Work colleague copying conversations

[Bellavida99]

I know I sound like a 12 year old but something odd happened at work yesterday. I only go into the office once or twice a month and don’t really know a new colleague from a different who was sitting nearby me. A friend sitting near me commented that my hair looked nice and I showed her a new salt spray from my bag. I read out the slogan. Something like “makes your hair look choppy and floppy” Well obviously not exactly that. So I ran my fingers through my hair and said “not sure if I’m going for choppy or floppy today- maybe kinda choppy kinda floppy’ we both laughed and got on with our work. Mid afternoon a lady who must know new colleague walked over to her and said “I like your hair - kinda choppy kinda floppy “ to her and laughed. I’m so confused. Was she blatantly taking the p out of me or had new work colleague somehow bought the same salt spray at lunchtime and then repeated what I’d said during the morning to her friend? I’m so confused. When her friend said that I glanced at new colleague and raised an eyebrow that’s all.

Well no one likes to thing that someone’s being bitchy or taking the piss out of them!

I’m going to drop her a note saying “Sorry I didn’t get a chance to introduce myself properly yesterday” and set up an intro call with her to tell her about my projects etc.

Why would you need to apologise?

They don't.

But similarly, no one likes being ignored, either. Imagine going to all that effort to get under someone's skin, and they don't even pay you the courtesy of noticing!

I also agree with @Random789 : "We all need to be cut plenty of social slack because we are all more or less vulnerable on several different spectrums of social challenge".

I think assuming people have been a bit socially clumsy rather than actively malicious, at least in the first instance and especially when it's not clear what their intention was, is best in most situations

Erm don't equate an actual disability with gender bollocks. It's just rude.
And no, at some point these behaviours do need to be pointed out as autistic tendencies because it effects people's lives. A nt person does these behaviours but will apply appropriately and fit in more or less. A Nd person can miss social cues and end up being discriminated against because they can't control them. Before I was diagnosed I was bullied out of a job because of this, because neurotypical people decided where the line was (I couldn't control the volume of my voice and spoke directly, not rudely to people) now I am diagnosed I obviously recognise it as discrimination and would have a level of protection. Repeating this 'we are all on the spectrum ' bollocks doesn't help anyone and seeing as op was hearing up to discriminate against the 'offender' here it's worth mentioning.

I mean yeah, you should all cut everyone some slack but you'll find that most people don't like people to vary even slightly in behaviour, which is why people with disabilities get discriminated against regularly.

@Random789 why do you repeatedly keep talking over autistic posters telling them they aren't allowed to talk about themselves. It's really rude. Autism is relatively common, its a different brain type not a trend. OP and others already said it was helpful as did another poster. It's good to be aware of autism in the workplace. Autism may or may not be the reason but please just stop

I’d say she wasn’t being bitchy. She probably liked the phrase, dropped it into conversation with the friend who’s then used it back to her, in your earshot OP. If the colleague was being bitchy behind your back about the floppy / choppy phrase, why would her friend then drop her right in it by using those words in front of you? I definitely wouldn’t say anything to her about it. Get to know her first and then see if any other strange things happen. Hopefully just a one-off, she’s probably feeling embarrassed at being “outed” as having recycled your joke!

I'm really interested that this has stuck with you. Did you feel that you were being teased in some way? Did the new colleague have hair that was 'kinda choppy, kinda floppy'? As if I'm reading correctly, stranger lady who must have known new lady commented on new lady's hair?

The way I'm reading your OP, the 'new colleague' was new to you, rather than necessarily being new to the organisation?

Why are people on Mumsnet always so SURE of their responses to events when they WEREN'T EVEN THERE?

"They're taking the piss."

"They're mocking you."

"He's slept with her."

Maybe the collegaue was mocking the OP. Maybe she was trying to fit in.

NOBODY KNOWS!

This! Some posters are so certain about the conversation that took place, a conversation that even OP doesn’t know about.

Am I alone in thinking the following?

The choppy/floppy thing came from the blurb on the back of the product. Is it not possible that someone in another social circle has also read this, and that choppy/floppy has been used about hair at other places and times and has made its way back into this office?

Never ascribe to autism that which can be sufficiently explained by .... ummm I hesitate to say incompetence, but am worried that people will miss the quote if I don't. Maybe coincidence is the word which could replace it.

Or how about be aware of autism and don't assume malice regardless of whether autistic or not.
It's not one or the other FFS.
God and they say we're the rigid thinkers.

Absolutely this!

Does everyone not do this?

I am totally thinking that I am autistic at the moment and this is another thing I have done since childhood

I think you're massively overthinking this whole thing and being a bit paranoid. It would be absolutely mad to mention what was probably just a misinterpretation/misunderstanding in a year's time. She won't even bloody remember the non-incident by then. Just move on.

Autism is diagnosed on both having numerous traits and it effecting your daily life.
Many autistic traits can be seen in neurotypical people. It's when they cluster or lead to things like breakdowns that autism is suspected.
If this is the only thing you do autism is unlikely. If you have many traits you'd need a professional to look at it. No one can diagnose you over the internet (and to be honest there's a hell of a resistance for middle aged women to get diagnosed at all).

Try and get her sacked.

I try not to have conversations with anyone these days . Everything is somehow offensive and everyone is bat shit crazy .

I’m not sure it’s nefarious, but I am just fascinated to know how the lady came to the point of saying the phrase. Maybe new grad did copy the phrase in a teams chat without thinking and is now dying of cringe?

Also half wondering if this is all a clever stealth marketing technique as I did just Google ‘sea salt floppy choppy spray’.

This exactly.

It’s not about claiming that everyone is on ‘the spectrum’, it’s that nt people also miss social cues, feel lost in social situations and observe/copy others for guidance on how to behave, and this particular example of picking up a joke or phrase and recycling it / passing it off as ones own falls well within both nt (and as you say, nd) behaviour – ie it’s just human and not really particular to one group.

Yep!

😄😂

And again, what part of that means we can't mention scripting for autism exists?
And again, at no point did I say it's exclusive to neurodiversity. I mean, you and random are.doing a pretty good job of demonstrating neurotypicals (if you are) miss social cues and can be pretty rude. The point is op needs to be aware it can be a feature of autism as she has clearly clocked it as malicious. And yes, it would help if she was aware that NTS can vary and make social mistakes too but she doesn't seem to be applying any logic to the situation anyway.

How did the graduate react when she said it to her, I think that will tell you if she was dropped in it for bitching about you.