To make new mum life easier?

[Animallover87]

Due my first baby next month.

I know it'll be a huge life change and I'm keen to try and protect my mental health as far as possible by taking steps to make life a bit easier.

For example, I'm not going to try and breastfeed. I've bought a prep machine and was considering just using ready made formula for out and about to avoid faff.

Having a planned c section which most people seem to recover fairly quickly from and allows me to feel a bit more in control of what's going to happen.

Next 2 me on my DHs side of the bed so he can do the lifting baby etc during the night if I'm struggling with movement after c section at the beginning.

Any other tips, even if unpopular, to make life easier for myself as a first time mum?

One thing I would really rate for ease was the UV steriliser we got - so much easier and quicker than others and you can put all sorts in there that may be tricky to sanitise like soft toys. We also took it on holiday with us.

I breastfed but the pre-made bottles were great for when my baby was a little older to have whilst out and about / so Dad could feed. She'd never really have more than one a day so was just a lot easier than faffing making our own / waiting for them to cool etc. Luckily my baby was fine with them at room temp.

I had a planned section - in the end I was glad as I'm very risk averse and didn't like the unknown. I needed a lot of help at first as found the recovery fairly tough, though looking back I was happily walking around the park pushing the pram at 3 weeks pp.

My husband was great and made all my meals the first few weeks as more often than not I'd have a baby on me at mealtimes, like other posters I agree Cook is great for stocking up the freezer.

Plan easy snacks for yourself during the day and make sure dh leave you with a plate of snacks and a cup of tea/coffee before going and if you need it, lunch prepared and waiting for you too. That way, you just need to reach to the table next to you or in the fridge to grab it. I did lots of dried fruit, nuts and chocolate in a little box on the side table next to me. I know you said you aren't bf, but you still need sustenance.

Hand off baby to dh as soon as he comes home and you do 'you' things. Get a shower, make dinner (honestly, I loved being able to escape from all the baby stuff and cook the dinner in peace!), go take a nap. And split the nighttimes. One of you take the first half and the other the second (while whoever isn't on baby duty sleeps). If you have a spare room, sleep in there so you aren't disturbed at all. Same for your dh after you are safely able to manage without help. Don't underestimate the power of an unbroken stretch of sleep. You can both manage with some sleep, but not with none - and your dh can go to work just fine on a night of bad sleep, so he should be supporting you at night too.

Make time for yourself each day. Esp if you are FF, you will have a lot more freedom to do things for yourself. You don't always have to be at home with baby or doing all the baby things. Make time for a shower, doing something you enjoy like reading or a hobby (or a nap!), plan a lunch with friends/family without baby, take a walk once you are back to feeling okay, etc. It means your dh will get quality alone time too, just like you do.

Plan to do some sort of activity every week. Like book on to a class that you have to attend because you paid for it. I found with my first that this was the one sure way I knew I would actually leave the house. Some days I had to sit in the car park for 10 minutes crying before I could pull myself together to go in for the class, but I felt a lot better for having left the house and talked to another adult. I did baby massage and baby yoga.

Make sure you still have me time. A bath, a walk etc

I'm 8 weeks post partum and going for reflexology tonight

@mindutopia that's great advice in the 3rd paragraph, so true.

Be open-minded about the changes and continuing changes. Don't tie yourself to routine. TBH I'd go for a natural birth and start by breastfeeding as you may be pleasantly surprised by the simplicity of it.

Taming twins meal prep and dump bags for the slow cooker (slow cookers are great for the summer months after having a baby)

Visitors they like to defend to see baby and often offer help but don't know what they can do, pop a task sheet on the front door, its lovely to see you and yes I'd like some help - please can you do one of the tasks and that will help a great deal please tick off sheet once done - so stuff like hoover lounge, clean a bathroom, pop a load of washing in the machine, tidy up kitchen and empty dishwasher.

My Dil recently had a baby and the visitors left all their mugs in the lounge let alone take them and wash up - its not on for a new mum.

