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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To make new mum life easier?

814 replies

Animallover87 · 17/07/2023 16:08

Due my first baby next month.

I know it'll be a huge life change and I'm keen to try and protect my mental health as far as possible by taking steps to make life a bit easier.

For example, I'm not going to try and breastfeed. I've bought a prep machine and was considering just using ready made formula for out and about to avoid faff.

Having a planned c section which most people seem to recover fairly quickly from and allows me to feel a bit more in control of what's going to happen.

Next 2 me on my DHs side of the bed so he can do the lifting baby etc during the night if I'm struggling with movement after c section at the beginning.

Any other tips, even if unpopular, to make life easier for myself as a first time mum?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
BadNomad · 19/07/2023 23:52

There it is. BF mothers are the superior mothers because they put their babies first. Mothers who FF don't care as much about their babies as mothers who BF.

Cloud992 · 19/07/2023 23:54

I think we all know that motherhood is hard, especially for first time mums.

it’s safe to say that your world will be flipped upside down once little one arrives but it gets better.
Sometimes you can plan things in advance but it doesn’t work out.
just go with the flow , enjoy it and do what you feel is best / works for you and baby. Be kind to yourself in the first few months, you may be overwhelmed but you’ll be doing better than you think :)
good luck!

sharonmight · 19/07/2023 23:55

@Onlinecaroline I'm not sure which is worse, licking the playground floor or walking in to find the cat licking her, and her licking the cat back! Just casually cleaning eachother

Goldenbear · 19/07/2023 23:56

lunapotter · 19/07/2023 23:51

You mentioned you FF DS and BF DD. What is it about your DS that you feel has been negatively impacted purely due to being FF? Compared to your DD

No, I BF both but DS only exclusively until 2 months then mixed. It was in the baby years that I think it benfitted as in DS was a terrible sleeper, he definitely had digestion problems and it was easier. I mean it is pretty obvious why it is better backed up by scientific facts.

Confusion101 · 20/07/2023 00:00

Goldenbear · 19/07/2023 23:47

Is an element of this about the baby though, not to be controversial but when you choose to have a child you have to put them first, they are not an accessory. I just said I didn't find it easy and started FF in second month, still BFing but obviously it dried up. If I had more people around me telling me positive stuff and before you know it it will work like with DD then that advice would have been helpful to me.

Is a healthy, happy, calm mother not best for the baby??? I actually think OP is going to huge lengths to put the baby first. Finding out what can make life a little easier when having a new baby IS putting the baby first, you are prepping to put things in place to have more time to just parent!

Goldenbear · 20/07/2023 00:00

BadNomad · 19/07/2023 23:52

There it is. BF mothers are the superior mothers because they put their babies first. Mothers who FF don't care as much about their babies as mothers who BF.

I just said I FF DS at 2 months because I wasn't convinced that he was eating enough, I lacked confidence in my abilities so nothing about being superior but I don't know how you can rule out something before the baby even arrives when it may well be easier and actually, yes when you have children it is not all about you anymore- hardly controversial!

Confusion101 · 20/07/2023 00:02

Goldenbear · 20/07/2023 00:00

I just said I FF DS at 2 months because I wasn't convinced that he was eating enough, I lacked confidence in my abilities so nothing about being superior but I don't know how you can rule out something before the baby even arrives when it may well be easier and actually, yes when you have children it is not all about you anymore- hardly controversial!

How bloody dare you!!!! I was one of the people who rules out BF before I had my baby. It was not for an easier life for me. It was to protect mental health for a better version of me for my baby.

Goldenbear · 20/07/2023 00:03

Confusion101 · 20/07/2023 00:00

Is a healthy, happy, calm mother not best for the baby??? I actually think OP is going to huge lengths to put the baby first. Finding out what can make life a little easier when having a new baby IS putting the baby first, you are prepping to put things in place to have more time to just parent!

