To make new mum life easier?

[Animallover87]

Due my first baby next month.

I know it'll be a huge life change and I'm keen to try and protect my mental health as far as possible by taking steps to make life a bit easier.

For example, I'm not going to try and breastfeed. I've bought a prep machine and was considering just using ready made formula for out and about to avoid faff.

Having a planned c section which most people seem to recover fairly quickly from and allows me to feel a bit more in control of what's going to happen.

Next 2 me on my DHs side of the bed so he can do the lifting baby etc during the night if I'm struggling with movement after c section at the beginning.

Any other tips, even if unpopular, to make life easier for myself as a first time mum?

Like you, I decided to FF before the birth and I don't regret my choice. True - I can't comment on BF, but my choice enabled me to have some well needed time away that was good for everyone involved! Baby went overnight to grandmas etc.

A tip would be to invest in a Nuby rapid cool flask (super easy, watch a video on youtube) means you can make up a bottle on the go v easy. Ready made formula bottles are great but pricey - I usually use the ready made at night which I bring up before bed and the prep machine during the day.

Best of luck!

A c section is major abdominal surgery whether planned or otherwise. The only difference is that you know beforehand and potentially won't be tired from labouring before.

To make your life easier I'd have someone on hand for the first few weeks. My dh had 6 weeks paternity this time (previously it was 2 weeks) and had added 2 weeks leave on the end. By on hand they need to be useful, so they cook meals, they do things like load the dishwasher as it hurts to bend, they tidy up and hoover. If they are more likely to be a hindrance then they pay for a ready meal service or they pay for a cleaner.

So I had the next to me crib with current baby on dh's side. He went to bed at 10pm, I did the midnight feed and then would go to bed. He woke up with her at 3/4am having had a good 5-6 hours sleep and then again until 8am. I would feed her the next feed at 7/8am. We had a changing station this time which was a god send and had all her bits in it in our room. It meant not having to take her to another room and potentially wake our other kid's up. Also no bending to have to change her.on the bed. Having her on his side didn't affect bonding for me and I'm not sure why it would? I birthed her! It also meant I didn't have to slide myself down the bed to get out to change her nappy and make feeds, all of which is very difficult to do after a section.

With dd2 we had the prep set up on a dresser in our room so no having to make feeds downstairs and bring them up at ridoculous o'clock. I camped in my bedroom for the first few weeks and that suited me well.

I didn't have a changing station downstairs as I stayed upsirs for the first few weeks, lucky enough to have a bedroom with a seating area. Had I not had I would have done so and also if hos leave had been shorter. By time my dh went back to work I felt largely well and.was OK going up and down stairs.

I batch cooked for a few weeks which helped in the early days. I got supermarket deliveries for groceries to make our lives easier.

After the cluster feeding stopped I could do what I wanted.

@Animallover87 We got meal prep subscriptions (Gousto, but there are others) after both babies for a few months and it's a life saver for us. No groceries to do, husband can cook too, and meals are ready in 15-30 min.

I agree with others regarding bottles Vs breastfeeding though, it's a misconception that bottles are easier. You should give it a go because it's not always difficult for all women, and if it goes well it can be super easy.
I've done both because breastfeeding didn't work out with my first, and prepping bottles can be a real pain. At night it means getting out of bed etc, and during the day you've got to carry your sterilised bottles and milk everywhere if you go out (that's 5-6 bottles for a full day out!)

I'm breastfeeding my second and find it a lot easier. There are other ways your husband can help if you're breastfeeding:

• when recovering from C-section (I've had 2), he can bring baby to you, help you sit up and change baby
• for the first few months, he can keep baby a bit later in the evening and pick them up in the morning so you get to sleep. That's what my husband does at the moment, and I express just enough milk for 2 bottles a day (or we give formula if I haven't had a chance) so that he can feed her during those few hours if need be

Regarding the C-section, my advice would be to stay for a 2nd night even if the hospital tries to send you home the next day. The surgery painkillers last 24h so although you'll feel fine the next morning, they will wear off in the afternoon and it will be harder to move around. Staying another night means more help with the baby and more options for pain relief on day 2. On day 3 you should feel significantly better.

Hi OP

I haven't read the other posts on here so apologies if I am repeating things!

I have struggled with my mental health for years and was so worried about the impact having a baby would have. Luckily I was generally very well (and am now pregnant with my second!).