Get a milk man on the app, milk and more is great for getting not only milk delivered but bread and a few other things - Sainsbury chop chop is also a great fast within the hour delivery services for less than 20 odd items.

You could be me talking.

I am 7 weeks in to baby life now. Formula fed from start as didn’t think I’d mentally cope with the tie. I had a very difficult pregnancy health wise and needed my body back.

I had a cat 1 emergency section. I’m fully recovered now but I read so many posts on here about people being up and about in seconds that I believed it would be a breeze. It wasn’t. I was in agony and getting in/out of bed and sitting up enough to see baby was agony. Sitting on the loo and using the stairs also agony. Walking any small distance (like around a supermarket) also agony for first week.

It took me weeks to recover. My DH had bed side crib on his side, did all the night feeds and all the nappy changes for first 2 weeks. He still does the night feeds now but I get up and make the bottles with the perfect prep, which is on my side, and hand it to him and he feeds baby and I watch/sleep. My baby sleeps in the sleepyhead inside the next to me, as wouldn’t settle in next to me. I then bring the sleepyhead on to the bed in the morning with me. Also use the sleepyhead anywhere around the house so she is in it sleeping when we eat etc.

Thankfully night feeds are dwindling. I’ve been giving her hungry baby formula for the last feed of the night (one feed only) and she’s sleeping 6 hours (she’s on 91st centile for weight so no growth concerns).

Also my experience wasn’t much like on here. Everyone says you don’t get time to cook/ eat/ clean. The first 4 weeks our baby was napping a lot and we cooked what we wanted at every meal time. And had lots of free time. It is definitely harder now as she fights naps all day and cries a hell of a lot more but the very start was a breeze.

I also use instant milk for out and about.

Get some Tena lady pants for post c section.
Recommend babybjorn bouncer and a sleepyhead/dockatot.

Also don't overthink things.

I have friends who read every book, bought every gadget and tied themselves in knots trying to do things by the book, stressing over every small thing.

I've tried a more learn as you go approach with the odd Google/ bits of advice from family and just try to be relaxed about things.

I formula fed baby at night from birth and she slept for 3 hour stretches from beginning. Breastfeeding during day.

I would never say BF is a must...but it is so much easier than fuffing with bottles. Also don't be blasé about recovering quickly from a CS...they can come with quite a few problems. Don't forget they cut through your abdominal muscles and your womb. I had one...it was ok.
I expressed and got mine to take a bottle pretty quickly so DH could share night feeds...tbh i wasn't bothered about doing night feeds. Just used to lift them out, feed and put them back. Don't change nappies at night unless they're soiled.

@LoisPrice Have you actually done the tick-sheet on the front door?

Just to add to the breastfeeding comments - I also found it easier. I actually find I get more sleep this was as I can doze in the bed whilst feeding. It can feel demanding in the first few weeks but once it’s established and you’re in the swing of things it’s so much easier. I do appreciate it’s not for everyone but I wouldn’t write it off completely before trying as many mothers and babies take to it really easily. However it also doesn’t have to be either/or. It’s okay to do mixed feeding if you need a break.

Babies like to sleep on you so just go with it for the first few weeks and have a few series ready to binge watch!

Yep, I had an emergency c section and was flying solo and was glad to see people, but if you're coming to visit then you'll have to chip in as after major surgery. It wasn't obligatory and was on the back of the door - so if they asked - help yourself. I wasn't able to make tea and coffee for every visitor. I did get lots of help tbh and people that did help said it was great to know how to help

Don't listen to all the negativity about 'aiming low', 'you won't have time to eat or sleep or shower' etc.

It's not always hard. I FF and had a c section and the newborn days were so easy. We even moved house when he was 6 weeks old.

My advice is to enjoy the time and your lovely new baby.

Do make sure you split the load though. We took night shifts in turn.

