To make new mum life easier?

[Animallover87]

Due my first baby next month.

I know it'll be a huge life change and I'm keen to try and protect my mental health as far as possible by taking steps to make life a bit easier.

For example, I'm not going to try and breastfeed. I've bought a prep machine and was considering just using ready made formula for out and about to avoid faff.

Having a planned c section which most people seem to recover fairly quickly from and allows me to feel a bit more in control of what's going to happen.

Next 2 me on my DHs side of the bed so he can do the lifting baby etc during the night if I'm struggling with movement after c section at the beginning.

Any other tips, even if unpopular, to make life easier for myself as a first time mum?

I found breastfeeding meant I had food always on tap and nothing needed sterilising. Mine tended to throw up formula and the nappies when they had it were disgusting. Don't rule it out even if you don't solely breastfeed.

Your baby does not need a bath every day. Once a week is fine unless they have a really bad poo. Their skin won't dry out as much so you don't waste time bathing and slathering on lotion.

This is an horrific reply, and im sorry you have to read it OP.

Just ignore her. She is projecting her issues on to you, and that is so ridiculously unfair. Asif motherhood isn't hard enough, you have to listen to people judging and lamenting your choices, asif they know best and you couldn't possibly have made choices based on your own research.

@Twinsmamma you should honestly be ashamed of yourself for this, your reply is so selfish and narrow minded.

I think if you’d have said in your original post that you just don’t want to BF you may have had less people trying to change your mind, I think it’s the assumption that FF is easier than BF that has generated so many people’s opinions.

@sharonmight what have I said that’s upset you so much and is incorrect?

get some straws - or even better one of those reusable metal ones - you will be so thirsty especially in the first few days and it's so much easier to drink through a straw when you're handling a newborn! I drank cups of tea, water wine and everything through a straw until I was confident balancing cups, glasses and mugs in one hand with a baby in another.

The OP has made it very clear she doesn't want to breastfeed. You have basically ignored what she wants (as so many people tend to do to new mothers) and insinuated she is making the wrong choice and will live to regret it. Heaving that guilt onto someone is incredibly unfair. Why can't people ever just respect someone else's wishes?

She has made a decision based on what she feels is best for her and for her baby. Making her feel like she is making the wrong choice, based on your beliefs and your experiences, is selfish and wrong.

You didn't give her helpful advice, you came straight out and said her baby will need her boob and therefore telling her that if she doesn't give it, then what?

@sharonmight it’s not my ‘beliefs’ it’s proven scientific facts and her midwife will say exactly the same, I found out too late I’d made a mistake by giving up, and she’s asked about making life easier as a new mum, I'm
giving my advice based on my experiences what made my life hard. How can we learn if we don’t go off our own experiences? I wasn’t judging you’ve misinterpreted my message. I wish someone had said the same to me, I thought mumsnet was bout giving advice based on experience, my mistake.

Louder for those at the back OP DOESN’T WANT TO BF!

Also you do understand that there’s a large proportion of women who can’t breastfeed, that it doesn’t happen for many medical reasons. It’s not the only way for a baby to be fed you know. The OP’s mental health will not be tarnished for using formula. It might be from people projecting their opinions though

Also, mine was not a good sleeper, then I discovered that white noise helped. You can download apps for this... or I got DH to do some hoovering which worked just as well (and meant my house was cleaner than ever before!)

@sharonmight I think @Twinsmamma is just trying to highlight the benefits of breastfeeding, since she bottle fed her twins, and simply suggesting not to rule it out. maybe the whole “screaming baby will impact MH” comment wasn’t needed as every baby is different.
I breastfed my little one who cried a lot, and trying to shove your boob in a crying baby’s mouth is not easy.

If baby gets along with formula then great, but @Twinsmamma is correct in saying that formula fed babies do tend to have more colic problems / constipation and can develop allergies- just something to take into consideration that’s all.

I had a planned c section 2 months ago (baby was breech). The recovery is slow, I still can't exercise much, I have a big scar that I have to look after, I was in a lot of pain for the first few weeks - I would 100% say it's not the easy option. I'm definitely grateful that it was available as an option to me, but it was and still is a long recovery!

It isn't a belief though, it is a scientific fact, I think it is good advice and good advice does come from a place of experience. I BF DS who is now 16 for a couple of months then started to use formula, I wish very much that I had just persevered as I did with DD and BF until nearly 2. It was just easier.

Mumsnet is not for people to project their issues into someone else.