Most of parenting a new born baby is feeding the baby! Wondering how you make life easier and prepping and BFing a baby are not mutually exclusive.

Goldenbear · 20/07/2023 00:06

Confusion101 · 20/07/2023 00:02

How bloody dare you!!!! I was one of the people who rules out BF before I had my baby. It was not for an easier life for me. It was to protect mental health for a better version of me for my baby.

You've totally misconstrued what I've posted. In typical circumstances not when you have medical conditions like mental health issues that means it is not even a possibility.

sharonmight · 20/07/2023 00:06

@Goldenbear you know what you're saying is controversial and you know why. Feigning ignorance is pathetic.

I am sorry for the issues caused by your feeding experiences, I truly am. For your son, and for you. I'm sure it was very difficult. But that won't be the experience of every FF child and mother.

Also, the myth I always heard was that FF babies slept better!

BadNomad · 20/07/2023 00:08

Goldenbear · 20/07/2023 00:00

I just said I FF DS at 2 months because I wasn't convinced that he was eating enough, I lacked confidence in my abilities so nothing about being superior but I don't know how you can rule out something before the baby even arrives when it may well be easier and actually, yes when you have children it is not all about you anymore- hardly controversial!

No. You implied she wasn't putting her baby first because she wanted to FF.

Is an element of this about the baby though, not to be controversial but when you choose to have a child you have to put them first, they are not an accessory.

Your words.

She can rule out BF because there is another option. She has chosen that other option. It does not mean she thinks any less of her baby. It does not make her any less of a mother.

sharonmight · 20/07/2023 00:09

@Goldenbear also, OPs entire post is in regards to her mental health and making choices in order to preserve this.

So based on that, I'd respect her decision and not insinuate that her choices are selfish.

Protecting your mental heath in order to be a present mother is extremely important and shouldn't be dismissed

Goldenbear · 20/07/2023 00:11

sharonmight · 20/07/2023 00:06

@Goldenbear you know what you're saying is controversial and you know why. Feigning ignorance is pathetic.

I am sorry for the issues caused by your feeding experiences, I truly am. For your son, and for you. I'm sure it was very difficult. But that won't be the experience of every FF child and mother.

Also, the myth I always heard was that FF babies slept better!

I'm not feigning ignorance, it is my opinion that I've put out there. How is it controversial? Tbf I BF ages ago so didn't know that BFing and suggesting it was better (backed up by scientific facts) is not something you can say.

I don't need your pity, what a strange way to view it. I think it is categorically better (if you can) to BF and it isn't something I'd rule out before the baby arrived.

Goldenbear · 20/07/2023 00:14

sharonmight · 20/07/2023 00:09

@Goldenbear also, OPs entire post is in regards to her mental health and making choices in order to preserve this.

So based on that, I'd respect her decision and not insinuate that her choices are selfish.

Protecting your mental heath in order to be a present mother is extremely important and shouldn't be dismissed

I actually didn't know that as haven't read the whole thread, if she has mental health issues then that's a different situation.

Teenagehorrorbag · 20/07/2023 00:35

My Mum swore by BF and said 'it's so easy I just roll over in the night, grab baby and latch on'. But I had twins and they were early, my milk never really came in properly and they weren't strong enough to suck. After three weeks in NICU they came out on a lovely routine of bottle feeds 6 times a day, every four hours and I was told never to deviate from that. I didn't - and it was all incredibly easy and stress free.

But each to their own - and as Mum said, clearly BF is great for a lot of people.

But if you aren't going down that route - here are some tips:

1/ Use online shopping. Those formula tins are huge and I couldn't fit two babies and all the formula and nappies (even though I did use washable nappies as much as I could) in a supermarket trolley, and buy any other food! One baby will be easier - but who needs the hassle?

2/ Buy a steriliser bucket and keep it full of Milton by the sink. Wash and sterilise as you go through the day. Microwave sterilisers are actually more faff.

