AIBU to hate the term mental load?

[YeahIsaidit]

I cringe every time I read it, people lamenting that they can't cope with the mental load, partners aren't taking on an equal share of the mental load, argh! They're chores, household tasks, jobs. Mental load makes it sound like you're suffering from some kind of mental health issue rather than being dragged down by housework, stop it.

Mental load is about always being "the one in charge". It's not about housework so YABU IMO.

I agree. Never heard the term before MN. General life tasks which require a small bit of thinking - making a dentist appointment, renewing car insurance etc. Making a bit of a mountain out of a molehill.

As for "meal planning"...

It’s not about the tasks themselves it’s about the management aspect to make sure everything gets done. YABU for fundamentally missing the point of what mental load is.

Nope not chores. You’re missing the point.

YABU. And as for women making a "mountain out of a molehill" the simple reason so many on MN bring it up is because their partners don't do any of the heavy lifting as far as all the day to day life admin and planning tasks go. When you're carrying it alone for a whole family it is hard going and never ending. If someone is there to pick up half, equally, it is so much easier.

This, yes!! Oh I need to use my brain a little bit, booo mental load. Do others' just coast around without ever thinking in some kind of fugue state? Nope, making menial tiny things into a big deal. Grates on me

On here at least, the things which fall under the term include a lot of things I don’t consider work or effort, but that’s different to the term in itself.

When you say you hate it, do you really mean that you don’t understand what it means? Because you’re spectacularly missing the point above.

I find the term useful.

Absolutely this. It's one thing your partner taking DS to football, but if you're still the one making sure kit is clean, buying new boots and arranging lift shares then they're not really doing the majority of the overall task.

It describes something real. Or are you saying it doesn't exist?

Another one saying you have misunderstood the term. It's about one person in the relationship having to bear all the responsibility for the running of the household, managing the kids, social lives etc. The point is as partners both should be supporting each other and not leaving the other to deal with everything on top of all of their work pressures, daily tasks etc.

Things like booking dental appointments and laying out uniforms etc etc. Menial dull household shit which everyone has to do, giving such things a name like "mental load" makes it sound like some kind of awful draining thing rather than picking up the phone or checking the calendar. Wise up

I don't particularly like the term but it's something distinct from just doing chores- it's the managerial bit, thinking about what needs to be done when etc.

I like it, personally- I don't find it especially onerous and I like feeling in control of things.

The point being the small things all add up and if you are the one doing all the small things it must be infuriating. Men not seeing any of the small things so not realising how much goes on is why the term was invented.

YABVU, since you don't appear to have actually understood what people mean by mental load.

"thinking about what needs to be done and when" jesus christ, it's making fairly basic normal every day things sound like gargantuan tasks, really? Am I the weirdo by not being floored thinking oh DS needs his uniform cleaned or need to book a check up. To me it just tries to add more weight to irrational whinging

It has a value but is overused.

This is not what is meant by the term mental load. It refers to all the thinking, decision making and planning that sits behind making activities and education happenI. It isn't doing routine admin tasks.

You've completely misunderstood what it means. It's not relating to anything which is difficult, it's about having to think about all the little things that nobody else worries about and which would not get done otherwise.

Yeah you've missed the point.

What’s your point though? What do we call all that stuff? And what do we do when it’s not shared in a fair way? Fine if you don’t like the term but it doesn’t mean it isn’t an issue

Don't use the term if you don't like it then. Problem solved.

YABU for complaining about people using a phrase based on your misunderstanding if what it means.

Do you all find planning the day hard? Oh have a car insurance renewal to sort, whatll we have for dinner? Nobody else is doing it, so?

>makes it sound like an awful draining thing

It is awful and draining.

In the same way companies which make tyres, for example, also have admin departments which look at tax, HR, scheduling, buying materials etc. A home and a family also has the same.

The 'tyres' are the food on the plate, the child at school, etc.

There's a lot that happens in the background to make that happen, and it's often unacknowledged.