that would be, but 99% of the time they don't know they're doing it. I didn't, and sometimes I still ask easy to source questions, like what time is it whilst I pick up my phone to check, because most of the time I'm about to suggest something then my brains realises my suggestion is time dependant so I'm actually just talking aloud in most cases before I get to whatever I was going to say, but when I actually ask and look at my husband for an answer & see his blank look, that will usually set us off laughing because he's reminding me I'm doing it again.

It sounds like you're totally incompatible with someone who does this, which is fine, they're not your cup of tea, and you won't be theirs. We don't all need to get on but being more understanding towards one another will ease our stress levels.

My husband sometimes does it too, I think everyone does - because we don't realise we're doing it, some do it way more than others, he will also ask a question knowing full well I don't have the answer and we both start laughing.

It sounds like you're totally incompatible with someone who does this, which is fine, they're not your cup of tea, and you won't be theirs. We don't all need to get on but being more understanding towards one another will ease our stress levels.

I get what you’re saying. I do think it is easy to tell the difference though if someone is speaking out loud to themselves vs expecting an answer from someone else. I don’t mind when people do the former, it’s the latter when it is all right there in front of one’s face and there is no need to ask someone else. There are other questions or chitchat that can be asked or done.

Pigeon31 · 20/07/2023 16:22

I do sometimes forget myself and answer "I don't care" instead of "I don't know."

betweenfriends · 20/07/2023 16:23

Each time you should repeat "I'm not your mum"!

BodegaSushi · 20/07/2023 16:23

Monkeymonkeymoo · 20/07/2023 16:11

My MIL also does this but then contradicts whatever I say.
Her (waving a box of fish fingers): How long do you think these take?
Me: Probably about 20 minutes
Her: Oh, the box says 15-18 minutes.

It drives me nuts, why are you asking me! Is it so we can play the worlds shittest guessing game? Is it because we have so little in common that we’re reduced to discussing it the cooking time of various toddler snacks? Arghhhh

I think this one would send me to prison for life.

ManAboutTown · 20/07/2023 16:23

Pigeon31 · 20/07/2023 16:21

Ah, you have one of those DPs who does stream of thought talking :) Everyone in my OH's family does this also - I think he has to sometimes voice things to think through them.

I try not to get wound up by being asked lots of questions to which he either knows the answer or could easily find it.

This!!

Known one or two who seemed incapable of doing anything without a running commentary on it

Cherrysoup · 20/07/2023 16:24

I used to try to be helpful and work out answers when my DH would ask questions. I now just do the whole’8 don’t know’, which means lots less effort!

Prelapsarianhag · 20/07/2023 16:27

He thinks you are his fucking secretary.

BarqsHasBite · 20/07/2023 16:27

QuestionAfterQuestion · 20/07/2023 14:29

Please tell me my DP isn’t the only one who does this. Misery loves company and all that.

We went to a new cafe today. Neither of us have been there and it’s a place he picked (I’ve never heard of it). Walked in and he asked me where the toilet was. Well I don’t know but I looked around and saw a sign so I guess it’s there! Bonus questions I was asked include the likes of ‘what’s good here?’ and ‘which brand of milk do they use for their lattes?’.

We make a trip to the cinema. 10 minutes into the film he asks me who that character is. I don’t know but I expect all will be revealed soon enough!

He stands in the kitchen, heating instructions are right there on the packet he’s holding. ‘How long do we heat this up for?’

His macbook had an os update. ‘How long does it take to install?’

I’ve been biting my tongue and responding with ‘I don’t know’ instead of something snarkier but it’s relentless!!

✋🏻yep, I’m another one in this boat. I thought part of my problem is that where hubby comes from (on the continent) people speak to each other more directly. So he will say in a new cafe “Where is the toilet?” which gives me the impression that he expects me to know and drives me nuts.
If he said “I don’t suppose you’ve spotted the toilet?” I’d be totally fine with that, but he often asks questions that I couldn’t possibly know the answer to.

Seems like it’s not a continental thing after all and this type of fuckwittery is universal among certain men 🙄

I feel particularly resentful as I already carry 90% plus of the family mental load and then there’s all this extra really trivial stuff that he seemingly can’t be arsed to figure out himself so tries to shunt it onto me too!

