To make new mum life easier?

[Animallover87]

Due my first baby next month.

I know it'll be a huge life change and I'm keen to try and protect my mental health as far as possible by taking steps to make life a bit easier.

For example, I'm not going to try and breastfeed. I've bought a prep machine and was considering just using ready made formula for out and about to avoid faff.

Having a planned c section which most people seem to recover fairly quickly from and allows me to feel a bit more in control of what's going to happen.

Next 2 me on my DHs side of the bed so he can do the lifting baby etc during the night if I'm struggling with movement after c section at the beginning.

Any other tips, even if unpopular, to make life easier for myself as a first time mum?

I think the varied examples and advice here highlight that mums/ babies / families are different.

Absolutely if you don't want to breastfeed then don't but I do think nature wants us to sit/ lie down and bf enables that (maybe more than we might like) and I think it's initially much harder but gets easier (ideally) whereas formula feeding stays the same. I'm not very organised so I liked that I never had to work out how much to take out and about cos my boobs were there. I don't think anyone should feel pressure to feed at the expense of their physical or mental health just pointing out that formula feeding is not always easier. (My bonus was that many of the people around me always wanted to 'take' the baby for a cuddle whereas I'd rather cuddle the baby and let them wash up!)

I think someone else mentioned accepting / asking for help and I think that's spot on. You don't need to be super mum.

I used ready made formula at home too. Why bother with mixing it all - I've not got a clue how that works but it sounds like a faff. Just buy a load of small cartons on Amazon. My son was happy to drink them at room temperature as well! (I did try breast feeding to be fair so this was after 3 months of hassle on that score).

C-section - I had one and yes it's more of a known quantity but you sound a bit complacent tbh about the recovery. Not easy and you will be lying in bed or on the sofa for a while so make sure you have a partner or somebody who can do literally everything. Have drinks and healthy snacks plus painkillers next to you.

But a pair of c-section leggings from Serephine and put them on as soon as you can bear the pain - for me around day 4. Once on they keep your wound and tummy wrapped up and that was the first day I could walk vaguely upright without stooping over at the waist.

Buy a Moses basket to put baby in the middle of the living room floor whilst you do stuff (once you're able).

Make sure you have a partner or someone lined up prepared to administer your daily injections in your thigh after c-section. They are particularly sting-y and I couldn't do it myself.

Pack a nappy change basket with a handle next to your bed so you can do changes without getting up.

Do a COOK order for your freezer - I lived off that for a couple of months!

Leave your DH in charge of the baby as much as possible. They build their own bond and he will become confident at caring for the baby by himself. This will make your life much easier!

I would give breatfeeding a try as if you're one of the lucky ones whose baby latches correctly straight away then you never have to bother with bottles and sterilizing! (This wasn't me sadly so I am constantly washing bottles and pumping bits)

C section- I had planned and it went well but was a lot harder recovery than expected, your next to me bed on dh side is spot on as it's very hard to scoot yourself across the bed and harder to pick baby up from sideways in first few days

Stay in hoospital 3 nights if you need to I did!

Have healthy ready meals in

But lots of baby vests and bin any that are covered in poo rather than trying to wash them.

Have lots of clean clothes for you to wear.

Disposable nappies.

If you're able to, do back and upper body and arm
Exercises now to build up strength as the babies get heavy quickly

Get quite a few sheets for next to me for in case they wee through them a few times, same with swaddles or sleeping bags

Have two changing station up and downstairs if you live in a house

I breastfed one (18 months) and bottle fed the other, and found bottle feeding infinitely easier. Obviously everyone's different, but I'd say bottle feeding is a good way to ensure you can engineer a nights' sleep if you really need it (if you're ill or exhausted), share the load more evenly, and avoid feeling trapped by the nature of being the only one who can feed the baby. Also helped us have more of a routine, which I really needed to ward of PND/PNA.

If you've considered it and decided you'd prefer it, there's lots of reasons it's a good option. I'd echo PPs and say ready made formula is great for through the night. I also used to make my bottles in batches, store them in the fridge, and warm them in the microwave (gasp!) for 15 seconds or something, just swirl well to avoid hot spots.

