To make new mum life easier?

[Animallover87]

Due my first baby next month.

I know it'll be a huge life change and I'm keen to try and protect my mental health as far as possible by taking steps to make life a bit easier.

For example, I'm not going to try and breastfeed. I've bought a prep machine and was considering just using ready made formula for out and about to avoid faff.

Having a planned c section which most people seem to recover fairly quickly from and allows me to feel a bit more in control of what's going to happen.

Next 2 me on my DHs side of the bed so he can do the lifting baby etc during the night if I'm struggling with movement after c section at the beginning.

Any other tips, even if unpopular, to make life easier for myself as a first time mum?

I’m 7 months in as a FTM and I never breast fed either, never regretted it - could go out whenever we liked and not hemmed in with cluster feedings.

Get loads of easy and quick to make food in.

Practise using things like the steriliser and assembling the bottles because it’s a nightmare 😂 also putting baby into car seat.

A giant water bottle.

And please (if you can) accept help - I really struggled with this. Let people do your tea or do some washing for you. Don’t worry about housework because it does get done eventually.

There are 4 things every new mum should do every day. These are the only 4 things she should worry about doing.

1. eat 3 meals a day - prepared by someone else. Excellent way for partner and family to support you. Even when dad is back at work he can bring you some toast in bed, leave sandwiches in the fridge and make tea when he’s home.

2. drink plenty of water - you’ll pee and sweat tons in the first few days. Again DH can support you by having fresh water bottles positioned around the home ready for you.

3. take a shower - feeling clean is a massive boost to mental and physical health. Your shower time is the perfect time for dad to get some skin to skin snuggles with baby.

4. something for yourself - it can be as small as taking a few deep breaths in fresh air, or as big as going for a walk by yourself. It can be watching east Enders or painting your nails. What ever it is, it should be something for you that makes you feel good.

Each to their own, but after the first 10 days or so of establishing breastfeeding it was so much easier than feeds. However if you know for a fact your mental health will suffer with it then fair play.

Things that made life easier

• having snacks prepped for the day
• getting dressed while DH was home before work
• having a flask of tea made by DH
• doing one room per day cleaning and lower standards
• Napping at least once in the day although I found this hard

I'll list all the things that I found made it easier and it includes BF but that doesn't mean I'm passing any judgement on you not doing it! Just giving my experience from two DCs. I had PPD with my first but not my second.

• Get Cook ready meals in. They have the instructions on, DH could therefore sort dinner without needing me explaining what to do.
• Steam veg packs for the freezer, as above!
• get a decent tray for carrying food and drink upstairs on
• make baked oats in little foil containers. DH could then bring me breakfast. Easily defrosted in the microwave, big dollop of yogurt on it and a big coffee; oats are good for milk supply and milk is needed for calcium post birth
• YY to DH taking baby out on his own for 20 mins from quite early on, and changing nappies, doing bathtime etc. Whilst this is happening do not hover over them, go get a shower or a cuppa etc and let him get on with it and learn from his own mistakes.
• get a multipack of chocolate bars you like in, and sit every afternoon in bed with your baby and have a choc and a nap skin to skin with them watching a bit of telly gives you loads of feel good hormones which help protect against PPD
• get a massive water bottle and insulated cup, you need to drink a lot to flush out the water you hold in pregnancy
• in the early days, stay close to baby. You both need this.
• BF; with the right help it's easy, and gives you a lovely boost of bonding hormones that make you feel good and gives you the most sleep; see also co sleeping and having the crib on your side so you can feel in tune with baby
• take paracetamol regularly in the weeks post birth if you need it
• don't feel you've gone wrong if you decide something you were wedded to originally actually doesn't work for your baby. It's ok to change your mind!

Enjoy your newborn OP, it's hard but lovely.

Also DH did all the nappy changes as I was BF

Make the plans you can but you just don't know until they're here. For example some of the tips given here just didn't work for me.

Breast feeding was a complete faff, FF was easy. Baby wearing was hell and I just didn't like it, baby preferred to be in moses basket or play mat.

Co-sleeping was just anxiety inducing, Next 2 me so much better.

It's never a one size fits all.

With regards to the birth, I did plan on vaginal and ended up having an emergency C Section. Recovery was easy but I know that's not always the case.

Good luck by the way! Such an exciting time!

Breastfeeding reduces your risk of PND and anxiety, lowers blood pressure, improves sleep quality (even if you get less of it) speeds up physical recovery and boosts oxytocin. It's a big crash to go from pregnancy hormones to not breastfeeding and it helps stabilise that too. Just making sure you are making an informed decision.

