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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send DD in despite sickness?

151 replies

Downdoneandout · 19/07/2023 03:58

Message sent home from DD’s preschool earlier this week saying there’s a sickness bug going around, reminding about 48 hour rule etc. Currently sat up with DD who has most definitely got that lovely bug as of tonight; fun times!

She’s not due in preschool again until Thursday, but this will not technically be 48hours clear. In theory I should keep her off. However…it is her very LAST DAY of preschool before she goes off to school next term, there’s a leavers party etc. If I don’t send her in, she will miss the whole experience and be totally heartbroken (as will I to be honest!).

I am usually a real stickler for following the 48h rules, but AIBU to consider breaking them in this case?! 🫣

OP posts:
Moonberri · 19/07/2023 07:01

WoWsers16 · 19/07/2023 06:55

I'd want to send my boy in too so totally understand! 😂

As a teacher I know so many parents don't follow the rules- so easy when asking the children and they don't lie - it happens so often unfortunately, Infact one child in my class has been sick but I know they will be coming on the school trip tomorrow even though it's not been 48 hours.
So you will not be the only one OP xx

Surely as a teacher you have a responsibility to the other children in your class and their families not to allow a sick child on the school trip?!

noglow · 19/07/2023 07:01

Presumably she's got it from preschool so she won't be the only one in this position. I'd personally not send her in as it is teaching her a bad lesson if you did. But in the adult world a lot of work places would expect you in if you weren't actively puking.

noglow · 19/07/2023 07:03

WoWsers16 · 19/07/2023 06:55

I'd want to send my boy in too so totally understand! 😂

As a teacher I know so many parents don't follow the rules- so easy when asking the children and they don't lie - it happens so often unfortunately, Infact one child in my class has been sick but I know they will be coming on the school trip tomorrow even though it's not been 48 hours.
So you will not be the only one OP xx

Do you not have a duty of care to the other kids to refuse?

Moonberri · 19/07/2023 07:04

ConnieTucker · 19/07/2023 06:58

How is that not even 24 hours?!

when they get to high school, we often dont even send them home if they hVe been sick at school. Here is a sick bucket, off back to class with you.

id send her in if she looks better.

Show quote history

Well that's just stupid and why sickness bugs spread like wildfire. "If she looks OK"?! Yes that very accurate indicator of contagiousness 🙄

Oysterbabe · 19/07/2023 07:04

If she's well I'd send her in.

YouAndMeAndThem · 19/07/2023 07:04

If anything like the sickness bug my daughter has just had, she'll have a small respite for 18 hours or so then get much worse again for another 48 hours. She's been so ill, poor thing!

I think you do need to suck it up and keep her home. It sucks though so I do know why you feel like you don't want to. My daughter had chicken pox last year at the end of term, she was technically better as in scabs etc but I sent her back too early so she didn't miss out. She lasted 4 hours then was lying in the reading corner exhausted, wanting to come home.

CarPour · 19/07/2023 07:05

ConnieTucker · 19/07/2023 06:58

How is that not even 24 hours?!

when they get to high school, we often dont even send them home if they hVe been sick at school. Here is a sick bucket, off back to class with you.

id send her in if she looks better.

Show quote history

I mean you should be sending them home if they've been vomiting?

How does having a sick child in the class help anyone? The sick child won't learn because their unwell, and the other children will lose out when they inevitably get sick.

The rule wasn't plucked out of thin air. Use your fucking brain. If you are sick stay home for 48hrs after last vomit.

I have sympathy for someone without sick pay in that situation. But not a secondary child who could easily just be home.

Moonberri · 19/07/2023 07:05

Escapetofrance · 19/07/2023 07:00

See how she is today. So many parents send their sick children to school -it’s not right at all, but you wouldn’t be the first.practice lots of hand washing and good hygiene with her.

So you're sating it's not right but do it anyway as other people do?! So selfish.

Lougle · 19/07/2023 07:06

ConnieTucker · 19/07/2023 06:58

How is that not even 24 hours?!

when they get to high school, we often dont even send them home if they hVe been sick at school. Here is a sick bucket, off back to class with you.

id send her in if she looks better.

Show quote history

Which is why children like mine end up with an increased absence rate, because if they feel a bit sick in the morning, I can't reassure them to tell the teacher or go to the nurse. They rightly say 'but they won't do anything or call you'.

If you did the sensible thing of letting sick kids go home, I'd be able to say 'If you're ill, they'll let me know.'

MamaGhina · 19/07/2023 07:07

It would also be very sad if a family had saved all year (or longer) for a holiday, to have it ruined by catching your DD's bug
This. Recently a parent sent their child to my child’s b.day party when they were quite clearly ill. They puked within about 30mins. I called the parent to come and get them but they couldn’t / didn’t because they had gone to a hair important appointment.
I know from other parents who attended at least 4 who were at the party missed school the following week, having caught the bug.

Moonberri · 19/07/2023 07:07

Oysterbabe · 19/07/2023 07:04

If she's well I'd send her in.

She's not well. She has a contagious sickness bug.

QuillBill · 19/07/2023 07:08

WoWsers16 · 19/07/2023 06:55

I'd want to send my boy in too so totally understand! 😂

As a teacher I know so many parents don't follow the rules- so easy when asking the children and they don't lie - it happens so often unfortunately, Infact one child in my class has been sick but I know they will be coming on the school trip tomorrow even though it's not been 48 hours.
So you will not be the only one OP xx

This wouldn't happen at my school. The head wouldn't let them in. If we don't know they have been sick then we have to just go along with it but if we do know they are stopped at the door.