Dummy was also wonderful - didn't offer it the first time and wish so much that I had! White noise machine that can be unplugged and run off a battery for a while, it can go where the baby naps. We had a great one that also had a nice, low nightlight, perfect for night feeds.

Oh and be diligent about staying top of your pains meds after your section!

Surprised by how many people had a really easy time breastfeeding! Everyone I know who managed it for any length of time had some combo of issues of nipple pain/mastitis/baby using them like a dummy/baby refusing to take a bottle so they could never leave them. Didn’t sound fun at all! (I only managed a week myself)

All white wardrobe for baby - literally all white - no embellishments - perhaps hard to find all white until say 12 months but if you can achieve it then you can chuck into washing mashing on hot wash with bleach no matter what and they will look reasonably ok at the other end. Also everything with match at all times
i didn’t do this personally - I like bright colours - but you said you wanted tips “even if unpopular” - I’ve seen a friend do it and it works well for her.

Defo fill the freezer with things you like and will eat.

I would second the question about breastfeeding? Fine if you don't want to or can't but it saved my sanity! I felt so free and was able to go out and do stuff with my baby which I really needed I hated being stuck at home. That's still possible with formula but you need to pack a lot more and factor in timings and hot water etc.

We combi fed so my Dh could give bottles ar home even when I hadn't expressed

I always thought a c section would be harder not easier than a vaginal birth tbh. Long recovery time, risk of infection etc.

Also - I think I was lucky but loved BF and found it mostly easy. Didn't have to bring bottles etc with me anywhere, didn't have to worry about milk temperature, to feed in night I just sat up, knew it was safer etc which helped my general new mum anxiety, plus I dropped the baby weight and then some in about 6 months. I expressed and fed a bottle once a day after about a month - luckily I was lent a hospital grade pump and it took 10 mins - which then meant if I did want to go out, baby accepted a bottle.

I appreciate that's not the case with every baby and mum, but if I hadn't given it a go I wouldn't have known! I can't be the only one who found it easy. It feels like you're making a lot of assumptions already to try to be in control.

Best advice I can give you, whatever you choose in parenting, is to learn to go with the flow as much as possible.

Weirdly with my bf baby, it was like plug and play. No issues with latch, no needing pillows and being in particular positions. Just baby opens mouth sucks nipple, done!

But although it was physically the easiest thing in the world, she ended up feeding 10 times a night until 18m, totally refused bottles and I was utterly trapped. I don't regret doing something that made her happy but the difference in terms of my sleep and quality of life between being able to share the (1-2) feeds a night for my bottle baby and doing all 10+ night for bf baby were like night and day.

I did baking and had a spotless house 2w pp with bottle baby. I cried at strangers from exhaustion at a year with bf baby.

Very common for it to be challenging for a week or 2 but then generally gets easier, a lot of it is about getting the right support etc. Almost every mother I know who got past that initially challenging stage successfully chooses to breastfeed again and says it was easier overall. Same with mums who have had the experience of a non traumatic vaginal birth, never hear of them opting for c section for the following birth

Oh two more things to add:

I saw a mum using one of the 3 tiered carts on wheels to store all her post pardum/newborn things. I got one to help me prepare pre c section and filled it with all the things i'd need nearby and it was wonderful.

Onesies with zips are great (especially the ones with the fold over socks and mittens from Bonds), but there is a company called Magnetic Me which does onesies with magnets instead of zips or clips, they are not cheap, but honestly are so incredible for the first few weeks when you're changing them all night long. They are my go to baby gift for new mums now.

Alexa in every room, easily play white noise, a podcast, some mysic etc. Wireless headphones incase you have a baby that likes quiet to sleep. A sling, with a waterproof cover. Carrier bags or a bin in every room. Buy a couple of extra clothes airers so it's no bother if you get behind on the washing. Buy bulk babygrows and muslins on vinted, again it means you can just forget washing if you need to. The absolute number ONE thing is an air fryer. Easily chuck some stuff in for dinner, fantastic for weaning.

Couple of extra phone chargers. A comfy back pillow for sitting in bed. Blackout blinds so you can sleep in the day.

I've had a shower every morning before my husband leaves for work, our baby is now 4 months old. I don't bother drying my hair or doing makeup unless I'm going out of the house or seeing people but knowing I've had a shower makes me feel like I have accomplished something in the day!

