Family holiday. How should the costs be split?

[Sallyrush]

3 families looking to hire a Villa. (Siblings. Not sure if relevant or not)
2 families are 2 adults and 2 kids, other family is 1 adult, 2 kids.
Families 1 & 2 (2 adults, 2 kids each) think Villa should be split per family.
Family 3 (1 adult, 2 kids) thinks the cost should be split per person, their reason being they have 1 salary to pay for the holiday, other families have 2 - all adults work full time.
Families 1 & 2 feel they all use same facilities so it’s per family.
Family 3 would also like to split costs like food per person but other families think this is petty.
who is right?
YANBU. Families 1 & 2 are correct. Split per family
YABU Family 3 is correct. Cost split per person

I'd be splitting by room allocation. If family 3 (1 adult 2 kids) will be only using one room and the other family have two rooms, then they pay more.

A villa holiday is fairly obviously a luxury rather than a necessity, so nobody should be subsidising anyone else.

But by making Family 3 pay the same as them when they are one adult fewer, is making Family 3 support Families 1&2... how is that fair?

Thanks for all your messages.
I decided to say I’d pay 1/3 as I didn’t want to fall out with them and they came back and said they’ve chatted and agreed to split Villa costs by 11.
In-villa food will be split per family, dinner out by 11 and alcohol per adult.
I am happy with this and feel it’s a fair compromise.
I’m not happy with the way they made me feel but I accept families are sometimes more brutal than friends can be 😊
Appreciate all your comments x

I think it should be split per adult. you all have 2 kids each so just leave them out of the equation as theres plenty of rooms anyway.

I could possibly understand it if you were 3 groups of friends, but you are siblings!

I guess their feeling is why should it cost them more just because you are single. Which I undertstand, but as family thats a pretty shitty attitude.

I think you are just going to have to pay 1/3 though as doubt this attitude will change. Just make sure your 8 year old eats plenty of fruit! And you have 2 persons worth of food (joking, but only a bit!).

Thats a fair compromise, glad the siblings took your side of things into account.

I sympathise as I have 3 siblings (2 with partners and 2 DC each, me as a single mum with 3 DC, and one who is single without kids) and we always have to figure something out on hols. Its an awkward conversation to have but good to get it sorted out properly before you go.

We usually spilt the cost per adult of accommodation, but food etc, should be per person, otherwise the single parent family is paying to feed other kids - if family 1&2 can afford to compromise so that you can all go together that would be ideal, as family 3 has raised concerns about the costs. To families have two incomes coming in and one only has one. I think you're getting caught up in what is 'fair' that what will allow everyone to attend the holiday.

That sounds like a reasonable compromise for everyone. As there's more than one way to cut it I think you should just take the outcome as a positive- they have reviewed and compromised- and enjoy your holiday.

Great result, I'm pleased you've sorted it out and I hope you enjoy your holiday!

In DH's family, which does a big reunion every year, they count adults as 1 unit and kids as 0.5 units. Babes in arms are not counted.

So 16 adults and 9 kids would equal 20.5 units. The total costs is divided by 20.5 and each family pays their share

A family with 2 adults and 3 kids would pay 3.5 parts
A solo adult 1 part
A couple 2 parts
etc

😂 Agree about the friends comment. Would have been less likely to suggest it. I feel more hurt than anything by the tone and content of their messages, but at least we have reached a solution we are all happy with

Accommodation per room and food per person. Single people have felt the impact of the cost of living more as mortgage rises and utility bills wipe out their wage and they don’t have the cushion of another wage to help. It seems very unfair to then ask them to subsidise families with two earners.

Your siblings are being mean. I would always pay more in most cases as I have much more disposable income. If I didn't I wouldn't. So even when it was me and my husband plus my siblings with children I would always pay a 1/3 and pay for our mum. If my sister was a single parent I would subsidise. There is no way in these circumstances would I expect my sister to pay a 1/3.

Per person, obviously.

Either split the cost per adult (which would be 2/5 for family one and two each and 1/5 for family 3) or per person (4/11 for family one and two each ans 3/11 for family 3).

It’s not just about bedrooms. It’s also about food, utilities, shared spaces like pools etc.
so yes, I agree with family 3!

Can you take a 2nd adult? Good friend, kid’s godmother etc?

could be nice. Your friend wouldn’t have to pay anything at all (seeing as you’re already paying 1/3 and she will be your guest/+1) and your siblings wouldn’t have room to complain without seeming like massive hypocrites.

Great result, OP! Particularly on the alcohol.

I hope you will have a great time

We used to be family 3 when I was little. My mum basically ended up supplementing her sister, sister’s DH and sister’s 2 (later 3! children!).

despite my mum being a single parent and having 1 (later 2) children.
your sister’s comment about how she can’t have this everytime you book a holiday is very very telling IMO! Because she expects you to pay 1/3 everytime.

do you want that? If not: I would not agree to 1/3 and stick to per person.

I am glad it worked out for you. They were being a bit mean asking you to sub them. If they hadn’t, I would have explained that you would sort your own (hotel?) accommodation next time because you couldn’t afford a villa. Food is much easier to sort out.

I've always gone with equal split per family- and my sister has 4 kids (and a husband) whilst I have 1 kid and divorced. I genuinely never thought about doing it any other way, as we share food (she cooks I hate it) and we pay our own when we're doing activities. I'm not well off, but just always have done it this way because it's a family holiday. Have usually done the same with friends too though, split in half because I'd never thought to do it otherwise.

I do still think it's unfair for you to be subsidising food (especially for TWO men AND a 14yo).

My advice would be to eat well. Don't hold back.

I think they are taking the piss personally

Is the cost proportional to the people attending? Ie, have you paid for a 12 bed or 11? If it’s a 12 bed then essentially paying an equal amount then the 3 family are paying an under occupancy supplement which is standard practice.
if it’s sleeps 11, you split the cost 11 ways and they pay 3/11th and the other family pays 4/11s.

id suggest that if they went alone though that the family of 3 wouldn’t be able to get a 3 bed and would always need a 4 and pay for that. They are being opportunistic that they think they only need to pay for what they need but expect you to subside what they don’t need.

as for food, it’s tricky as there will be some who will eat more than others son difficult to quantify a share.

if you think about it in their terms though, say the holiday is costing £1000. If their income is £2000 and yours £4000, you are only paying 25% whilst they are paying 50% but without looking at actual income it’s not fair to say one has a single equivalent over a double equivalent.

ask yourself the question though, would you be happy to pay the same as a family of 10 when you have 4 in your family?

maybe this just isn’t going to work 😥

By room. If single person booked a hotel room they are not going to get a cheaper rate for the room…
food… by person.
but maybe family 3 cannot afford this, and then they won’t come…

@Sallyrush
An even 3 way split seems reasonable. Family 3 is being petty. If the vacation is causing family 3 a hardship, maybe this isn't the vacation for them.

It can be amazingly annoying to share cost with a group and having one member of the party count everything down to the penny. This is a family trip and no one in the group is going to profit in anyway .

I would just stay at home if I couldn't afford to pay the cost that the majority agrees upon.
There is no shame in saying that st this time you cannot afford the trip. I think that is far more embarrassing to be " that person " who wants to count everything down to the penny. How much of a savings will family 3 actually get, and how much is the pleasure that his/her children will experience having fun with the cousins worth ?