AIBU to hate the term mental load?

[YeahIsaidit]

I cringe every time I read it, people lamenting that they can't cope with the mental load, partners aren't taking on an equal share of the mental load, argh! They're chores, household tasks, jobs. Mental load makes it sound like you're suffering from some kind of mental health issue rather than being dragged down by housework, stop it.

Exactly, you're respected enough at work to crack on however you see fit and all's fine so long as the desired outcome is achieved at the end.

At home, boss mum or whatever the fuck role all the oppressed by misogynistic society women have given themselves, think they have to go on and on and on, where's the respect, why the infantilisation?

It's as you said earlier, if you start the whole thing with constant reminders and double checking you're creating the expectation from the outset that if something isn't mentioned (repeatedly) it doesn't need done creating the loop of complaining and "oh but you never said" this bullshit is enabling all these seemingly feckless men to sit on their arse. Did they bounce straight out of parents house into marriage or did they live a bit, learn very quickly that you gotta do shit around the house and all the other mundane shit that goes with being a grown up.

Invisible glue that holds families together 🙄

I wouldn't want to be with someone that was incapable of thinking for themselves, I wouldn't want someone to think they had the power to think for me... What the bloody hell kind of relationships are people getting into if one partner has to do the thinking for both people?!

Well said, Op. I actually like having a term to describe the ‘taking charge’ and household admin that almost always fall on the woman, wife, mother. But I’d rather have a better term than mental load because the phrase sounds like it harkens back to bathroom humor which I despise 😄.

I think some get defensive because they’ve been trained to ferret out any dissent however small to the political narrative that is pumped in to the very ether around us and draconically enforced. Otherwise why attack a single mother getting on with things who is a bit over making a big deal out of throwing in laundry or making a phone call. The op is just venting a little, she is doing it all and is understandably rolling her eyes when she sees someone listing every tiny thing of the basics we all do as if it’s trying to work out a physics equation. And, there is a good point in there. The admin does add up and it can be overwhelming. We’re expected to not only contribute financially but STILL do everything in the house and childcare. Women have been dumped on for eons by corrupt and powerful men. Even today I’ve read foolish opinions of men who think women should not be allowed to vote, should have no say in the household, should wear tent dresses up to their neck and down over their toes. Do all the drudge work and have no basic rights or choices. So yeah, we do still have to combat all this crazy stuff. But at the same time, I get you, Op. and we’ll done to you for all you do to raise your family on your own.

I didn’t address the main point the op rightly refers to. Many women have married men who put the mental load on them and then attack a single mother who is tired of hearing women who do have partners to help still complain about the admin. The fact their partners don’t and won’t help is not the op’s fault 😀

So we're back again that women are causing their own oppression. 🙄

No. As ever, it's the fault of men that they're useless. But it's on women how they decide to deal with the problem. It's not rocket science.

The kind where "mental load" becomes a thing. And when this many people recognise it, it's a thing.

I am not without sympathy. But I do think that sometimes women create a rod for their own backs by not just letting them make some mistakes. I caught myself doing this with my children. I want them to learn to do X but it's so much easier if I just do it for them, because otherwise they'll male a mistake and take ages doing it and learning to remember to do it, etc. I've had to sit on my hands and let them take ages, forget, do it wrong....but then they learn, and they do.

Do you have one child and a partner?

That's about as easy as the load gets, so maybe that's why the term doesn't resonate with you.

Or even just one child, to be honest ...

And many women have decided to deal with the problem by giving it a label, mental load, about which many books, essays and think pieces have been written, studies have been done, and methods for dealing with it have been shared and discussed. ::bangs head against brick wall::

You're right to bang your head against a brick wall, if your version of dealing with it is just attaching a label to stuff and carrying on as normal (as evidenced in this thread).

This post isn't meant to be reproachful

Just condescending AF

I understand that having one kid makes things easier than having 2 or 3 or more but at the same time, especially when he was younger, there were still school runs, appointments, parent teacher meetings, laundry, meals to cook appointments to organise and everything else. I wasn't sitting around thinking woe is me I wish someone else could take on part of this, whilst also working, it was just life with a kid. I worked, did all the things that require keeping a house going, a car going, pets, made the costumes for school. Damn well, still proud of that pirate thing 10 years ago and all that. Jobs are only as difficult as you make them and a lot of the "mental load" examples given on here really are just petty stupid things that really shouldn't be causing so much stress.

Jobs are only as difficult as you make them

Seriously? OP take a day off, you’re being really unpleasant and showing a total lack of understanding and a lot of ignorance.

So, because I too am a woman with ADHD in my 30s who isn't getting all wound up by mental loads and complaining about boring household shit, I must live in a dirty house, be shit with finances and am just breezily floating around thinking it's fine when it really isn't?

No, you may think you know what's going on but you dont. I have a bunch of systems in place to deal with stuff, alarms, notes, using my time off to get things in order and doing a little each day so it doesn't end up a shit pit. I'm not sitting deluded and then thinking everyone else is just having a shit time of it because their standards are higher

I admit that was a bit of a broad generalisation but making a whole hoohah out of what to have for dinner or remembering to clear the fluff out of a tumble dryer is a bit much don't you think?

😂you sound like a complete internalised misogynist!

Mental load sums it up perfectly to me. I have multiple DC in a primary school which has a lot going on and just keeping up with the constant demands of that and their extra-curricular clubs is tough, with things often overlapping. One child of primary school age would not be the same. If you’re the one having to remember everything daily on top of everything else then it’s difficult to truly relax. It’s not about doing housework or paying bills.

I have a bunch of systems in place to deal with stuff, alarms, notes, using my time off to get things in order and doing a little each day so it doesn't end up a shit pit.
I dunno, sounds like a whole lot of hoohah to keep track of a dentist appointment and the occasional load of laundry, why such a fuss.

It honestly sounds like someone's competitive "I can do it, you lazy slobs if you're ever tired from it"

Who doesn't particularly understand that different people have different amounts and stresses and some folk find things harder than others and some easier

But none of us really care, not really... it's an anonymous on the internet- crack on

Dislike the terminology if you want but it's not going to be dropped by anyone else who appreciates what it means

FYI the "mental load" increases the more people there are. Laundry twice a week. 😂

Haha. Brilliant.

She's all about the sisterhood!!!

Yeah no, it's not, alarms for things that are outside of the day to day because my short term memory is bollocks, I acknowledge that so have these things to work around it.

Dentist appointments, same deal but it's twice a year, alarm on phone or occasionally the dentist texts reminders but I don't rely on those I rely on me.

The hoohah is the oh but but you need to do this and this and who gets the soap and where does the soap go and if its on offer do we get more and what about the dryer filter and where does it go when it's finished. That's the hoohah, bung the stuff in, fold put in drawer or wardrobe. Turning one job into 100 for no good reason

My kid is in his teens so beyond the stages of getting dirty or having accidents which would require more laundry being done, we both have adequate supplies of clothes and work clothes so nothing is needed to be washed more than that. Sorry you're burdened by the task

I agree, none of this is particularly challenging or difficult. That’s why I get so fucked off when my dh can’t manage to do his share of it. If I was a single parent I’d have to do it all and I would cope because it’s life. But I’m not so I don’t see why I shouldn’t complain if I’m left to do all of the boring shit.