Where have all the good men gone?

[MardiMoo]

I know, I know. I am looking in the wrong places or not giving this enough time. I am getting divorced at the moment and would like to explore finding a nice, responsible, chap. But. It seems like a lot of us are chasing the same smallish group of ‘good-catches’.

When I was a younger woman, it seemed easy to find so many potential partners but now the men are very picky and seem able to exercise many, many ‘options’ (other women).

And so many successful men my age (50) seem to chase younger women in their 30s - and do so very successfully it seems. Where are the men of my age range looking for something serious that are at least semi ‘put together’ in their lives. I am a career woman btw.

AIBU in my assessment of the dating scene now or is it really that much harder now?

Not common at all and they don't look better.
What 35 year old wants to sleep with a 50 year old sometimes a grandfather.

Plenty on here were cooing over Sean Connery when he was well past 50. Same with George Clooney. That's rarely the case with women, except for a few outliers like Carol Vorderman. It's just the truth like it or lump it.

And you say not common but literally one of the key points of the thread is that all the decent 50yo men are dating women in their 30s.

Male attractiveness is heavily based on power and money. Female attractiveness is based more on looks and fertility. So as we get older, men increase in value while women decrease.

Also men don’t have shit like menopause to deal with, they generally don’t have custody of their kids, they don’t have reduced earning capacity due to time off to have kids. An older man is much more attractive than an older woman. A 40-50 ish man can get a 30-something woman. Which leaves 40-50 ish women with men in their 60s who they don’t want.

@MardiMoo
Fulfill your objectives, but don't trust any one and presume at some point any potential lover will be unfaithful.

That said, there may be some Golden's

. Which leaves 40-50 ish women with men in their 60s who they don’t want
Speak for yourself

I think part of the problem is that women in the 35-45ish bracket don’t have great men to date either. So they end up dating older. And so it goes…

@EmmaEmerald @WitheringTights000

Meatball man…let me just say, I went to ikea because my children broke their laundry basket. It was lunchtime and I stopped in for a free cup of coffee and a salad. This man entered ikea just for his lunch of meatballs.

Hell is going to freeze over before I date a man who voluntarily walks into ikea. He also, without knowing my name asked me why my marriage failed. It was a huge overstep considering he didn’t know me and I had not said yes to a date. He sat there throwing questions at me and then proceeded to suggest I was a gold digger before I clarified that no, he was a cheapskate…then I looked over and saw another cheapskate. Again, who volunteers to enter ikea just for meatballs in their restaurant?!?

I think a big factor in men's enduring attractiveness is that the ideal male figure for many is a lean body with minimal fat. This contrasts with the female ideal which is often curvy. Muscles aren't as affected by gravity as curves so a man who can stay slim can continue have a good physique well into middle age.

This guy, for example, famously started training at 59yo at which point he was obese. He's pushing 70 in that photo and you could swap the body with a 35yo man.

You couldn't really do that with a woman's body. No 35yo will look normal with the body of a 70yo woman. It's just biology.

And where are all the Gods?

Hahahhahaha… you must be seeing different men to who I see. Most men over 50 are unattractive

I’m in my fifties and the mixture of men and women that are my age range that I know, there are some who have aged better or worse on both sides.

All the butt hurt men showing up trying to convince us and themselves that they age better and their value grows with age.

Sorry fellas, dick had always been low value and plentiful.

OP I don’t think you will find one until your divorce is final - good men tend to avoid separated women and are only interested in women who are truly available.

I also agree that men have not caught up in terms of the standards that women now expect. The focus of “equality between the sexes” has been on finances and careers. Very little about equality in the home, leisure time etc. So there are fewer good men in terms of what women expect in a partner now.

I’d keep looking but don’t make it the main focus of your life, don’t settle and you never know

I totally disagree. I'm a very fit 40 something divorced female dating a man in his early thirties.. I tried dating single men in 50s, closer to my age...the ick they gave me made me run straight back to younger men...

I also agree that men have not caught up in terms of the standards that women now expect. The focus of “equality between the sexes” has been on finances and careers. Very little about equality in the home, leisure time etc. So there are fewer good men in terms of what women expect in a partner now.

As my BFF said to me, " why would I want another man, when I have spent so long training this one ?" Those of us who enjoy domestic equality know that it has been hard won and won in the domestic sphere. Divorced men are unlikely to have been in domestically equitable relationships prior to thier divorce or they wouldn't be Divorced as for never married men in their 40s/50s, that's usually for a reason too.

As for who is aging better you tell me age 47 & 48

I agree with this . The guys in their 50's where I work have all gone to seed and are deathly boring whereas the women the same age look great , take care of themselves and have vibrant social lives . None of them would settle for a ' less than ' bloke just to be with someone , they are all living their best lives and if the right person came along great but if not are content with what they have .

I can assure you that older single women absolutely don't 'want it to be true'. Most would like nothing more than for the world to be full of all these mythical attractive men, still with hair and teeth, no pot belly, energy, strength and agility of a 30 year old. Who'd not choose feast over famine? Sadly, as with many things (how well we age being the exception) we are once again not the fortunate ones; and if we want relationships are usually having to choose between making a huge compromise in our standards, or facing the judgement and sexism directed at us for choosing to date younger.

I'm not a bloke. Well, certainly not last time I checked. If dick is so plentiful why is this a thread about not being able to find any men? 🤔

I thought OP specified good men.

I don't understand the question? They both look healthy?

Who does that? I am a man and can't ever imagine a time when I thought it was OK to do that. FFS 🤦‍♂️

And so many successful men my age (50) seem to chase younger women in their 30s

This sentence stands out.

The thing you're looking for - a good man - is not a 50-something chasing a 30-something.

I'd say a good man is usually one with the emotional maturity to maintain a long-term relationship - so a good man at 50 is likely already in a relationship.