Work colleague copying conversations

Bellavida99 · 2023-07-19T06:07:46+00:00

I know I sound like a 12 year old but something odd happened at work yesterday. I only go into the office once or twice a month and don’t really know a new colleague from a different who was sitting nearby me. A friend sitting near me commented that my hair looked nice and I showed her a new salt spray from my bag. I read out the slogan. Something like “makes your hair look choppy and floppy” Well obviously not exactly that. So I ran my fingers through my hair and said “not sure if I’m going for choppy or floppy today- maybe kinda choppy kinda floppy’ we both laughed and got on with our work. Mid afternoon a lady who must know new colleague walked over to her and said “I like your hair - kinda choppy kinda floppy “ to her and laughed. I’m so confused. Was she blatantly taking the p out of me or had new work colleague somehow bought the same salt spray at lunchtime and then repeated what I’d said during the morning to her friend? I’m so confused. When her friend said that I glanced at new colleague and raised an eyebrow that’s all.

TakeMyStrongHand · 19/07/2023 07:23

It's weird but I wouldn't lose sleep over it yet. Could be completely innocent. Just watch out for her over the coming weeks/months

Whatkindofuckeryisthis · 19/07/2023 07:25

Sounds like they’re taking the p out of you! No reason to though, sounds mean and childish!

FrugalKisses · 19/07/2023 07:28

Both scenarios plausible — could be innocent. As PP says, i’d just keep an eye on her to get a sense of what her deal is.

Original poster

Bellavida99 · 19/07/2023 07:35

She’s a fairly new graduate and although she’s nothing to do with me at the moment she could well be put onto my project team at some point to broaden her experience. I work somewhere pretty relaxed but professional. There is no p taking or bitchiness we’re all really supportive and it’s just a nice place. I just don’t know whether to have a chat with her about it now or leave it. If she’s put onto my project team at all I’d definitely have to raise it then (might not be for a year or so but I won’t forget her now but might look crazy mentioning it a year later)

OP posts:

RedHelenB · 19/07/2023 07:37

Bellavida99 · 19/07/2023 07:35

She’s a fairly new graduate and although she’s nothing to do with me at the moment she could well be put onto my project team at some point to broaden her experience. I work somewhere pretty relaxed but professional. There is no p taking or bitchiness we’re all really supportive and it’s just a nice place. I just don’t know whether to have a chat with her about it now or leave it. If she’s put onto my project team at all I’d definitely have to raise it then (might not be for a year or so but I won’t forget her now but might look crazy mentioning it a year later)

You really would look weird mentioning it in a year's time.

BobaFeta · 19/07/2023 07:40

Sounds like scripting. It's what autistics do. Squirrel away social phrases they hear and like and use them later. Sometimes for masking (they heard someone laughed and so is an approved joke) sometimes for sensory reasons (choppy and floppy set very much fall into the 'feels good to say' category.

FrugalKisses · 19/07/2023 07:42

I’m not sure I would mention it if it’s not clear anything was meant by it. Think it could end up being a bit awkward.

I would take the opportunity to have a conversation with her though – maybe ask her how she’s getting on and try to get to know her a bit.

GalileoHumpkins · 19/07/2023 07:42

She was taking the piss, mocking your words. Why are you so confused?

midgetastic · 19/07/2023 07:43

Or copying your words trying to fit in

Rudimental · 19/07/2023 07:43

You are going to look really odd mentioning this, like you are looking for trouble.

LittleApartmentOnThePrairie · 19/07/2023 07:44

I think we all pick up phrases from each other. May be she’s trying to fit in. I’d give her the benefit of the doubt this time and keep an open mind.

Triflenot · 19/07/2023 07:45

I wouldn’t mention it personally.

violetcuriosity · 19/07/2023 07:45

They're taking the piss out of you. Also, it doesn't sound like it was the new colleague who said it?

Bananasinpjamas4567 · 19/07/2023 07:46

6 replies in and we have an armchair Autism diagnosis. That’s probably close to a record! 👏

Whataretheodds · 19/07/2023 07:46

Or she's trying to build rapport by referring to an earlier joke.

