To think it's not really possible to get wealthy?

[ilyana]

I live in London and earlier today, I treated myself to a fancy haircut in Belgravia and met a friend for a coffee and a walk around. I saw a whole side of London I don't normally see! I live in a nice enough but definitely not posh part of south London, get the bus everywhere, and shop at Lidl.

We saw a woman coming out of one of the gorgeous townhouses and getting into a chauffeur driven car, and I commented that I'd love to have that lifestyle. My friend told me I could if I really wanted it and worked for it, and that I'm limiting myself. I'm 38 and single and earn £65K at my day job and another £5K or so through a bit of freelance work on the side. I could probably push that up to £10K if I gave up a lot of my free time. I know £70-75K is decent money, but it's hardly a stepping stone to this kind of wealth, is it? If I really pushed myself at work and looked to move to another role elsewhere, I could maybe get to £85K in a year or two, possibly £100K by 42ish, but that's still not huge money in London, is it? Particularly without a partner to share costs.

AIBU to think it's pretty much impossible for me to attain that lifestyle at this point, and that almost everyone who does live like this has inherited wealth, privileges like having gone to top private schools, or married into money? Or maybe done something like bought/inherited property young and got lucky with property prices rising?

@Beneficialchampion2 So you genuinely that ANYONE, no mater how shit their past background and current circumstances, can potentially become super wealthy as long as they have a certain mindset and make certain decisions/ take certain actions?

Give me some reasons why not?

The wealthier you want to be the more you need to have everything to line up perfectly, including having a bit of a middle-class boost yourself.

E.g. Rishi Sunak worked hard via a traditional City career, did an MBA at Stanford and met Akshata Murty. "Convert your educational/career capital into opportunities to meet a rich spouse" is a path that's available to "normal" people and top MBAs are accessible to smart people who work hard.

However Rishi was hardly starting from the slums, he went to Winchester and Oxford and presumably was able to use that cultural capital to charm her. You don't need to be Winchester level necessarily but most people I know from b-school at least attended some kind of private school. Advantage builds up each generation.

So, could you consider having a kid and coaching them to marry well? It worked for Mary Davies' mother... ;)

Illness, whether physical, mental or both.

Being tied to a job that is never going to pay a particularly large salary but not having the opportunity to move on or retrain.

Dealing with fewer opportunities due to institutional racism.

There are a ton more reasons; those are just three. It's easy to say it's just a mindset thing if you have relative privilege.

@Beneficialchampion2

Illness, whether physical, mental or both.

Being tied to a job that is never going to pay a particularly large salary but not having the opportunity to move on or retrain.

Dealing with fewer opportunities due to institutional racism.

There are a ton more reasons; those are just three. It's easy to say it's just a mindset thing if you have relative privilege.

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Judging from your comments it seems you are saying that you've achieved the sort of fabulous wealth the OP posted about. Why not offer share some details about how you achieved this?

You can only earn enough to sustain that life in a couple of careers with very specific skills - high tech, hedge funds, extremely high value property transactions.

Almost everyone who enjoys that sort of wealth actually has inherited it or is living off the assets of some trust or other.

It sounds like you have a pretty good quality of life. Remember that comparison is the thief of joy.

@Secretboringsister I’m listening did you have advice ? Im pretty ok with what I have I’ve done well enough for me putting one child through private out of income will need a few years catch up but I’m conscious of making the best of what I have. Self made from less than zero in 25 years no payout from inheritance or alimony

Actually I’m really good at making money from nothing but when I post on side hustles no one is ever interested

I’d recommend watching the kardashians on Disney if you haven’t seen it already - they have extreme wealth and it seems to come with a whole load of shit (not the celebrity bit, but the generally awful boyfriends/ husbands, the anonymous flunkies that run the houses, the obsequious flunkies that run the businesses).

Re the awful boyfriends and husbands - it must be hard when you are that wealthy to meet someone who is attracted to you rather than your wealth.

Agreed.