There’s a lot of opinions here on BF/FF and VB/CS so I’m not going to wade in 😂🤦‍♀️ though I’ve done all the variations above!

Things that made my life way easier:

• Really long phone charging cables near every chair and as much screen time as I wanted 😂
• good insulated mugs so my tea stayed hot
• Dream feeds (both bf and ff)
• having a routine (ymmv, some people find routines make life harder, I found it made mine easier)
• gentle sleep training at 5-6m with one DC, a part time night nanny for a few weeks early on with the other DC (cost as much as a holiday abroad but brought more to my life than a holiday ever could)
• DH taking a month off at the start then a few months shared parental leave when I went back to work

Probably already suggested these but for me, things that made life easier were:

• Netflix. To watch for hours when feeding babies or stuck under sleeping babies.
• Loads of muslins. Used these as bibs when bottle feeding, as breastfeeding covers, as blankets, for winding to catch sick, to wipe up sick or snotty noses or spilled milk, whatever.
• A bed on both floors once we lived in a house. For eldest we had a rocking cradle downstairs as well as the pram, and then her bed in our bedroom. We didn't use the cradle downstairs that much tbh though and didn't miss it with DC2 when we couldn't use it then due to lack of space. I put him to sleep in the pram carrycot downstairs instead which was perfectly fine.
• Nappy bin.
• Electric steriliser.
• Mix feeding DC2 was the best of both worlds for me. He breastfed mostly as it went well and that was easy and less faff, then DH did 2-3 night feeds a week (more if I was unwell) which gave me some nights with a longer block of sleep. So on that I'd just say maybe keep an open mind about feeding.

Baby grows with zips rather than poppers!

Thanks so much for the kind and helpful advice, I've just sat and read all the responses.

To address a couple of things, in terms of birth obviously a straightforward vaginal birth is the holy grail, but it's so unpredictable especially for first time mums so I've gone with a planned section and I'm happy with my choice, obviously it's not the easy option but it's the one I'm most comfortable with and takes a lot of the unknown away.

Breastfeeding - various reasons I don't want to do it. I don't want to be solely responsible for providing food for the baby, I want to give them to DH and go for a sleep when I need to /go out for walks etc for some headspace. Also I feel really uncomfortable about doing it in public! Hats off to those who do obviously!

My DH is amazing and wants to be super hands on. His circle of friends are all really hands on dads and it wouldn't even cross his mind to not participate in parenting just because he's male. In his friend group the dads often do more than the mums for their kids so this is what he sees as normal.

He gets 3 weeks paternity leave, I wish he could be at home with us longer but obviously he has to work and will be home by 5 every evening and all weekend. He already makes all my meals so hopefully that will continue 😂

That's a great saying, I wish I has it when mine was a newborn 😅 so much pressure to have everything perfect!

I love it too 😆

I had a ECS - best decision I made. I had had a vaginal birth prior, haemorrhaged, emergency surgery and was in back surgery three months later having retained placenta removed. No such drama with my CS. Was up and about really quickly, the biggest annoyance was the ten days of injections (but had those after my other birth too, due to the surgery!)

I combi fed for a month (am on epilepsy meds, so had to wean bub off, couldn't do longer safely). Breast feeding FOR ME was a huge pain in the arse compared to formula - but that's possibly because of the combi element.

I used pre-made bottles when out and about, and at night. They were brilliant. No fannying about, crack it open, baby is drinking within seconds. What's not to love?

Have two caddys for the nights: one for nappies and one to store baby bottles, milk, spare clothes, etc.

The first few weeks baby will be waking up very frequently for a feed - have all the bottles etc ready in one place. I would pack for the night in the evening and take everything upstairs with me just before bed.

Breastfeeding is much easier!

Just don't expect to do normal things like take a shower, have a hot drink, go out when you want.

Have 6 weeks worth of nappies, wipes etc all in the house ready. Also stock up on all non perishables. Batch cook now so you have most meals done.

Massively lower your standards re cleaning and tidying.

Hand the baby to people visiting and go for a nap.

Sleep when the baby sleeps.

Use a sling rather than a pram.