AIBU to hate the term mental load?

[YeahIsaidit]

I cringe every time I read it, people lamenting that they can't cope with the mental load, partners aren't taking on an equal share of the mental load, argh! They're chores, household tasks, jobs. Mental load makes it sound like you're suffering from some kind of mental health issue rather than being dragged down by housework, stop it.

You forgot to enable voting. Lucky that, as I don't think this would have gone the way you'd hoped.

I think this is going EXACTLY the way she had hoped

This

This is just bonkers... all of these posters taking umbrage because somebody isn't liking a term that you embrace? It's just another 'unpopular opinions' thread but the boot is on the other foot isn't it?

I do think this site is a bit up itself sometimes with these only-on-MN terms. Never in RL do I hear people talking of 'mental load'... but the number of posters who will happily contribute to the above mentioned tripe thread to give others a good ticking off about words/terms they don't like. Funny.

Or you could plan the meals ahead of time together so he’d know what to cook.

That is easier.

She literally said the meal plan he co-designed. They do plan meals together and he still asks so she still has to think about it and answer; he’s outsourcing his thinking to her and that’s the mental load right there.

Sounds like your son is pretty much independent and so is your partner, op. So well done, not much to worry about there.

The point about mental load is that remembering and sorting each individual task is not that challenging, it's the cumulative load that's bad, particularly when combined with having a job and doing a lot of childcare.

There are tasks that could take up your every waking moment and you have to remember and sort them all, often while simultaneously sitting out DC arguing or trying to get a work task done.

I think part of it is that with smartphones and email, plus maybe working from home, you could sort any task any time any place so it's a constant treadmill of admin.

I think you've just solved patriarchy.

YABU- you don't get to police other people's terminologies.

When you are dealing with all of life's stressors, it is a mental load. If you have good mental health, you will cope with that load better than someone with poor mental health.

The other day my DD said to me "Mum remember to remind me that I'm wearing my Converse tonight and not my Veja's" I actually wanted to scream at her about my mental load. I'm very good at remembering everything. It's very rare that I forget anything. But FFS give me a break about what shoes she wants to wear.

I did forget to pick her up on my way home from work the other day (she only tells me verbally and doesn't put it on the family calendar) and so she texted me to go back and pick her up. It's the first time ever I've forgotten anything regarding her. She had to wait an extra 20 mins. "You forgot me Mum" was uttered in a pathetic tone. I wanted to yell: "Yes I forgot you because I'm dealing with so much shit from left right and centre. I work full time and have an elderly parent- as well as the immediate family to deal with- you could have walked the 1 mile home if you weren't so lazy." But of course I didn't and never would.

My mental load is about to reach capacity again this week. I'm very aware of that, it's stressing me out and I'm writing lists left right and centre. I will fuck up at some point. Its inevitable. DH will pick up the pieces and roll his eyes at my incompetence.

Metal load is a very fucking real thing. Nothing to do with MN. If you've only heard about it here, well done. You've learned a new phrase.

But that happens here every day of the week... random posters not liking what other people say, not wanting them to use certain terms and words...

This is the home of telling people what they should and shouldn't be saying, according to MN.

he’s outsourcing his thinking to her and that’s the mental load right there.

this. There’s no reason why when 2 adults live together, 1 of those adults thinks it’s OK to do this

it does seem really to rear it’s head when DC come along. Men who seemed quite capable of carrying their share when both are working, seem to think that maternity leave represents some kind of transition process whereby everything to do with DC and day to day life is suddenly the woman’s responsibility

Like I said earlier, the mental load is not about the planning. It’s about having a disrespectful partner and being a Martyr to it.

Mental load of teaching kids to use a laundry basket. Hey dc, when you take your clothes off at the end of the day, put them in here, oof that took all of 10 seconds... Bloody hell

No wonder you're all so exhausted and feeling hard done by if this is how you view day to day living. If you notice somethings running low, ADD IT TO THE LIST YOURSELF!?

Remembering to buy a calendar annually, fuck me really? That counts too? They kinda just pop up seasonally in shops around Christmas time on stands in the middle of shopping centres or near the card sections of supermarkets so hopefully that'll ease that huge burden a little 🙄

Stick a list on the fridge, write things that are almost done/needing replaced on that list, take a picture of the list on your phone before sitting down to the impossible task of clicking buttons for the online shop...

Filters get done 4 weekly on my pay day here, helps me to remember, same goes for the cat's flea spot on

If someone sees something needs replaced or doing, do it, easy!

This is all mountain out of a mole hill stuff it really is

Strong independent women carrying the household, crumbling over normal adult tasks...
Those two things are contradictory. Yes there are lots of strong, independent women carrying the household but rightly pissed off that carrying it all, i.e. having the mental load is what is happening because there isn't a fair split. That isn't crumbling in any way. It's ensuring nothing does crumble and, again rightly, wanting recognition of the fact if they didn't do it it would crumble.

I consider in my own relationship that the mental load is fairly split and I'm very happy about that. Part of that working is both of us recognising what the other does.

LynetteScavo, why do you take that from your grown up daughter? It's martyrish to let her carry on and inwardly seeth about it. Tell her to remind herself to do things - and you forget about them. She'll quickly learn, or she won't. Not your problem.

You have a lot to do by the sounds of it, let her do for herself.

The issue isn’t that she dislikes the term mental load, it’s her attitude towards people who might be feeling stressed, down or exhausted by their list of things to do. It isn’t the terminology used, it’s the disgusting way she is talking about people’s personal struggles.

Cool everyone else is propping up the matriarchy by remembering to add washing powder to the shopping list and booking the pets into kennels before a holiday! We got this girls 💪🙄

MechanicalGoat, unless you've not read any other threads on MN it won't have escaped you that criticising how other people feel about any given thing is a national sport.

This particular thing has hit the target though as many posters seem to identify with the term in all its real life facets. I think it's a bit of an over-used phrase and so it loses impact like any other cliche'd, parroted saying. We're all different, a bit of tolerance for any phrase/saying/words that people like to use wouldn't go amiss.

I'm not talking in a disgusting way about anyone's struggles. I'm saying that the term mental load is used to describe adult life and that it's ridiculous using it to amplify things

Don’t patronise women as a whole.

Babying your partner and doing ‘everything’ isn’t patriarchy. It’s just being a mug.

I hate the phrases ‘wise up’ and ‘grates on me’. I guess we all have phrases we dislike.

I'll add that the private diagnosis was much mote thorough.

And currently weaning my baby to take the meds.

YANBU to hate the term mental load, you can hate whatever you like.

Being an adult can be hard, sorting out parents, children, other family while having a full or even part-job can be demanding.
You're lucky that it's easy for you, it's not for everyone.