Qwertyyui · 20/07/2023 16:28

I get told I am brutal in my answers. I say it was a stupid bloody question so deserved the response. It is another way for you to have to pick up the mental load. I am so tired of having to make decisions that are easy or answer questions I don't need to! I am on strike x

JudgeJ · 20/07/2023 16:28

QuestionAfterQuestion · 20/07/2023 14:29

Please tell me my DP isn’t the only one who does this. Misery loves company and all that.

We went to a new cafe today. Neither of us have been there and it’s a place he picked (I’ve never heard of it). Walked in and he asked me where the toilet was. Well I don’t know but I looked around and saw a sign so I guess it’s there! Bonus questions I was asked include the likes of ‘what’s good here?’ and ‘which brand of milk do they use for their lattes?’.

We make a trip to the cinema. 10 minutes into the film he asks me who that character is. I don’t know but I expect all will be revealed soon enough!

He stands in the kitchen, heating instructions are right there on the packet he’s holding. ‘How long do we heat this up for?’

His macbook had an os update. ‘How long does it take to install?’

I’ve been biting my tongue and responding with ‘I don’t know’ instead of something snarkier but it’s relentless!!

Oh, I remember my late OH and I renting a car in Spain, we walked out of the office and he handed me the keys, 'You drive, I don't know Algeciras', a place we had never been to before! It became a regular phrase when he wanted me to do something first, especially involving driving because I was far more confident in towns.

ClawedButler · 20/07/2023 16:30

I have a DH like this.

I'll come through the front door, red-faced and sweaty, wearing gym gear and trainers.

DH: "Oh are you back from the gym?"
Me: <after a blank stare> No, still there.

adriftinadenofvipers · 20/07/2023 16:30

I get sarcastic, I'm afraid, eg "is the dinner ready yet?"

Me: "Have I called you and said, the dinner is ready?"

ClawedButler · 20/07/2023 16:32

Me, clattering with pots and pans, fetching ingredients &c

DH: Are you cooking dinner?
Me: <blank stare> No I thought I'd get some flamenco practice in, what do you reckon

HollaHolla · 20/07/2023 16:32

God, my mother is like that.
We went somewhere new for an appointment. She kept saying to me 'is it this way?' 'is it along here?'
I ended up just about screaming I DON'T KNOW!!!
I am not the fucking oracle.
No suggestions. But super annoying.

Autumntimeagain · 20/07/2023 16:33

I also get sarcastic I'm afraid.

I always say 'Can I win a prize in this game of what/where/who ? Cos otherwise I'm not playing !' 😂

cocksstrideintheevening · 20/07/2023 16:33

BodegaSushi · 20/07/2023 16:23

I think this one would send me to prison for life.

Show quote history

My husband will do things like as they a bath or a shower, they'll say bath, he'll say you're having a shower. WTAF. Why give them the option.

Or it will be 'do you want burgers or curry', they'll say curry and he'll say oh we're having burgers.

He's a cc of his mother and it's getting worse as he gets worse as he gets older (he's not old and in a senior position at work).

Roussette · 20/07/2023 16:36

My favourite is my DH opening the fridge door and staring in as if it were a telly programme he was enjoying watching.

Then saying "what's in here then?"

Me: Are your eyes not working? !

towriteyoumustlive · 20/07/2023 16:37

I'd be far more concerned that you're in a relationship with someone who takes an interest in the brand of milk that they use in their lattes... 😂

ImNotReallySpartacus · 20/07/2023 16:37

My mother once asked me "shall I go to the loo now or later?"

Edders71 · 20/07/2023 16:38

My 15 year old son does this.

Note to self to make him stop doing it before he’s in the market for a partner. 😬

ChrisPPancake · 20/07/2023 16:39

Have you tried "well what do you think?"?

inpolzeathwetrust · 20/07/2023 16:42

After many years of this nonsense, I say "that is in the category of stupid pointless question." He usually laughs then, and answers his own question. But he is a very good natured man who never minds being teased.

Minniliscious · 20/07/2023 16:42

Yep I have one of these - it’s really infuriating. He offers to clean out the fridge before we do a food shop but I get a running commentary of what he’s keeping and what he’s throwing out. Accompanied by fucking annoying questions such as “Is the bacon alright or shall I throw it?” “The mushrooms look ropey, what shall I do?” “This yogurt has 2 more days left on it but I may as well throw it, what do you think?” Aaaaaaaargh! As I work from home, it’s even more infuriating as I’m trying to concentrate.

When I clear out the fridge I just bloody we’ll get in with it.