To make new mum life easier?

[Animallover87]

Due my first baby next month.

I know it'll be a huge life change and I'm keen to try and protect my mental health as far as possible by taking steps to make life a bit easier.

For example, I'm not going to try and breastfeed. I've bought a prep machine and was considering just using ready made formula for out and about to avoid faff.

Having a planned c section which most people seem to recover fairly quickly from and allows me to feel a bit more in control of what's going to happen.

Next 2 me on my DHs side of the bed so he can do the lifting baby etc during the night if I'm struggling with movement after c section at the beginning.

Any other tips, even if unpopular, to make life easier for myself as a first time mum?

This is all exactly what I did last time. I also read Gina Ford, didn’t do anything harsh (it seems to get a bad name as if it’s really harsh but it isn’t). I just tried to lie my baby in the Moses basket for naps rather than sitting holding him the full time. I know some people insist on holding them for the full nap but any of my friends who have done that have ended up with babies who can’t settle during the night and end up up all night. For some people this is the way they want to do it and there’s nothing wrong with it but it definitely makes your life a million times easier to get them into a good routine early on so you’re not then having to leave them to cry it out or anything further down the line. I also didn’t use a sling, I would use a baby carrier when out a walk sometimes but lots of people say to use a sling in the house to get things done so baby sleeps in it but again I think my baby benefited from me not doing this. My baby really didn’t cry much at all, he went in the Moses basket and went to sleep quite happily on his own. I followed the wake windows in Gina Ford from 2/3 weeks onwards and it meant he was never overtired and struggling to sleep if I stuck to it. From 3 months old he’s slept all night every night. I’m definitely going to follow the same pattern for baby #2, whether it works for another baby or not I don’t know but I think it majorly helped!

Swaddle for the first two weeks then the swaddle bags from love 2 dream.

Formula in the little plastic boxes that you count the scoops out into before bed time. You completely forget how many scoops you’ve put in when you’re counting them during the night and it’s so much easier just to tip that in. They’re good if you’re making up formula when out and about too. We couldn’t use the pre-made stuff as it made my baby really sick.

Ewan the dream sheep, the one that listens for your baby crying during the night and settles them.

The problem with this is you don't get to choose a straightforward VB just because you want one. Especially not as a first timer.

ELCS is essentially bet hedging. You aren't going to get the easiest outcome, a very quick easy VB, and you're also not going to get the other end of the spectrum like an EMCS after a failed forceps after a long horrible labour. Obviously all modes of birth can lead to lifelong problems if you're unlucky, but there's not really any way round that once you're heavily pregnant.

The thing is no-one knows how quickly you'll recover from either. It depends whether you'll need forceps etc, a vaginal birth can end in an emergency section anyway. I felt better after my c section than my sister did after her fairly straightforward vaginal births, she was out of hospital quickly but had tore quite badly so her recovery was longer.

I'm just saying a c section recovery doesn't have to be terrible, my experience was that it was straightforward, I wasn't in any pain at any time. I'm just giving my experience. I think it's interesting that obstetricians are more likely to have an ELCS when they are giving birth. I had a failed induction and and after being told that the liklihood was it would end in an EMCS I refused to go any further so I was offered an ELCS.

Yes, the attempts to talk OP into using her body in a way that the poster approves of rather than in the way she wants to are rather unpleasant. Far too many posters in this thread are universalising their own experiences.

Another tip if you're not breastfeeding is using ready mades for the first few weeks. I BF in hospital but when I was home I moved onto ready mades, I also didn't faff about with heating bottles just poured straight from the bottle, I think for the first week I used the little pre made bottles they give you in hospital. I used the prep machine when she was a little bigger, maybe from 2 or 3 months just because when she was so little I was a bit anxious about using a prep.

Have a changing area / bag / basket in the main spaces - living room / your room / anywhere else you hang out so you can just change wherever. One of DHs jobs is to top this up every night with wipes / nappies / bags / new vests

@FuckOffTom

happy mum, happy baby

none of the things suggested on here will hurt the baby at all

Obstetricians also have their fair share of seeing things go badly (natural birth injuries for babies which rare but do happen) so they want to be safe. Generally I think they say that C section is tougher on the mum but guaranteed safer outcomes for a baby (I can’t provide any quotes or stats to back this up though!)

This is so ignorant. Not all sections are elective so how can you ‘regret it’ ?
I had a very traumatic vag birth, then 4 yrs later a section for a breach/shallow pelvis combo, no choice. But it was a dream and I recovered very quickly.

I formula fed.

