To make new mum life easier?

[Animallover87]

Due my first baby next month.

I know it'll be a huge life change and I'm keen to try and protect my mental health as far as possible by taking steps to make life a bit easier.

For example, I'm not going to try and breastfeed. I've bought a prep machine and was considering just using ready made formula for out and about to avoid faff.

Having a planned c section which most people seem to recover fairly quickly from and allows me to feel a bit more in control of what's going to happen.

Next 2 me on my DHs side of the bed so he can do the lifting baby etc during the night if I'm struggling with movement after c section at the beginning.

Any other tips, even if unpopular, to make life easier for myself as a first time mum?

it's not that it's not allowed, but we don't offer them unless there is a good reason. psychological reasons fall under medical reasons.

I get where you're coming from OP but maybe your attitude isn't quite right. It will be a huge change and hit you like a ton of bricks and it will continue being hard and challenging and occasionally push you to breaking point - for the next 20 years at least. With plenty of good stuff as well.

Birth is the luck of the draw. I found vaginal birth easier to recover from than CS, even with a few complications. Breastfeeding is also easier in many ways than FF once established, in my experience. Both vaginal birth and BF make your child statistically likelier to be more healthy, with fewer ear infections, tummy bugs etc in childhood - again, that's easier for you as well as for them.

There isn't any total no-brainer in parenting, which is what you're asking for. Everything has pros and cons.

Apart from a massive supply of muslins. They're the only bit everyone agrees on :)

@Animallover87 I’m still recovering from a c-section 14 months later. Don’t underestimate that it’s the controlled birth and more predictable. A 4 litre haemorrhage meant I couldn’t breast feed and almost lost my life. This isn’t to scare you but the recovery is agony and I was unable to hold my baby properly for 3 months due to the pain :(

Personally can't see how voluntarily having major surgery is making life easier but each to their own!

Sleep in separate rooms! Have times when your partner sleeps "on shift" in the room with the baby, and times when you sleep "on shift" in the room with the baby. Off shift partner sleeps soundly in their own room.

This way you're not both waking up at every baby noise. Everyone sleeps better :) and you both have a guaranteed sleep slot each night.

This strategy (plus bottle feeding) means me and DH both had 8 hours sleep a night with a newborn, and found the early days a doddle. I don't understand why anyone would have both partners in the same room with a baby - unnecessary sleep deprivation that you don't need.

A few people have said it but just to add, if you’re not wanting to breastfeed because of your preference or it not being for you that’s fine, if it is purely because of it feeling a faff, then there a pro’s and con’s to breastfeeding and bottle feeding. So maybe don’t rule it out on the basis of faff alone. For me I thought I’d give breastfeeding a go but also bought the bottles/formula and sterilising stuff in case it didn’t work out. And a lot of mums I met did combi feeding so had the pro’s of both options.

Definitely plenty of healthy snacks as well as the odd treat.

Be kind to yourself! If you wake up feeling good and want to go out with baby and have visitors, great! If you wake up and you cannot be arsed to go anywhere, or get properly dressed or you are a crying mess for whatever reason and you have to cancel visitors that day, just do it!

And best of luck! X

the best tip I can give you is to start batch cooking now so when you are exhausted and don’t feel like cooking you have some healthy meals you can just bung in the oven, same for dump bag slow cooker meals.

i found a cold water steriliser is much easier than faffing with electric or microwave ones and if you’re green bin is a bit away then having a nappy disposal is a life saver and then it can just be popped out every evening instead of multiple trips every day.

@tt9

Sorry but again, this isn't true. It sounds as though you work in the birth/medical field so it's worrying you don't know this. You need to read the 'Maternal Choice for Cesarean Birth' section of the NICE Guidelines, which includes guidelines for "When a woman or pregnant person with no medical indication for a caesarean birth requests a caesarean birth", and concludes with the following:

1.2.29 If, after an informed discussion about the options for birth (including the offer of perinatal mental health support if appropriate; see recommendation 1.2.27), the woman or pregnant person requests a caesarean birth, support their choice. [2011, amended 2023]

1.2.30 If a woman or pregnant person requests a caesarean birth this should be offered within their obstetric unit. [2011, amended 2023]

I'm very passionate that people understand they have the right to have a c-section for any reason including pure choice so I don't want to derail the thread but think it's important for anyone who may be reading this who doesn't know.

NICE guidelines are here: https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ng192/chapter/Recommendations

so psychological reasons also fall under medical reasons. but either way there usually is a very good reason why a mum is offered a planned c section in the NHS. certainly that is the case in all the trust's I have worked in and definitely is the approach in today's obstetrics. I am sure there were good reasons why you had two c sections and I am absolutely not against them. in my job role, I am often involved in risk assessing mums and recommending elective sections. so there is absolutely no judgement. sometimes a c section is the safer option. but for a fully healthy mum/baby situation, I would never recommend planned section for no other reason.

