AIBU to hate the term mental load?

[YeahIsaidit]

I cringe every time I read it, people lamenting that they can't cope with the mental load, partners aren't taking on an equal share of the mental load, argh! They're chores, household tasks, jobs. Mental load makes it sound like you're suffering from some kind of mental health issue rather than being dragged down by housework, stop it.

Now I'm bashing younger women with young kids? Huh?

Where have I argued that it's unfair I do these things? I'm saying that it's ridiculous that people are saying that doing normal adult tasks is unfair. If they have a partner that doesn't bother their arse, either don't do the shit partner isn't bothering to do do, or ditch em for someone that isn't the incompetent, lazy bellend YOU CHOSE!

But if you put all the tasks together then that's a huge amount. And it's unfair for one person to do it all.

What's wrong with meal planning?? What term do you use instead?

Would it be impolite to point out that someone who does two loads of laundry each week has less life admin than a family of four?

Oh don't be so ridiculous.

Providing your children with shoes and clothing and a coat that fits, making sure their homework is done, making sure that they have childcare in place, remembering what day they need PE kit or own clothes for a trip. Ensuring they have a balanced meal, making sure there's toilet roll and washing powder and clean bedding and towels isn't having self inflicted high standards.

It's meeting your children's most basic needs, something which many men sadly fail at.

I don't do 2 loads a week, I do laundry twice a week. The load amounts vary but I acknowledge that I probably do have a lot less to do than a family with young kids who are more likely to need changed/get messy

It's not just about presents and holidays. There are literally hundreds of examples of basic tasks that need sorting day in day out that one half of a couple will choose to ignore completely.

And who selects those men to be the children's fathers?

Maybe hold out for better specimens and there wouldn't be all this moaning and martyrdom.

I do not think those words mean what you think they mean.

I don't think that's what pp meant

I fucking hate meal planning.

Dentist twice a year
Car insurance annual
Meal planning, it's as simple as OK we have xyz what you fancy, or I'm going to the shop is there anything in particular you'd like for dinner that I could pick up while there.

This is by no stretch of the imagination a huge amount

It's not the booking of the dental appointment. It's about always being the one to remember that it's time for the next check up for the kids, figure or which day will be best/who has what going on on which day, etc in addition to all of the other things going on.

For many reasons, these tasks tend to fall to women.

If you didn't do it, would it get done? That's the point of mental load.

Fucks sakes, still blaming women. The ingrained misogyny is ridiculous.

But does your child's father do any of this? Or does it fall to you?

The last week two weeks of term is the only time I find the mental load too much. Organising three kids school palava has ended me this month. Something different every day that needs making/buying/attending/ around the usual chaos of little kid life and work. The rest of the time I don’t really think of it. But this week I’ve actually used the phrase for the first time since Christmas.

Anyway off to bake some allergy friendly cakes for the nursery graduation party tomorrow.

But that would get in the way of op enjoying a good old sneer though and feeling superior to people who post about feeling overwhelmed. Don't take that away from her!

It's a real shame though if your standards for what needs to be done is "will anyone die?". I think it's ok to want more from life for that, and to hope/expect others around you to also want more.

And instead of saying oi mate get your finger out or just not doing the stuff they should be doing for themselves.... Martyrdom and complaining about the mental load strain.

I'm wondering if all these men are actually as useless and lazy as described or if its a case of "oh they'll just do it wrong I'll do it myself"

I'm either case the solution isn't all that hard to work out

So everything is a woman's fault?

The point is op said she hates the term mental load, people are explaining what it means.

It's not martyrdom to want your husband to do more of the thinking and sorting.

Many women fall into this trap I believe, because when they have a baby and go on maternity leave you naturally take on more of the chores. A few years down the line you wake up one day and think fuck, I'm back at work and I'm still doing and remembering all this shit.

The problem is the partner being lazy or incompetent often isn’t evident until after children. You know, when the mental load increases exponentially, and they don’t share it.

I'm not with the guy, couldn't tell you what he does in his own house

I have ADHD recently diagnosed. I do find life all a bit hard, and it's just me to take care of.

Good for you though! 🏅

Apparently my first post was deleted, so...

The gist:

You said you suffer with ADHD.
Yet you seem so on top of "just being an adult".
You seem to have a fail-safe system for remembering things.
It doesn't feel stressful to do so.

As someone disgnosed with ADHD - privately and on the NHS (I'll add the private one was much more thorough which is what I needed) - I'm struggling to see how you're so on top of life?!

Please let me in on your secret? Because most organisation methods are proven not to work for those with ADHD.

I've cried for feeling like I've letting my daughters down endless times and so forgotten things because my head is full of so much noise things fall through the cracks.

If i happen to be busy when notifications come through - like my daughter crying - then I don't add to my calendar with 2 week, 1 week, 2 day, 1 day, 2 hours before, 1 hour before, 20 mins before reminders.

I'd love to hear how you overcame your issues so much that you pour scorn on others who struggle with it? ADHD or not, a lot struggle.

And like others said, it's become a term because of the inequality and feeling that you're taking it all on alone when you should have an equal partner. I praise single parents all the time wholeheartedly but it'd be easier to not remind my husband to sort things in his name that'd have catastrophic effects for our family.

But I now refuse to remember his side of the family amd spend time searching for thoughtful gifts, etc.

I think the point is getting yourself so stressed out over things that in the grand scheme of everything else, are pretty minor, is a bit daft

They probably are having constant conversations to try to get their husbands to step up but it's ignored.

Why are you so hateful? You're a single parent yourself, is your child's father doing 50/50?

Why are women all nagging martyrs? Is it beyond belief that some of these men are being selfish, lazy and thoughtless?