Also, FF can be for ease. I found it super easy, no stress about baby being hungry, latching etc. I wasn't knackered from feeding all the time. My husband loved giving ours bottles as did the grandparents (not that we saw much as they lives miles away and it was during Covid!) I'm not saying it's the best way just disagreeing with a PP who said ot isn't for ease. It was for me.

@skyofdiamonds you are putting your baby at risk of SIDS. Babies are supposed to wake frequently to prevent them dying. Giving your baby hungry baby milk to make them sleep longer is literally putting your baby at a higher risk of dying in their sleep. Please please please rethink this. Babies, regardless of FF or BF should be feeding little and often.

Fully agree with you on the formula feeding, OP. I’ve seen the havoc that EBF often wreaks on marriages firsthand and I won’t be taking part in that. He can do his share of the night feeds and bonding and I can get my share of sleep.

I would also recommend not falling into the trap of constant “baby wearing.” If you do, it is likely the baby will rapidly decide to scream the house down every single time they are set down and you will be trapped into a miserable cycle of constantly having an increasingly heavy baby strapped to you.

Two of my friends have had babies this year. Friend 1 pumps/does formula and makes sure baby spends time nearby but not being held constantly. Friend 2 went down the EBF route and decided to start with the slings/baby wearing a few weeks after birth. Friend 1 is managing much, much better and is much happier because her husband helps feed at night and her baby can sit in a carrier or bassinet long enough for her to make herself something to eat or go to the bathroom.

Friend 2 is so exhausted she has been hallucinating and is irrationally upset with her husband, who is fully supportive and often gets up with her in the night to sit with her while she feeds. Her baby was very easygoing and relaxed until she started wearing her in a sling all the time. Now she cannot be put anywhere without screaming bloody murder until she’s picked up again. There is nothing at all the matter with her, she just has been conditioned to only want to be held. Friend 2 is tired of having to carry her now and often sore as her baby is huge and heavy. She can’t even go to the bathroom without holding the baby if her husband is working. Most of her feelings are aimed towards him even though he does as much as he can/she lets him do. It’s hard to watch her struggle, but she’s done it to herself unfortunately. All we can do is offer support, help, and sympathy.

I know which route I’m choosing, that’s for sure!

@Animallover87 I chose a c section for same reason as you after a not great natural birth I needed to be in control and the variables with natural were just too much. I loved my C section my recovery was amazing I was out 48 hours later at a family event. Of course that won't be true for everyone and it was luck of the draw of course but for me personally it was the best decision I ever made

Line up Friends episodes to watch for the 3am feed slot!

Reusable thermal coffee cup. I recommend contigo. Babies need attention at the most inconsiderate time and it's lovely to know the cuppa you made will still be hot and the lidded cup is safer. C sectiob recovery times can vary enormously. I recovered faster from my elective than from my emergency. Plan and prep as much as you can before baby arrived. Batch cooking etc. accept help when it's offered.

Wow, some people are being rude and judgmental about your c-section decision.

I have a 6 month old :) had a totally uncomplicated (luckily) vaginal birth and am really happy with that (mainly as I wanted to be back walking/running asap & had no risk factors) but I totally understand why many people choose an elective; a lot more predictable!

Agree with others that breastfeeding less faff if it works for you! I was quite pro bottle feeding initially (for mostly same reasons as you…though DH could do more) but quickly resigned myself to my fate in terms of night feeds.

other suggestions:
• practice everything PRE baby - don’t leave yourself learning any new skills on zero sleep
• another vote for frozen meals and baby carrying!
• a keep hot cup for all the cups of tea which would otherwise go cold (I found it hard to get up in the night so always prepared one before sleep so I had something hot to sip to help me wake up)
• a shoe horn for getting into shoes while baby carrying (and for that matter - plenty of slip on shoes!)

I paid to have my house deep cleaned before my baby was born and it was amazing!

Coming home to an organised and fully clean house made my life easier.

The cleaner did oven and fridge too and I got my carpets and sofa professionally cleaned.