Personally I found breastfeeding much easier than faffing around with sterilising bottles and having to carry them around. And pumping was just awful.If you can do combination feeding that would make your life easier instead of exclusively bottle feeding or breastfeeding. IMO.

get private paediatrician or private GP sorted through recommendations if you can afford it - it is not easy to navigate what NHS has now become when you need urgent advice for an unwell newborn. Look for those who offer weekend appointments (everything always happens on a weekend and NHS 111 is a joke).

@tt9 mine were not for psychological reasons, it was purely maternal choice.

Also - Amazon Prime (they can deliver next or even same day all essentials like nappies, creams, thermometers, whatever- no need to go to shops when you have something urgently needed). And have subscribe and save.
All other groceries deliveries of course.

Oh and as someone who had C section- get a rubbish picker/grabber to pick stuff up when you cant bend down in first couple of weeks. It was a life saver for me! When my husband couldn’t get to me quickly enough for example

We had a washing up bowl that I filled every morning with boiling hot water and washing up liquid. After every bottle I dumped any left overs down the sink and the bottle was taken apart and submerged in that bowl. That pre-soak was very easy.

I actually know someone who takes their Perfect Prep upstairs every night when they go to bed, I wish that had been invented when I had mine.

I showered every morning whilst Dh was still there before work, I might have crawled back into bed with wet hair but at least I felt clean and was dressed.

Arrange for people to bring you meals, I know you say your Dh already cooks for you but you might just want to hand that baby over the second he comes in the door (Dh almost snatched Ds out of my arms every single time he came home, he was very hands on) so meals that can just go in the oven or slow cooker in the morning rather than standing and stirring at the hob. Go on Youtube for "dump dinners" and Batch Lady for make ahead and freeze.

Dh made me a lunch every morning when he did his, left it in the fridge so I didn't have to make anything just occasionally add the dressing to the salad or whatever. He is a very good man. Remember women used to have other women come and help them so accept help. I have helped a friend, stripped her bloodied sheets off her bed, did her laundry, tidied and cleaned her kitchen, looked after both her children whilst she went and showered, took them out whilst she slept. It is what friends do. She had severe PND I just tried to help.

Good luck with it all. Film everything especially of your baby with whoever is special to you because you never know when it might be all you have left of them. Film it so you can still hear their voice. Sorry to get a bit maudlin but it is important to point it out.

Actually, no, the statistics and written risks are available to see in evidence-based medical publications. Major abdominal surgery DOES carry more risks than vaginal birth. That does not mean to say that vaginal birth carries none. All births carry the element of risk. My anecdotal post were only examples of what can happen.

I mix fed my first so have plenty of experience of both bf and ff. Don't rule either out.

On the whole I found bf easiest but it was useful to be able to use formula out and about sometimes. I found bottles a faff - hated the smell of cold-water sterilising but nothing will ruin your day faster than forgetting to put the water in the microwave steriliser and melting every bottle you own!

I had 4 sections, quite sore for a week or two afterwards then was right as rain. everyone is different. myself and everyone in my circle recovered absolutely fine though. Sailed through them. Some of my friends had horrific natural births so like I said, depends on the person but I found sections easy. Others don't but I am glad that is the way I went.
Formula feeding was also easier for me too, OH could wash them and make them up which was a great help.

It's interesting to read the breast v bottle experiences. Both of my babies were bottle fed and there was very little faff. I had more bottles than I actually needed and sterilised overnight and made up a whole day's feeds every morning, which were stored in the fridge and used when needed. The night bottles were kept in the bedroom in a cold box and heated up with hot water from a thermos. I changed the feeding routine from the hugely inconvenient 6-10-2 to 4-8-12. I did the midnight and 4am feeds and my husband did the 8am feed before he went to work during the week and we swapped at weekends, so that I could sleep for a full night and he got a couple of lie-ins. During the early weeks, my babies slept for the full four hours between feeds, so I had time to recover from their births and do everything that needed to be done. Both babies dropped the 4am feed at six weeks and had dropped both night feeds by 3 months. Breastfed babies seem to be constantly feeding!

I'd have selected a c-section if the option was open, simply because it allows more control and you at least know what you will be coping with post birth. I had a very difficult delivery with my DD as she was the wrong way around, and a brow presentation that required an episiotomy and a forceps delivery. I still felt as though I'd been kicked in the crotch by a donkey eight months later! There's no guarantee that a vaginal delivery will go smoothly and you may end up with an emergency c-section anyway, so you might just as well be prepared from the beginning.

