Work colleague copying conversations

[Bellavida99]

I know I sound like a 12 year old but something odd happened at work yesterday. I only go into the office once or twice a month and don’t really know a new colleague from a different who was sitting nearby me. A friend sitting near me commented that my hair looked nice and I showed her a new salt spray from my bag. I read out the slogan. Something like “makes your hair look choppy and floppy” Well obviously not exactly that. So I ran my fingers through my hair and said “not sure if I’m going for choppy or floppy today- maybe kinda choppy kinda floppy’ we both laughed and got on with our work. Mid afternoon a lady who must know new colleague walked over to her and said “I like your hair - kinda choppy kinda floppy “ to her and laughed. I’m so confused. Was she blatantly taking the p out of me or had new work colleague somehow bought the same salt spray at lunchtime and then repeated what I’d said during the morning to her friend? I’m so confused. When her friend said that I glanced at new colleague and raised an eyebrow that’s all.

Well, as an actual autistic, it is helpful for me that people realise what they interpret as odd or in ops case, 'piss taking' is a normal autistic behaviour without malice.
I didn't say they had autism. I said it sounded like scripting, which it is. It's not about diagnosing colleagues. It's about cutting them some slack when they miss the mark socially (which admittedly all parties are doing in this case)

Just piss taking. She probably messaged her mate and said this woman in the office is going on about her hair spray ...
I'd forget about it

Yeah agree, we all recycle each others’ phrases and linguistic tics.

think about this it must so be hard for graduates now. Most of us are only in the office a couple of days a month. We appear very non hierarchical and there really is no way they can know colleagues seniority or really their job unless they’re on team calls with them. When I started work we were all in the office every day. Managers sat in separate offices, team leaders sat at the end of desk blocks it was all a lot clearer. Now i could be a Director, an admin or anything in between

I would second that she is probably autistic. She is copying a comment that seemed to go down well, as social stuff confuses her. On a good note, she is less likely to be bitchy and more likely to be honest and loyal, as she'll find social unpleasantness and one-upmanship fairly pointless.

I must be odd. I wouldn't even have given this more than 2 seconds of head space.
Are you prone to this level of over analysing OP?
It sounds exhausting. Laugh and move on.

You need to let this go. There is no way at to address this without looking like a loon.

who knows what she meant - and to be honest I can’t imagine caring!

I think your plan sounds sensible and kind and you'll more of an idea from talking to her.

It does sound bitchy. I would not go out of your way to set up a meeting to smooth this over / work out what was going on. If you were initially intending to have a teams then carry on, however I wouldn’t let this comment force one. Keep a watching brief

I think she liked the phrasing and thought it would be funny to repeat it. I wouldn`t bring it up unless she does something similar again.

You are being way to sensitive. It was a topic of earlier conversation and he /she referred to it in a later conversation.

It wouldnt cross my mind that they were taking the P. I mean, are they normally mean? Do you have an outlandish hairstyle? To me it sounds like they've had a previous conversation around the same topic inspired by your original conversation. Maybe they've 'added' to the 'joke' earlier or personalised it. Maybe even they've been having a giggle about Ben in accounts coz his performance was floppy and choppy!
It seems a jump to think it was a dig at you.

You have no idea in what context it was discussed and it was only one incident.

It’s going to reflect a lot worse on you if you raise it.

Let it go.

It's the sort of thing my brain might squirrel away unconsciously as a nice turn of phrase and repeat later.

I'm autistic/adhd and I've done this without realising. Heard a phrase, it stuck in my brain, don't remember when/where I heard it, then I repeat it back without even recognising that I'm saying the exact thing somebody else had said earlier (until it's pointed out).
I've also repeated stories somebody has told me straight back to them half hour later because I forgot who I'd been talking to 🤦‍♀️

It's not necessarily malicious!

I think other person was trying to get graduate into trouble - it’s such an odd thing to say if you wander up to some’friend ‘ in an office.

Ughh I hate this type of thing
it has happened to me and I’ve tended to be really quiet and not engage with them only strictly professional

just keep a close eye on the one who was being spiteful and be nice yourself but cool about it

I would not bring it up as it will look like you are being petty

An do you think she failed to respect your ‘authority’ that’s why you are dwelling on it.

Exactly what I thought

You’re overthinking this. I’m perhaps being generous here but it could easily be a follow on from a canteen conversation where the new grad said, ‘I met Bellavida today. She had a really nice hairstyle - kinda choppy kinda floppy. She used this sea salt spray on it. I think I’ll pop to Boots and get a bottle”. Her colleague liked the expression and repeated it back to her at a later meet up. It is highly unlikely that a recent recruit would knowingly be bitchy about a senior member of staff they don’t know. That would be a really stupid thing to do.

Yeah seems bitchy OP, maybe she misinterpreted you touching your hair as showing off and took umbridge, quite pathetic if correct.

I wonder if people are getting confused and think the woman who repeated it is the new colleague who over heard, not some random woman who wasn’t actually there but is friends with new colleague, because to me it’s blatantly obvious they’re taking the piss.

The woman who repeated your choppy floppy phrase wasn’t there to hear your original conversation, so new colleague has obviously relayed it to her and now they’re taking the piss by saying the same phrase in your ear shot.

It’s such a dull and random thing to repeat to another colleague unless you’re bitching about them, then to use the exact same phrase to each other, it’s blatantly them just being bitchy.

I definitely wouldn’t raise it though, I would just make a mental note of it for future interactions with them.

Yeah, but it's not only 'a normal autistic behaviour without malice'. You can leave the word autism out of that sentence altogether. It is simply a normal behaviour, sometimes much more pronounced in people with autism, sometimes more pronounced in deeply anxious people without autism, etc. We all need to be cut plenty of social slack because we are all more or less vulnerable on several different spectrums of social challenge.
The over-reliance on invoking autism seems like a feature of the current preoccupation with identity politics, with everyone feeling that they can only ask for compassion or respect by asserting one or another label for themselves. We can all ask for that respect, just in virtue of being human and flawed.

Do you mean you'd be OK with her taking the piss out of admin?

Colleague is taking the piss by 'trailing' your language, or is on the ASD spectrum - that explanation above was useful as a person who works with autistics and I didn't know this, so thanks for posting! - or in her own strange way she's trying to fit in with your lingo.

Whichever way you cut it, this falls strictly under the heading of Small Stuff. You'll be the one who appears odd if you raise something so trivial at a much later stage. I'd give it all the headspace it merits, and dismiss it as unworthy of further notice.

If it escalates into bullying, by all means give it due serious attention.