To make new mum life easier?

[Animallover87]

Due my first baby next month.

I know it'll be a huge life change and I'm keen to try and protect my mental health as far as possible by taking steps to make life a bit easier.

For example, I'm not going to try and breastfeed. I've bought a prep machine and was considering just using ready made formula for out and about to avoid faff.

Having a planned c section which most people seem to recover fairly quickly from and allows me to feel a bit more in control of what's going to happen.

Next 2 me on my DHs side of the bed so he can do the lifting baby etc during the night if I'm struggling with movement after c section at the beginning.

Any other tips, even if unpopular, to make life easier for myself as a first time mum?

It’s easier to breastfeed. Milk always ready, has loads of essential nutrients that your baby needs, no faffing with bottles and helps get them back to sleep. Bottle feeding way more hassle and expensive.

Not sure where you are in the UK @Animallover87 , but if you're in Scotland, sign up for the baby box!

It's got lots of useful stuff that's actually good quality, and the box is basically a second crib or Moses basket. DC would not sleep in their crib for the first few weeks, but slept quite happily in their government-issued cardboard box!

You're nails, having done it both ways I think star jumps at 2 weeks either time would've resulted in my organs falling out of my arsehole! Almost like people recover differently and it's stupid to assume everyone will be the same as you...

100%!!

Reading all the replies of people telling her she'd find it easier breastfeeding and just gobsmacked how easily they're dismissing what OP wants because they feel their experiences and choices are superior.

I can’t believe how many people are harping on about breastfeeding being easier or better. It’s not if you don’t want to do it! I hated every minute of breastfeeding, the fact you haven’t got your body back even after giving birth for a start . 3 months of soreness and sleepless nights and damp tops and no I didn’t want to get my boobs out in public so I never left the sodding house . Awful. Baby 2 got formula from day one. Left him with his night owl father at 9pm each night and had him back at 5am ish. I got so much sleep! He slept for hours between each bottle in the day leaving me the chance to have a lovely clean home, work a bit and everything during the day not tired,not scruffy just fine. At night I could go to the gym, see a friend or for the occasional night out and drink and dance and not worry about anything.
also see c section - bleeding stopped and having sex again by week 3.
riding waterflumes on holiday week 8.
I have a tender spot, adhesions, and the scar sometimes twangs a little when I sneeze or twist funny but I’d take that over any sort of trauma to my genitals or a leaky bladder any day.
Whatever you do it’ll hurt a bit, whatever method is going to be some kind of effort but it’s about picking the pain and effort that you’re most happy to deal with.
if a woman can read and use the Internet, she can be considered informed and making the right choice for her. OP was asking for tips on making life easier after she’d made these choices already. Mine is to buy twice the bottles and dummies you think you’ll need and always keep premade milk feeds handy, you’ll never deal with a red faced screamer then, mine only ever got wind if you let them get too hungry before feeding so I used to watch the clock and just offer every 3 hrs. Was in a routine by week 2 , no dramas.

@BadNomad absolutely brilliant summary 😂😂😂

No doubt if you came on here and talked about how breastfeeding is an easy option (as so many on here are saying) you'd have replied from a lot of the same people fuming at you for dismissing how hard it can be for some people, and how it takes time and effort and shouldn't be taken lightly.

You just can't win with some people.

Personally I don’t think having baby beside DH i really would have liked as a new mum. I wanted to have the baby in sight.

other tips

• next to me upstairs and Moses basket or baby box downstairs
• batch cook in advance or buy cook meals for the freezer. We used cook meals for months which I know is expensive but took out the hassle factor of cooking

also just to say I don’t think bottle feeding necessarily
easier its just different.

It’s great that you have made your choices about birth and feeding. Make sure to stay strong around midwives who may pressure you to bf. In my experience that’s all they cared about once I’d had my baby.

Take some pre-made (ready to feed) formula into hospital with you in case they don’t provide it. Kendamil is great, there’s a whole group for it on Facebook where mums have switched from other brands.

You will be so thirsty in first few days so have drinks and snacks to hand for when you get nap trapped.

On terms of MH I would say ‘baby blues’ gets thrown around too much. It’s totally normal in first 2 weeks but if it goes on longer then seek help.

In this whole experience you need to advocate for yourself. Make your own informed choices and stand by them (where safe to do so). If you feel something is off or wrong then speak up.

Enjoy the slow, lazy pace of the first couple of weeks. It’s over so quickly. Also remember that on long nights that feel like they will never end!

