To make new mum life easier?

[Animallover87]

Due my first baby next month.

I know it'll be a huge life change and I'm keen to try and protect my mental health as far as possible by taking steps to make life a bit easier.

For example, I'm not going to try and breastfeed. I've bought a prep machine and was considering just using ready made formula for out and about to avoid faff.

Having a planned c section which most people seem to recover fairly quickly from and allows me to feel a bit more in control of what's going to happen.

Next 2 me on my DHs side of the bed so he can do the lifting baby etc during the night if I'm struggling with movement after c section at the beginning.

Any other tips, even if unpopular, to make life easier for myself as a first time mum?

Which you've made very clear. The indundation of boundary shitting on this point is becoming unpleasant.

@StormShadow isn't it? Nobody needs to agree with my choices but it's not cool not to respect them.

You get to decide what (if anything) comes out of your vagina!

You get to decide what you do with your boobs.

Its no one else's business.

Ps: I got the same with my first, after making the same decisions. I have zero regrets. Ignore them and do it your way.

You’ve got loads of advice already but just to throw in my experience.

I’m very much baby led, never read a baby book or attended a class first time. I followed what baby wanted so first 2 days breastfeeding was a dream, sore but manageable. Day 3 it went way downhill my big baby was desperate for milk immediately. She hated being scrunched up whilst feeding and didn’t like putting the effort in to get milk. Day 5 we introduced formula, total lifesaver! She adored downing a big bottle whilst lying flat (she had colic up to 14 weeks from being so cramped inside me). So I started expressing. That is a very big commitment as doing both breastfeeding and doing bottles. But I did it for 3 months. As baby was sleeping through from 8 weeks and I was the only person getting up during the dark winter nights to express, I abandoned the expressing all together and we all got 9 hours sleep a night. The perfect prep is amazing! I will do exactly the same with baby 2 due in a couple of months, see what he likes and follow his lead.

C-sections are not an easy option, that’s major surgery cutting through 7 layers of body tissue that all has to repair itself, you’ll struggle to do much at all. I had vaginal birth, big baby got stuck so episiotomy and ventouse delivery. All over in 7 hours, I was walking around within 2 hours, home within 24hrs, was out shopping within 48 hours. Stitches healed perfectly and dropped out in less than 10 days. I was back in work showing her off at 9 days. It will absolutely be different for every woman, this is just my experience but do consider how big an operation a section is.

In terms of what I will do differently this time, definitely getting a cleaner before I give birth rather than waiting till I go back to work in a years time! Definitely spending the first few weeks having as many cuddles as I want, there’s no pressure to get them in a crib as soon as they shut their eyes. Asking for help when I need it from both DH and family and have an hour to yourself eg a bath, walk, nip to the hairdressers, there is no shame in any of that. I’m a huge believer of happy Mum happy baby, do whatever feels rights for you

@LadyJ2023 I second that, csections are by far not bloody easier, I've had 3 of them and am having to go in for my 4th csection on my 5th baby, I had no choice in any of them! Utterly awful, if I could have had a normal delivery I would've done! If you think a csection will make life easier you are sorely mistaken! My first csection 2nd dc was low lying placenta and I lost a lot of blood, I tried for a vbac on 3rd baby ended up in csection nearly died, 3rd csection had no choice ended up with 2 separated infections after birth and I'm shitting myself on this next one, but unfortunately don't have a choice! It galls me when people think csections are easy because they think all the celebs have them so it must be easy!😒
You literally cannot stand up straight for about 2 months, the pain is horrible when you get home, especially when you have to get up middle of the night to feed your baby, you don't get given pain killers to go home with and when it comes to going to the toilet properly it's scary to say the least, sharp agony very often and general misery for at least 3 months til you feel yourself again! If you can have a normal delivery do it!

Why on earth would you type all this as though it's universally agreed fact rather than just your personal experiences? You can't possibly think everyone who has a section is unable to stand up straight for two months.

You've evidently got a very complex obstetric history, one which is quite different to OPs. An EMCS with a low lying placenta and a failed VBAC that nearly kills you in the attempt are hardly likely to be the same type of experience as an ELCS.

I'm going to be controversial, I found breastfeeding easier than bottles.

