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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send DD in despite sickness?

151 replies

Downdoneandout · 19/07/2023 03:58

Message sent home from DD’s preschool earlier this week saying there’s a sickness bug going around, reminding about 48 hour rule etc. Currently sat up with DD who has most definitely got that lovely bug as of tonight; fun times!

She’s not due in preschool again until Thursday, but this will not technically be 48hours clear. In theory I should keep her off. However…it is her very LAST DAY of preschool before she goes off to school next term, there’s a leavers party etc. If I don’t send her in, she will miss the whole experience and be totally heartbroken (as will I to be honest!).

I am usually a real stickler for following the 48h rules, but AIBU to consider breaking them in this case?! 🫣

OP posts:
Cheeseandlobster · 19/07/2023 08:27

Pepperama · 19/07/2023 04:03

I wouldn’t if she was still sick on a Tuesday night - even though it’s really bad timing. But other families will be looking forward to going on holidays and the last thing you’d want is someone spreading the vomiting bug further.

This. People like you make me so angry. It's all about the impact on you and yours. You are not giving any consideration to other families who also have lovely things planned that their kids would be heartbroken to miss. For example if another child catches it in time for travelling for a holiday abroad then that whole family might have to postpone or cancel because a vomiting child won't be fit to fly.

Plan something lovely for her for when she is better as a treat but don't send her in

GoodChat · 19/07/2023 08:33

whowhatwerewhy · 19/07/2023 08:16

Please don't send her , it's bad enough cleaning up after children who have become sick during the day , makes me so cross cleaning up after children who have been sent In sick or sent back before 48h

This is a very good point. Consider the staff who are having to take time away from the children in their care to clean up poorly children, and comfort them while they wait for their parents to collect them. It's really unpleasant.

8misskitty8 · 19/07/2023 08:39

Don’t send her. It’s not just the other children, it’s also the staff and their families.
We had a child come in last day of term, told us he had been sick the previous night. Mum told us he was confused and hadn’t been sick.
We had to take her word for it. He was then sick on the floor and on a member of staff half an hour later.
The bug was caught by 2 staff members who then passed it to their children. One had to cancel a flight to a holiday they had saved for a few years to go on. They managed to get a flight a few days later but missed a third of their holiday.

TenoringBehind · 19/07/2023 08:41

Don’t send her. Really not fair on everyone else there and could ruin other peoples’ holidays.

ssd · 19/07/2023 08:48

Send her. She won't be the only one.

WarmButteryCrumpets · 19/07/2023 09:03

Well you know which is the right thing to do.

And you know which is the selfish thing to do.

It's that simple.

JenniferBarkley · 19/07/2023 09:05

sheusesmagazines · 19/07/2023 07:44

To be honest, at that age although they will be excited about the party etc, they will probably be equally excited about getting to stay home with mum or dad.

Exactly. "Oh wow, cuddles on the sofa with Frozen for the millionth time, yay!"

WeWereInParis · 19/07/2023 09:06

8misskitty8 · 19/07/2023 08:39

Don’t send her. It’s not just the other children, it’s also the staff and their families.
We had a child come in last day of term, told us he had been sick the previous night. Mum told us he was confused and hadn’t been sick.
We had to take her word for it. He was then sick on the floor and on a member of staff half an hour later.
The bug was caught by 2 staff members who then passed it to their children. One had to cancel a flight to a holiday they had saved for a few years to go on. They managed to get a flight a few days later but missed a third of their holiday.

How horrible to not only send in an ill child, but also to basically lie to them that they're confused and wrong about being sick. My 4 year old DD was sick at the weekend and if the next day she told someone this and I swooped in with "no no, she's confused, she wasn't sick" she'd probably have been upset.

Cheeseandlobster · 19/07/2023 09:08

ssd · 19/07/2023 08:48

Send her. She won't be the only one.

Wow. How utterly selfish to think like this. Shame on you

Mostlyoblivious · 19/07/2023 09:09

Downdoneandout · 19/07/2023 04:51

Thanks for the replies (clearly not the only one sleep deprived tonight!!).

I take on board the comments (apart from the one stating that I want to get other kids sick - not sure how they got that from the OP?!). As I said, I’m usually all on the rules around this, super considerate of impact on others, but the impact on my own DD on this one occasion is hard to stomach!

DD has been sick twice, seems to have stopped 🤞 Off to attempt some sleep. Will chat through with DH in the morning and potentially keep her off.

The implication is that your daughters last day of preschool is more important than safeguarding other children from getting sick.

It is a tough decision however you state you are conscientious so you know it’s wrong to send her in before the 48hours. It’s rubbish for her, but you know not to. Remove the emotions from the situation and it boils down to whether it’s been 48 hours or not. It hasn’t, so it is a no.

Ask that they set up a zoom so she can say bye - she (shouldn’t) wouldn’t be the only the one in this situation

SweetPotatoAndPeanutStew · 19/07/2023 09:12

Soooo many people are off on their holidays after this week. Sickness bugs spread like wildfire. Especially at a party.

