Where have all the good men gone?

[MardiMoo]

I know, I know. I am looking in the wrong places or not giving this enough time. I am getting divorced at the moment and would like to explore finding a nice, responsible, chap. But. It seems like a lot of us are chasing the same smallish group of ‘good-catches’.

When I was a younger woman, it seemed easy to find so many potential partners but now the men are very picky and seem able to exercise many, many ‘options’ (other women).

And so many successful men my age (50) seem to chase younger women in their 30s - and do so very successfully it seems. Where are the men of my age range looking for something serious that are at least semi ‘put together’ in their lives. I am a career woman btw.

AIBU in my assessment of the dating scene now or is it really that much harder now?

I don't know what men you you are surrounded by, but where I live, they (men 50+) are all pretty well put together.

I guess the beer bellied, balding larger louts do exist, but go to any gym and you'll see some beautiful specimens walking around.

Also, I think that the "good" men are usually snapped up pretty quickly, so that kinda just leaves the throw-backs and rejects. Neither of which are great prospects.

And what's wrong with bald men?

Vin Diesel!
Jason Statham!

Patrick Stewart!!!!!!!!!!!
I'd be his "Number One" any day!

Do you know him? Is that where the god complex idea comes from?

one of my exes is about that age and married a woman in her 30s. He’s pretty cool, I just wasn’t into the kind of commitment he wanted.

very fit and attractive man.

I don’t know what your experiences were, but I get an impression that porn is a problem generally across all ages.

Unfortunately a lot of men are selfish dickheads with emperor complexes. I'm including my partner, dad and brother in that!

Well your dad and brother you can't help but it's not compulsory to stay with your partner.

If I ever found myself single again (and I hope I do!)

You don't have to 'find yourself' single. It's not like you have to throw a dice and get a certain score for it to happen. Why are you with him? Sorry, I realise that leaving can be difficult and may even be dangerous. But I really hope you can just leave him. Why stay with someone, desperately hoping to be single.

Go back and read what I wrote. Where did I say there was a problem with bald men? I like bald men. My partner's bald. Other stuff regarding aging you have some control over, that you don't.

I don't doubt that some 50+ men are ageing reasonably well. However IME, in various locations, most aren't. When I was OLD I was frequently contacted by men much older than me and they really, really hadn't aged well. They just like you to think they have.

Well lots of men in their 50s seem to be out of shape. Seems strange that we ladies look better, and yet these guys still seem able to get younger women! No idea why.I would also sound a note of caution ,as in a recent article a lady in her late 50s ,met a chap and they got married .He quite quickly became controlling and checking her whereabouts .Also some financial abuse as well.I am not saying everyone you meet may be like this ,but take time to get know them and dont let them move in too quickly .

Sorry, why are you all adamant that older women look better than men of the same age?

I've passed plenty of schools at kicking out time and the vast majority of women waiting outside were pretty grim in terms of their appearance.

Fake up, hair extensions and a posh frock don't count!

It does look like Men don't take as good care of themselves, as reported by observers here.

According to the Health Survey for England 2021, the percentage of over 40s in the UK who are overweight divided by gender is as follows:

• Men: 72.8%
• Women: 63.8%

This means that, overall, 68.3% of over 40s in the UK are overweight, with men being slightly more likely to be overweight than women.

The following table shows the percentage of over 40s in the UK who are overweight, broken down by gender and age group:

Age group Men Women
45-54 75.4% 66.0%
55-64 72.7% 62.7%
65-74 69.1% 60.2%
75+ 64.3% 55.4%

@Oceanus - I am in N.I. Trying to actually move to London but things are very bad in my sector right now, have also joined an all Ireland dating agency but the reviews are horrific so it was maybe a bad idea.

I agree it's easier to meet people in bigger places so hopefully I will be able to make that move sooner rather than later.

The surgeon though was someone who I connected with briefly whilst on a trip to London, who is in London, he does business trips there often so was looking to meet up when he has trips over there....maybe wolf just be a bit of fun!

@EmmaEmerald - I don't know him so perhaps my 'god complex' comment is unfair! You hear that a lot about surgeons!

I just thought with him asking out someone so much younger (33 years), maybe that's what he is like.

Guys my age who I have encountered the past few years have been horrible. Awful, awful wankers.

Withering my late father was good friends with a surgeon, he's a lovely chap from what I know. He moved out of the area recently and I thought that was a shame. He married four times, definitely attracts the ladies.

re asking out someone younger, my 20 something boyfriend was scared to ask me out as he thought it would be arrogant and presumptuous, I'll never forget how nervous he was when he asked.

I was just mystified he didn't want a young fit slim woman! Attraction is a mystery, I guess.

What is it with men and naked photos???