I found my life so much easier once I introduced bottles and DH could give one in the night rather than me never getting a decent chunk of sleep.

I found bfing much easier and less faff than bottle feeding especially when going out and about and I settled in and really enjoyed the downtime/being tied to the couch feeding and saved myself some good books/box sets to binge.

my recovery from a straightforward natural birth was much easier/quicker than my friend /sil with their elective c sections

I had a caddy with all changing stuff plus mat/towel for absorbing sneaky wees at the side of the bed, never woke dh was pointless us both being awake. I found I got back to sleep better after bfing than when I stopped.

I second/third as many easy/freezer meals as you can sort.

For you

Focus on eating meals at regular times as this helps your sleep and keeps your energy up, it’s so so important to eat well and drink plenty of water. Keep snacks and water next to bed. It’s easy to get healthy pre prepped food nowadays. Get washed + dressed every morning before hubby goes to work it takes 2 mins and it really helps your mood.

I basically told my husband to look after me and the house and I’ll look after the baby. However we did take it in turns to do night times, he’d do the nights before WFH and I’d do the nights before he has to drive to work the next day. Luckily we have a spare room.

A cleaner for a couple of hours a week would be amazing if you can afford one.

For baby
Some babies hate changing bottles so may not take to the pre made ones so don’t buy loads.

Dummies are fine and can be a life saver.

A rotating car seat. Light pram and pram sled to stop the floor getting dirty.

I would really suggest to level your expectations of others. Unless you’re lucky to have a big, truly supportive network then be prepared for people to lose interest very quickly, or even just not be interested at all. I know it sounds a bit Debbie downer but it hit me like a train (and still does some 8 months in) how little people truly want to help. Absolutely accept all the offers of help you get, but don’t bank on people coming and helping you with day to day tasks.

If you're bottle feeding, why would your DH pass the baby to you in the night?

Just to add, if you share the feeding etc, share the nights, then a lot of the other stuff you are worried about may fall into place. As I had a minimum of a 5hr block sleep nightly from birth, I wasn't ever very tired. I didn't miss a single meal, and certainly didn't need to be made a packed lunch. I didn't need microwavable meals as there were two of us.

On the downside, I didn't watch a single box set, and now they are just older and don't stop in wondering if i missed a fabulous opportunity 😂

A week rested mum makes everything so much more manageable though.

It’s good you are thinking about what will personally work for you. If c section and formula feeding works than crack on.

But honestly, so much depends on the baby you get. If you get a content baby that feeds and sleeps well and is happy to be put down, you are going to have a much easier time and be less likely to develop PND than if you get a refluxy, colicky, none sleeping cling-on. I’m not saying that to scaremonger…more so you don’t think it’s all down to you to either have a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ experience. A lot of it is out of your control no matter what decisions you make.

Having a planned c section which most people seem to recover fairly quickly from and allows me to feel a bit more in control of what's going to happen.

hahaha! Good luck! It’s major surgery. Things do go wrong, ask me how I know?!

Depends on how family are with you, but I wish I’d had no visitors while I recovered at least for the first 24/48hrs. If they are going to come up and try to scoop up your newborn just say no thank you and stay in your baby bubble for a while

also in the weeks leading up to birth I cooked about 2/3 weeks of home cooked meals pre portioned them and stocked up the freezer, you won’t have time or the energy to cook but will probably desperately crave a home cooked meal!

Definitely this for breastfeeding! Breastfeeding is the more convenient by far, especially at night, no need to get out of bed if baby is next to you...

~Research also shows that, overall, breastfeeding mothers get more sleep than mixed- and formula-feeding mothers. This is for a number of reasons, including the impact of natural hormones and chemicals released for baby and mother when breastfeeding at night. There is also a perception that babies who have formula milk sleep longer than breastfed babies.~ www.laleche.org.uk/breastfeeding-at-night/

Hi @Animallover87 . I had very traumatic circumstances leading to my birth and as a result I did everything possible to make life easier! I too had a c section and recovered well (better than my two friends who still, months later have issues following a vaginal birth). I had no problems lifting dc a day or so after and it was totally fine within a week. I also didn’t breast feed longer than a few days, again because I was so overwhelmed by the circumstances I was in, I just needed to do all I could to preserve the health of my mind and wellbeing. So…