A few tips that helped me:

• Splitting things 50/50 with your partner so parenting is a true partnership and your partner isn't 'helping out'. That means getting up to do night feeds (formula helps this a lot!) so you can get your sleep etc. My MH declines rapidly if I don't have sleep so for me this was a priority. If you don't have a partner then I would really recommend asking for family help a night or so a week, or getting a night nanny if you can afford it.

• Formula feeding. This increases flexibility for who can feed your baby so your baby is not just tied to you at all times. Yes, logistically it can be a bit of a faff but in my mind the trade off was more than worth it - my partner and I could split the feeds 50/50. A lot of my friends who BF say their babies will not let their partner feed them (even with expressed milk) so I think FF would help massively - it did me. Happy mum = happy baby! Expressing sounds easy but it really isn't - I did try combi feeding but would be expressing for 3/4 hours a day - tied to my pump for that time. Not easy! In my mind, the mental impact of breastfeeding (in some cases) is something not discussed enough.

• Electric UV steriliser - we have the tommee tippee one. Saves drying bottles etc. Huge help!

• Routines. Please don't worry about routines for the first 6/7 months. So many mums I know were wedded to a fixing their baby to a routine and it caused them immense stress. Babies will to what they want to until 7/8 months then they will naturally fit into a routine themselves. Go out for a coffee, lunch, go out for a walk, have a nap when your baby naps. Don't stress. For the first 6/7 month babies are largely very portable so live your life too!

• Judgement from others. I felt this a lot - hugely, for FF, having a c-section, etc. As someone who has come through the other side, please do your best to ignore. You will face judgement no matter what you do! There is no right or wrong - just what is right for you and your baby! So please please please ignore if you can (I would give myself this advice 10000 x over if I could!).

Oh, and ignore anyone who says 'enjoy every minute!'. You won't. Not when your baby wakes at 2am screaming and all you want to do is sleep! Comments like that put undue pressure on us as parents, and you feel like a bad parent if you don't enjoy every moment, so do your best to ignore!

On a practical note - peppermint oil and peppermint tea is a MUST after your c-section. I had excruciating 'wind pain' for days afterwards which peppermint oil sorted. My midwife told me they often give peppermint oil with paracetamol to women after a section for this purpose. I will be having another elective next year and won't be without it!!!

I hope that helps Op, I appreciate others may not agree with some of my comments but this is my real experience and advice. Sorry to anyone I annoy!

Sending you lots of love and best wishes OP - you will ROCK this! Xxxxx

Prepare meals in the freezer or buy from Cook. Personally can’t see how breastfeeding wouldn’t be easier but it’s your choice.

Oh one I missed off.

Night shifts!

My partner and I would do night shifts in the early days. I would go to bed from 7pm-1am and get a solid 6 hours sleep, whilst partner looked after baby. He would then sleep from 1am-7am whilst I looked after baby. Timings were adjusted if my husband had an especially early start, but largely these timings worked well.

That way you can safe guard some sleep for you both.

Hope that helps!

Just my thoughts on 50/50 parenting here. I often see it as an argument for ff, almost as if bf mothers can’t possibly share the load.

I don’t think it’s helpful to think of 50/50 as doing half of every parenting job. Rather it’s about working as a team and looking at the whole picture, working to even it out over the week, month, year, lifetime.

Dad hasn’t done half the pregnancy or birth, he can’t. He can’t do half the feeds either if you breastfeed, but there’s lots he can do. Parenting isn’t just feeds and nappies. It’s everything to do with running a home. What it looks like changes as the child grows. Sometimes you’ll do more, sometimes he’ll do more. The important thing is that it evens out and that you both work together.

For me, what makes us a 50/50 parenting couple is that I don’t need to parent his parenting. If he takes the kids out on the weekend, I don’t pack the bag, make the plans, worry about what they’ll need. I don’t need to tell him how to deal with any issues the kids have. We talk about it, we come up with a plan together and we both support each other.

Get some track suit pants and undies that are very high waisted. It keeps the pressure off the incision.
Congratulations xx

Because you can have a full night sleep 50% of nights! Total bliss!

And yes, dads can do other things, and mine very much did for my bf baby, but doing nappies doesn't make up for being up every hour every night for over a year! Not even close.