Anything other relevant context? If it's just that one comment then you are being massively oversensitive to conclude she's taking the piss and it would be really weird to mention it.

WTFAreYouForReal · 19/07/2023 07:46

I'd watch and wait at this stage.

Sandinmyknickers · 19/07/2023 07:47

Sounds more like to me, especially as she's new, that she noticed it made people laugh the first time and so her mind re-produced it later in a bid to sound funny and fit in/get a laugh. I honestly would never think it was about taking the p out of you. Sounds more like she's socially awkward and made a mis-judged attempt at re-creating a joke from earlier.

Original poster

Bellavida99 · 19/07/2023 07:49

violetcuriosity · 19/07/2023 07:45

They're taking the piss out of you. Also, it doesn't sound like it was the new colleague who said it?

sooif I didn’t make it clear. It was someone from another room/ floor who said it to new colleague as though continuing an earlier conversation/ joke so I assume new colleague must’ve said it to her at lunchtime. Or in a teams message maybe

OP posts:

MaggieBsBoat · 19/07/2023 07:50

I Echo the above in that I don’t think she’s taking the piss. More like she’s emulating to fit in and trying, badly, to create rapport.

Also I don’t think it’s about armchair autism diagnoses, but mentioning something which happens. As the autistic mother of 3 autistic children I can attest to this happening.

Namechangedforthis2244 · 19/07/2023 07:51

I wouldn’t mention it at all. It isn’t clear whether it’s deliberate or accidental, a piss take or copying for another reason.

Although you’ve written colleague it’s obvious that you’re more senior than her and I think in that position you’re best giving the benefit of the doubt.

Id just keep a careful eye. I think that you’ll quickly get a sense of whether she’s someone who would be likely to be deliberately rude (I’m which case you’ll quickly have more examples) or whether it’s just a weird one off.

Scienceadvisory · 19/07/2023 07:51

Sandinmyknickers · 19/07/2023 07:47

Sounds more like to me, especially as she's new, that she noticed it made people laugh the first time and so her mind re-produced it later in a bid to sound funny and fit in/get a laugh. I honestly would never think it was about taking the p out of you. Sounds more like she's socially awkward and made a mis-judged attempt at re-creating a joke from earlier.

She didn't reproduce it though. She's overhead the OP say it, bitched about it to another colleague and this other colleague has come along and said it.

easilydistracted1 · 19/07/2023 07:52

@BobaFeta autistic scripting is also what sprung to mind for me.

@Bellavida99 it would be quite unusual for a young graduate trying to fit in to take the pee from a senior colleague when just starting. It doesn't make sense. I would therefore assume its innocent and she was just trying to fit in, autistic or not.

My wife who is autistic only found out from me this year that the phrase is 'In my minds eye' not 'In my minds aisle'. She'll regularly pick up phrases and use them with a different understanding than others. Leave it unless something else comes up when you get to know each other.

LonginesPrime · 19/07/2023 07:53

BobaFeta · 19/07/2023 07:40

Sounds like scripting. It's what autistics do. Squirrel away social phrases they hear and like and use them later. Sometimes for masking (they heard someone laughed and so is an approved joke) sometimes for sensory reasons (choppy and floppy set very much fall into the 'feels good to say' category.

I'm autistic and this was my first thought too.

I absolutely would have sat there in my younger days thinking "shit, how do people talk to each other? What can I say to be friendly without looking weird? I know, hair talk. Ok, so what do colleagues say to each other about hair? Ooh, the hair joke!"

And then off you go...

I've learned over the years that people interpret it as bitchy when you do this stuff (and I have ended up mortified for making these kinds of faux pas when I was just trying to be nice), but this would have been me in my first job too.

Scienceadvisory · 19/07/2023 07:53

I think posters are being far too generous saying this is just an attempt to fit in. It's clear she's been laughing about the OP saying this phrase to another colleague. That's how this second colleague was able to say the exact same phrase the OP used.

GalileoHumpkins · 19/07/2023 07:56

Are posters still not understanding that it wasn't the new colleague that said it?