You KNOW you're being extremely unreasonable, otherwise you wouldn't be posting. And you sound like you're going to ignore it anyway by the fact you're 'potentially' going to keep her off.

People like you make me despair. Honestly.

HaveYouHeardOfARoadAtlas · 19/07/2023 09:13

Hope you don’t send her in. Other kids could be going on holiday in the next few days and you could ruin peoples holidays.

plus if she’s anything like dd she will tell them she’s been sick. I got a call from school telling me off once after dd told them she’d been sick the day before and I had to explain it was one episode of car sickness

Billyhero · 19/07/2023 09:15

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

caringcarer · 19/07/2023 09:39

Pepperama · 19/07/2023 04:03

I wouldn’t if she was still sick on a Tuesday night - even though it’s really bad timing. But other families will be looking forward to going on holidays and the last thing you’d want is someone spreading the vomiting bug further.

This.

MenoRageisReal · 19/07/2023 10:08

@SomeOfThesePostsAreRidiculous just because your kids have grown up doesn't make you some sort of amazing authority to be listened to ... and your advice is shit

OP please keep her off! If she spreads the bug, that could ruin so many people's start to their holidays - and they could take the bug home to someone vulnerable - I know that is always a risk of nursery and kids get sick all the time but why add to the risk for everyone for a party? Which will be forgotten in a day.

Aqua2 · 19/07/2023 10:09

Definitely don't send her in, she will still be contagious and I know a few children who've ended up in hospital with these sickness bugs. 48hrs is the minimum and many people are still contagious after this period (I accidentally passed the bug on even after the 48hrs was up and felt awful about it).

I know it's disappointing she'll miss her last day of preschool but it's better for her to recover at home and not make others poorly, as it can be a truly horrible bug to have.

As an adult, I don't even remember my last day of nursery and there'll be plenty of other leavers parties for her to enjoy in the future.

MenoRageisReal · 19/07/2023 10:21

ssd · 19/07/2023 08:48

Send her. She won't be the only one.

Really disappointed to see this from you, ssd. So selfish.

IfItAintBrokeBreakIt · 19/07/2023 10:23

It would be really selfish of you to send her in. Spreading it to others isn’t ok, you could fuck up people’s holidays as well. Missing her last day really doesn’t justify it.

oliveroses · 19/07/2023 10:29

Please don't send her in. There's a bug running through our nursery atm due to ill children not staying at home for 48 hours. I am pregnant and really can't deal with illness in the family right now if there's a known source. We are going to make other arrangements for DS until this has passed but it's a massive inconvenience and not everyone can do this. You don't know how illness may affect another family if there are other medical issues or immune-compromised relatives. (this doesn't relate to me ) It's one day, please observe the rules and think of others.

89redballoons · 19/07/2023 10:33

I'd be so pissed off if my toddler caught a sickness bug from someone who had knowingly sent an infectious child into preschool.

When I was pregnant with DS2 I caught a sickness bug from DS1 who had just started nursery, and I ended up spending a night in hospital and having IV fluids and anti sickness medicine, as I was so dehydrated that baby's heart rate got dangerously elevated.

Just let her recover properly at home in front of Cbeebies, and then take her out for a treat or meet up with her friends from preschool for a playdate when she's better.

ThinWomansBrain · 19/07/2023 10:35

lovely parting gift for everyone.

If she was just sick in the early hours of this morning, could be something she ate rather than a bug. Maybe consider letting her go in if there's absolutely no repetition during the course of today.

piedbeauty · 19/07/2023 10:45

Thursday is literally tomorrow. 🙄 If she was last sick at 4am today, say, then that will be 29 hours before she goes to preschool. Nowhere near 48 hours. Please don't be that dick parent and send her in. Think of the others.

And she will only be 'heartbroken' if you let her be. Arrange to meet up with some of her friends in the holidays.

This really shouldn't need saying.

piedbeauty · 19/07/2023 10:48

@SomeOfThesePostsAreRidiculous - well, that's an apt user name as I find your post pretty ridiculous too -

Message from an actual experienced mother...Ages 23,21 and 19..
If your kiddo feels sick,lethargic or just yuck don't send them. If they are puking and have uncontrollable diarrhea,obviously, you don't send them.
But if your young one feels better, regardless of precious other parents,let them enjoy the day.

I'm an 'experienced mother' 🙄 too, and not a selfish dick, unlike you. The 48-hour rule is there for a reason.

MrsSkylerWhite · 19/07/2023 10:48

mumlovesvodka · Today 05:28
It's a 48 hour rule for a reason”

This. Please don’t.

SavvyMaria · 19/07/2023 10:50

piedbeauty · 19/07/2023 10:45

Thursday is literally tomorrow. 🙄 If she was last sick at 4am today, say, then that will be 29 hours before she goes to preschool. Nowhere near 48 hours. Please don't be that dick parent and send her in. Think of the others.

And she will only be 'heartbroken' if you let her be. Arrange to meet up with some of her friends in the holidays.

This really shouldn't need saying.

Exactly this. It's not "technically" not 48 hours! Your DC will get over it, have a wee home party and it's no big deal in the long run.

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