I admit I was lucky I could breast feed. I know some people can't, I get that.
But it was sooooo much easier to whip out a boob than prep & make a bottle.
Middle of the night, grab baby, boob in and done. In the time it took my DH to go get a bottle and then get baby, I could be done.
Yes it means you have to do all the night feeds, but unless you are a heavy sleeper, chances are you will wake.
My DH used to take baby after like a 6am feed and let me sleep until next feed, bring him back, then take him again and I could nap if I wanted or shower etc.

Especially when going out and about too. It took a few months to be comfortable feeding in public, but seriously, I didn't have to make sure I had formula with me.

With my 2nd, we went on holiday when he was 5 months, literally took me & some nappies for him as he was still breastfeeding. So much easier than trying to get formula after security & all that faff.

Maybe try it and see how you get on.

My sister couldn't breast feed, nephew wouldn't latch, lazy feeder, and she always said how much of a pain making up bottles etc was. She got a perfect prep and said that did help.

We loved the u shape pillows. I had one that helped take some of babies weight when feeding/sleeping.

Baby grows....my 2nd lived in them until he was about 6 months. My 1st I did outfits & they were such a faff. Baby grows all day everyday were so much easier.

Get a night light or low light lamp for night feeds. Last thing you want is putting the big light on. I found a night light style lamp was enough to see what I was doing but didn't wake us all up.

Great to hear you are thinking about your well-being - often new parents get forgotten and don’t get the support then need. My top tips would be:

1. think about batch cooking and freezing before due. We did nearly 3 weeks worth of meals. You might also want to consider hello fresh parts of the week.
2. if bottle feeding let dh do a set amount at night. We did turn taking for the first few weeks so I would do 2-3 hours and then swap. It allowed us to get some sleep as my son wouldn’t go into the next to me until around 8 weeks old.
3. bring in any support - let friends and family help out any way that can. Give you 1 hour for a nap or bring food.
4. have a water and snack area for the nap times. Naps are short but between feeding and naps you may not move for a bit.
5. slings/carriers are amazing for bonding and also napping times for little one. We hired one and got a hand me down one too. I read a dozen books those first few months and made use of the summer sun.
6. c section - the best advice I can give is get a walk in when you feel comfortable and get a physio to help you with massaging the scar and any other issues you experience (pregnancy has an impact on your bladder not delivery). There’s qualified physios who focus on after baby support for mums. Private and not on nhs sadly though! Massaging the scar tissue is vital for recovery and feeling comfortable in the long term. There’s lots of skin oils to enable a smooth massage!
7. walks will become a saviour! I use to walk 4-5km a day in the afternoon to escape the him drum!
8. start joining baby groups. These are more important for mum to be honest! Engaging with other parents who experience the same things helps you feel not alone!
9. get you and dh time in. We had a baby in lockdown so three years on we have managed 2 days to us. Whether it’s a few hours or a weekend plan something just for you.

good luck and hope you enjoy becoming a mum! It’s hard but rewarding

I don't care whether people BF or not, and God knows I found it hard to get started.

The BF nurse had bad breath and a hairy nose which she stuck right in my face, and she really manhandled my tits so i was ready to crack out the formula.... but once I got going it was the laziest, most awesome parenting choice ever.... tits always with me and ready, no steaming bottles, prepping formula or any farting around, and plenty of excuses to sit quietly with tea on tap and enjoying the baby while insisting that I needed attending to with snacks and cushions... I would recommend thinking about it.

I did vag for first and sunroof for second. Sunroof was a much harder recovery (also left me with an epic fupa - it was like they stitched tight from the fanny side and left it hanging from the top), so things were pretty painful and chaotic for the first six weeks not being able to lift, drive, etc., even holding the baby was hard, and the husband had to really raise his support game, so don't be under the illusion that this definitely is going to do you favours.

At the end of the day though, you just do what is right for you. Batch cooking, supermarket deliveries and invest in a cleaner for a couple of months.... make sure husband is lined up and ready to commit to supporting you.

Most of all, you do you. No fucker gives prizes out and before you know it someone will be judging you over giving the baby petit filou or quavers once in a while rather than a fully organic diet of puree sieved through blessed carbon neutral hessian... and whether you breast fed or not will be a distant memory of little importance.

Good luck!

@StormShadow have you had a csection?

I'm going to be controversial, I found breastfeeding easier than bottles

To judge by this thread, you're the very reverse of controversial.

