Where have all the good men gone?

[MardiMoo]

I know, I know. I am looking in the wrong places or not giving this enough time. I am getting divorced at the moment and would like to explore finding a nice, responsible, chap. But. It seems like a lot of us are chasing the same smallish group of ‘good-catches’.

When I was a younger woman, it seemed easy to find so many potential partners but now the men are very picky and seem able to exercise many, many ‘options’ (other women).

And so many successful men my age (50) seem to chase younger women in their 30s - and do so very successfully it seems. Where are the men of my age range looking for something serious that are at least semi ‘put together’ in their lives. I am a career woman btw.

AIBU in my assessment of the dating scene now or is it really that much harder now?

The data says that:

• Men are more overweight than women as they get older
• Women are more interested in fashion
• Women are more likely to wear make up
• Women are more likely to engage in beauty or health treatments
• Men are more likely to go to the gym, but not by much

So it is likely a greater proportion of older women look better than men.

However the data also says that:

• Men are rated attractive more often than women in older demographics

This probably means that there are factors other than looks at play, at least for men.

^This!

His face is still 70, he's very Ned Flanders!

Well I suppose if RantyAnty is after low quality dick then may as well let her crack on. 😂

Well, I am nearly 40, divorced for some time now and just can't be bothered to even try. I don't come across any attractive single men who seem interesting, intelligent, kind and have their lives together. No way I could be bothered with OLD so it would have to be by chance I guess. I am very slim, have a beautiful home that I own, a well-paid job, great friends... to consider a relationship again I'd need to meet someone who was in a similar position and could add to life not be a drain. Definitely no cohabiting/ marriage etc. I can't see it happening, and that's ok.

Male attractiveness is heavily based on power and money. Female attractiveness is based more on looks and fertility. So as we get older, men increase in value while women decrease

Even by your own terms, that is only true for the tiny number of men who actually have an awful lot of money and power.

I know you want to believe that what applies to the teeny number of men with extraordinary wealth and power, also applies to you simply because you are in the same sex class, but it really doesn’t.

NHS stats (Dec 2022) state that based on BMI 69% of men and 59% of women were either overweight or obese and 25% of men and 26% of women were obese. I don't think either sex can claim some crushing victory in the 'looking after yourself' competition. The above pretty much marries up with my observations when I am out and about, that being most people are fat and don't look after themselves.

😂 Hi diddly dee neighbouroonies! Yep I agree that man with the 'toned' bod at 70, still looks every bit in his 70s, if not older.

In fact that man with a 75 y.o. face and a younger looking body looks extremely weird and unappealing IMO.

What a load of shit. 😂

Women in their thirties are NOT looking for/seeking men over 50. Don't talk such rot. They will be going for 28-29 to 40 tops. (Depending where in their 30s they are of course!)

You say male attractiveness is heavily based on power and money, which is fairly true in some cases, but the VAST majority of men over 50 have neither! Especially the ones all over dating sites.

They assume all the women age 39 and younger want to date them, and often fire off messages at them, telling them they are gorgeous, and like 'hey babe message me.' Whilst lying about their age (saying they are 42 when you can tell from their pic they are 56!) and sending a photo of them doing some kind of sport. (Usually holding a big fish or a golf club, or a photo of them 'running' or 'cycling.' (LOL!)

Older (50+) men, definitely over estimate their attractiveness and appeal. Most have them have NOTHING that younger women want (or even women their age or older actually!) Most women under 40 would not look twice at a man that age. Probably most women under 50 actually.

I am late 50s and if I was on the lookout for a man, I would be looking for under 50s. Probably have very little luck 😆 but I would rather go without than be with a man 60+ now. (Even though my DH is nearly 60.) Funny that! Even though my DH is nearly 60, if he died and I was on the lookout for another man (which is unlikely as I couldn't be fucked!) I would NEVER be looking at men over 60!!! Would be under 50. Yeah yeah as I said I probably wouldn't have much luck, but I'd go without rather than have a man 55-60+. No thanks!

Agee with a pp that there are a few butthurt men (middle aged and older) on here desperately trying to convince themselves that older men are waaaaay more appealing (to all women, especially younger ones) than older women. LMFAO. No you're not! 😂 You are not more attractive than women of your age group either. Stop trying to kid yourselves!

@DontYouThreatenMeWithADeadFish

I don't think either sex can claim some crushing victory in the 'looking after yourself' competition.

Yeah but the thing is on this type of thread 'older' men 45-50+ always try and claim that older men look much better than women (in the same age group,) and that they age better, they mature better, they look distinguished and 'sexy' la la la.. and that women of that age group look like a big fat bag of fucking melted chisels...

It's supremely untrue and offensive and ludicrous! As I - and quite a number of other posters have said, women 50+ who I know/they know and have met and encountered, are more physically attractive than men of the same age. Yet this stupid fucking 'men age much better' myth is constantly peddled. As I said, that has not been true for 60-70 years... And this shitty myth needs burying, coz it's a load of shit.