We gave both our babies cold milk straight from the fridge from birth (expressed breast milk and then later formula). My mum did the same when I was a baby. Saves a lot of faffing, especially in the night. Also you don't waste precious breast milk as any undrunk can go straight back in the fridge. Both kids are now healthy teenagers with no issues.

If you don’t want to breastfeed that’s entirely your choice but please don’t discount it just because you think formula is easier! Yes breastfeeding is hard work to establish but once you’ve done so it’s a million times easier. I love not having to get out of bed in the night to make a bottle and it’s great not having any additional washing up or sterilising to do. Obviously it’s not for everyone and there can be difficulties but I definitely think BF-ing is the easier option once you’re past the first six weeks.

Also if you want baby to take a bottle so that you can have some freedom then you can still do that alongside breastfeeding and you don’t have to pump. I give DS2 a bottle of ready made formula once or twice a week so that I know he will take a bottle as and when I want to leave him. I use the Mam bottles to sterilise in microwave.

Other tips…

• Cook do a discount for new parents. Fill your freezer with their ready meals, they also do handy nutritious lunch size portions for mums.
• Ditto batch cooking and freezing as much as you can before baby arrives
• We also found quick cook pasta along with ready made pasta sauce was great to stock up with for a quick evening meal
• Stock up on easy snacks. Cereal bars, Belvita biscuits etc were a lifesaver for me in the first few weeks where even a bowl of cereal seems difficult.
• Good thermal mug so you can have a hot tea or coffee while feeding or nap trapped
• Baby will nap on you A LOT. Always make sure you have water, a hot drink, snack, tv remote, charged phone etc to hand before you settle down. It may mean baby is unhappy for a few minutes but then you can both chill out for a good chunk of time.
• Have nappy caddies all over the house stocked with wipes, nappies, outfit changes, snacks for you, muslins etc so you don’t have to move stuff around.
• Have a little basket with a handle you can use to take stuff up and down the stairs at the start of day and end of day. After a c section you’ll want to minimise how often you use the stairs to start with.
• Try and restock your changing bag as you go so you don’t have a sudden panic every time you leave the house
• Get your 3-6 month clothes all washed and sorted ready because it won’t be long before your little one goes up a size in clothes and you want have as much time to do all that once baby is here, just one less thing to worry about

Also echo those who have said recovery from a vaginal birth is (usually) much easier and quicker than a c section - I’ve had both. And read up on the fourth trimester so you can manage your expectations before on sleep.

Also I’ve just bought a robot hoover. A luxury item but a game changer, one less thing to worry about getting done.

for those saying to use a sling...no way could I use a sling after a c section, how did you do it?

I had one baby that wouldn't have a bottle any other way but straight forms he fridge and the other refused a cold bottle and would only have it warmed up

I’ve had both types of birth, one natural (no stitches) and breastfed, PN bleeding went on for weeks and baby woke me every 3 hrs or so at night.
the second was a section ( breech fatty) and I chose to go straight to formula.
in my case I preferred the second birth. I hated having baby stuck to me for hours every day and it made me feel tied to the house because I was a huge milk producer and leaked a lot of milk which was embarrassing and baby never seemed to catch a routine. I was quite depressed. Birth two , I left everything to DH for the first few days and I focused on my own body and recovery ( day 4 milk day is hell on Earth painful but I found necking a large glass of wine with a big dose of Ibruprofen shut the milk supply off quickly and I felt great the next day) . I was out doing the food shop on day 5 and stopped bleeding about day 9 and managed to go to my friends birthday night out on day 14 and came home and woke DH up for some ‘happy time’ so I must have felt great. Baby 2 slept and fed beautifully from day 1 and I don’t recall either me or DH ever feeling that tired or burnt out. So for me the bottles and the slightly selfish approach were definitely a win. Baby 2 is an absolute PITA as an older child but that’s in his DNA as all the boys in my family are! There’s nothing wrong with your plan at all. Definitely try the wine and neurofen when your boobs feel like they’ll explode though, I can’t remember who told me that but it was like someone had drained the pressure out instantly.