Other may have said some of this but I haven’t read the whole thread.

My only bit of wisdom from the 2 babies iis best not to have many expectations. Every birth and every baby is different and there are no guarantees with any of it

I remember being really surprised the first night at home with my first baby that he didn't sleep in cot...and would only settle on me. my friends who had kids laughed when I told them and said I shouldn't expect it untill at least 10 weeks.. turned out to be true...and he slept through the night from that moment.

2nd baby...low expectations - but he slept in cot straight away.... would wake feed and go straight back to sleep...I would barely wake myself where as first time round I watched hours of TV at night.

to be honest I functioned fine with both.. whatever their habits you adjust and you get used to it.

Best of luck ...do try to enjoy it as those early weeks are fleeting

@Scirocco yep I have the box! Was planning to use it for downstairs naps but if baby is happier in it we'll just bring it upstairs for overnight!

Seriously who tf have you spoken to who has literally made the decision to have a CS because celebs have them?? We are way past the ‘too posh to push’ trend of the 90s.

Literally anyone I know, including me, has had a c section because:

Itwas an emergency/failed induction

They had a previous EMCS and don’t feel safe attempting VBAC

For medical reasons

They have done actual research into data (eg data released on birth outcomes by their local hospital), combined with anecdotal evidence from close friends

I didn’t know you could just choose to have a c-section! I don’t think this was an option when I had my children.

I haven’t read the full thread so apologies if I missed something important but I have read all of the OPs posts.

Obviously completely up to you if you want a c section and don’t want to breastfeed.

However, have you considered combi feeding? Again if you just don’t fancy breastfeeding then that’s fine but it’s really convenient to be able to breastfeed if you can/don’t hate it as, at least at first, it’s a pretty much guaranteed way to make the baby be quiet and content, they comfort nurse with breastfeeding in a way that they don’t with a bottle. Clearly there are other ways to calm them so baby will be fine either way but it is nice to just be able to lie down with baby attached and know they are settled - it certainly makes my life easier (baby is latched on dozing while I type). If you’re combi feeding that would still give you the option of giving baby to your partner to give you a break etc. I found the start of breastfeeding really hard with both babies but I know lots of others found it easy and you may be one of those people - I’d just suggest you don’t necessarily have to think of it as either or.

You seem to have very fixed ideas of what the baby will do (have no choice but to settle in the next to me for example), it’s great to have a plan and hopefully it will work out. However, with my first baby I had similarly fixed ideas and the mismatch between what I wanted baby to do and what she did was a major contributing factor to my post natal depression and anxiety. With my second I’m going with the flow more and feeling much happier as a result. Just make sure you are kind to yourself if things don’t end up going as you’d planned.

As for things that make life easier:

• a good baby carrier - we have the ergo baby omni 360 and the kids have spent forever in it, I found it much easier than the wrap ones which you have to remember how to tie and which my babies never took to.

• baby classes - bit of a marmite one, some people hate them but (a) it meant I got to speak to other adults and (b) it relieved the mum guilt knowing they’d got some good interaction/stimulation when I’d been. I liked hartbeeps and baby swimming.

• a cleaner

• lots of ready meals and takeaways

• a lovevery subscription - delivers age appropriate toys every couple of months. Stupidly expensive but they play with the toys far more than any others and I don’t have to do any research etc. on what they should be doing.

• baby led weaning - not for everyone but I found it much easier than making purées and baby can just join in with what you’re having at restaurants etc.

• holidays at air bnbs or other rentals that already have baby/toddler toys available.

• a mum network - people to talk to who are going through the same things as you.

• a sleep consultant to help with my DDs sleep when she’d still not slept through the night at 11 months - revolutionised her sleep in a couple of weeks.

• a lactation consultant when baby wasn’t feeding well.

Things I didn’t do but which I considered to make life easier:

• a night nanny once a week

• a snoo bassinet that would rock baby to sleep for me

Oh one more thing - I’ve just got a tommee tippee uv steriliser and I love it, it has a setting which keeps everything sterile indefinitely so much easier than sterilising in a steam or microwave steriliser then having to dry etc.

Milton cold water sterilising tablets also great for travel.

I have not read the whole thread, so sorry if this has already been said. Have you thought about combi feeding? There seems to be a myth that you have to either breastfeed or use formula. I was breastfeeding my youngest, but ended up in hospital (won't go into details). I ended up combi feeding for a while (breastfed when I could, but otherwise formula). This could work for you if you don't want to be solely responsible for feeding your baby. Once I was better and had managed to build my milk supply back up I went back to solely breastfeeding. The having to get up and sterilise bottles etc is sole destroying. Just being able to grab your baby and attach them to the breast is so much easier.