I know, he doesn't look any younger, maybe if you took his torso by itself - but who does that anyway, it's weird. Plus he's still got a 70 year old dick...

I applaud him for keeping fit etc. but he's not defying age or anything.

He's got a 70 year old dick!

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😂

I don't know why a bunch of middle aged men are on MN trying unsuccessfully to convince a bunch of middle aged women they're hot.
Haven't you all got a queue of 30 something women to work your way through?

😂 @5128gap

That is so true @PurpleButterflyWings (referring to your 13:47 post) As I said I am not even 40 yet and there is no way I'd be interested in a man over 50.

These men are kidding themselves. And effectively I suppose if they set their dating profiles as "25-35" must be removing themselves from any prospect of a successful relationship through that route. Not that I would ever use OLD given what I've heard. I'm sure there are nice men on there but who has the energy to sift through that many pervs and dick pics and losers to find them?

Especially when younger men throw themselves at women in the 30-45 age category. As I said I'm not even looking but have had to fend off advances from various younger gardeners and tradesmen etc in the last few years. 🤣

I think they peddle that in a desperate attempt to convince women it's true. Like a kind of collective negging. Women have eyes though so can see it is not the case! And plenty of interest from younger men, interestingly without feeling the needs to send them vagina photos.

Plus he's still got a 70 year old dick...

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Good point!!

I think one person early on this thread made the statement that men age better then women, which is bollocks, and that person has been rightly crucified for that comment.

The only thing I have challenged is the assertion made by a few posters that older women are by some magnitude 'in better shape' and 'more attractive' then men of similar age when official NHS statistics tell us a very different picture (i.e. we are largdly fat nation). You, and others, offer anecdotes from observations from your social groups about how great all the women look and how crap the men look in comparison. I can do ancedotea as well, I am very sporty and most of my social groups are from the various outdoor/sports clubs that I have been a member of over the years. Most of my 40/50 something friends, men and women, are in bloody good shape for their age, they are active, they eat well, and by extension I guess 'more attractive'. But I would be daft to extrapolate those observations as normal for the wider population. As mentioned before a casual look at your average person down the supermarket, beach, high street, cinema, local restaurant etc will see mostly overweight men and women. Sure, if you live in an affluent area (everyone on munsnet it seems) where people can afford personal trainers, treatments, nice clothes, healthy food and a good quality of life you are probably going to 'look better' then the poor sods on the otherside of the tracks working 3 minimum wage jobs to make ends meet. But the former scenario is the exception to the rule.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

🤔

No no no. Don't you worry about that. I get men half my age flirting with me and my 16 year old dds make friends tell her I'm really 'pretty'. How adorable is that! Attractive is attractive and there is not a competition between ages. You go out and be the most fabulous version of you.

@Kafkaland

That is so true @PurpleButterflyWings (referring to your 13:47 post) As I said I am not even 40 yet and there is no way I'd be interested in a man over 50.

These men are kidding themselves. And effectively I suppose if they set their dating profiles as "25-35" must be removing themselves from any prospect of a successful relationship through that route. Not that I would ever use OLD given what I've heard. I'm sure there are nice men on there but who has the energy to sift through that many pervs and dick pics and losers to find them?

Especially when younger men throw themselves at women in the 30-45 age category. As I said I'm not even looking but have had to fend off advances from various younger gardeners and tradesmen etc in the last few years. 🤣

I think they peddle that in a desperate attempt to convince women it's true. Like a kind of collective negging. Women have eyes though so can see it is not the case! And plenty of interest from younger men, interestingly without feeling the needs to send them vagina photos.

Exactly! Why DO men send pics of their todger to women online anyway?! Seriously!

(Some) men are so fucking weird. I know some women aged between 25 and 37 who have been on dating sites, and every single one of them, has had messages from men aged 50+. Not ONE of them is/was interested, and they ALL put their preference as 5 years younger to 5 or 6 years older. Yet these men often 52-55 (or older) message them. As you say, are these men putting their age as 33 or something?

All the younger women I know - mid 30s or younger - would not look twice at a man aged 50+... I am sure there are a few (younger) women who are interested, but I don't know any. And what on earth makes these men think much younger women will be interested in them? I don't get it.

As I said, some men are so weird! I am in my late 50s, and have a picture of myself on my twitter profile. It's a flattering one - as everyone's is - and makes me look 5-7 years younger, but I still say I am married ... (on my profile.) I don't pretend to be anything else. I certainly do not say ANYTHING that suggests I want men messaging me!

Every few weeks, I get some random man 'following' me, and then tweeting me and saying 'hello lovely how are you?' and 'I love your tweets, they make me smile,' and 'how's the weather there gorgeous lady?' (Not private messages as they'd need me to follow them to send private messages.) These are random 45-60 year old men just trying to engage with a reasonable looking female. I look at their profile, and they have sent messages (and followed) some 10 or 12 other women that day. SO desperate for female contact and attention and probably a fuck! Absolutely tragic. 😂