I idiotically trained for and have a highly successful career in an elite industry that pays absolutely fuck all. I work about 28 hours week around kids and despite being v visible and senior it's a great year if I make £50k.

I'm never going to be rich and I'm too old/encumbered by children to train to do anything else now.

I don't feel silly at all - why would I? I stand by everything I said.

This. And a certain number of people have to be allowed to 'make it' to keep the myth alive. 'I made it, so can you if you dream big and work for it.'

Bollocks. Everyone I know who is 'self-made' or 'worked hard for what we have' (as though people in undervalued roles or on the breadline working extra shifts/two jobs don't) had a step up to varying degrees. It starts with the educational and networking opportunities that comes with private school or just being middle class and confident in a 'good' state school. Then onward to having the economic freedom to go to take on university debt, do unpaid work, apply for internships. Knowing that you can take a risk on a low paid entry role or business start up because you'll never really be left on the street. And on and on and on.

But the super rich - Belgravia types - have all inherited serious wealth or used other currencies (physical attractiveness usually) to marry into it.

Illness I accept is a valid reason for not being able to achieve what I'm referring to.

Being tied to a job I do not, find another one, it's easy to increase your annual salary with basically zero qualifications moving jobs frequently, particularly in this market.

Institutional racism I somewhat accept, it depends on the situation, I can't see why it would stop you as an entrepreneur in the UK though.

I am not of the wealth that the OP has alluded to but I am financially comfortable, my highest qualification is an A level of which I got the lowest grades, I've never had support from family short of them housing me up until age 16, after which I moved into an HMO and worked at McDonald's whilst studying a levels. I did an apprenticeship making tea on the shop floor earning £2.60 an hour and regularly put in 60 hours a week from the age of 18 to demonstrate my commitment, I managed to save enough in 3 years for a house deposit and sacrificed any form of social life to accomplish this whilst also paying rent and bills, I read books on self improvement, emotional intelligence etc. I was promoted up the ranks very quickly and was in an operational management role managing 80 people at 26 earning rubbish money because I was being discriminated against because of my age. I applied for over 180 roles elsewhere some of which were totally outside if my skillset and eventually found one in a business where my salary pretty much doubled over night. You will say I am lucky, I say I was committed to finding a role that paid me fairly and fought hard to find it.

The increase in income allowed me to significantly increase the amount of money I was able to invest Into crypto, stocks, shares and my education. I made most of my current money during the crypto bull run of 2020.

I now work in an operational PAYE role for an aerospace company, I earn in excess of six figures and have a passive income of around £30k from my investments pa, which is increasing year on year due to growth.

I'm hoping to be in a position to give up work in the next ten years, though I probably won't because I'll get bored.

I have worked my bollocks off to get to where I am, I sacrificed a lot during my later teens and twenties, and am now reaping the rewards. I do not consider myself to be privileged in anyway, other than being fortunate enough to have my mother support me through school, I've done everything else off my own back.

Hi Parsley

i don’t want to hijack this thread but I’m happy to share what I did. For reference, Both my parents have passed and I received 0 inheritance and in fact paid for both their funerals etc. I’m no where near Belgravia rich but if you want me to go into detail you’re welcome to DM me.

I am also not a banker, fund manager etc nor did I marry money. I had a wealthy self made boss when I was 30 who mentored me and showed me what he did and how to do research. He was American and his parents were dirt poor share croppers. It is possible to be financially free with a better quality of life by making good choices and being consistent with your goals. (I don’t know about lavishly wealthy because that isn’t my situation) ❤️

@Beneficialchampion2 everyone has different circumstances and I have a very non judgemental mindset but out of all you have written I agree WHOLEHEARTEDLY with 2 points you made which to me are the 2 MOST IMPORTANT attributes to increasing a person’s financial circumstances.