Changing mat and nappies and wipes on every floor.
Two next to me cribs, one upstairs and one downstairs
Ready made Aptamil - I’ve never actually made up formula to this day and dc is now 10 months. I know this is unpopular as it is very cruel to the environment, and being honest it was only the first three months these were a life saver through the nights. I’m just carrying on now through laziness…
Food in the freezer - stock up now just in case you lose track of what you’ve got in.
Find a series to get into now so you can relax while dc is asleep in the days (assuming you will stay in more than to put in the early days).
Try and go for a walk now and then.
Buy zip up babygrows!!! SO much easier especially in the middle of the night.
Buy vests that are a little bigger than necessary as they as much easier to put on.
No need to bath dc everyday in the first few months unless medically advised - this saves time/exhaustion.
Use white noise - definitely helped dc sleep!
Have blackout blinds/curtains for nighttime and in the day time don’t make it dark for them to sleep… this is so they can start to distinguish nighttime but also so they are used to sleeping in brighter places (good for when they’re older and you’re out and want them to sleep. I know people who leave places to take the baby home to sleep. I’ve never had to do that.
If you have a fancy pram, also get a cheaper Joie basic one as a theyre so much lighter (and actually just as good as the pricey ones, I ended up using the 100 quid one more than the 800 quid one).
Have large bin bags to throw nappies in upstairs and downstairs as they soon add up throughout the day.
Don’t bother having a bedtime for dc until they’re 4/5 months. They just wake and feed continually for a few months and some friends got frustrated their dc wasn’t going to bed at 7… that comes months later.
Book yourself a haircut etc for 6-8 weeks time, pace yourself with the milestones and celebrate them for you and the baby.

I realise a lot of the above needs funds available to put into place. Generally speaking I took a very relaxed approach and basically accepted I would be awake every couple of hours or so for a couple of months or so. This mindset really helped and I tried to rest and sometimes sleep in the day when dc slept and that just continued all night. It was far easier than I expected it to be and I really enjoyed lounging around for a few months! By the time dc was four months they were sleeping a good few hours at a time. If I was to do it again I would probably breastfeed combined for a few months as I would like to experience it but I do think formula is great for knowing how much they’ve had etc.

I don’t say this in real life and I know it could change at any moment (dc 10 months now) but honestly, I found it easy. It does get relentless as the months go on in the sense of it being monotonous, but I can count on one hand the number of days I’ve found hard and that was more other things going wrong like the car getting a flat tyre rather than anything to do with the baby!! Congratulations and hope you enjoy it!

But feeding aside - full your freezer, invite friends and family around for cuddles in exchange for meals.

Get a baby carrier or sling.

If you can - get a cleaner. Otherwise don't worry about it, you probably will clean in the last few weeks of pregnancy and nesting. It'll be fine.

Embrace the word adequate. I had a shower, my day has been adequate. I cooked myself some toast, the day has been adequate. The baby has a clean 'grow on, the day has been adequate.

You’ve had lots of good advice but I’d add making sure you do everything with DH as an equal partner. Start as you mean to go on. Life with a new baby is so much easier when you’re in it together.

And be willing to accept help from family. I loved sitting around snuggling baby in my dressing gown and someone would drop round with fish & chips for tea! They have a chat and a laugh and cuddle with baby and then they’d go. They’d often just pop in to see if we needed shopping, tea etc. and it was lovely to include them as part of our new family story. No pressure but lovely, happy, sleepy days…

Good luck op!

Yes this is what I was going to write, grab that shower early in the day if/ when you can! I always felt I could face whatever the day threw at me if I’d at least had a shower and was clean!

@Arewehumanorarewecupboards Things go wrong with a vaginal birth too. Yes it is surgery but as @Animallover87 says, she wants to feel more in control and this DOES give you more control. That is a valid choice and is a measured consideration.

Came to say this: if it works for you it massively reduces the housework/going out prep (and there's a lot of it for babies, I didn't want extra!)

@Mumtothreegirlies you literally said ‘if you can successfully breastfeed.’ Exactly. If you can’t, do you know how stressful that is?

For what it’s worth, my close friend breastfed ‘successfully’ and she has found it very hard, physically draining and her baby wakes constantly for feeds and comfort. Mine never has. OP has asked what might make life easier and it’s far more predictable to formula feed especially if you buy the milk ready made.

Personally found home birth and breastfeeding better for my mental health but each to their own. Just approach it like you would do a very demanding new job with long hours, pace yourself, don’t expect to much of yourself above the essentials and expect to a certain degree the unexpected will happen. As quite an experienced mum I specifically planned last baby for when kids all at school, then all the schools shut for ages and had to juggle crawling baby with homeschooling 🤣🤣🤣 we survived! Top tip, don’t be a martyr and just do whatever’s possible you need to do for your MH