Work colleague copying conversations

[Bellavida99]

I know I sound like a 12 year old but something odd happened at work yesterday. I only go into the office once or twice a month and don’t really know a new colleague from a different who was sitting nearby me. A friend sitting near me commented that my hair looked nice and I showed her a new salt spray from my bag. I read out the slogan. Something like “makes your hair look choppy and floppy” Well obviously not exactly that. So I ran my fingers through my hair and said “not sure if I’m going for choppy or floppy today- maybe kinda choppy kinda floppy’ we both laughed and got on with our work. Mid afternoon a lady who must know new colleague walked over to her and said “I like your hair - kinda choppy kinda floppy “ to her and laughed. I’m so confused. Was she blatantly taking the p out of me or had new work colleague somehow bought the same salt spray at lunchtime and then repeated what I’d said during the morning to her friend? I’m so confused. When her friend said that I glanced at new colleague and raised an eyebrow that’s all.

I think the point is that she might have reproduced the joke with colleague, they’ve both laughed, then colleague has come and said it again as a shared joke. It seems pretty weird in a professional environment tbh that they would blatantly take the piss in front of you (particularly as there was nothing embarrassing about it) and especially if the girl is on a graduate programme – why would her mate want to drop her in it?

I find it odd that the second colleague would say it in your hearing if it was a pisstake.

OK, I slightly misunderstood your OP.

It does sound as though there was a joke made but I maintain that on the basis of that one exchange you can't assume it was bitchy in intent, and it would sound bonkers if you raised it.

By all means make it standard to brief new members of your project team on culture and behaviours but you don't raise this specific conversation, certainly not in a year. That just sounds petty.

To be fair I fully agree scripting with autism and this is definitely what I would have done when new in a work place when younger. That was my first thought when reading OPs title

It could be anything. In itself its quite a benign statement. If you notice anything else and there's a pattern then I'd consider mentioning it. But there's nothing really to go off on the one statement

You'd look like a madman if in a year you mentioned it! "Do you remember thay one time a year ago you said something I'd said earlier in the day"

Why can people not read exactly what the OP has posted? It's clear that it was another person from another department repeated the choppy and floppy comment ffs, not the graduate.
You did make yourself crystal clear OP, dont apologise, and yes they were ripping the piss. It's not a good start for your graduate, and definitely doesn't show the other woman in a good light. Is the other woman new or been with the company a while?

So a lady who wasn't there repeated your choppy/floppy wording to new colleague? So new colleague must have mentioned it to her?

Sounds very odd! I don't even really get how it would be taking the piss out of you, seeing as you said it as a joke in the first place taking the piss out of the product label.

I definitely wouldn't say anything as you'll look mad. But I'd make an effort to be friendly to new lady and other lady, whilst also being secretly wary of them / careful what I said around them!

Cross-posted with your update OP - if the person who said it didn't actually hear you say it, then ignore my comment.

I think either scenario could be possible.

I assume the people saying it’s ‘definitely’ pisstaking are saying so just because they can’t imagine the other scenario of setting up and repeating/reproducing someone else’s joke themselves. I’m not autistic but I could definitely have imagined doing similar in my 20s.

This situation would make me feel a bit anxious too, but honestly it is almost certainly something completely benign and insignificant. My best guess is that the new colleague, anxiously feeling her way into the office social mores, had heard your banter and in some way reproduced it as part of our half-instinctive tendency to mirror others as a way of easing social pain .
Another possibility is that she just theought what you said was really funny and used it for herself, not realising this tiny and benign theft would be revealed to you by her well-meaning friend.

Our natural social vigilance makes us hypersensitive about possible negative interpretations of situations like this, and we downgrade the more likely neutral or positive interpretations.

Seems like a reach to assume it was meant as a piss take. If the actual phrase you used was a generic one used to describe hair, I would just assume it was on the tip of new colleague's tongue when she was speaking to your other colleague about hair. I doubt mutual colleague even knew it referenced a previous conversation with you if she said it in front of you. I'm struggling to see what people are finding offensive tbh.