Everyone's experience is different. My ELCS were so straightforward that I barely remember anything about the recovery period because it was so easy compared to a near-fatal vaginal birth which still gives me flashbacks 22 years after the event. Someone just slightly upthread had a very different experience of C sections.

OP will find her way!

Yes.

She might not have, but I did. I tested whether it hurt after 2 weeks by doing star jumps. It didn't hurt, so I concluded I was fine 😄

I'm sorry you weren't able to stand up straight for months, but that's really not the norm. Day 1 and the morning of day 2 I was hunched, that's it.

Some recoveries take longer than others. I haven't guaranteed an easy recovery based on mine, so maybe find guarantee being in pain for months based on yours. Experiences vary.

When mine was born, we used what we called the “upstairs downstairs bag”. It was just one of those bags for life that fold up really tiny. At night we’d (or rather, DH would) make sure it had a sports bottle of squash for me, formula pot, bottle with water, a snack, and any medication (such as infacol/calpol/teething gel), plus anything small we needed to take upstairs. In the morning we’d use it to take everything back down. It really was a lifesaver when he went back to work, because I didn’t have to do multiple trips to bring the baby, multiple dirty bottles, dirty nappies, etc downstairs. It all just went in the bag.
It might sound like a stupidly simple idea but it took a couple of weeks for us to think of something so simple 😂

Breastfeeding whilst cosleeping is SO much easier. You don't even need to wake up let alone lift a baby out - babies generally won't occupy a next2me until maybe 2.3 months old, will likely want to be on you until then.

Also a c section takes so much longer to recover from...

inget Your point re husband helping but the reason I personally found breastfeeding easier was 1. I didn’t need to go and prep bottles just whip out my boob and done. 2. My husband was very hands on and often offered to do nights feeds with expresses milk however by the time he got downstairs and sorted the bottle the baby wa crying so much I was wide awake and I just remember laying there thinking if I’d had just fed the baby myself they would have been back to sleep right now 😂
absolutely no judgement for however you feed your baby that’s just my personal experience of why o found breastfeeding easier x

Sorry, I haven't read the whole thing as I can't deal with the judginess, but my advice is a towel/changing mat, nappies and wipes in every room. I hate changing tables, they make my back ache so I only ever changed the kids on the floor. It also means you can walk away to wash your hands without recontaminating them after an explosive horror!

I completely agree, breastfeeding was difficult to start with to get the technique right but it’s part of the journey to bond with your baby.

i always thought I would’ve have bottle fed but ended up persevering with breastfeeding and I am so glad that I did!!

be kind to yourself when your little one arrives!

Apart from the fact I don't want to breastfeed...

I wouldn't even consider cosleeping as I think it's incredibly dangerous. Baby will just need to go in next to me whether they like it or not.

Oh, and text your OH (and vice versa) when you give calpol. Having a shared record that's easily accessible is great when your brain is fried from lack of sleep.

@Thankyouthankyoujellybean great idea!

Had a c section last year. I was surprised how well I recovered, and how quickly.

I was slow on my feet for awhile, but out having brunch with friends (and baby!) to celebrate a friends birthday 2 weeks later. In bed for about 6 that night mind you! But that would be a mix of recovery and new baby!

I was in hospital for 1 night, and then home. I was able to go up and down stairs, albeit very slowly! I did the same as you plan to, in that I had the next 2 me on husbands side and this helped massively. He was able to pass baby to me, or he did the feeds. We had a prep machine downstairs and upstairs, worked well for us.

I have never had a vaginal birth so no experience, but I'd have another elective c section (and hopefully will) without a second thought, I loved it. I have friends who have had both, and some would choose vaginal and some would choose csection. Everyone's experience is going to be very different so no one can tell you what is easier and what's harder.

I see you're getting a lot of ppl saying breastfeeding is easier, again I've no experience but I sterilise bottles in the evening and it has never occurred to me that it is a hassle to be honest. Same with preparing bottles, we just do as much in advance as we can and go from there. Works really well for us.

There are apps you can download where you both have access and can input feeds/nappy changes/medication etc. Great to have a record in one place

It just keeps on coming though! People don't seem to be able to help themselves.

This thread is wild lol. People are like, "I know you said you don't want a VB or to BF, but have you considered BF and a VB? Oh, well you must not have researched it properly. You did? Ok then clearly you're a terrible person who doesn't care if your baby DIES. Go adopt a six-year-old instead."