Cancel the breastfeeding cheque.

I did breastfeeding and bottle almost from the start, he would often find comfort it the boobs even if there was no milk.

We used read milk, because that's what he had in hospital, and it was ok but he started to thrive when we moved to kendamil formula.
Don't know how many bottles you planned, we had 8 and I still struggled sometimes to get them washed and ready. Prep machines are ok I'm told but need good cleaning maintenance you can't beat the ease of boiling a kettle, never found a problem, just make sure you make a new bottle to cool when you are on th last one.

I'd say have somewhere u can put baby easily while you use the bathroom, we used to use a bouncer chair,. And I second the post that says donts worry if he screams while u get your first cuppa or breakfast or whatever you need to start your day. It'll help you survive. If you have friends or family, get them yo baby sit while you have a shower, bathroom pitstop, etc.

Buy different brands of nappies to try, I trued them all, still prefer Aldi but every baby is different. Don't buy too many when they are small as they grow out of the sizes quick. Donate unused packs to food bank etc.

Your baby will find ways to surprise you, and be such an individual you'll tear your hair out trying to predict what they do, enjoy the ride.

If u can find time to chill it gives you headspace to solve the next round of problems. Being exhausted isn't always a great recipe for problem solving but I'm sure you'll survive.

I’m so sorry OP, I think a lot of us misinterpreted the original question as wanting advice on making the whole experience as easy as possible, which for those of us who have got on well with BF would definitely include breast or combi feeding. You’ve made it really clear in your later posts that you’re comfortable with your choices regarding feeding and birth plan and were just asking for advice about the rest of the newborn experience. I hope you feel you’ve got enough of those answers too to make up for those of us who misunderstood - if it helps I don’t think anyone wanted to disrespect your plans, just wanted to make sure you were aware that they wouldn’t necessarily make life easier. Well done for standing your ground and apologies again for misunderstanding!

I batch cooked before having my daughter, best thing I ever did. Lots of complications during the birth, emergency section, re admitted back into hospital with a c section infection for 5 days, bloody nightmare. But I didn’t have to worry about sorting any meals out, absolute godsend.

my poor husband ended up with a new born on his own for 5 days when I was re admitted, he did an amazing job, poor man. This was 27 years ago so no paternity leave, he had to use annual leave. I bottle fed, felt like an utter failure but didn’t get any milk, not a drop, and I had massive 40DD boobs and not one bloody drop 🤦‍♀️, was so glad when they went back to normal.

just do what’s best for you and makes life easy, but definitely batch cook, you won’t regret it, 😬

It’s actually quite sad that you have been told FF is easier?! Honestly my biggest regret is not persevering with BF with my twins! I fell down my stairs twice and injured myself quite badly rushing down to make bottles at 3am half asleep. Ready made is expensive and has varying ingredients so more digestion issues. How can anyone think that is the easy option? Pump and let dad still feed. Please look into the benefits of BF for your baby before making the decision, so many allergies to formula. I changed formula brands 6 times before my boy stopped having reactions. Your breast milk will provide anti bodies to make them better if they are poorly, you have an INSTANT pacifier for a screaming baby, have you thought about ways to calm a screaming new born, THIS will impact your MH more than anything, the screaming drove me insane, your boob will soothe them instantly. A baby comes out the womb looking for mums boob, sorry to go on, but I feel so strongly about this!

Everyone’s different with recovery I was very lucky and was able to walk around 9 hours after birth and pain was minimal.

pre made feeds for the first 8 weeks was a life saver for me then moved on to prep machine.

easy food is a must I mean I think I lived on ready meals, take away or beans on toast for 8 weeks till I found some sort of routine and lots of cups of tea :)

sleep when baby sleeps easier said then done but I promise it makes the day easier and helps with recovery.

wishing you all the best xx

Controlled crying from 5 weeks am i reading this right, that is heartbreaking and not recommended by anyone.

yes, sorry for the misinterpretation OP

I don’t think many people ever set out to co-sleep but lots of us do it out of desperation. It is worth reading up on how to safely Co-sleep just in case you end up utterly exhausted and want to try it one night. It’s far far better than risking falling asleep with baby on your chest or DH’s chest because you’re both so exhausted. Hopefully you won’t get to that level of exhaustion but there is no harm in reading up on it now so you’re prepared and can make informed choices.