Aibu to think pregnant women should be offered a seat?

[Hufflepods]

Travelling at least twice a day with changes in London and I’m noticing that it’s less and less common to offer a pregnant woman a seat.
I feel like it wasn’t like this during my last pregnancy but this time it almost seems to rare for someone to offer!
I’m 34 weeks pregnant and due to a mixture of sickness and low blood pressure I get really faint in stuffy, busy spaces ie standing on a busy tube. I’m sure that isn’t really unique and many pregnant women feel similarly.
Occasionally someone else also standing will go up to people sitting and ask can one of them let me sit down.
One time I felt truly horrific and could feel my head spinning I asked the people who were in or near the priority seats but they all pretended not to hear me ask about 3 times and then I fainted so that really put me off asking in future.
I kind of feel like the people who look up multiple times and see you standing in front of them then look back down and ignore you are exactly the sort of people to ignore or say no when you explicitly asked which was sort of proven when I’ve asked’
As a side note I’m 34 weeks so a pretty substantial sized bump, fairly petite in general so it’s obviously bump and isn’t hidden under coats due to the weather, plus I wear the badge.
AIBU to think people are just ruder than ever now?

Is it now an unreasonable opinion to think pregnant woman should be offered a seat?

Depends upon who is on the tube at the time the woman needs a seat, surely? Not everyone is equally likely to offer their seats, even if they aren’t disabled.

What you’re saying is OP should just suffer in silence, even when’s fainting. Terrible advice.

I kept a tally when I was pregnant and, interestingly, the majority of people who did offer me a seat were ethnic minority teenagers, mostly black. This was in London. It was about 70% (and ethnic minority teenagers were certainly a minority of passengers).

I have no idea why this was so. Teenagers are likely to be more fit and able to stand, perhaps.

Then people need to be shamed into offering their seats if able.

I think @FinallyLeavingDenver is saying the opposite (OP shouldn’t be disheartened by previous experiences and now suffer in silence).

TBF, I also was pleasantly surprised by young men offering to help me carry prams up the stairs in tube stations without being asked in the past. That doesn’t mean that some tube goers aren’t complete bastards but I personally wouldn’t think twice about giving up my seat for someone like OP.

Why should someone be shamed? How do you know they don't have hidden disabilities.

What you’re saying is OP should just suffer in silence, even when’s fainting. Terrible advice.

No. I think she should still ask if she needs a seat. Hopefully next time the people she asks will be able to offer their seat. I know I would have let her sit, as would my partner and friends as we don’t need to sit and are polite. I think OP was unlucky this time, those she asked either needed the seat or were rude.

There must be an awful lot of young men in construction gear and happily chatting families with teenagers judging from who was sitting in the priority seats on my afternoon trip on the central line today.

oops - with hidden disabilities I meant to say!

There must be an awful lot of young men in construction gear and happily chatting families with teenagers judging from who was sitting in the priority seats on my afternoon trip on the central line today.

Do people with hidden disabilities not chat happily with their families? Must they be miserable and not be able to talk? 🤔 Can teenagers not have hidden disabilities? Did they even refuse to move for someone anyway?

If they have hidden disabilities that they don’t need to be shamed into getting up when someone loudly asks for a priority seat. They can stay seated.

If they have hidden disabilities that they don’t need to be shamed into getting up when someone loudly asks for a priority seat. They can stay seated

As long as they’re not families that look happy, are chatting away, are teens, wear headphones, have their eyes closed......etc. 🤣

How would that work?

No of course not, but it’s not statistically likely is it? Every member of the family has a hidden disability? All 3 male construction workers? Tube trains rightly tend to have a good portion of priority seats.

Not constantly no, just at every station. The badge is a request so that you don't have to wonder whether I'm overweight pregnant (I'm both)

From my fairly extensive experience of travelling with a hidden disability, one of the problems with disclosing it as a reason for not getting up is that you get argued with. It can escalate into Disability Top Trumps really bloody quickly.

Especially if you don't look like a person who should have a disability in the first place.

I do get up for others who ask when I can, but I don't automatically leap out of the seat that I require for my own needs simply because I'm in the presence of a pregnant woman.

And when I can't, I really have to cross my fingers that the person asking accepts that. Because a significant amount of the time, they don't.

Pregnant last year, commuting in London. Offered a seat maybe 80% of the time. If no one offered, I honed in on one of the four people sat in the priority seat, sometimes having to wave my hands in front of their face to get their attention, then very loudly would ask if it was ok if I sat down. I would hope if someone already sat down had a hidden disability they would have told me they needed the seat, and I'd have asked someone else.

Increasingly grumpy the more pregnant I got. One man was sat man spreading in priority seat, headphones in, bag on seat next to him (only empty seat in carriage). Pretty sure just pretending to be asleep and because of being an arsehole he didn't respond when I spoke to him/tapped him on shoulder, so I said 'I'm going to move your bag on the floor because I need to sit down.' After a couple of stops he stopped fake sleeping to check where I'd put his bag.

I reckon most people are just absorbed in their own lives rather than purposefully being twats.

No of course not, but it’s not statistically likely is it? Every member of the family has a hidden disability? All 3 male construction workers? Tube trains rightly tend to have a good portion of priority seats.

You really can’t know. But did they fail to move anyway?

They didn’t need to move as there were no pregnant / elderly/ disabled people needing a seat.

The point is it’s frankly ridiculous to say that every single person occupying the many priority seats may have a hidden disability and so therefore a person who is rightly entitled to that seat cannot possibly politely ask if they might sit down.

I worked in retail for a few years and sometimes after 10 hour shifts on my feet I would really resent people who clearly worked office jobs who were sat down as they'd clearly been sat down ALL DAY LONG. Suited men and women who would sit on the tube and change out of stiletto heals into their 'commuting' footwear. I fantasise about a points based seating system where you get priority based on occupation as well as pregnancy, disabilities etc.

They didn’t need to move as there were no pregnant / elderly/ disabled people needing a seat.

So they may have moved if needed. And this has no relevance to OPs situation. 😂 So mumsnet.

I’m sure I would notice an advanced pregnancy and would always offer my seat to a pregnant woman. Women in early stages of pregnancy can often feel exhausted and need a seat but usually the pregnancy isn’t noticeable.

Occupation? That's going a bit too far. I say that as former service staff
Ridiculous.

They might...or they might not

And they may not have moved and according to you a pregnant woman about to faint would have just had to suck it up. What a messed up world where potential hurt feelings trump an actual medical need.