You clearly have some unresolved issues in how you handled feeding your babies, and I am very sorry that you've had to experience that. I am sure it made for a difficult time in your life, but OPs original post said she didn't want to breastfeed. She was not asking for experiences regarding breastfeeding, or asking people if they thought it was easy or hard. So your advice is completely unsolicited. Something that is thrown at new mothers constantly is unsolicited advice and it never ever comes from a good place. It comes from someone assuming the new mother couldn't possibly have done her own research, weighed up the pros and cons, and made a decision based on what she feels is best for her and for her baby and family.

If you are a new Mum, it sometimes comes from a place of complete naivety! It's not projecting views, it's advice based on experience. Equally, it is pointing out that it is not 'easier' and the OP is looking for 'easier' options.

@sharonmight just out of interest, do you have any children?

Let’s face it, a fed baby is best.

I tried to breastfeed, she couldn’t latch and to this day the feeding team still couldn’t work out why. Then I pumped but only has supply for one bottle a day. And then DD now has a cows milk allergy and die to my own health I can’t cut dairy. The OP clearly wants to ff - surely tips to support this rather than demonise choices would be more helpful?

I don’t have a prep but I do have a rapid cool which I found super handy for night feeds as it meant not having to get out of bed, just decanted the formula and took up a flask of hot water. Bottle ready in 2 minutes. Although your HV will tell you not to (and someone will probably have judgements to make about it) the NHS guidelines clearly state you can make up bottles and keep them in the fridge (just not for longer than 24hr) which can also be very helpful once your other half is back at work.

It is not demonising though, it is questioning the idea of it being 'easier'. I don't understand how you would not try something at least otherwise how do you possibly know.

Good start, looking after yourself.
Fill freezer and get a good haircut is a start.
I had 3 sections for medical reasons. Yes, take arnica for bruising and diclofenac is brilliant for pain relief. Not a quick recovery, it's major surgery.
And you can't drive for a while.
It is mostly better to be avoided. But its maybe it's letting you feel more in control?? Talking to a good midwife might help you consider your options.
Don't stress about being in control, be flexible, and be kind to yourself.
I have breast and bottle fed. Breast was much easier for me. It's worth a shot, don't count it out. One of mine breast fed up a long time because he had to have operations and it's the most soothing thing you can offer a baby. Total comfort. Helps with pain relief for them too.
Accept help, yes, people want to know how to help. Cooking, laundry, hoovering,taking baby out while you have a shower or sleep. All reasonable asks.
Yes. Changing kits to hand and in car. And juice, snacks for you.
You'll always find understanding mum's here for support and ideas. Congratulations and good luck 🎉
😁 Everyone fed, no-one dead, love it 😂

Yes, as I mentioned in a previous post in this thread.

Elective c section, FF (combi fed for first 4 weeks as planned then fully FF)

Was lucky enough that everything went to plan, in how I wanted the birth to go, and how I wanted to feed. Understand this isn't the case for everyone and feel very fortunate that it was for me.

But I did the research, I chose the best options for me and my family and I am happy with those choices and have no regrets. It seems from this thread that those with regrets seem unable to comprehend that people may make different choices and can be happy with those choices.

Nothing about OPs original post has made me think she hasn't done the research, if anything it sounds to me that she is thinking very clearly about what is best and is doing what she can to protect that. She has been met with so many people completely disregarding her choices and has had to state numerous times that she does not want to BF. How many times does it take for some
people to actually listen to her?

@sharonmight ah sorry, I must’ve missed your post!

Perhaps demonise is the wrong word. But if a poster has came on here already in an emotional place during her third trimester, aware of her own mental health and what may impact it, I think as women who’ve been there and done that, the least we could do is offer tips to support her ideas rather than force our own ideals on to her because it’s what we found easier.

it’s fair enough to maybe say “I personally found breastfeeding easier because of x,y,z but if you think FF is for you this might help”

Couldn’t agree more.

Is an element of this about the baby though, not to be controversial but when you choose to have a child you have to put them first, they are not an accessory. I just said I didn't find it easy and started FF in second month, still BFing but obviously it dried up. If I had more people around me telling me positive stuff and before you know it it will work like with DD then that advice would have been helpful to me.

True but for some people it will never work, my own experience for example, no matter what I was going to do it wouldn’t have mattered.

I agree we’ve got to think of the baby but like it’s been said a million times fed is best, come 2 they’ll all be licking the same playground floor and eating stuff that’s fell on the ground.

You mentioned you FF DS and BF DD. What is it about your DS that you feel has been negatively impacted purely due to being FF? Compared to your DD