The new colleague might have passed the choppy-floppy thing off as her own, and the colleague who said it in front of you might have no idea it originally came from a conversation you.had with someone else.

It's not an 'armchair autism diagnosis' FFS.
It's passing on a phenomenon that autistics do that's fairly harmless so the op doesn't end up accidentally discriminating against someone for something that they can't help.

It's nasty and ableist to insist no one discuss autism which is a highly relevant conversation, especially with the power imbalance.

That being said, no it doesn't take autism to just repeat a joke and it's batshit to be attaching malice to this one incident.

I think, it's very unlikely that they bough the same hair spray. If she isn't bitchy otherwise I assume she overheard the conversation and was continuing the joke to be friendly or just to fit in.

Thanks all. I think you’re all being far too generous calling what I said a joke {takes a bow}. Your answers have been really helpful collectively. Honestly it’s a sort after graduate scheme in a hugely growing industry and I would be shocked if she’d been taking the piss. Other lady - I’ve got no idea who she is. She could be anyone it’s a big place. So I think I’ll go with she had awkwardly repeated what I’d said to her friend just to make conversation. I’m going to drop her a note saying “Sorry I didn’t get a chance to introduce myself properly yesterday” and set up an intro call with her to tell her about my projects etc. that she might come and do a placement on. And I’ll be kind and make the appointment for this week so she’s not stewing for ages as she might be mortified her friend came in and repeated what I’d said. Does that sound like a plan?

I know I sound like a 12 year old

Nailed it 😂

It doesn't sound like OP was even mentioned, or the other colleague would have been more circumspect. Even if new colleague said "OP has this new salt spray that makes hair choppy and floppy. That's my standard just-got-up-and-didn't-ho-to-the-hairdresser-since-April look though?" to make casual conversation with her mate, then I've genuinely no idea how or why that's interpreted to be bitchy or inappropriate about OP. It's just chat, and a joke about the slogan that OP herself had thought too, it has nothing to do with OP. If an employee of mine brought me that nonsense as a concern about a colleague's behaviour, it's so ludicrously over sensitive that I'd worry about their mental health.

Yes that’s what I now am thinking is the most likely scenario.

That is a really insightful comment -thank you for that. I have not heard about that before (I have heard of masking, but not the techniques used to do it).

It's weird, but honestly OP you're doing yourself no favours by dwelling on it. There are so many possible explanations and most of them are innocuous, so just choose an innocent explanation and go with that. If it were me, I would just decide they were creating a silly in-joke and I might even join in , "I love to chop and flop!"

Looking for reasons to get offended won't help your career.

Regarding the autism suggestion, what is called 'scripting' in someone with an autism diagnosis is very clearly on a spectrum with near-universal social srategies. Almost all of us behave like this to some extent some of the time and it is a bit troubling how readily people want to put the autism label on one or other aspect of human behaviour.
I don't really think it is helpful to people with autism or people wthout autism to box things up so readily. Same thing is happening with the menopause. There doesn't seem to be any aspect of the human condtion that isn't down to either autism or the menopause, going by MN threads.

Yeah, I remember being on a placement at a big company and the paranoia knowing people are quietly sussing you out was huge (used to discuss this with work friends!)

If in the unlikely scenario there was pisstaking, you’re still doing the right thing and taking control of the situation.

Good plan 👍

But more importantly, what is the spray? My hair is so lifeless. I'd love to get hair so salty that the whole office is talking about it!😝

Some responses here are very strange. I’ve done this when a colleague has said something funny, it’s reinforcing what they said was funny and cements a rapport. In my experience it’s always been well received and the recipient has always laughed. I don’t just repeat the phrase, it’s part of my sentence but maybe context here is different? I’m surprised so many people jump to the conclusion that your colleague is weird or taking the piss. She probably just wants to fit in!

That sounds like a brilliant plan. Kind to you and to her.

If these colleagues aren't very well known to you then I doubt they would so obviously take the piss. Especially if its an office with a generally not-bitchy environment

It's more likely that somehow the original comment has been passed on and passed off as her own.