For the first money I used the rewady made cartons and took them out with me with a bottle of boiled water in a flask. Pour the carton Into a clean bottle and top up with the boiled water from flask to get it to right temp

Muslins. Buy like 10 packs now cos you'll end up using them for everything as they dry really fast.

Have a couple of changing bags and have them ready packed with nappies, cartons etc. That way if you're shattered and forget to re pack you can just grab the other one that's waiting

Order food in or have ready made stuff that literally takes seconds to make

Jumparoo type stuff was crap for me and they'd never stay in it for more than a minute

Walker was ok and used more

Chuck washing in first thing in morning out of habit or have hub put it on before going to work

But a plug in drying rack... Lakeland do a really good one

When onesies get too small just cut the hands and feet off them

If you have a kid that pulls their nappy off a lot just out the onesie on backwards

Ok that's when they're older but some kids ie... mine...did it very early and liked to stick their hands down there

Oh. And keep a stock of cereal bars etc in the changing bag for you

Yes, the latter is why I chose not to breastfeed. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows.
I also wanted my body back faster and to be able to go out again, share the responsibility etc.
also, anecdotal evidence, but…
Friends of mine who were devotedly breastfed have suffered untold health problems, including (most notably) severe asthma. Meanwhile, my sister and I (FF) practically never saw doctors as kids because we were almost never ill.
Many of the ‘benefits’ of breastfeeding are also exaggerated and/or impossible to actually replicate in studies. The books ‘Cribsheet’ and ‘Is Breast Best?’ are very good on this.
I am also a teacher in a very large school and it isn’t as if you could pick the BF/FF kids out as they walk by! Genes play a FAR bigger role than the initial feeding method ever can.
In short, BF always seemed a lot of hassle for very little gain and I simply chose not to do it.

I did routine at 5/6 weeks. Routine is key. Be doing the same with my second.

There's no reason dad can't share the feeds when it comes to breastfeeding. Obviously I know all mams won't want to pump but once clusterfeeding has stopped and milk is established you can pump and dad can do some feeds. Take over at night etc. My son took to bottles as I gave him a bottle when he was days old. Expressed milk

Not rude, just realistic. The report linked upthread basically says “it may be safe but too many variables that could equally apply to formula preparation without the machine and we can’t test it anyway so don’t know”…very conclusive 🙄

If you want your baby to take expressed milk best to give bottle from start. If you try later on more like to refuse.

Likely*

FWIW we also didn’t use it from newborn as the minimum it makes is 120ml which is way too much at the start. Might want to bear that in mind too @Animallover87

You do you ❤️ but just saying I did breastfeeding because I am inherently lazy and tbh sterilising was just too much faff. I was also overly paranoid about whether I'd sterilised properly. Just pointing out that if you breastfeed you can always stop and go to bottles, but you can't do it the other way around.

Pumping is seldom considered a low faff option though!

The reality is that what you suggest would still involve all the feeds coming from the mother, in a way that formula feeding doesn't. That means it will not meet some people's definition of easy. For that reason, the poster I quote was in the wrong to tell OP not to say she's ff for ease. It's just a dickhead thing to say to someone.

All of this, especially if you can and have a choice, go for breastfeeding and vaginal birth. I showered immediately at the hospital after both births, was able to walk straight away and went home same day with both. Breastfeeding means your milk is instantly ready, you will be grateful when you’re an absolute zombie in the middle of the night and don’t need to get up to prepare it while your baby is screaming his lungs out. Same when you need to go out, one less thing to think about when you feel like you need to pack up the entire house. My sister took many, many months to recover from a c section, it got infected at some point and her scar still hurts sometimes - her son is 7.

Accept your pre baby life is over but that the intense stage is only a few months, it gets easier as they find sleep patterns and feeding patterns but it will be hard work and tiring for awhile.

Make your baby sleep in noisy environments. I made the fatal error of trying to keep everything silent at night for my first. He was a nightmare compared to his sisters who I allowed lots of noise with!

It's not breastfeeding that's correlated with lower PPD, it's not feeding the baby the way you'd hoped. Obviously it's more common to ff when you'd wanted to bf than it is vice versa. Neither is there good evidence that either feeding mode leads to more sleep.

Breast feeding is a lot easier, if you can. Always there, no bottles, no formula no sterilising. Yes, batch some food. Snacks in every room. Keep family and friends away, they generally don’t help. Don’t sweat the small stuff!

I don't want a vaginal birth.

I don't want to breastfeed.

I used to make bottles with half the water if I was shopping, and top up with water to the correct level, from a flask. Saved waiting for a feed to warm up. My friend always fed her babies room temperature feeds, but I ever liked that idea.