I understand that a full frontal nudity or 'dick pic' is essential equipment for on line dating. Once you receive one, and you will, keep it to use in reply to the next one. Don't forget to block as soon as you send it. 😁

I have some experience in this area. I think what @MrLbz said is spot on- the thing is that people are more obviously who they are by their fifties, and (this bit will sound awful), I'm not interested in men who don't have it together, have their pension sorted, don't do interesting jobs because they never dared and so on by their fifties. Nothing is going to change. I have dated quite a few, all reasonable looking (apart from one rocking the tramp look!), but the one thing they had in common was not being satisfied with their lives as they were, they just weren't for me.

I do have it together, I have enough to live on, a nice home, modest investments, an interesting career, able to travel internationally and so on. There are not that many men who are similar, and many 'successful' men are not that emotionally literate and are on their third wife who is 29 or whatever (I know a couple like this).

The awful thing is they think they want someone younger but younger women usually want families or at the very least a virile and attractive man. Hence there's a lot of divorced men in their fifties with late thirties wives looking for someone to look after their kids on their every other weekend. I don't want to raise someone else's children, I've raised my own.

All in all, it is hard to find someone, not impossible, my mum found a lovely man aged over 50, so it can be done but it's quite hard and not as tempting as it first looks either.

@WitheringTights000 Good luck to you and if London doesn't happen soon, it's not the end of the world, there are other places. I stand by what I said before, if the only nice thing about this guy is his nice job keep looking. There are other big cities besides London, open your mind! That's the biggest advantage of being your age, you don't have to settle, you can still see the world. You can always move to London later. Go and work abroad for a year, being 30 is very different to being 50 or 60 and looking for somebody in my opinion. Don't be defeated.

I met my partner through OLD and we couldn't be happier 5 years later
I decided that when I was dating to throw the net far and wide, have at least 2 dates a week, not be overly fussy and just have fun and meet new people. I did this not with the intention of finding a partner, but more finding friends.
I met some very interesting people and also a few weirdos, including the one who got his tackle out on a date and asked if I'd like to touch it 😉 !!
Dont give up, just have a bit of fun and good luck 👍

Not the men in their 50s that I know. I know one good looking one ( and I’m shagging him). The rest, not so hot.

YABU. There has never been many 'good men.' Many of them are lazy, feckless lumps who never lift a finger around the house, never help with their OWN children, spend as much time away from their family 'working,' (or partaking in their 'hobbies,') and flirt/mess around with other women at the drop of a hat.

@EmmaEmerald that sounds really lovely, like you suit each other.

I'm still a bit hesitant here about the young one, but oddly enough don't care if he sees me without makeup or windswept hair! We've known each other years but it was only after lockdown 1 when he said he'd really missed me when I realised to my surprise that he liked me!

If I ever found myself single again (and I hope I do!) I would never want to have a relationship again. I'd settle for a gentleman caller or a powerful vibrator

Thing is, there are lots of middle aged men, who think exactly like this. They are divorced or have come out of a long term relationship and they sign up to married people’s dating sites ( who are happy to take money from openly single men) looking for an uncomplicated arrangement with a married woman who won’t take up too much of their time or demand too much of them.

Thus the pool narrows even further!

Just don’t. Shag someone with saggy skin, a face that falls as he looms over you, and can only get it up once, when you are at that stage of life yourself.

Don’t waste your youth on age.

And where are all the gods?
Where's the street wise hercules to fight the rising odds?
Isn't there a white Knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what I need!

I need a hero! 😂😂😂

@SwordToFlamethrower 😂😂

I wonder if Bonnie puts that on her Tinder profile? 🤔😂

It must be different social circles, because I don't know of a single man in his 50s who could find a 30 year old woman who'd be open to his advances. Perhaps its something peculiar to very affluent circles.
That aside, I think it is difficult for women because typically they are more attractive at an older age than the men who are their peers, which does indeed lead to a large pool of attractive women and a much smaller one of men of the same standard.
All my friends but one who are not long time married, are dating or have ended up with younger men due to this problem.

people will be saying that to my boyfriend about me 😂

@WitheringTights000 Don't do it! He is old enough to be your dad.

I knew my boyfriend about a year before he asked me out. I'm glad he didn't ask before - at least he's a year older, lol - but he was aware that I didn't date and was very fond of being single so I think that added to his nerves about asking.

I have never dated online but it seems in 2023, meeting someone naturally is a real bit of luck.

I love the general narrative on this thread that older women in the dating pool are by default inherently 'good', have their shit together, look after themselves, have no baggage and are a bit of a catch and that the similarly aged men are the polar opposite. Any casual observation walking down the average UK high street demonstrates that most over 50s, men and women, clearly don't look after themselves!