3/ Make up all your bottles in the evening and put straight in the fridge. The formula instructions tell you to make it all fresh, but the nurses will tell you that 24 hour batches is fine. For night feeds, get one out and stick it in the bathroom sink in warm water for a few minutes, then you're good to go.

4/ On that note - and controversial, especially if you are my MIL - but feed at room temperature or a bit above. The nurses in NICU don't have time to heat bottles and they are looking after really small and poorly babies. They told me that tip and it worked a treat! I mostly did heat a bit more than room temp (depends on the time of year) but was flexible about the warmth, and if we were out and about we just took a thermos of water to take off the chill. It really doesn't have to be body temperature.

We did also use ready made cartons of formula when out of the house (occasionally - it's not cheap) - and just fed it straight from the carton (via a bottle), as it doesn't need to be refrigerated.

5/ I had a c section and it all went smoothly. The first few days you are sensitive around the scar but after that if yours goes well you really can do most things - such as picking up the baby. You can also drive - nurses may say not for 6 weeks but I rang my insurers and they said those aren't their rules, and you can drive if your doctor says you can. My doctor said it was fine - I just needed to be aware that if I did an emergency stop I might hurt my stitches. So I was driving after three weeks, no issue.

I agree, it's all about keeping things easy. My babies came home trained up on four hourly feeds and we stuck to that, using a dummy to keep my hungry boy happy until the next feed was due (his sister was smaller). With formula you know how much they've had so a routine is possible. It depends on you and your baby, but I do recommend this if you can make it work for you?

We didn't co-sleep or baby wear, although my DS loved being strapped to me in a harness as I did stuff around the house. Obviously with two you have to be less flexible - but I do feel that too much contact, while lovely - can make it harder for you to get your baby to settle without you. Of course it's totally your choice - but if you're trying to make things as 'easy' as possible, I would recommend letting your DC learn to sleep alone and relax without contact from you, as soon as you can.

(Waits to be shot down in flames by the whole of MN..........)

Hope all goes well, and enjoy your new arrival.

MrsPetty · 20/07/2023 00:44

I did mixed feeding. Breast, formula, expressed breast milk in a bottle … it worked really well with my DDs and made sure exH could take a turn with the night feeds too. I had two C Sections - I found it much easier to recover from elective with DD2 than the emergency for DD1. I’d ask for details of the painkilling drugs that they will administer… I wasn’t advised that I would be off my face on morphine when DD1 was given to me. I was more aware with DD2. I wish someone had told me about this! https://www.mothersandmore.org/gas-pains-after-c-section/ specifically the really awful ‘referred pain’ in my shoulder! Going home, I let everything wait and spent the first to weeks in bed. Best of luck!

Gas Pains After C-Section - How to Deal With It | Mothers and More

Are you experiencing bloating and sharp, shooting pains after your cesarean? You’re not alone. Gas pains after a c-section are as common as they...

https://www.mothersandmore.org/gas-pains-after-c-section/

ReadingSoManyThreads · 20/07/2023 00:48

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pineapplecrushed · 20/07/2023 00:52

of course, the comments trying to advise you to breastfeed. Formula is a great choice. It wasn't a faff for me at all. You can make it in a batch for the day (they will say you can't but you can). Make enough for the day and put in the fridge. Fill a bottle as needed. Buy little thermal bottle bags I would make one before bed and keep in the thermal bag. I had baby in bassinet by my side of the bed and never co-slept. If you like co-sleeping, great. If you don't want to do it for a long time (because you will have to if you start it) then don't do it. I never had to stay with him for ages to get him to sleep, went down a dream, no issues. I swaddled, used white noise and a dummy..... meanwhile my mum friends were still co-sleeping when they were 2, 3, 4 years old.

pineapplecrushed · 20/07/2023 00:53

🙄

pineapplecrushed · 20/07/2023 00:55

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no it hasn't

pineapplecrushed · 20/07/2023 00:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Please don't listen to any of that. Nonsense.

pineapplecrushed · 20/07/2023 00:58

Teenagehorrorbag · 20/07/2023 00:35

My Mum swore by BF and said 'it's so easy I just roll over in the night, grab baby and latch on'. But I had twins and they were early, my milk never really came in properly and they weren't strong enough to suck. After three weeks in NICU they came out on a lovely routine of bottle feeds 6 times a day, every four hours and I was told never to deviate from that. I didn't - and it was all incredibly easy and stress free.