It sounds to me like you are trying to do a lot of planning and are keen to "control" the post partum period. Which is all well and good but I think the best advice I can give you is be prepared to be flexible, and for plans to change. Structure and plans don't necessarily work for all babies, and it's unpredictable because it depends - amongst other things- on the temperament of your baby. You are very pro "protecting your mental health" which is great, but the issue is that you don't really know at this point what actions will help you. None of us can know either. For every parent who says bf was easier (eithet off the bat or after initial challenges) you'll get one who says ff saved their sanity. For every one who says a c section recovery was great you'll get another that says c section was awful. Ditto vaginal birth, co sleeping etc etc

I guess my point is that you seem to have quite a fixed mind set about things. Being secure in your choices is great, but be prepared to adjust in response to your baby rather than trying to fit your baby into your pre established plans. The happiest mums I know were ones where they approached parenthood flexibly and the unhappiest were those who had very fixed ideas about what they wanted to do, and for whom things didn't quite pan out that way.

Planned c-section is a great idea- I was in a lot of pain for the first three days, but after that recovered very quickly. Take all the drugs they offer you in hospital!

If you can afford to, fill the freezer with delicious ready meals! COOK or allplants (for vegetarians and vegans). Make sure you eat well- have lots of food which takes v little prep.

Just wanted to add, too, that breastfeeding in the middle of the night is SO much easier than sorting out a bottle, even with a perfect prep machine. If you can get your baby to take both breast and bottle, it will definitely make your life easier!

Ignore all housework except the absolute necessities: clean dishes and clean clothes. And it shouldn't be you doing these at first! Not until you feel up to it.

Let baby contact nap until 4 months, then teach to fall asleep in the cot.

Good luck, OP! ❤

Keep daytime bright and playful (but not too overwhelming) and night time dark, calm and quiet. I feel like it helped mine learn the difference between day and night.

Oh and put a perfect prep machine and a mini frudge in your room. No going downstairs in the night.

Even one day of breastfeeding is better than none so ask you hands on partner to treat you like a princess whilst you feed your baby the colustrum or you can express. From 37 weeks in syringes.

I also had an elective c-section for both my births and made the decision to not breastfeed before my daughters were born - 2 of the best parenting decisions I made, especially the c-secs. I genuinely believe this made my first months of parenting much easier than those around me who had difficult births/emergency c-secs and struggled through breast-feeding.

Good luck!

Also I’ll be criticised for this I’m sure but don’t let them sleep on you from day 1. I never let my daughters nap on me even in the hospital and I never got caught in the trap people complain about on here all the time where their babies won’t sleep apart from on them. Don’t let them get in the habit. And try and get in a routine when they’re a newborn - I personally think it’s much better for both of you.

Huge snack basket and pre filled drink bottles on hand for the night time feeds, when you don't want to move during the feed.

Enjoy the night feeds, they are the most cherished time. The calm still of the night just you and baby together are an absolute privilege. Someone told me that once who I thought was crazy but they were spot on.

FlowersInTheSky · Yesterday 17:54
You’re just making life difficult for yourself by bottle feeding “

Lots of mums would disagree.

I would also say to all the people saying breastfeeding and co-sleeping is much easier as you can just shove your baby on the breast as soon as they stir - this isn’t teaching good sleep habits. Babies cry in the night for all sorts of reasons and don’t need constant through the night feeding for any disturbance. It’s not conducive to you or your baby to teach them as soon as they wake up they need to be fed back to sleep - they don’t and that’s why some babies are still waking up multiple times in the night for milk long past when they need to.

Ive an 11 week old baby and toddler- my hubby stays up and does the last feed with baby and brings him up.asleep and ready 4 bed. I head up not long after the toddler around 8pm to sleep so i can get totally switched off and know ill get 3 or 4 sound hours.... it has helped massively this time round. I didnt do that with.my first and was totally.burnt out

100000 percent agree with this!

For me 50/50 parenting is simply a phrase but what you describe is 1000 percent accurate.

I breastfed all DC because I'm too lazy to piss about making bottles and washing up. I had EMCS each time and was able to walk unaided within 36 hours & drive within 2-3 weeks each time (check your individual insurer's guide on this). Because DH is an equal parent, I cooked in the evenings so no need for batch meals etc, everyone's experience is very different

With baby just say sod the housework. Grab as much rest now as you can.
Larder full. Freezer full. Car up to date. Advance prepare as much as possible. Bills, paperwork ticked.
Get some good books piled up. Join National Childbirth Trust... made some really close supportive friends thro NCT. All had babies same time. We stuck together for first 5 years for mutual support. Invaluable. Still close mates now.
Get hair/ nails etc done now(?)
Train dh to be useful in domesticity
Good luck and enjoy this soecial time

Thanks everyone, still here and taking in all of the responses.