1. lose the poverty mindset. If a person has the mindset that what they want/dream of is unattainable then it will be unattainable. The mindset needs to be that although a person may not know HOW to achieve more that they ABSOLUTELY CAN , it just takes a single step forward to start on the path to get there.
2. increasing your financial circumstances is a future and ongoing state. It’s about change because you wouldn’t need/want to increase your financial circumstances now if you were content with where you are. This pursuit requires making different choices in life and involves some work (even research as opposed to employment work). I don’t like to use the word sacrifice because to me, I am not “sacrificing “ by not buying a £4 Starbucks coffee I am “rewarding “ myself by having £4 in my savings which will be £40 if invested or utilised wisely.

I’m interested. Let’s start a thread. I have a good paying PAYE job. I also do elite one on one dog boarding in my home for £50 per night for dogs and owners that I meet beforehand and choose to accept or not. If the family has an extra dog the additional dog is an extra £30 per night.

I am booked to my schedule through January 2024.

I do other side hustles too, happy to share in another thread. I live within my means and I use my side hustles for investment, emergency fund, gifts etc.

@Secretboringsister I'd absolutely love a thread about this subject.

@Beneficialchampion2 you mentioned that you don't see how insitutitional racism would affect an entrepreneur in the UK.

You're a person of colur speaking from lived experience?

she may be or may not be but it’s like you have assumed she isn’t that wealthy because she is a woman?!

I know law firm female partners with that level of wealth + the kids in Dulwich or Eton

I had a wonderful career but left and married a very wealthy man. Tall, dark and handsome too. Two houses, one on the ocean, 6 cars and two boats; I thought I had it all. OMG it was exhausting! If I had a chipped nail or a hair out of place he considered it a disaster. I had to organise huge dinner parties and charity 'do' s. He wouldn't even go to the dry cleaners himself although he passed it on his way to work and it was a 34 mile round trip for me because apparently it wouldn't do for him to be seen doing these things for himself. I didn't want a chauffeur but I did have a housekeeper. Then I had the effrontery to become ill and he behaved very badly. I left, eventually married again and have a much lower standard of life but am so much happier.
" Be careful what you wish for".

@Secretboringsister yes let’s do a thread and I’ll pm you thank you ♥️

It’s impossible unless you work in a hedge fund, or very successful startup - ie get lucky to be an early employee in something like Google, get their shares and the company then goes public and share prices grow (called ‘to the moon’)
if we are talking about Belgravia, even these types might struggle actually to afford a townhouse there. It is mostly old money or new foreign money (ie Russian oligarchs or Arab millionaires)

even law firm and hedge fund partners without large inherited wealth i know actually live in other parts of town, so they are relatively wealthy and they got there themselves but it will be south or west London. Not central. I know people who inherited properties in Chelsea or Notting Hill but it’s obviously a different story

so no, you can’t really work your way up to a Chelsea townhouse. But you can certainly better your life, salaries of 120-150K are achievable in some professions

I think Belgravia in the OP is a red herring.

Yes OP , you can absolutely achieve the odd business class travel, a couple of nice outfits, etc. It’s even possible to achieve the Belgravia level wealth, but that’s probable IYSWIM.

I’m at the first level but don’t think I’ll ever get to 2nd. I didn’t do anything terribly intriguing to get to where I am. I’ve worked boring but well paying jobs, advanced to a senior but not executive level, prioritized saving and spending, generally live below my means, have not inherited.

I never really thought I couldn’t get to the level I’m at and just worked to make it happen.

Funny how your priorities change in life. For me wealth is probably being debt free and being able to afford the occasional holiday but ultimately having some free time. And possibly making life more comfortable for you as you age. I've had three old family members house bound due to age and ill health. Two too disabled to have a shower. All three couldn't get into their gardens due to their problems. All three could have afforded to make some basic alterations to their homes to make things easier. But for one reason or another never did. I know this is wildly off, but what I am learning in life is that time is very precious and you don't get much of it. I'm more jealous of the couples that grab a kiss and a smile and hold hands than someone with good clothes and a handbag. The height of decadence for me is buying a pint, which is very rare as I can't afford to eat and drink out. I'd take that money and move out of London. Heck, I'd learn to drive, don a flat cap and drive you around a few times a week for a hundred odd quid. There are probably places with competitive taxi prices still about, that work out cheaper than running a car.