It's not like it's her year six assembly or her year eleven prom. People will be going on holiday next week and I think sending her to pre school when you know she shouldn't be there is an awful thing to do. And selfish.

Windowcleaning · 19/07/2023 07:09

Sounds like it's you not your dd who will be upset if she misses the leavers' party.

Honestly, she'll have forgotten about it by the weekend. She'll have plenty of opportunities for parties when she's at school and if there's a big going round, she won't be the only one absent.

Please don't spread a stomach bug around.

parrotonthesofa · 19/07/2023 07:09

Well I think it depends how she is today. If totally fine, you could send tomorrow imo.
The bug is going round so all the kids are being exposed to it anyway.
Having said that, I don't think it's the end of the world that a 4 year old misses their leavers party.

Caramellois · 19/07/2023 07:09

Children have to learn how to cope with disappointment. She might as well start now rather than potentially ruining a lot of other families' plans.

NeverForgetYourDreams · 19/07/2023 07:11

Do people stay off work for 48 hours as well? Genuinely interested to know and not being goady. Until I had a child I had never heard of this 48 hour rule and wouldn’t have stayed off work for 48 hours after last sickness. Would just go back to work once I had stopped shivering and puking which was probably sometimes a day in bed. Luckily haven’t had a bug now for ages so haven’t had to decide what to do. Genuinely interested to know what adults do when poorly

MetalFences · 19/07/2023 07:12

Message from an actual experienced mother...Ages 23,21 and 19..

Is this the new 'man here' or 'my husband says' ?

NeverForgetYourDreams · 19/07/2023 07:13

Windowcleaning · 19/07/2023 07:09

Sounds like it's you not your dd who will be upset if she misses the leavers' party.

Honestly, she'll have forgotten about it by the weekend. She'll have plenty of opportunities for parties when she's at school and if there's a big going round, she won't be the only one absent.

Please don't spread a stomach bug around.

I agrée. DS17 doesnt remember going to nursery at all and so it’s not going to ruin her life missing end of term party. Disappointing yes but not life changing. Could be worse - could be missing a planned family holiday because someone selfish didn’t want their child to miss out …..

Onepotatotwopotatothreepotatofour · 19/07/2023 07:14

It baffles me that people don’t think the rules apply to them. You know it would be unreasonable. You could ruin multiple peoples start to the holidays.

Moonberri · 19/07/2023 07:15

parrotonthesofa · 19/07/2023 07:09

Well I think it depends how she is today. If totally fine, you could send tomorrow imo.
The bug is going round so all the kids are being exposed to it anyway.
Having said that, I don't think it's the end of the world that a 4 year old misses their leavers party.

She's not totally fine. She has a contagious sickness bug. She will be contagious for 48 hours after the last vomit/diarrhoea. The other kids are only exposed to it because selfish people don't follow the 48hr rule.

LittleBrenda · 19/07/2023 07:16

NeverForgetYourDreams · 19/07/2023 07:11

Do people stay off work for 48 hours as well? Genuinely interested to know and not being goady. Until I had a child I had never heard of this 48 hour rule and wouldn’t have stayed off work for 48 hours after last sickness. Would just go back to work once I had stopped shivering and puking which was probably sometimes a day in bed. Luckily haven’t had a bug now for ages so haven’t had to decide what to do. Genuinely interested to know what adults do when poorly

No neither would I but it's not the same. There are not many jobs where someone else is wiping your nose or your bottom. Picking you up when you fall over and giving you a little cuddle. Where you get to sneeze right into someone's face from a distance of three centimetres. And where you will definitely not wash your hands unless someone says 'have you washed your hands?'

WeWereInParis · 19/07/2023 07:17

NeverForgetYourDreams · 19/07/2023 07:11

Do people stay off work for 48 hours as well? Genuinely interested to know and not being goady. Until I had a child I had never heard of this 48 hour rule and wouldn’t have stayed off work for 48 hours after last sickness. Would just go back to work once I had stopped shivering and puking which was probably sometimes a day in bed. Luckily haven’t had a bug now for ages so haven’t had to decide what to do. Genuinely interested to know what adults do when poorly

Realistically I'd imagine most adults don't. But that doesn't change the fact that that period is when you are very contagious. Plus, it's the specific policy of OP's nursery (and I'd imagine most nurseries), it's probably not the policy of most workplaces.

Adults also have better hand washing/general hygiene than most 4 year olds, so probably spread it less anyway.

Moonberri · 19/07/2023 07:18

This is NHS advice for adults and children. It says stay off school or work for 48hrs. So applies to adults and children.

To send DD in despite sickness?
Haleso · 19/07/2023 07:19

Please don’t send her in. You might ruin a member of staff or another family’s holiday for the sake of a party. Five years from now she won’t remember missing a party but somebody who has worked their backside off to save and pay for a holiday will remember missing that because they couldn’t travel due to a bug passed on from your child.

Please don’t do it.

Autoflower · 19/07/2023 07:22

This is conflicted city. I completely understand the urge to send her in, but if she is infectious, I would also be thinking of all the holidays that doing this could ruin. Families will have plane tickets booked, long car journeys planned...I'm not sure I would risk those (albeit anonymous and unknown to me) happinesses just so my DD could have a last day at preschool.