AIBU to hate the term mental load?

[YeahIsaidit]

I cringe every time I read it, people lamenting that they can't cope with the mental load, partners aren't taking on an equal share of the mental load, argh! They're chores, household tasks, jobs. Mental load makes it sound like you're suffering from some kind of mental health issue rather than being dragged down by housework, stop it.

He should still be sorting out his own clothes in adulthood though

OK so what do single men do? Live in squalor with no clean clothes and no idea where to go or what to do or how to function in a normal society?

Well of course you think this, because you still can't understand mental load, because you barely have one. When I was a single parent I carried the full financial responsibility, naturally, and all response for me and one DC. Financial stress has got nothing to do with it. It was, compared to now, a doddle. I can see this baffles you, what with the full time hoovering and playing musical statues that apparently fills my day.

I used to think exactly like you OP. A lot of single parents (usually with one child) do. You don't get it, until you experience it. And it's quite clear you truly don't get it. You still think you're doing virtually the same thing. And no amount of pain staking explanation, from anyone, is getting through to you.

Essentially, something you don't have/experience, you can't understand exists for people in a completely different situation.

It pisses me off because for all the shite I've gotten on this thread so far about pandering to patriarchal society and misogynistic views, attaching a name to the things you need to get on with as an adult purely so it can be thrown about for woe is me complaints and giving off that others aren't doing enough is what is making women look bad in my opinion

So they should just shut up and get on with it?

Like everyone yes

So many incredibly efficient people. I don’t know if I’m just useless / lazy / badly brought up, but I’m in my 40s and almost all chores have always bored me beyond words. Even pre-child. Happy cleaning the kitchen but I hate laundry, hoovering, dusting, tidying, washing windows, scrubbing the bathtub, etc, etc, etc.

Writing this is making me realise I should just employ a cleaner…

New in on this thread: women talking about systemic issues that disproportionately affect women makes women look bad.

🙄

Moaning about being an adult and the stuff that goes with it does

Fwiw I don't like it either but I like not living in a shit hole more so get on with it. Maybe I'll fret over where to keep my cleaning supplies and sit and look at the declining supply of loo roll and wonder when I should buy more rather than actually just getting it. Maybe I'll get what the fuss is about then

Moaning about being an adult and the stuff that goes with it does
The concept has been explained to you dozens and dozens of times.

It's increasingly clear from your posts that you're only interested in putting other women down and telling them to shut up talking about their experiences.

@LolaSmiles I'd save your breath.

OP doesn't have a mental load. Minimal at best.

Therefore no one does. You see, we all have this minimal amount, just like OP, but we all whine about it.

It's not because it's chalk and cheese at all.

None of that is mental load.

Like everyone does? Or like women do?

As I asked before. What do men do, single/living alone etc?

They were given as examples in this thread as counting towards the mental load. One pp went into a lot of detail about when to buy laundry soap, how much to buy, where to put it etc etc

The same as single anyone.

Have a virtually non existent mental load.

Surprising what you can do and how easy it is when it's only you to account for.

What’s that got to do with this discussion? The issue with the ‘mental load’ is that in a male/female relationship, it is almost always the woman who picks up the slack. But you think they should just get on with it and stop whining, while their partner doesn’t?

You have absolutely no idea what my normal day to day entails so it's a bit crass to assume that I don't have anything going on or that the countless things that people have given as examples that count towards this "mental load" don't apply to me too.

Because you're saying that the mental load only applies to women... Don't single men have to function as an adult too or is it only a thing when men in relationships aren't picking up the slack?

Sorry you’re not making any sense to me. There is a difference between doing all those things for yourself, and doing all those things for an entire family when there is another adult in the family who isn’t doing them. When I was single and lived alone there was no mental load, it was just living my own life. Now I have three kids, one disabled who requires lots of additional care, a full time job and a husband who work away a lot, there is a mental load.

Your answer to everything is “just do it” and “get on with it” without recognising that it’s far easier to do so when single and with a DC of an age to be independent and self-sufficient to the point of working 3 days a week. You have more time and less stuff, so you can just get on with X without it precluding you getting on with Y, and there is no Z. You do laundry 2 days of the week!

Someone with more people in the house, and some of those people being small and needy, means that there’s more stuff to do, probably more house as well, to contain the people, and less time to do it. Even when dividing the stuff between two adults – even splitting the mental and physical load 50/50, and not bothering with holiday cards or cards for in-laws (I certainly don’t do that sort of thing for DP, I’ve got my own family), still leaves quite a lot of load. So just doing it and just getting on with it isn’t an option to tick off everything on the list: just get on with X? Sure but that leaves no time for Y so it goes on the list (mental, fridge notepad, phone Notes app, whatever) along with Z, but also yesterday’s Y and Z as well, and oh what about last week when we all had noro from nursery so X, Y and Z never got done because we were too busy firefighting, and what about school transition next week so now there’s not only the backlog of X, Y and Z but the upcoming ABC to add to the list.

Many do, or live passably. Or (in my experience) many men live at home until they meet a woman they deem good enough to be Mum 2.0, and if she eventually gets fed up of him then he usually moves back home to be looked after all over again. Or quickly finds Mum 3.0 to take up the mantle.

It'd be a bit mean to leave your kids home alone with nothing to eat, they shouldn't had to have had checked to see if there was food there

....which of course I don't do.🙄

@YeahIsaidit

Because you're saying that the mental load only applies to women... Don't single men have to function as an adult too or is it only a thing when men in relationships aren't picking up the slack?

But single people only have to account for themselves and their needs. They aren't also planning/juggling/executing for the needs of another sentient adult. The whole point about mental load is that its someone else presuming to create work for you which they could take on themselves but choose not to because they assume you will do it for them.

And part of the justification of being in a committed relationship is teamwork, which in most heterosexual relationships isn't happening or at least isn't happening equally.