But each to their own - and as Mum said, clearly BF is great for a lot of people.

But if you aren't going down that route - here are some tips:

1/ Use online shopping. Those formula tins are huge and I couldn't fit two babies and all the formula and nappies (even though I did use washable nappies as much as I could) in a supermarket trolley, and buy any other food! One baby will be easier - but who needs the hassle?

2/ Buy a steriliser bucket and keep it full of Milton by the sink. Wash and sterilise as you go through the day. Microwave sterilisers are actually more faff.

3/ Make up all your bottles in the evening and put straight in the fridge. The formula instructions tell you to make it all fresh, but the nurses will tell you that 24 hour batches is fine. For night feeds, get one out and stick it in the bathroom sink in warm water for a few minutes, then you're good to go.

4/ On that note - and controversial, especially if you are my MIL - but feed at room temperature or a bit above. The nurses in NICU don't have time to heat bottles and they are looking after really small and poorly babies. They told me that tip and it worked a treat! I mostly did heat a bit more than room temp (depends on the time of year) but was flexible about the warmth, and if we were out and about we just took a thermos of water to take off the chill. It really doesn't have to be body temperature.

We did also use ready made cartons of formula when out of the house (occasionally - it's not cheap) - and just fed it straight from the carton (via a bottle), as it doesn't need to be refrigerated.

5/ I had a c section and it all went smoothly. The first few days you are sensitive around the scar but after that if yours goes well you really can do most things - such as picking up the baby. You can also drive - nurses may say not for 6 weeks but I rang my insurers and they said those aren't their rules, and you can drive if your doctor says you can. My doctor said it was fine - I just needed to be aware that if I did an emergency stop I might hurt my stitches. So I was driving after three weeks, no issue.

I agree, it's all about keeping things easy. My babies came home trained up on four hourly feeds and we stuck to that, using a dummy to keep my hungry boy happy until the next feed was due (his sister was smaller). With formula you know how much they've had so a routine is possible. It depends on you and your baby, but I do recommend this if you can make it work for you?

We didn't co-sleep or baby wear, although my DS loved being strapped to me in a harness as I did stuff around the house. Obviously with two you have to be less flexible - but I do feel that too much contact, while lovely - can make it harder for you to get your baby to settle without you. Of course it's totally your choice - but if you're trying to make things as 'easy' as possible, I would recommend letting your DC learn to sleep alone and relax without contact from you, as soon as you can.

(Waits to be shot down in flames by the whole of MN..........)

Hope all goes well, and enjoy your new arrival.

agree with this. I made a batch for the day, and used a bucket with milton to sterilise, easy peasy.

Goldenbear · 20/07/2023 00:59

I didn't always mind co sleeping at 2, 3, 4 sometimes my DS and DD were both in our big bed. I also would read lots of books and stay until they drifted off. It was lovely watching them fall to sleep. We are very close and I'm sure that is in part due to those years. I just think it goes so quickly and they don't need you in that intense way for very long.

pineapplecrushed · 20/07/2023 01:00

FlowersInTheSky · 17/07/2023 17:54

You’re just making life difficult for yourself by bottle feeding 🤷‍♀️

easiest thing ever for me 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Goldenbear · 20/07/2023 01:02

pineapplecrushed · 20/07/2023 00:56

Please don't listen to any of that. Nonsense.

Not carrying out controlled crying for a newborn - how is that nonsense?

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