Give - or get - the house spring cleaned in the weeks leading up to the birth and batch cook as much as you can, so that you can relax as much as possible when the baby arrives. It will probably all be a lot easier than you think OP. Good luck!

thinking you’re in control doesn’t necessarily make it easier. When something happens outside of your control you might not have back-up!
lots of being a mum is done on instinct.
for every person who finds bottle easier, there’s someone who finds breast easier.
a c-section can be a nightmare, as can a natural birth. Your recovery may not be as quick as you hope. There are reasons why a breastfed and naturally birthed baby gets sick less, and you may find you’re less in control if you have a child who is always coming down with something. But that might not be the case at all - you simply won’t know.
I think you need to change your mentality slightly thinking that motherhood is something you can do only if in command of everything.

for me “control” in motherhood is knowing your baby, trusting your instinct, being adaptable, feeling calm enough to tune into your baby. Accepting certain aspects of your life will be on hold for 5 years…

I found breastfeeding much easier than formula feeding. I've never had a vaginal birth so I don't know what that's like but I wouldn't say a C section is the easy option. The recovery was difficult, at least a few weeks of being unable to lift things, difficulty going up and down stairs, medication for the pain. I have an excellent scar (so I'm told by obstetricians) but it overhangs and at times it pulls.

My advice would be to make sure your husband is hands-on with the baby right from the beginning.

If you want to protect your mental health, I found it best going in with no expectations.

I thought I’d maybe have an epidural, maybe use formula, I really wasn’t sure. Well I had a quick birth, no epidural, so recovered really quickly. I also had a baby who could breastfeed from the first day so I never had to use the bottles I bought. An all in one solution to calming him down and keeping him fed.

I also found a sling really useful. He wanted to sleep on us for the first few months so it kept my hands free.

So basically I just did what he wanted and it made my life easier.

Points from my experience being the mum of a 10 week old.
FF works well for me (also didn't try BF because i didn't want to and I'm not bothered about peoples opinions). DH also does his fair share of feeds.
I also have a prep machine and making up a bottle takes no longer than a minute. Not a faff in the slightest.

Sterilise your bottles at your the end of the day so they're ready for night feeds/the next morning.

I had an emergency c section and my recovery was easy. I was up walking 6 hours after my section. I recommend getting up as soon as possible if you can. The more you move the quicker you'll heal. Yes it hurts but it didn't last long. I was going for walks from day 8 and my scar stopped stinging around the 2 week mark (it didn't always sting - mainly just when I was getting up out of bed or off the couch) and it's healed extremely well (I appreciate this is not the case for everyone).

Rest up where you can! DH did all of the morning duties/tidied up every day of his paternity leave while I stayed in bed with the baby (if he didn't take the baby for a feed himself).

Re C-section: get up and move around as soon as you can, and take the pain relief on a schedule even if you don't feel the pain at that particular time, if that makes sense. Caddy upstairs and downstairs with nappy changing stuff, hand cream, phone charger and snacks. Box sets and comfy blankets/cushions on the sofa. Read up on safe co-sleeping (I had to do my research while sleep deprived with a newborn - don't recommend!).

Re feeding: get all the bottles and some formula (pre-made) in before you give birth, but give breast feeding a go. For me, learning how to feed lying down in bed and safely cosleeping (as long as baby is born full term and you don't drink/smoke) saved my sanity and meant I got some sleep. It's also (I think) much easier to reduce your supply and combi-feed than it is to get your supply going later on once exclusive formula feeding has been established. You might find it suits you better, you might not - for the sake of your mental health I'd approach this with an open mind, no pressure! Also get a cheap handheld pump so your DP can do some feeds in the early days too.

I’m also someone who’d say bottle feeding is waaay more demanding than breast…. I’d give it a go, you’d be saving yourself a lot of washing, sterilising and boiling the kettle for warm water in the middle of the night!!

I had an emcs.
I think one of the reasons why I healed well was that the midwives had me up on my feet the following morning showering, I had no option but to shuffle all the way to NICU to breastfeed, and also I followed the recovery rules to the letter - so after your CS, get on your feet as early as you are allowed, do as much walking around the ward corridors as you can even if it's a slow slow shuffle, wear the stockings, and when you are discharged, take baby and you out a few times a day - even just to the top of the road and back nice and slow.

This will also be controversial but the women I know who had complications with their CS wound it was usually either a repeated entry on that same scar for subsequent babies or they were carrying abdominal weight before pregnancy which put pressure on the healing incision. The ones who healed fine were the slimmer women on their first or second CS.

I breastfed and only ever used the premade aptimel if I occasionally used formula so I can't offer you any bottle advice. But I fully subscribe to everyone fed nobody dead as a philosophy in general.

But one of the best things I did was let DH do stuff. The inclination to take over as a mum is strong, and the inclination for dad to leave it to mum because she looks as though she knows what she's doing and besides he's slightly terrified is also strong.

So I involved DH by making him do the first bath with me hands off supervising. He then happily took over the majority of bath times. I also showed him how to burp and so I'd feed and hand the child over. Same with nappies, he did the first few then cracked on with any that needed doing on his watch. He got sent to the pharmacy to become an expert on finding one nappy cream that worked. I'd ask him to google milk spots or growth spurts when my hands were full feeding, to read out for us both so it got him into noticing when things needed doing, needed checking and not automatically defaulting to me with a "what's this XYZ and expecting me to be the Oracle of all things Baby.